I suggest listening to the song as you read: "Always" by Panic! At the Disco

♪♫

“When the world gets too heavy
Put it on my back
I'll be your levy”

♪♫

“Luhan?” Sehun says in concern. The boy is all by himself out in the cold, and he’s hunched over, half sitting on the ground and half leaning against the brick wall of the school. “Is that you?”

He receives a groan in response, and just by the sound of the voice, Sehun knows it’s him.

“Oh god,” Sehun breathes in a rush. He doesn’t hesitate to immediately pull Luhan up and out of the snow. “Oh my god, Luhan.”

Luhan’s face is bruised, and Sehun figures that the rest of his body is probably also covered in ugly blue and purple blotches.

“Was it them again? Did they do this to you?” Sehun asks urgently, though he’s struggling to even hold Luhan up, who can’t even seem to stand by himself. “God, I should’ve known. I should’ve done something. I shouldn’t have left you on your own like that. Oh my god, I’m so sorry Luhan. I’m so sorry.”

Sehun doesn’t know that he’s crying until Luhan’s little fingertips are on his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

“Don’t cry,” Luhan murmurs softly. His fingers are like ice against Sehun’s skin, and yet they warm his body. “You couldn’t have done anything.”

Luhan coughs once, and Sehun thinks it’s either because of the cold or the beating he’s taken from the bullies, but when the cough turns into a fit, he can’t help but feel even guiltier.

“No, no.” Sehun insists, the guilt weighing heavily on his chest, “I—“

He’s cut off with a pair of soft lips on his own, and he’s surprised to feel that they’re Luhan’s.

“No, Sehun.” Luhan whispers after pulling away. His cheeks are a light pink, and Sehun can’t tell if it’s a blush or if it’s simply from the cold. However, the pink on Sehun’s cheeks is most definitely a blush. “I would’ve made you go with your friends anyways. I don’t need to you always be looking out for me.”

The pounding of his chest in his heart is a sensation Sehun’s never experienced before. The exhilaration from the feeling of Luhan’s lips alone sends adrenaline pumping and rushing through his veins, and he can’t help but take another quick kiss.

Sehun knows his own blush must be obvious, but he wonders if Luhan feels the same. He wonders if a simple kiss makes Luhan’s body want to go haywire, or if he feels the same warmth spreading through his limbs beginning at his chest.

Luhan smiles a smile that Sehun could describe in a number of ways, including the words ‘flawless’ or ‘perfect’ or ‘breathtaking’ and Sehun just doesn’t have the heart to keep arguing about something the other obviously wants to stop talking about.

“Okay.” Sehun says, and he takes Luhan’s hand in his own.

The action is something the two have never done before and it’s certainly a pleasant feeling. Luhan looks up in surprise, and Sehun just grins.

Their gazes lock, and they communicate without words.

I think I do need you to look after me, Sehun.

Luhan, I want to look after you.

♪♫
“You are taking me apart
Like bad glue
On a get well card”
♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

Even Luhan’s recorded message is cheerful, and Sehun sighs. He didn’t mean to hurt the other. He didn’t want to hurt Luhan.

“Hey, Luhan.” Sehun says, and his voice is rather low. “I know you’re ignoring me, and I definitely don’t blame you. But you need to know,” Sehun sighs. He runs a hand through his disheveled hair. “I really do love you. Yesterday was such a mess and it was definitely mistake. I was drunk, and I was reckless, but Luhan,” Sehun’s voice sounds a little broken, and his voice is a little hoarse and uneven, “I love you. It’s you. It will always be you.”

That’s when the message ends.

Luhan, though he didn’t pick up the phone, he heard the message playing live. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, and it looks like he’s been crying for hours. His eyes are red and puffy, and his gaze is locked into the blinking of his answering machine after Sehun hangs up.

Sehun sounded sad, he thinks, and that pain is almost enough for him to pick up the phone and say that everything’s okay, even if it’s not, and to say that he forgives Sehun, even if he doesn’t, because if there’s one thing in the world Luhan can’t stand, it’s seeing Sehun unhappy.

But, he doesn’t because the events are still fresh in his mind.

“Sehun?” Luhan gasps, eyes wide in surprise. He was a little late to his boyfriend’s invitation to the club because he had a job interview to finish up.

His boyfriend is out on the dance floor with another man. They’re definitely too close, and Luhan can’t tell if he’s imagining things or not.

Sehun and the stranger are grinding on one another, and their lips are locked in a messy kiss that’s more teeth than anything else.

Luhan thinks that his heart is actually breaking, and that it’s the sound of the pieces smashing against the ground that finally draws Sehun’s attention from his ‘partner’.

“Oh! Luhan!” Sehun grins goofily, and through his alcohol fueled state, he can’t seem to understand why Luhan looks so mad, but also sad. It reminds him of the expression of hurt Luhan would have after he was bullied back in high school, but it’s also different. It’s more severe.

And then Luhan’s running out, leaving tears in his wake, and Sehun finally detaches himself from the stranger. He still doesn’t understand, though. Sehun only watches from the entrance of the club as Luhan runs to his car, and Luhan’s gone before he can even say anything.

Sehun only understands once he sobers up.

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“Hi, Luhan.” Sehun says. He’s calling again. “I know you must be hurting, and it’s all my fault. I never, ever wanted to hurt you. It’s the last thing I want.”

There are tears beginning to drop from his own eyes as he’s on the phone.

“It was a terrible lapse in judgment, and I shouldn’t have even been drinking that much. I should’ve waited for you.”

His voice is beginning to break and crack as he hiccups between words. It’s difficult to speak clearly while crying, Sehun thinks, and he wonders if this is how Luhan felt when he was running away from the club.

Sehun can feel himself breaking apart because he knows that Luhan is home. He knows Luhan’s deliberately ignoring him.

“I know you probably hate me now, but if you can please, please give me another chance. I love you, Luhan. P-please don’t g-give up on me now.”

The message ends, and Luhan’s eyes are squeezed shut. He’s hiding his face behind his hands, and his body shakes with his silent sobs. On the table next to him sits a bouquet of flowers, his favorite, and though they’re unmarked, he knows that they’re from Sehun.

The garbage collector is surprised to find a perfectly untouched and beautiful bouquet in the trash the next day.

♪♫
“It was always you
Falling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“It’s me again.” Sehun sounds a little tired, but he’s still not giving up. After another flurry of apologies, regrets, and a little bit of begging for forgiveness, he lapses into yet another story. He reminisces rather bitterly and painfully their past.

“Do you remember?” Sehun laughs dryly. “Back in high school? You were the ‘nerd’ and I was supposedly ‘popular’”

Luhan winces as he listens to the message live again. He hadn’t really been doing anything other than sulking at home alone. But, he nods to himself because he does remember.

“And,” Sehun continues, “Do you remember how we met?”

Luhan laughs softly. “It was so cliché,” he murmurs to himself. He knows that Sehun can’t hear him.

“I remember I needed tutoring because my physics grade .”

“You were a ing idiot” Luhan murmurs again, shaking his head, “You were about to fail out of the class.”

There’s a brief pause.

“And then I remember hearing rumors.” Sehun laughs softly on the other side of the line. Luhan flushes a little pink. “Rumors of the nerdiest kid in school having a crush on the kid he was tutoring.”

“I wasn’t that nerdy…” Luhan mutters under his breath, but his tone is playful.

Sehun chuckles. “People used to say that you’d always be staring at me from your seat. That was when I was too busy basking in my looks.”

Luhan laughs softly because it’s true. He’s now sitting in front of his phone, chin resting on his palm as his elbows are propped up onto the table.

“It’s a shame I didn’t notice you earlier, Luhan. You were a beauty. No,” Sehun corrects, and his laugh vibrates and rings right through Luhan’s core. “You still are a beauty, and you will forever be.”

♪♫
“Now there's always time
Calling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“You know, Luhan.” Sehun’s voice rings, and Luhan’s yet again just listening.

Luhan hasn’t built up the courage to actually confront Sehun and pick up.

“I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you.”

“No, don’t.” Luhan whispers, “Don’t wait for me. I don’t know how long it’ll take.” Luhan knows Sehun can’t hear his words, but he’s surprised because it seems like Sehun does hear him.

“I don’t care how long, Luhan. This was my fault, so if you ever find it in yourself to let me come back into your heart, I’ll be outside waiting until you do open up again.”

♪♫

“I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“Please.” Sehun sounds a bit pained. “I’m still waiting. Don’t forget that. It’s just that…I-I,” His voice stutters and cracks. “I never realized waiting would be this hard.”

Luhan hears a bit of sniffing and huffing, so he can tell Sehun’s holding back tears. It pains his heart, but the pain of seeing his partner so intimate with a total stranger hurts more. Luhan’s always been insecure.

“You idiot,” Luhan whispers, the tears pooling in his own eyes. He tries to blink them away, but they only end up falling down his cheeks. “I told you not to.”

Sehun continues to speak through the one sided conversation. “How did you do it?”

There’s a pause. Luhan doesn’t know what Sehun’s even talking about.

“How did you wait so long for me?”

And Luhan’s speechless. He doesn’t know how he waited years for Sehun in high school.

There’s another silence before Sehun’s voice fills it, and he sounds a little hoarse, like he hasn’t really been using his voice in a while.

“If you ever forgive me, please pick up. And if you ever want to give me another chance, please pick up.”

♪♫
“I'm a fly that's trapped
In a web”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“Luhan, by this point I know that you’ve gotten my messages.”

Luhan winces at the dejected tone in Sehun’s voice. He still can’t pick up the phone because he’s not sure if he wants to give Sehun another chance. He also thinks that soon, Sehun will give up waiting for him because the waiting game is the hardest game to play. Luhan knows because he’s played it before.

“I feel a little helpless, here.” Sehun admits, “I just wish you’d give me some sort of sign, but you probably wish that I’d stop calling you already. The funny thing is,” Sehun remarks bitterly, “I can’t seem to stop.”

The line goes dead, and Sehun sighs once more. He looks like a mess.

It’s been weeks of calling every day, and yet Luhan doesn’t seem to budging.

♪♫
“But I'm thinking that
My spider's dead”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

“I don’t even think you’re listening to these anymore.”

Sehun’s voice is scratchy.

“I think you’ve forgotten about me.”

Sehun is speaking slowly, and between each and every second, there’s an agonizingly long pause. Luhan is listening to all the messages, and often times he listens to them live.

“I haven’t.” Luhan whispers, and he can tell Sehun has started to cry again.

However, Luhan isn’t. Actually, he hasn’t. Luhan hasn’t cried in a while, and he can feel his own heart strengthening. Luhan’s all healed, and yet Sehun’s still a little pile on the floor.

“Have you forgotten?”

And then Sehun hangs up, and Luhan shakes his head.

“I haven’t. I’ve let go, Sehun. You should too. I’m worried about you.” Luhan whispers, fingertips lightly tracing the numbers on the phone.

And then the doorbell to his apartment rings, and he jumps slightly in surprise.

Luhan smiles when he opens the door.

“Hey, Luhan. You look great.” Jongin says, and Luhan can’t hide his grin.

♪♫
“Lonely, lonely little life
I could kid myself
In thinking that I'm fine”

♪♫

Beep.

“Hi, you’ve reached Luhan. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but you can leave a message after the tone!”

Sehun pauses this time before speaking. He sounds unsure. “Hi, Luhan.”

And then he hesitates. “I saw you today. You were with someone else.” Sehun lets out a shaky breath as he recounts the memory. “I was getting coffee like I always do, and I saw you and him walking out the other door. You were hand in hand. You looked so happy, Luhan. I’m glad you’re happy.”

Luhan doesn’t hear this message.

He doesn’t hear the message because his phone gets unplugged when the movers are in his apartment.

“Are you excited?” Jongin murmurs as he stands with an arm around Luhan’s waist. They’re watching the movers carry Luhan’ furniture out the door and out to the truck in front of the apartment complex because Luhan’s moving in with Jongin.

Luhan nods almost too quickly. “I’m too excited,” he grins, and he leans up to press a kiss to his partner’s cheek, and then his lips. “I can’t wait.”

♪♫
“It was always you
Falling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected. If you wish to redial, please press one-“

Sehun nearly drops his phone. Where has Luhan gone? Where has his love gone?

The tears flow like a waterfall. Sehun’s not surprised that Luhan’s gone because he figured it would only be a matter of time until his partner asked him to move in. But, he’s also surprised because in his mind, he had tricked himself into thinking that Luhan still had a love for him somewhere in his heart. He tricked himself into thinking that Luhan was just too shy to pick up, and that one day Luhan would come back, like he always did.

“Do you remember?” Sehun says in the phone to no one in particular. “When you slipped that cute little love letter into my locker? And do you remember being teased by the bullies for having a crush on me? And enduring all those girls who were jealous because you caught my attention and they didn’t?”

Sehun laughs bitterly.

“I remember when it was you who chased me. And now I’m chasing you.”

♪♫
“Now there's always time
Calling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

Sehun doesn’t know why he keeps calling, even when he knows for a fact that no one is listening.

“Waiting is hard,” Sehun murmurs, “It really is.”

“I don’t know how much longer I’m going to do this. It feels like time has stopped for me and continued for you. You’ve managed to move on, but why do I still love you?”

“I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for anymore, Luhan. Do I want your love? Or am I waiting for forgiveness? Perhaps I just want to hear your voice just one last time. Maybe, Luhan, maybe I’m just waiting until it’s time for me to let go too.”

♪♫
“I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know”

♪♫
 

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“I know that there’s no point in calling this number. There’s nobody to listen to me.”

Sehun’s voice is quieter than normal. He coughs a few times before continuing, and his voice sounds hoarse. It sounds like he’s caught a cold, and yet he has no fever.

“But, I’m still waiting for a sign. I just want some sort of response. What was the word again?” He hums softly before chuckling. It’s a rather dry laugh. There’s no life.

“Ah, I remember. Closure. I want closure.”

♪♫
“That I'm skin and bone
Just a king and a rusty throne”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

The sound of Sehun’s breath is on the line. It sounds like he’s wheezing because that’s how heavy and unclear his breaths are.

“It’s definitely over, isn’t it? I bet you’re really happy, Luhan. I’m happy for you too. I remember you always talked about having kids. I hope you and your new partner have adopted because I always knew you would make the perfect dad. I really am—“

Sehun’s cut off by small cough that grows into a violent cough. “,” he curses because there’s blood in his mouth and on his palm.

“Where was I?” He wheezes slightly, “Oh, right. I really am happy for you, and I’m glad you moved on first.”

♪♫
“Oh, the castle's under siege
But the sign outside says, "Leave me alone."

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“Luhan, it hurts. It hurts a lot.” Sehun’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I could imagine you being in my shoes because you certainly wouldn’t deserve it. I, on the other hand, deserve all of this.”

There’s a beeping in the background, and it sounds like a hospital. There’s the sound of a door clicking open.

“Ah, bye Luhan. I have an appointment. I hope you forget about me soon.”

Just before Sehun hangs up the message, there’s a voice in the background that gets caught on the recording.

“Doctor?” Sehun says.

“I’m afraid I have bad news.”

♪♫
“It was always you
Falling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

Just from the sound of Sehun’s breaths, it’s apparent that he’s crying.

“L-luhan.” His voice cracks, and he sounds weaker than ever. “I remember when we were happy. I remember feeling on top of the world when all the girls marveled at me. I remember feeling so light having eyes all on me. I remember being pleasantly surprised when you confessed. I remember when it was you chasing me.”

The rest of the call consists of sounds of crying.

♪♫
“Now there's always time
Calling for me”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“Time is up for me.” Sehun’s not crying, but it’s hard to read into his voice. He sounds empty. He sounds lifeless.

“Time is up. Even if I wanted to wait for you, I couldn’t because I’ve run out of time to spend.”

♪♫
“I'm the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“I just want to hear your voice. Just once more.” Sehun’s weak and withering away.

♪♫

“(It was always you)”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“You were always the one, Luhan. You are the one for me.”

♪♫
“Blink back to let me know”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“Please, I wish I could just hear you once. I want to listen to your voice. Tell me all about your day, or all about your new life. Just let me listen.”

♪♫
“(It was always you)”

♪♫

Beep.

“This line has been disconnected.”

“Goodbye, Luhan.” Sehun’s crying again, and he’s hiccupping softly. His voice is barely audible, and he’s wheezing.

“Goodbye, Luhan. It was always you.”