Victoria took a deep breath and pressed the door buzzer.

It was 1am already and she knows it’s a bit late but she just have to see him before she would fly off to China the next day.

She fidgeted with her hair while looking around. Good thing the garden conceals her and anyone walking on the street won’t see her standing on the door. Plus the patio lights are off.

She doesn’t need another breaking news that would totally blow her chances.

She looked at her watch. 5 minutes has passed since she rang the buzzer. Maybe he’s already sleeping, or maybe he’s not at home.

Darn! Victoria thought. Am I cursed? Her heart is almost bursting because she can feel that this is time to tell him but he’s not here.

Tears started to build in her eyes. She sat down on the edge of the stairs beside the bush, arms across her knee.

What am I doing? She thought. I should be preparing for a huge production for the drama. She just finished rehearsing and she should rest for her flight tomorrow.

She sadly looked back at the door. Nothing. She didn’t pressed the buzzer again. 

30 more minutes. Maybe he’s on his way home. I’ll just wait for him here.

Victoria burrowed her face on her scarf. It has been a long tiring day. And gently, her eyes began to drop.

She lightly felt hands rubbing her back. “Qiannie,” a soft voice spoke.

Nooo. Please let me sleep. Don’t wake me up. Victoria groaned and refused to wake up.

“Qian.”

Strong hands lifted her up and her eyes popped open.

Victoria blinked and looked at the man carrying her.

Oh darn it! I fell asleep!

“Oh Max, I’m so sorry… I fell asleep. Please let me down. I’m awake now,” Victoria insisted and gripped his arms to stand up.

Changmin released her before the door. “Are you okay? You scared me! Yahh! I saw you sitting there and I thought something was wrong. And besides, it’s already late. What are you doing here?”

Victoria looked at him, wide eyes. Her courage awhile ago started to fade away.

Oh my God! What will I say?

She nervously watched as Changmin opened the door and gently guided her inside. He opened the lights and nudged her to the kitchen.

Victoria still hasn’t spoken. She seemed at loss for words now.

Changmin opened the fridge and pulled out two canned beers. He opened them all and handed one to Victoria.

“Qian, I’m waiting.”

Victoria straightened up and cleared her voice.

“I… Uhm… Well, you see, uhm… Were you rehearsing? Sorry for the late visit,” Victoria nervously started. She took a huge gulp of her beer after that.

Changmin eyed her suspiciously. She seemed nervous.

He nodded. “Yeah, Yunho hyung wanted to change some dance moves before we fly off to Japan.”

“Oh I see,” her voice trailed. “Well I’m actually flying to China tomorrow as well.”

“I know and I’m wondering why you’re not yet resting?”

“It’s fine. Uhm, I’ll just rest on the plane,” Victoria added with a laugh, taking another drink.

“Qiannie?” Changmin asked and his expression tells Victoria to go straight to the point.

God, help me!

Victoria put down her beer and moved closer to Changmin. She took the beer from his hands and looked into his eyes.

“Close your eyes please Max,” she started.

“Why?”

“Just close your eyes Max.”

Changmin closed her eyes and Victoria took another step. Her face inches away from him. Her left hand moved and lightly touched his eyes. Changmin felt her hand shaking while touching his face. He can feel her breath on his face.

“Qiannie?”

“I’ve always wanted to touch your eyes, you know. And your face. But I don’t really have any right to do that,” Victoria softly said.

Changmin couldn’t believe what he heard. He opened his eyes and saw Victoria’s face so full of emotion. Shock was printed on his face of what Victoria just said. She dropped her hand and took a step back.

She nervously smiled. “I guess you didn’t know, did you?” She gave a small laugh and took a deep breath. “I… Well, since it is Christmas time, and on Christmas time you tell the truth. Here is mine…

“I disliked you before. You would notice me walking away whenever you’re around. You’ve been bugging my thoughts since we have met and I hated that. I was so focused on my dream of coming here in Korea and with you as a passenger in my head is not helping. I was confused. I didn’t know at that time that I’ve grown fond of you. Your eyes. Your passion to succeed.

“I felt pressured, as a foreigner to this country and as a leader of my group. I felt the need to impress people, to do everything for the fans to like me and the group. I was envious of the other group because they are already on top of ladder of fame and my group was just starting. But you changed that. You taught me that I don’t have to feel that way, or see the future like that. You taught me to just be myself and strive for the best and everything will follow. You taught me that I can’t be able to satisfy and please everyone. But as long as my heart is true and I’m not stepping on anybody, then it will be okay.

“I guess love punched me a bit late. I denied it before because I was scared. Scared that you’ll shut me off.”

Tears started to build in Victoria’s eyes but she blinked them away. “I’m sorry for taking this all out to you. I didn’t mean to be a burden. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you Max.”

Changmin listened to everything she said. He took a step towards her.

“It’s okay Max. You don’t have to say anything. I knew what I was saying. You don’t have to be guilty about it,” Victoria explained.

“Qiannie...”

Victoria looked in his eyes. She can see it all. She knew. And she accepts it. No matter how it hurts. She didn’t come here to have good results anyway; she just wanted to let him know.

She smiled. “It’s okay Max. Don’t worry.”

For the last time, she touched Changmin’s face and dropped a small kiss on his lips. “I know,” she whispered.

Victoria turned and walked out of the house. Her heart is bursting and tears are now flowing openly in her eyes.

She knows it. She can’t have him. He is already with someone else.

Truth as they say. It will slap you in the face. But life still goes on.

It won’t stop just because you were hurt.

Victoria knows it and she’s ready for it.

All of it.