Friend EH

I was walking carefully on the icy path with leader Donghae on my back. From now on we are relying on him as the map holder. Last night we told Sungmin and Kyuhyun about the Treasure Island. They said, since someone like me exists then even the island must be real. Isn´t that an insult?

"In two days we should arrive to a huge lake, it should be frozen now and in the middle of it lies the island," Donghae said and patted my head between my antlers.

"It sounds so real. We can really make it, right?" Sungmin asked.

Sungmin seemed to be not only the vitamin but also a reliable person. He wasn´t with us for a long time, but I could tell that he merged with our strange group well. I still don´t like his smell but as a person he´s kind of okay. I feel even more responsible now for returning him safely back to Leeteuk.

"Donghae might be an idiot, but when it comes to adventures, he´s the best. Of course we will find it," Kyuhyun answered the question.

How dare he call Donghae an idiot? Only I can do that, I fumed through my nostrils. This rude fella sometimes really pisses me off but one howl and he´s sitting on his poor . He does get on my nerves but I still respect him. To tell the truth, his skills are no joke. As a hunted animal, I have lots of experience and this guy is a good hunter.

"I´m not an idiot. Just sometimes a bit slow!" Donghae retorted.

He dug his own grave with that remark, I wanted to roll my eyes. Although I call him an idiot often, I know well that he isn´t. He´s a lot more emotional than me and that´s why it´s hard for me to reach him. I don´t know why, but I think a little confused but somehow much more alive when I´m with him. When I think about saying good bye to him, I feel depressed. My life has never been so bright like these past weeks. I´m starting to get scared of the darkness. But I´m a creature hiding in the shadows, what do I do?

"Hyukkie, say something! They are laughing at me!" Donghae´s whiny voice woke me up from my thoughts.

"Shut up or I´m going to bite your heads off," I snarled.

The laughter stopped, I sounded serious. I admit, I´m being a bit moody but I just that I can´t help it. My thoughts are killing me. Everything I´ve known until now, my lifestyle, my way of thinking, of behaving, I started to doubt it all. Because of Donghae.

"Hyukkie? Are you alright?" Hae whispered. That boy has no fear but it´s understandable, because I always calm down when I hear his voice. Instead of answering him I only nodded.

We were walking in silence and I felt guilty, because it was me who killed the mood. Nevertheless, we had no choice but to continue on our way through the cold and snow. I put a big cloth on my antlers like a shield, so Donghae could hide himself from the wind. I enjoyed the warm feeling from his body, when he lowered himself on my back. And exactly thoughts like these make me think that I´m sick.

It was the last night before we reach the lake. We were sitting around a fire, eating. Others were happily chatting, but I couldn´t bring myself to smile. My anxiousness was getting the best out of me. I had to stay still before I lash out at someone. Why is it so hard? No one wants to hurt me here. I´m safe with these people, right? I may sound ridiculous but for me this is completely new. I´m not used to being treated as a friend, as a human. I have to be cool and professional, I can´t be sensitive. I´m the great silver wolf, always strong and sensible. There´s no room for emotions in this world. But these people have much different demands on me. I wasn´t capable of fulfilling them. I felt like I was going through some personality change. I didn´t know howto act anymore.

I was spacing out for a long time. When I blinked my eyes, I noticed the weird atmosphere. Everyone was looking around, sending signals to each other. I hoped I didn´t ruin their mood again as it seemed like they were talking about me. Suddenly Sungmin stood up and walked to his bag, I watched him with curiosity until he dug up an object he brought to me.

"Here, we exchanged it for Kyuhyun´s second gun," Sungmin was shoving something into my hands.

"I put it in Sungmin´s bag, since you always say it stinks," Kyuhyun added.

I looked at the object. It was Ryeowook´s last bottle of strawberry jam. I begged him so much but he wouldn´t give in! How did they managed to buy it?

"This," I wasn´t capable of saying anything. Something hot spilled down my cheeks. Tears. I was crying. When was the last time I cried? It must be like twenty years ago or so. All of a sudden I was pulled into a bear hug. It was Donghae hugging me tightly, I didn´t know how he broke through my defence but he was there, so close.

"Why do you keep suffering, Hyukkie?” He asked me and I didn´t understand what he was talking about. I´m alright!

“It might be hard for you to realize but we care about you. We really do and I´m thankful that you are with us. I´ve never met a person like you and I´ll make sure, that I don´t lose such a precious person. It´s obvious that I need to pay attention to you, since you are such a stupid dog. You need my care, Hyukkie."

Donghae quietly whispered to my ear so nobody else would hear it. That moment I broke down, all my reasoning was out of the window, my mind was blank. I was hugging him back, crying my heart out for the very first time in my life. I couldn’t stop, all those tears gathered for years were pouring out like from a broken tap. My face was as red as the strawberry jam I was clutching tightly behind Donghae´s back. But I wouldn´t let go, not of the jam and especially not of Donghae. I don´t know how long we were hugging but when we pulled out, I felt weak.

"You look horrible," Donghae was now sitting between my legs, wiping my face with a handkerchief he was awkwardly holding with his mittens. I was still quietly sobbing, anxiously soaking my fingers into the bottle with jam. Half of the bottle was gone before Donghae finished cleaning my cheeks. I felt ashamed for my behaviour. But no one laughed at me. You know, living embarrassingly like that may not be so bad after all.

I can end up hurt for not living carefully enough. But if I´m strong enough, I can always get up, right? Even if I get hurt or betrayed, I can always continue with my head up. I´m no fool, world is not kind to those, who are naive. But I have the strength to face the world. And these people taught me, that I can do it even if I don´t pressure myself. I hate hiding my smile and I want to sing even though I can´t. And I want to find that damn Treasure Island, because for the first time since I´ve heard Donghae´s idea, I admit it. I believe it truly exists.

And Donghae said. He said, he wouldn´t leave me.