But If You Asked Me Who
Always Been You
It’s been half a year since you were hired to be one of EXO’s stylists. You were very much thankful for the opportunity especially since fashion was one of your strong points and dressing people up is your hobby. And hey, who wouldn’t want to get paid to shop around? Yeah, you have no qualms— for the most part, anyway.
While the boys were fairly easy to deal with, one of them just irks you so much. Granted you were attracted to him in a way, but his demeanor was something he needs to work on. While pretty much the crybaby of the whole group, Huang Zi Tao still has that air around him that gets on your nerves. Good thing you do well with persevering.
A few months ago, you were asked by your boss to take his place instead for a styling gig in Singapore. The whole thing lasted a month and it was a surreal experience for you. It was a new fashion show that they were hoping to do annually. You couldn’t say no to your boss, especially since you both knew that it will help you build up your portfolio. While your boss would like to keep you under his wings, you know you need to spread them out and build a name of your own.
After a month of being away, you were immediately caught up in the whirlwind that is the EXO Christmas promotions. It was your first day back and you high in the rush of getting to dress and style your favorite boys’ outfits again. You were done with all 11 and the only one left was the bane of your existence. The rest of them went out the dressing room to prepare outside when Tao entered to get himself dressed.
You were at one side of the room picking out his clothes then made your way to room’s dresser and laid out his outfit. You turned to face him when you find your body hitting the dresser with his arms cornering your sides. Damnit! Why does this boy keep on doing this to me?
“________-ah. I’ve missed you.” He murmured in your ear. You only cut your eyes at him in response.
“You’ve been gone so long,” he whined. “Didn’t you ever think of me, _______-ah?”
With a smirk, you responded to him. “Of course I thought about you, Tao!”
“You did?” he asked with his expression perking up.
“Yes, I thought about you. Actually, that whole month I was gone, my middle finger got a whenever I do!”
You pushed him with all your might to get him off your face, annoyed at how insensitive he is regarding personal space.
“Damnit, ______!” he cursed. “Is it so hard for you to actually like me? You get along with all the other members save for me? Whatever did I do to you?”
“You want to know why I don’t get along with you? You think too much of yourself! You think you’re this gift to every women out there and that we should just fall for you by just looking at you!”
“W-w-what?”
“You’re so pigheaded! Like right now, Zi Tao! Cornering me? What the hell for you? Do you expect me to think about you every chance I get? What made you think that I would want to do that?”
“I like you!”
You rolled your eyes at him. “The only reason why you like me is because you think I’m this conquest, Tao. You don’t even know me. Get off your high horse. I’m not one of those fans who gush over you when they see you strutting in the airport.”
He only stared at you angrily as he tried his best to keep his breathing and emotions in check.
You shook your head in disbelief and made your way out the door. “Just get dressed Zi Tao.”
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After that incident, Tao never bothered you again. Actually he stayed clear away from you whenever you were in each other’s vicinity like he leaves the room he’s in whenever you’re in it. While it kinda stings that your interaction has come to this, you were glad that he’s not pushing himself to you anymore.
You thought that you could get used to it eventually, even if it did bother the professional relationship that you should be having with him.
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A few months passed and you were currently working with Luhan and Lay for a shoot they’re having for a Chinese magazine. You were all sent out to Beijing for this project and you will be staying there for a week.
They were speaking in their native language and you laughing silently with your back against them as they try to one up each other.
Your happiness was cut off when you heard Luhan speak about something else.
“I feel sorry for Taozi, Xing. I know he never told us who the girl was but he was really into her.”
“I know,” Yixing agreed. “All those things he got from all our trips outside the country, saving up for whoever she is were all wasted.”
“What did he ever do to those anyway?”
“I saw him threw them all out one time. I told him to just give it out to people, but he said he didn’t want to have any reminders of her. I couldn’t stop him even if I wanted to.”
“Well at least he’s better now.” Luhan quipped.
“Right. I guess meeting someone new helped him a lot.”
“I hope he gets over the last girl then. That boy, regardless if he looks tough, get hurt really easily and take things to heart too much.”
What? He met someone new? I should be happy for him but why does my heart feel like its breaking?
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Once you were back in Korea with Luhan and Lay, you all went straight back to their dorms. While it wasn’t a usual occurrence, from time to time you are requested to either drop some clothes over to them or get them back to be returned. This time you tasked to retrieve the promotional clothes they used recently.
Somehow, you were sure you were prepared to cross paths with him, the place being their dorm, but you weren’t expecting to feel like you’ve been punched in the gut to see him with another girl.
You didn’t expect to get so affected seeing him being the way he was with you. But you know you shouldn’t be feeling this way. You were the one who was deflecting his advances right?
Is it possible that you weren’t really a conquest for him? That maybe you’re the one who was comfortable with the thought that he was there all along, showering you with attention you thought you never wanted?
You couldn’t take it anymore and you rushed out the door, leaving what you actually came for.
Hopefully your boss would just get over it.
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After another round of promotions, the management decided to throw a party for the boys and staff for a job well done. Drinks were free for all and you didn’t let the chance pass to induce yourself, hoping to forget that dull ache you feel every time you see Zi Tao.
You were the one who wanted this, right?
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After a whole slew of alcohol, you were almost incoherent. You welcomed the feeling but you know it’s going to be a to get yourself home. Not wanting to get into any accidents, you went outside in the parking lot to get some fresh air.
You were trying to stop smoking but still kept a pack with you for any instances you feel the need to inhale nicotine.
You were about to light a stick when a hand took it from your positioned fingers and threw it out.
You looked at the perpetrator who wasted one your cigarettes when you realized that it was Huang Zi Tao himself.
“What the , Huang Zi Tao? You wasted my cigarette!”
“You should stop smoking you know.” He berated.
“Well you! You don’t give a about what I do! Stop acting like you’re my mom!”
“Really? You think I don’t give a about you?”
“Why the hell should you care? Huh? Shouldn’t you be with that girl you replaced me with?!”
“What is wrong about meeting someone else, _______?” he angrily bursted out. “You’re the one who didn’t want me in your life!”
“Whatever! I don’t care! Just go back inside and leave me alone!”
You thought that he listened to you and went back inside but it seemed that he didn’t. You find yourself with your back against the wall with Zi Tao cornering you again.
You wanted to push him off of you, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. Not when his lips was on yours, with your tongues battling out for dominance. He lifted you off the ground and you wrapped your legs around his waist while you hand where threaded in his hair.
You don’t remember anything else aside from getting in your car, with him driving to the direction on your apartment.
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You felt like when woke up the next morning remembering how much alcohol you drank the night before. Once you’ve actually felt you were conscious, you stomach decided to toy with you and you felt the need to wretch out everything you consumed.
You were attempting to get out of bed when a pair of arms wrapped themselves tightly around your waist, not letting you go.
What the hell? Who is this in my bed?
You pried yourself from the grip of the unknown person, noting that you weren’t wearing anything underneath your comforter, rushing to your bathroom and puked your heart out.
You immediately brushed your teeth afterwards, forgetting about the other person in your bed.
You were only reminded about it when they made their presence known by joining you in your en suite.
You were surprised to see no other than Huang Zi Tao and last night’s details came back rushing to you like a freight train.
“Zi Tao, what are you doing here?” you hesitantly ask him.
“You don’t remember?”
“I-I-I…” you stammered. “It’s kinda blurry to be honest.”
“Do you want me to remind you of what happened?” he asked you with a smirk as he made his way towards you, wrapping his arms around your torso while latching his lips on your neck, leaving trails of wet, slightly open mouthed kisses.
For the second time that morning, you pried yourself away from him.
“What are you doing, Tao?”
“What am I doing?” he asked you incredulously. “I’m reminding you of what happened last night!”
“, Tao! This shouldn’t be happening!”
“Shouldn’t? But it already happened!”
“Then it should never happen again!” you shouted at him, irritation laced in your tone.
“Why?”
“You have a girlfriend, Tao! Didn’t you even think about her before this even happened?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend!”
“Oh really? Then who’s that girl who was always with you before? Some sort of girl on the side? You shouldn’t play with people’s emotions, Zi Tao.”
“She’s a friend. Yeah, maybe more than a friend but we’re not together.”
“So what? You just her when you feel the itch?”
He looked at you angrily while his hands were shaking at his sides. “I don’t her when I feel the need to! She’s a friend. She’s a friend who was there for me when my heart was broken!”
“Oh great! Now you want to make me feel bad?”
“Make you feel bad? Why should you? You never liked me remember? You shouldn’t feel guilty when you never felt anything in the first place!”
Everything became quiet after that, both of you not knowing what to say to each other anymore.
He decided to break the silence by speaking again.
“I’m not toying with anyone’s emotions. You should try assessing yourself. You may have been drunk but you were coherent enough to stop whatever happened to us even before we got here. She’s my friend. As much as I would like to move forward with her, she knows I can’t. If you ask me to choose, I know what my answer would be.”
He stopped for a moment, and exhaled out loud before continuing.
“ I know who I would pick.” He said with conviction. “But what about you? You tell me you don’t like me, that you don’t want me yet your actions say otherwise. I know you’ve been sulking for months. Don’t ever think that I don’t notice you. But the ball is in your court now. The game was always in your hands. I want you, I like you. You were never just a conquest to me. You were everything to me. You are everything to me! Now it’s up to you to decide what you feel for me.”
He picked up the shirt that was haphazardly thrown on your bedroom floor, wearing it as he made his way out. “But I’d like you to know that I’m not going to wait forever for you. I think I owe it to myself to find happiness elsewhere if I am not wanted.”
And with that he was out the door. You didn’t even notice till later that the tears you thought you never had came rushing out of you.
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You asked your boss for a week’s worth of time off. He didn’t ask you why and just said yes knowing that you’ve been working your guts out these past few months.
You went out of the country, to Phuket hoping that the sea would calm you down and help you decide on what you want.
Did you really not want Zi Tao? Or where you just deluding yourself about not wanting him because you were comfortable knowing that he was pining over you? Were you just trying to suppress your feelings for him since way back?
One night, while strolling the beach, you encountered this old lady looking at the moon by the sea. She looked like she was cold so you offered her the scarf you had on you since you already had a light jacket with you.
She motioned for you to sit down beside her in the sand. You couldn’t help but notice her puffy eyes probably caused by crying.
“What’s wrong?” you asked her. “Are you hurt?”
“Hurt?” she asked rhetorically. “I guess you could say that.”
“Should I call for the hospital?”
He laughed lowly at you. “It’s not that kind of hurt, dear.”
“Then what is it?” you wondered. If she wasn’t in any physical pain then what was it?
“My heart hurts. After all these years, I realized that what I wanted and needed was right in front of me but I let him slip away.”
You were silent, thinking about how to close to home her admission hit you.
“I made myself believe that I didn’t want him, mostly because he was always there. Even when I rejected him, he was always there. But he moved on, we went our separate ways. And now he’s gone. I will never get the chance to know how it would’ve been if I was with him.”
She faced me and cupped one of my cheeks. “You look like someone dealing with the same thing right now. I suggest that you go back and embrace the opportunity while it’s still there. They may promise to always be there for us but everything has its limit. Don’t let him slip away from you.”
And that night you finally realized that he was all you wanted all along.
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Your boss called you to inform you that the boys and him will be going to China for promotions. You didn’t want to waste time and booked a flight out to China as well.
You were wishing that you weren’t too late.
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Your plane had encountered some turbulence and you landed later than the time you expected.
Your heart was beating fast and your brain is a whirl of thoughts that were blurring your coherency while you rushed to the terminal where they were supposed to be at.
Your head was moving side to side hoping to find him and when you did, the world stopped.
“Huang Zi Tao!” you called out to him.
He looked around, trying to find the source of the voice calling out to him.
“Taozi!” you called him again and finally he faced your direction and he saw you.
Not caring about the people surrounding you, you poured your heart out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so stupid by telling myself that I didn’t want you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry for being such a about everything when you were only trying to make me realize that I did want you the way you’ve always did.”
His face showed nothing but surprise.
You were moving towards him when you saw a girl, the same girl you saw with him months before, stepping out from behind holding his hand.
You felt like the air was knocked out of you. You weren’t expecting him to move on only after a week. But you only had yourself to blame.
Not wanting to be embarrassed any longer for being silently rejected, you turned around to get out of the airport and out of the scrutinizing eyes of the spectators of the show titled the up that is your life.
Your legs were moving slowly although you tried your best to move as hastily as you could.
Just a few steps forward and you felt a set of familiar arms engulfing in a tight embrace.
“Where do you think you’re going, ______-ah?” he whispered in your ear.
“To leave and let you be happy.”
“Really? How am I supposed to be happy if my happiness is walking away from me?”
“Your happiness is behind you, Tao.” You solemnly tell him.
“My happy in right here in my arms, not behind me. My happiness was all I tried to run after.”
“But.. You were holding hands and all… And she’s right here with you.”
“I was trying to pry her hand away from mine. Apparently she’s a crazy fan who thought I would choose her over you. We were trying to get things under control before it turns to be a scandal when you came and let everybody know who I belonged to. Apparently, we have another scandal to keep at bay.”
He turned me around to face him, his face inches from mine, our lips almost touching.
“I love you, ______-ah. My happiness is with you. I would’ve tried my best to make you see that even if my attempts were futile.”
“I’m sorry for being so stupid, Tao.”
“Stop saying sorry. You’re here now aren’t you? Just promise me that you’ll stay.”
You grabbed the back of his head, planting your lips against his. Both of you sighed in the kiss, content that you’re finally in each other’s arms.
You broke the kiss to respond to his request. “I promise Zi Tao. Just promise me that you will never let me stray away from you again.”
Uhh.. Hi? Hahahaha.
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