“Why do you let him dirty you like that?” Shiwon often finds himself asking. He feels hurt, and pitiful, and betrayed, and he doesn’t want to think why.

But Donghae, naïve and stupidly in love, always smiles. Happy as if being made filthy and corrupted is all he wants. Perhaps it is, Shiwon thinks bitterly.

But it is alright, after he comes back all battered and worn, Shiwon will make him clean and pure again.

Because Shiwon is Donghae’s washing machine.

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Donghae is white, just like him, and maybe that’s why Shiwon felt this attraction to him since the start. He had never met anyone else that is white before. The cursive ‘Donghae’ is on a small black tag at his side, and though he also has a big black ‘9’ on his back, no one is called a number. So Donghae’s name is Donghae, after his brand like most other shirts’. When Hankyung, bought and brought back from China, said that ‘Donghae’ means East Sea, they gave him a nickname ‘Fishy’. Shiwon thinks it is particularly adorable.

In Shiwon’s life, there are only 14 others. 13 of them are clothes, from T-shirts to dress shirts to shorts to pants. 1 of them is a human: everyone’s owner, SM.

All the clothes call their owner SM, because when he wears them out, that is what other humans call him. Someone heard once that it’s short for Stage Manager, which they figure must be his job. But only Donghae calls him Hyukjae, because Donghae has never went to SM’s workplace, but instead to where SM spends time with his friends. He heard SM’s friends call him that, and insists that must be his real name.

Shiwon doesn’t like the way Donghae sparkles when he talks about his ‘Hyukjae’. He thinks about changing his name to something else (something that rhymes better with Donghae’s name than ‘Hyukjae’), so maybe Donghae would call him something special and sparkle as well.

Donghae laughs at him for having such thoughts.

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One of the older clothes are Leeteuk and Kangin, always worn together as pyjamas. Leeteuk’s real name is actually Jungsu, but being a graphic T-shirt, he has ‘Someone Special In This World’ printed on him, coupled with rather girly angel wings on each side of the words. Kangin says that’s Leeteuk’s most attractive feature, and from then on Jungsu only responds to Leeteuk. And for Kangin, a pair of shorts, his real name is actually Yongwoon, but because it sounds too similar to Jongwoon and Leeteuk doesn’t use his real name, Kangin accompanies him and made up his nickname on the basis that he’s made of extremely durable material, therefore very strong.

Jongwoon, a pair of jet black pants, changed his name around the same time Kangin was bought. He was upset that his makers couldn’t think of a more unique name, causing Kangin’s makers to have a similar name as him. He insists on an exotic name, and insists that his voice is so unique it’s like art. Therefore, Yesung. And Ryeowook is a shy dress shirt often paired with Yesung. He’s all cautious, quiet and a little desperate for SM to like him, but Shiwon knows he has a bright laugh and a crush in the form of a pair of black pants who likes him back.

The flashiest clothing SM owns is probably Heechul, a coat fit for punks or an idol. SM doesn’t wear Heechul often, but Shiwon has only ever saw Heechul proud and show-offing. “Nobody could tear their eyes off me, and that silly SM doesn’t wear me because I’m too beautiful for his comfort.” Shiwon is probably one of the first Heechul talks to after being Worn, and he feels honored and a little admiration for this confident coat.

Hankyung is kind of special. A T-shirt brought back from a trip to China, he couldn’t say a word of Korean at first. Out of necessity, he picks up a second language, and is now understandable. All soft material and softer grey, Shiwon thinks he’s one of the most handsome he’s ever seen. Right behind Donghae, of course.

Shin Dong Hee, or Shindong for short, is an oversized pair of pants SM wears only during weekends, because he claims that Shindong is “too big and unsightly”. Shiwon thinks it’s unfair to Shindong, because he can’t help how he’s made. No one can. The jolly pants, however, isn’t fazed off because of that, at least not in front of Shiwon, and always manages to make Shiwon laugh at one gag or another.

Sungmin is the light pink dress shirt which everyone thought was a girl at first. He looks the part and acts the part, and when everyone first saw him and was getting excited that finally, they have an actual girl , not just Heechul acting stupid, Sungmin opened his mouth and says in a distinctly male voice, “Nice to meet you, I’m Sungmin.” Afterwards, Shiwon thinks everyone has given up on living with a girl.

Thinking about Kibum makes Shiwon sad, because the stoic Bermudas has been accidentally dropped in an unseen corner of SM’s wardrobe, and has not been Worn for such a long time. Shiwon tries not to think about whether SM will ever find Kibum, or would he be left there until he is old and torn. He often asks the other clothes about Kibum, and tell them to try to keep talking to Kibum and accompany him. He hopes it’s enough to keep Kibum’s spirits up.

Kyuhyun is a dark colored dress shirt who doesn’t want to be Worn, strange as that is. All he wants to do is to hide in the closet and daydream about computer games that clothes could never play. Shiwon doesn’t think it’s too healthy, and everytime he sees Kyuhyun, always with a sulky face after being forcefully Worn, he berates and nags at him, telling him to get out more. And Kyuhyun would say, “It’s SM’s choice, nothing to do with mine.” Shiwon would reply, “If you stop giving him dirty looks then maybe SM would stop thinking you’re dirty, and you could get out more.”

Lastly, the clothes imported to Korea from China and Taiwan: Zhou Mi and Henry. Zhou Mi is a pair of jeans that’s a little too long and a little too skinny. He speaks fluent Korean, much more fluent than Hankyung, though the two often talk in Chinese with each other. Henry is a short-sleeved shirt, kind of young, and from what he says, he was imported from his makers in Canada to Taiwan, then Taiwan to Korea. Therefore, he speaks English, Chinese, Cantonese and Korean, and endures Heechul’s broken English vulgarities.

Shiwon feels sorry towards them as well, because SM isn’t a big fan of the two of them, although they’re both smart-looking. “It’s because we’re new.” Zhou Mi says brightly, and Shiwon is reminded of Donghae and his innocent, out-of-place smile. “We’re not Worn enough yet, and we might pinch or itch a little. All new clothes are like that.” Henry says steadily, “One day we’ll become comfortable because we were Worn often, and when we become comfortable we’ll be Worn often, and then we won’t have to be upset anymore.”

And towards Shiwon, SM isn’t too bad. Occasionally, he jabs Shiwon’s forehead too hard, or when Shiwon doesn’t do his work properly or complains too much just to spite him for having Donghae’s attention, he gets smacked rather lightly on the head, as if being admonished.

This is Shiwon’s family, and he’s close with them, both physically and emotionally, because SM is a hygienic person who washes his clothes. He thought it would never change, but things as he knows it is already changing.

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Hankyung was killed. It was the first time Shiwon ever hated SM.

It happened because of him. Shiwon was overworked and had too many other clothes he had to clean in one go, and he doesn’t notice that the stain Hankyung came in with didn’t come off. By then, Hankyung was very ragged due to being Worn often. He was still beautiful to Shiwon, but that day he was picked up and looked at with distain. And right before his very eyes, Shiwon saw kind, sentimental, soft-spoken Hankyung being carried to the rubbish chute further down the kitchen, heard his frantic, panicked struggles and pleas. He started crying, choking on his tears, too scared by his sudden oncoming death to realize: It was Shiwon’s fault.

Shiwon cried as hard as him, he wailed, “Sorry, I’m so sorry”, he was so scared he was trembling, and Hankyung’s cries ignited the guilt scorching his heart.

SM turned, opened the chute, and threw Hankyung into the mouth of a hungry monster’s. “Shirt’s too old, time to throw it anyway.”

Suddenly, Hankyung’s cries were no more, and Shiwon was afraid he wouldn’t remember what his voice sounded like, what he looked like, because there was no warning and he didn’t have enough time to memorize Hankyung’s color, Hankyung’s design, Hankyung’s texture……

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News spread, and within days everyone knows why Hankyung never came back. Shiwon told anyone that would listen that it was his fault, that he didn’t take care of Hankyung enough. No one had the heart to blame him, though not many had the energy to comfort him.

Donghae simply told him to “Shut up, and don’t think about it ever again”. Shiwon wonders if it’s Donghae’s policy regarding Hyukjae, and life as well. Strangely, Shiwon found that it works better than “It’s not your fault”, which he knew wasn’t true anyway. He couldn’t bear it if it wasn’t true, because then he’ll think, when would it be his other friends’ turn to become Old, when would they die before his eyes? If, once things become Old, they are thrown away, then it isn’t something he can help, and Shiwon doesn’t want that.

In their short life spans, this is the first time everyone has seen a death. Becoming Old is something that occurs from doing their honoured job, being Worn. And if the more times they are worn, the closer they get to dying, then perhaps it would be better to not be Worn at all.

Shiwon heard the next day that it was with this thought that Kangin, starting to feel himself thinning, jumped from his hanger. He lands right next to Kibum in an abandoned corner, and said that he would stay there and accompany Kibum until he rots. Everyone knows that Kangin can’t regret this decision, because clothes can’t climb back up the wardrobe.

The one Shiwon heard it from was no other than Leeteuk, Kangin’s closest friend, his brother, and if clothes could have such a status, his lover. “He did it because he wants to be with me until I become Old.” Leeteuk sobbed his troubles to Shiwon, where Kangin can’t hear them. “That silly shorts, he thinks I would be happy to leave before he does…”

At times like this, Shiwon felt that it was really unfair that they were made clothes. If they were born as humans, they could do things for themselves, live long lives, and maybe even have lovers.

Shiwon thinks of Donghae. If Donghae was human, he could go after his Hyukjae, and he might have hope at being together. If he didn’t succeed, Shiwon could be with him instead, and they could do things like hold hands, and date, and marry. Clothes and washing machines never stood a chance at these.

But then Shiwon thinks again. If he and Donghae were human, he wouldn’t be able to wash Donghae, clean him after he gets dirty by Hyukjae. If that was the case, although it was selfish to Donghae, he would rather they be washing machine and shirt, forever.

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Every week, sometimes two weeks or so, sometimes shorter, Shiwon would see Donghae. And when he sees him, Donghae always comes back wet from sweat, rain or mud, usually all. Shiwon gets upset that his pretty Donghae is mistreated so, made dirtier than other clothes.

He often asks what they do, when Donghae and his Hyukjae are alone outside. What gives Hyukjae the right to make Donghae so filthy and disgusting.

Of course, he doesn’t say those words in front of Donghae, because Donghae might be upset and think that Shiwon thinks of him that way. Shiwon doesn’t mind Donghae’s dirt and grime, would gladly wash it from him into his own body, if it means that Donghae could be clean again. He’s just indignant for Donghae, that he has to become gross at Hyukjae’s whim.

Donghae says they play this sport called ‘soccer’, and they do it by running around on fields trying to kick a ball rolling on the ground. Shiwon thinks, no wonder he gets Donghae so dirty, they do a sport that causes sweating, and come in close contact with mud and a ball coated in it.

Shiwon doesn’t tell Donghae what he guesses. That Donghae is a shirt made exclusively for ‘soccer’. Perhaps Donghae already knows, from seeing similar shirts on Hyukjae’s friends, but if unobservant Donghae doesn’t, Shiwon is not the one who will tell him that.

Because it breaks his heart, that Donghae was created from the very start to be soiled by the one he loves. And one day, all the mud would finally show on Donghae, and he would be discarded much faster than the other clothes Worn to offices and dinners.

Shiwon promises himself, no matter how tired he is, he will make sure Donghae always comes out as white as new. Shiwon himself will someday become grey and Old, but Donghae will always be pure, so he will never have to die like clothes all have to.

Donghae is worth more than a few years of abuse, he’s worth more than how mere clothes are treated. He’s worth more love than what a human could offer his soccer shirt.

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So Shiwon will love Donghae enough, and Donghae can be loved as much as he deserves. Even if he comes home to Shiwon all battered and worn, he will make Donghae clean and pure again, ready to try and try until finally someone else will treasure his love, and then Donghae will be happy.

And Shiwon has an obligation, an ability, a wish to do so, because Shiwon is Donghae’s washing machine.