My name is Bang Yongguk. I was born in 1990. Let me tell you something that you dunno. I have 3 siblings. My sister Bang Natasha and my adopted brother Bang Himchan. I'm number two as my birthdate is earlier then Himchan. My dad died when I was 9 that was around the year of 2000. Dad loves music. He's a song writer. I got the gift of writing songs from him. His love for music omehow it flows in me and Natasha noona. In Himchan too although he's not my real brother. Mom and dad adopted him when he was a baby. It was because dad wanted 2 sons. Himchan knows about it but he doesn't care. Me too. I love him as I love myself.

Mom was a buissness woman not long ago she quitted after she married dad. We lived a so-so life. Not too poor and not too rich. Just the way i like it. Mom always querrells with dad. She doesn't like his occupation. But anyways its nothing to talk about now.

Me, Natasha noona and Himchan we're very intelligent in school. We get good grades and always were at the top of the class. I was always number one while Himchan would always get second place. We didn't fought about that.

"It's just a number. As long as i'm behind you it'll be fine," He'll will say.

We are super close. He was my brother and I loved that. Never ever gonna regret that mom and dad adopted him.

Mom was always proud with us three. She'll always give us a smile and hug us.

"Oh my deary children, you're all so good and omma is really proud to have sons and a daughter like you three."

I loved hearing her praising us. It made me feel great.

"Natasha, with these results to go to your university you'll be a great buissness woman just like me. Yongguk,oh my lovely son. You'll be an awesome professor when you grow up. Himchan, my cutie pie. You willl be a brilliant engineer one day. Oh I know you guys will. So study extra hard and pass all the exams. I guarantee you won't regret. Your future will be bright."

We three just nodded. Natasha, Himchan and me, we were good kids. Everything that mom wanted and told us to do, we obeyed her. Not once we compliance mom.

Days went on, months passes by so quickly. There was once one of us failed in a subject. Mom scolded us badly. It was terrifying. We never failed a single paper after that.

Mom disagrees with us if we wanted to enter art school or take music lesson/class/test. She hates it when we talk about it.

Sometimes me and Himchan would make up our own songs when we're bored and sings it. We secretly hide all the evidence as in the music player, the paper of the song lyrics etc. Well we couldn't just ignore our passion in music. We were glad mom didn't knew about it. Otherwise she'll kill us.

One day when I was studying in my room and Himchan too was busy studying in his own room, I heard yells from outside. So I went out as soon as the shouts were over. Himchan also went out of his room.

"What's wrong mom?"

I asked her who was apparently standing in the living room shutting the wide open door.

"Did you querell with natasha noona?"

Himchan was now standing beside me.

Mom looked at us and yelled, "Get back to your studies!"

We both ran back into our rooms and continued with our studies.

It wasn't long untill I know Natsha noona ran away. I was curious. I was asking myself why...Why did she ran away when everything was perfect.

Since that day, mom changed. She was more aggressive with me and Himchan's marks and grades. She locked us in our rooms to study day and night.

At first i thought it was for our  own good. But i became more stressfull. Himchan too. We're humans. Mom wants us to get all 100%. She's not expecting for us to only get 99%. Its been weeks and I just couldn't stand it anymore.

When mom sends us to school, me and Himchan skips school. We went to have fun cause that was our only time for us to have our freedom. We forget all about school, marks, grades, exams and books. We wanted to have fun even if its just for a second. We wanted to grab the opportunity when moms not around.

Me and Himchan takes music class it includes arts without moms knowing. We rocked at it and it was the best class/subject i had ever learnt.

The thing that I was afraid of is if mom finds out about what we're doing.

The end of year exam result had been recieved by the students. The day that the parents have to come and talk with the teachers about their child were also held.

The day that I feared has come when mom called me and Himchan to the living room of our house.

I approached to mom who was standing straight with her arms crossed. I knew she was angry.

A few seconds later Himchan came and stood beside me. He looked at me. I looked at him back.

Our eyes became our mouths telling each other that 'we're doomed'. We faced mom after a few seconds looking at each other.

We lowered our heads and looks to the floor. I could see her hands grasping tightly.

Suddenly without even ready, I recieved a slap from mom. Himchan got one too.

But we didn't say anything. It wasn't the first time mom slapped us. It was the second. But that time only Himchan got it from mom because of his marks. The slap was so painfull.

"What have you been doing all this time???"

She asked us with an angry tone.

I didn't dare to look at her eyes neither did Himchan.

"Bang Yongguk what is this?! I found this in your room!"

Mom held my songs that I wrote and my MP3 player. She tore the papers that had the songs I wrote and threw away my MP3 player. It smashed on the floor.

I was taken-aback with her doings.

"I locked you up in your rooms and this is what you've been doing??? Bang Himchan, since when did I buy you a guitar? Did you think I won't know?!"

I looked at mom straight into her eyes for the first time. I didn't even know i'd do it. But then i looked back to the floor.

Mom gave me and Himchan a sharp glare.

"Why did you both skip class? Why is your marks so pathetic? This exam was important!"

I didn't knew our results turn that bad. I kept quiet.

"I'm ashamed of you two."

"But atleast we passed in arts and music." Himchan bravely told mom.

"Music? Talking about that I didn't told you to take music class! Do you think with that, you could live a living with music or acting or whatever more? I gave you everything! I fed you, gave you clothes, everything you wanted. And this is how you repay me??? Do you want me to kill myself?"

Mom got a pair of scissors from nowhere and placed it on her neck. I was shocked with her thoughtless actions.

"Omma, hajima." I told her.

"Yes." Suddenly Himchan whispered as if he answered to mom's last question.

Mom heard it and wanted to stab Himchan. But luckily I stopped her doings by holding her hand. I threw away the scissors in mom's hand and told Himchan to go to his room. I didn't want mom to hurt Himchan. Himchan was stubborn he still stood there. I could see Himchan's eyes were teary.

"I raised you up like my own son. If I knew you'd be like this I should've thrown you away from the start!."

Moms words were like bombs to me. Cause it hurts me even though I know Hmchan has no blood connection with me. I let go of mom's hand roughly.

"Omma!"

I exploded. Mom looked at me. Her eyes were round big as plates. That was the first time too I raised my voice to her. I lost words after yelling at mom. I was also surprised for what I did.

"You both are fools! I did this for your own good. For your future. So now what?! You want to run away like your sister after all i did to make her a someone?! To make her life a better life. A better person!"

"We had enough with you mom."

Himchan spoke up. I dodn't knew Himchan was so brave.

"Why you-"

"Himchan's right,omma." I burried up courage to backup Himchan.

"Omma,you're going to kill yourself just because we failed the test?"

Mom looks at me sharply.

"Omma,have you gone mad?? for our future? Now I understand why Natasha noona ran away. She couldn't stand living with you anymore. You controlled her life. You gave us everything? Do you even know what Natasha noona wants?Have you ever thought of asking what I want to do for my future or what Himchan wants to do with his life? Natasha noona wants to have tatoos on her body. She wants to go out with her friends, she wants freedom. I want freedom. Himchan wants freedom."

"We comply and obeyed everything you want. It's time to get over it, omma. Let us be what we wanna be. let us do what we wanna do. I want to write songs, I want to be a rapper. Himchan wants to be a singer and dance all around the world to show his credibility for what he can do. We love music. Nothing can stop us from loving it."

My voice almost wanted to crack up. I felt like crying but my tears were stubborn to roll out.

"Aniyo. You can't live a life with that carrier. You don't get much salary. You'll live a low life. Look at us. Your dad was a song writer. He doesn't get much. Just try to understand me."

Mom heart was stubborn. Maybe I got the stubbornness from her.

"Maybe dad died because of you. You killed dad,omma. You didn't thought we figured it out did you? You faought with dad about his carrier. You tried everything to make him change his occupation. He loves writing songs. He loves what he was doing. You burnt his songs that he took a week to write. Dad got frusterated and went off. Then he was involved with a car crash."

Himchan words made me froze.

"You murdered dad. You-"

Mom slaps Himchan. It sounds so painfull. The slap was much more harder then before. I didn't dare to look at Himchan who was beside me. I was still frozen. I didn't know what to do.

"How dare you!"

Mom starts to beat up Himchan. She pushed him She gave a punch on his chest. She slaps him. Mom didn't do once. She continuesly beats him. Even though Himchan had collapsed to the floor, mom still beats him. Mom was so strong.

Himchan lips started bleeding. I could hear Himchan; "ah"  it was telling me he was in such pain. But he didn't fight back mom. He respected mom. Mom was older then him and she was like his own mother to him. How could he fight her back?

I peeped to Himchan who was on the floor being beaten up by mom. He was apparently crying.

I couldn't just stand there so I kneeled to the floor and stops mom from hitting him.

"Omma,that's enough."

I told her. My voice cracked up. Himchan tears made me want to cry.

Mom stood up and went off to somewhere. I was now in the living room siting infont of Himchan's lying hopeless body. I thought it was over. That she had stopped. But things became the opposites from my thoughts. Mom came back with a broom stick.

Automatically I covered Himchan with my body. Mom hitted us with the broom stick. Although I'm the one whose getting more hits from mom than Himchan, I was glad. Glad i could protect him and feel the same pain as he did.

Mom dind't stop. She was still hitting us. As I was sleeveless, I got scars on my arms and some were bleeding. It was too painful.

"Om.....maa." My lips were shaking as I was in pain.

Mom ignored and kept hitting us. I could feel Himchan's body near me. His arms were around my hips hugging me tightly.

I know he was scared. I was scared too. I didn't know till when will mom stop.

My tears flows out. I tried to endure the pain to speak up.

"Omma." I called her again.

Finally mom stops. She was standing infront of us still holding the broom stick in her hand. Her head was looking down. She was crying.

"Trust us, omma. Me and Himchan will be a successful person.We'll make you proud. Just for once in my life I beg you, for the first time and the lastest thing I'll do. Let us do what we want. Let us be what we wanna be. This is our life. I'll promise, omma. We'll make you proud, jinjja. If it didn't turns out as I planned then kill me. Go ahead and kill me for not listening to you."

"But I'm not regretting it now. Cause I believe in myself. Himchan also believes in himself. We're gonna be a successful person. I love you omma. So as Himchan and Natasha noona. We all love you very much. Jebal. please stop."

I looked at Himchan. He was closing his eyes stopping himself from crying. I made Himchan sit rather then lying on the floor. He hugs my right arm and places his head on my shoulder. He started to cool down his tears from flowing out.

Then I glanced to mom. She threw away the broom stick from her hand and her knees fell to the ground. Mom sobbed hardly.

"Mianhae"

She apologizes to us.

"I didn't became a good mother to you...Mianhae, Yongguk,Himchan and-"

Mom stopped for a while then continued.

"And Natasha. You're right. This is your life not mines." She nods and looked at us. She tried to smile.

Himchan then hugged mom. I didn't know he would hug her so suddenly.

"Oh Himchan sshi, i've never regreted raising you. You want to be a singer? Ok. Then be it."

Mom mumbled while hugging him. Mom words made me wanted to cry more. She opens her other arm a signal for me to hug her.

I approached her and hug mum. Himchan was on the left shoulder while I was on the right.

"I think my mission is over. I raised you well enough for you guys to make your own dicisions. You're all grown up now. Okay,omma will stop. Go out there and do what you love,love what you do. But you have to promise me that you'll live a happy life."

Moms words were so sincere. It touched my heart. We nodded agreeing to promise with mom. The 3 of us was apparently hugging each other tightly.

So from that day on, mom gave us support in anything we do. I finally get to go to the school i wanted and do what I want.

My dream came true when I was part of an underground hip-hop group called Soul Connection in 2007. In March 2011 I was featured in Song JiEun's Going Crazy and the single became a number one hit in South Korea. I was so happy. Prior to B.A.P's debut, TS Entertainment formed a sub-unit called Bang&Zelo with BAP member Choi JunHong or his stage name Zelo and we released our single 'Never Give Up' in November 2011.

I hadn't hear any information about Himchan. He left me and mom. He says he had to search someone. It was pretty sad. I miss him alot.

But hopefully god heard my prayers that I missed him so much, in 2011 Ts Entertainment signaled that they will debut a boy band in 2012. I was in that boy band first. It was called B.A.P.

Guess what! Himchan was introduced as the second member!! I was so happy to meet him. Himchan was surprised to see me. I hugged him and I scolded him too. Not because he did anything wrong but because he left me and mom.

Mom was proud of me. Himchan went to mom and told her something. I stood beside mom to hear what he had to say.

Himchan told her that he had found his biological parents. He already changed his family name from 'Bang' to 'Kim'. I was a little angry, a little sad and I nearly sulk to him.

But what could I do? Himchan is happy with his REAL family now. Although mom was also sad, she hugs Himchan and gave him a smile. Telling she agrees with his decision.

Himchan still didn't forget our past life together. Himchan says that I'll be his brother no matter what and that noone could interfere our relationship connection. I was glad to hear that. I almost wanted to kiss him.

So as in January 2012 me and Himchan or should I call B.A.P, we all debuted with our lead single 'Warrior'. I'm the leader by the way and I'm proud to say so.

Mom was really proud of us for reaching our dreams. She would always pats our backs and give us motivation for us to succeed in the entertainment genre.

Mom kept her promise in letting us do what we wanna do. I was glad with her.

Oh not to forget Natasha noona. My sister came back to us after B.A.P debuted. Mom nearly cried seeing her daughter after years she was gone. She was thankfull to god that Natasha had come home to her. I was thankful too. Well she's my sister.

Natasha noona had so many tatoos on her body. She changed a little. But she was happy with her job. Even I don't know what she's doing now. Natasha noona apologized to mum for running away.

I thought mom would scold her but it turns out the opposites.

"No no,it's my fault. I'm glad you ran away and lived the way you liked. I'm just thankful that you came home. Now that I see you, even if I die I'll be happy to."

I was surprised. I bet Natasha noona was surprised too. Mom had really changed.

Natasha noona promised to never leave mom ever again. I thought she just remembered mom and forgotted her little brother, me , but then she hugs me saying she missed me. She gave a smile to Himchan.

"Gukkie and Chanchan you two grew up fast," said Natasha noona.

We replied her with a smile.

Another year passed and passed it was now 2014.

Mom was happier then her life before. She even sometimes comes to B.A.P concert to support me, Himchan and my lovely other members.

My motto of life is 'Do what you love,love what you do'

The words that mom said to me and Himchan that day had been stucked in my head, my heart and my soul for years and always.

Although i'm happy with my life that maybe  is a life that is wealthy, I would always be thankful to god for how a lovely mom, a thoughtful sister, a cutey cheeky caring brother (Himchan), My babys (fans) who loves me and supports B.A.P, my superb members, DaeHyun,Yougjae,Jongup,Junhong(Zelo) not to forget Himchan and such other things that I have which not most of us have.

So everythime I have something that I'm proud of and I cherish so much even if it's a cup of ramen. I'll remember myself that some people who aren't having an easy life as I am, also doesn't get to feel or own the things that I have so that i'll always be thankful to god.

Humans in the world, B.A.P will give you energy and meaningful songs to you. We will work hard from now on.

One more thing, never give up in anything you do because the impossibles could be possible.

So this is what I want to share to all. For kids, for grown ups or even for dogs.

My name is Bang Yongguk and this is MY STORY.