It’s getting cold. Damn you, Chanyeol.

I really hate you. I  hope you know that. I hate you so much it pains me to even think of you.

I... It’s painful. I planned on staying up to surprise you. Yet, you never came home. Not even a call, not even a text. You couldn’t take 5 seconds of your busy life, and text me ‘Not coming home today.’ Let me tell you something, our relationship is falling apart. And you doing this isn’t helping.

When did it start?

Maybe when you slept with my cousin? Oh, my bad, it was probably my best friend? Oh yeah, I forgot, it was both. Which leads me to the next question.

When did we start loving?

If I were to be honest, I’d say never. But when I glance at those framed photos hanging above the fireplace, I remember.

You were my giant, and I was your bacon.

The giant could never go by a single day without his bacon. The bacon lived for the sake of the  giant’s happiness. The giant had this weird smile that did weird thing to the bacon’s heart and it was the bacon’s addiction. They were created for one another. Then life happened.

Apparently, the giant became a vegetarian or something, because the bacon is now pitifully laying down ,waiting to be loved, while he went and began to like broccoli.

“Happy birthday to you...”

You promised. You swore.

Baekhyun, I’m sorry. I will make it up to you for the remainder of my life. I will spend the entire day with you on your birthday. We will eat at your favorite restaurant, take a walk by the river, and watch the firework show. I, Park Chanyeol, promise. Cross my heart and swear to die!

Where are you? All I in front of me is an empty chair and an unlit birthday cake. So, unless this was just a lie, will you tell me where you are? Are promises just empty words to ease the pain? If anything, this is causing me even more pain than before.

“Happy birthday to you...”

I was looking forward to eating at that restaurant you promised to take me to. I heard it was difficult to set a reservation and that even top stars eat there. I was so excited, I even bought a new suit! I set up an appointment at the hairsalon, and I was even going to use that eyeliner you bought me. It has all gone to waste now.

I truly thought you wanted to make amends. I was ready to forgive you. The bacon was ready to return to the giant. It spent too many lonely nights  on a bed too big for one. It got sick of instinctively cooking for two.  All it wanted was its giant.

So why did you go buy ridiculously expensive couple rings?

“Happy birthday dear Baekhyun...”

It’s my birthday and yet you are nowhere to be found.

I planned on waking up at 6 in the morning to cook breakfast, but the only thing I recieved was a phone call. I picked up, hoping it was you. It was about you, I guess that counts.

Is this Park Baekhyun, spouse of Park Chanyeol? We are sorry to inform you, but Chanyeol was in a severe car accident yesterday. He was confirmed dead at 12:00. When you are able to, please stop by the hospital. You need to sign some papers.

It’s weird. In a way, you died when I was born. And, I hate you for it. You drove across Seoul, for rings... And as you rushed back, you collided with a drunk driver who had broken up with his girlfriend.

It’s ironic. The one who was fixing his relationship died while the one who gave up lived. God loves playing jokes like that on me.

It’s getting cold. Damn you, Chanyeol. My heart is slowly freezing. Why did the nurse have to give me the rings you bought? Why did she bring me in to see your lifeless face? Why did she keep reminding you’re not alive?

Well, let me tell you something: I am not crying right now. No. There are absolutely no tears clouding my face. I am not flipping through our old albums, hoping this is all a sick dream. I am not regretting being born on this day. Maybe if I was born on May 7, would you still be alive.

Nope, I am not doing any of these things. And I am definitely not missing you.

“Happy birthday to me...”

I hate my present. I hate my birthday.

Right now, as I cry while grasping  the rings in my hand, happy memories flow through my mind. We were once that happy. My old confidence that our love was eternal burst yet once again. It wasn’t meant to be. The cold reminder is like a harsh slap to my  face.

“Happy birthday to me...”