Two Girls Kissing Playlist: Say You Don't Want It

Coming out can be a fantastic thing, you may of known that you were gay on the inside and now you're gay on the outside. You're free. But it can also s. Shortly after coming out to yourself, you may of started to take a liking to someone. Someone you're pretty sure isn't gay. It's all those times when you realize it. A whole two years and 4 months of crushing on a girl i don't have a chance with. 

Okay, let's back it up 5 months and a day. That one day means a lot to me. It was a month before I graduate and a day before I came out to the world. Two years I had known that I liked girls. The night before I was looking up how you should come out. I realized that there wasn't a right or wrong way to come out, you just did what made you feel comfortable. But one thing was for sure, I needed a small group of friends who would back me up just in case my parents kicked me out, which I hoped wouldn't happen. So I went to a close guy friend of mine, just in case the girls I was friends with thought I had a crush on them or something stupid. 

Minho and I had been friends ever since he stumbled drunk into my best friends pool. That was only a year ago but it still made me laugh. I honestly don't know why he's still friends with me, I sort've hurt his feelings a few months ago when he confessed to me. Of course I turned him down, I liked girls, but I still felt guilty. 

So over a coffee on a Saturday afternoon, I told him I was gay. His reaction wasn't really what I had expected. 

"I knew it!" He yelled, pumping his fists in the air. 

"W-what?! You knew?!" I stared at him with wide eyes. 

"Yuri, Yuri, Yuri." He tutted. "It's pretty obvious, with the way you check out nearly every single girl when we go to the beach." 

I thought I was pretty good at hiding it, to be frank. But I guess I was wrong. I then proceeded to tell him that I liked someone. 

"Minho," I looked down at my half finished cup of coffee. "I like someone." 

"And you want me to help you get with her?" He raised his eyebrow. 

"Well, yeah. But more to find out if she's gay too. I'd just like to become better friends with her."

"Heck, maybe you could turn her." He chuckled as I stared at him in disbelief. "What? Yuri, when you come out to everyone at school, the girls are gonna go crazy for you. That's besides the point, who's the lucky girl?" 

"Jung Jessica." 

He was silent for a moment. "Ah, yeah I can understand that." 

"Please Minho, just help me. Put a good word in for me." I begged, looking at him with puppy eyes. 

He laughed and crossed his arms. "I'll do it, it'll be easy anyway. I'm pretty good friends with our ice princess." He leaned forward, resting on his elbows. "You know what, I happen to know that she's currently shopping at the mall with Hyoyeon. Right. Now..." 

"How'd you know that, huh?" 

"Hyoyeon told me at dance class this morning." He leaned back, picking up his backpack. "So what do you say, stalking time?" 

And that was how I spent the next two hours, running around the mall with Minho and catching glimpses of Jessica. After that, I came out to my best friend Tiffany, Yoona, Taeyeon, Leeteuk and Sooyoung. I thought about telling Hyoyeon, but seeing how close she was to Jessica, I didn't want to push my luck. The next day I came out to my parents and brother. Luckily they didn't kick me out, they seemed pretty fine with it. 

So far coming out seemed to be pretty good. I felt better about myself and not so insecure. By Monday most of the school had found out. Word had passed around so it much easier than me coming out to more than 100 different people separately. As I made my way to Mr Kim's science class I passed Jessica and Taeyeon in the hallway. The blonde haired girl made eye contact with me for exactly 7 seconds, I was counting, trust me. For a moment I thought she was going to yell out to me, call me a name. But she didn't. She smiled and said "Hi Yuri-ah," and continued walking with Taeyeon. I stood rooted to the spot as I watched the two walk away. Taeyeon turned around quickly to give me the thumbs up before hurrying off. 

Now fast forward to present time. It's been 4 months since I've graduated and I haven't really gotten anywhere with Jessica. She knows who I am, thats for sure, we're friends on facebook and we both follow each other on instagram but that's as far as communication has gotten. 

I'm currently standing outside a bar that I know Minho, Jessica, Tiffany and Leeteuk work at. I also know that Yoona's inside with her girlfriend Seohyun eating peanuts with Taeyeon. Yoona's had a beer, Seohyun's not drinking because she's driving and Taeyeon's waiting to take Tiffany on a date after her shift. How do I know all this? Minho and his sneakiness, thats how. I take a deep breath before opening the door. A peanut