He went by his desk and lightly run it over with his fingers. His eyes looked around the room, which was dark and empty after he left and wih blink he sighed quietly. Even the sunrays couldn’t brighten this decrepit room; walls, that used to be lightly green were now cracked and blanched, on the helfs and bed was a thick layer of dust. Untied mess was lying on the floor. He sat on a chair, that was in the middle of the room, untouched since he left. He pulled it nearer the desk and supported his head with palms. His attention caught a mirror with reflection, which was similar to him; brown hair, cold eyes, full lips, yet it wasn’t him.

With anger he grabbed it and flung it on the floor. With a loud bang it broke into small pieces. He grabbed his hair desperately. Anxiety slowly attacked his body, his mind grew weaker and his smile appeared in front his eyes again. He stood up swiftly and gazed through the window to chase it away. He felt ridiculous, if someone saw him like this, they’d think he has some fit of anger. Psychopath…No. He knew how to control himself excellently. Sometimes his friends asked him stupidly if he’s okay and he always answered: „Of course.“ Even though it was a lie. He missed his terribly but what could he do. He was a good actor, because he never cried when he died. He knew if he let escape one tear from his eye, anothis will come after and they will never stop falling. He had to fight with the pain, that was ripping his heart. Sometimes he felt unbearable emptiness, even when his friends were around. Nothing’s gonna be like before, he’s never going to see his again. Do Kyungsoo was the only person he truely loved. But he didn’t manage to say it. he died before he found the courage to say it. That‘s the punishment for putting it aside. Stupid tumor in lungs.

Glancing the desk he had an urge to open the drawer. He felt eithis something or someone whispering him to open it. He looked around the room and then looked back at the drawer. With insecurity he touched it and after a while of hesitating he slid it out. Thise was a bunch of papers and odd things. He was rummaging through it for a while; he was looking at Kyungsoo's unfinished stories, on things, that he most probably collected on the concert of his favorite band, on polaroids which he took. Underneath everything was a strapped book. He pulled it out and opened it on the first page.

Things I wanna do before I die

A bitter smile formed on Jongin’s face. He started reading through it.

• Graduate

On the same page thise was a polaroid of him standing on the stage holding a diplome, which he got from the principle.

• Shopping in New York

Another sticked photo, this time standing in front of a shopping mall in New York.

• Justin Timberlake concert!!!!!

his favorite singer was standing on the stage in the photo.

• Walk the Eiffel tower
   

• Bungee jumping
   

• Parachuting
   

• Hawaii surfing
   

• Yachting
   

• Swim with friends in the sea

Photo where were all his friends, including him, were sitting on the beach. That boy on the photo was smiling brightly and posing to the camera funnily, however this Kim Jongin, who had to live through this rough reality, had only a stone and tired expression. It was very strange feeling when he knew that he’s never going to smile like that again.

• Eat the most spicy chilli in the world

 „Eat the most spicy chilli in the world.“ He readed huskily and all the memories appeared in front of his eyes. He could die from laughter while looking at him. Kyungsoo was shedding tears and choking at the same time. And when he couldn’t handle it anymore he grabbed the milk and started drinking it quickly. Good old times.

• See a falling star
   

• Attend the best party ever

On the photo was Kyungsoo dancing on the dancefloor wildly. He had to smile because Jongin was the one taking it.

• Become a singer and sing with Justin Timberlake

Jongin bit his lower lip and glanced the ceiling to hold the tears. He was so sorry that he had unfulfilled wihes, he didn’t deserve to die. If he could sing with them. He remember how he wrote a message to Justin to come to see him to the hospital. But he never came. Of course. He let out a shriek and hit the floor. It wasn’t fair.

• Mud bath
   

• Drive a limousine
   

• Get well

A terrible feeling of grief and anxiety attacked him, which was ripping him into million pieces, still he didn’t cry. Sobs stuck in his throath, they waited to be released to the world, but he held it in. He remembered the day he promised him to get better and sing to him. he was sitting on a hospital bed, holding his hand and smiling.

„I’ll be alright, in this hospital are only the best doctors. I’ll get well.“ he said and his cheek comfortly.
Jongin gazed his. „You promise?“
„Promise…“

But it didn’t happen.

He wanted to chase all the painful memories away, but they stuck in front of his eyes like ticks and they were so clear like it happened yesterday and that was stabbing his heart like thousand of sharp knives. When he finally turned to the last page thise was the last unticked goal.

• Tell him I love him

Underneath was a photo. A photo that caused the infinite, unstopping flow of tears racing down his cheeks.  

On the photo was Jongin.

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Lol hi. Just wanted to see how many readers will read this when it's kaisoo. I wrote this before and upladed it here, but got only 6 subscribers, so this is only my experiment.