This is like 6100 words, people. Get some hot chocolate and make yourself comfy cuz idk how long this is going to take.

~~~~~~~~~

sehun had known luhan since the day luhan was born.

that was how they did things, up in the north pole. every helper was assigned a child at birth and had to serve them and deliver their presents until the day they got too old for dreams and wishes.

that time varied for every child. some were in a hurry to grow up and decided that santa didnt exist early on. some clung onto the idea until their friends convinced them that santa claus was just imaginary. some waited and dreamed until the day their parents told them that santa wasnt real.

in truth, he was a real person, just not how everyone imagined him. he didnt ride around on a sleigh pulled by magical reindeer or deliver presents to every single girl and boy. he was just a man with a hectic job and a slightly chubby figure. and his wife wasnt even his wife, it was his husband.

people didnt know all these things, and as a general rule, no one told.

so that was why, when sehun was promoted in rank to a helper, he was powerless to tell the one he loved the whole truh.

~

luhan was born on a bright april morning, already cooing the second he was delivered to his mother. but it wasnt only his mother and father in the hospital room, there was also an unseen body, watching and wondering.

sehun had never seen a baby before. up at the north pole, people were made, not born, and they aged slowly instead of the breakneck pace that humans grew at. it was an aging more at speed with the aging of the parts that made them up (a secret recipe that santa told no one, except for when he was drunk and chattering to his husband about this and that).

luhan was a bright child and sehun took to following him everywhere he could, waiting impatiently for the day that he would receive his first santa letter. the child always sent one, usually starting when they learned to understand language. at that point they would dictate. later on, they would write it themselves. then they would send nothing at all.

sehun knew right away that he was going to dread that time.

"where have you been?" lay asked, one morning over a cup of hot chocolate. he was a senior helper and he was always keeping tabs on those lower in rank than him.

sehun sipped at his almost empty mug and shrugged. "visiting lu-" he stopped himself. they werent supposed to get personal with their assignment because it was always messy when they had to give the child up. "i was watching my person," he concluded.

lay looked at him strangely and sehun was dreading that he might ask more. but he didnt. "hows he doing? i heard he was just born six months ago."

"six months and five days," sehun corrected without meaning to.

lay chuckled. "i think youll be a good helper, sehun. keeping up with important information is a fantastic trait for a newbie."

"thanks," he mumbled.

and that was that.

~

luhan sent the first letter when he was one year and seven months old. he had probably just pointed to something in a magazine and his mom had decided to write it down, but it was still something.

it gave sehun and insight into the little boys world, a place that seemed to be filled with wonder, what with the way he peered at the world with big eyes and a mouth ready to prattle unintelligible noises. his teeth were coming in and he would often chew on a cold blue ring to soothe his gums.

sehun couldnt pretend to know what the boy was feeling, but he figured that getting a giant stuffed giraffe for his person would probably cheer him up.

come christmas day, sehun was sitting, unseen next to the tree, and waiting. he had nothing better to do and this was what lay said most helpers did. he trusted his supervisor's opinions.

but waiting was boring, the room taking forever to light up and signal that morning had come.

it took until nine in the morning before the first signs of life came to the household, luhans wailing filling the empty space. soon after, his parents were coming out of their room and his mother picked him up, carrying him downstairs.

they didnt bother with morning coffee that day, seeing the fancy package that had appeared under the tree.

he figured that they, too, had forgotten the magic of christmas and were only just remembering it. parents usually did that and when their childs time to believe was over, they soon forgot it too and pretended that they had been behind it all along.

luhan wasnt really able to open his own present but he tore small pieces of the wrapping paper off it, gurgling and standing with his hands on the box.

sehuns heart filled with a sort of warmth that could only come from seeing someone happy, seeing someone you had watched all their life satisfied.

and when luhan was clutching onto the giant giraffe toy and cooing some more (he wasnt fully coherent yet) sehun decided that this was enough to make him happy, even if luhan someday wouldnt believe.

~

when luhan was five, he wrote a letter to 'santa' himself, asking for a toy house.

it was a strange request for a young boy but sehun quickly complied, going to lay for advice on which type of house would be best. after all, luhan hadnt specified past the word 'house' (and he probably couldnt with the limited knowledge of a five-year-old).

"well, what kind of house do you think he would like?" lay questioned, wrapping a lumpy box on the table in front of him and sticking it together with a bunch of tape. it wasnt all that nice-looking and sehun offered to do it for him.

"thanks," lay said and sehun peeled off the wrapping paper piece by piece. "so he wants a house. what else does he like?"

sehun thought for a moment. "he likes legos. and cupcakes. and stickers. he recently went through a sticker phase and stuck them everywhere. his mother was furious," he added, smiling to himself.

lay gave him that strange look again and he quickly wiped the smile from his face. "sorry."

"well then, how about a lego kit? they have ones for houses, with instructions and decorations."

it sounded alright, but not perfect. "but doesnt that sound a little bit too... i dont know... boy-ish?" sehun asked, peeling the back off a bow and finding a place to stick it.

"sehun, this kid IS a boy. if he doesnt want a lego kit with police-men and sirens and the whole package, then i dont know what he would want."

sehun left, mulling that over and wondering about it for a while.

~

in the end, sehun did not get luhan a lego house. he got him a polly pocket house, complete with the color changing polly pockets and the stickers advertising 'pollys dream house' that luhan could put onto all of his folders (and NOT all over the house... hopefully).

this year was different than the first year. luhans door crashed open right at six in the morning, shouting for his parents to come down and see all the presents. the previous night, sehun remembered luhans parents specifically saying that he shouldnt wake them up before six fifteen, but at luhans age, directions were hard to follow.

he rushed downstairs in his little eevee pajamas, dragging his not-as-big-as-it-used-to-be giraffe behind him. his face was glowing with excitement and his cheeks were rosy and happy.

but when he got into the living room he stopped and stared right at sehun.

at first sehun thought that maybe the boy was looking at the present right in front of him, but his assumption proved to be false when luhan suddenly asked, in a quiet and curious voice, "who are you?"

sehuns heart flipped multiple times before it calmed down and he struggled to think of a valid answer.

the helpers werent supposed to be seen, because children never believed in the helpers, they always just believed in santa. and because they didnt believe in the helpers, to them, they didnt exist.

so sehun figured that maybe this was just a glitch in santas magic, or some sort of weird trick of the light. maybe there was actually an axe murderer behind him and luhan was talking to him (who knew, it could be true, because luhan was only five and he didnt yet know the difference between a nice guy and a super uber creepy 'i will kill you in your sleep' guy).

he looked behind him, but nope. no creepy axe murderer. no nothing, not even a spider. it was just a wall.

"me?" he asked in trepidation.

luhan nodded. "you. are you santa?"

sehun shook his head vigorously, trying to figure out how he could leave and how he could get out of this. "im not santa, im a helper," he said in reflex, regretting it soon after.

"a helper?" luhan asked, his eyes wide and his little hands clutching at the poor giraffes neck.

he probably wasnt supposed to say that much, he realized and he decided he should definitely be going. "yeah, and i really have to go. santa is expecting me back-"

"dont go!" luhan exclaimed. "stay until mommy and daddy get up," he pleaded.

sehun tried to resist, but unfortunately luhan was too damn cute. "fine, but only until then."

luhan smiled and nodded, contented. he sat down in front of sehun, not sparing his present a glance. "so what are you doing here ajusshi?"

sehun sputtered for a moment, because he was most definitely not an ajusshi. he was only 19 in human years!

but then he remembered that this was a little boy and he shouldnt complain because he probably looked pretty old to luhan. "i came to bring your present," he said, half hoping that luhan would get side tracked and he could make a quick escape.

"you bring my presents?" luhan shrieked. "you?!"

sehun winced. "shh, shh, youre going to disturb your parents."

luhan was too distracted with the conversation at hand, his eyes beginning to tear up. "so, does that mean that santa isnt real?" he asked in a small voice.

"no, no," sehun quickly said. "of course santa is real. i just help him out."

luhan seemed alright with that answer and he sniffed down his half-formed tears.

there was some noise upstairs and a door opened with a creak.

"i have to go now," sehun said quickly. "your parents are awake."

"no!" luhan seemed distraught and sehuns heart broke at the sight.

"im sorry, luhan," he apologized and bowed to his person. "ill see you next year."

and with that, he his heel and vanished, appearing back in the north pole.

for some reason it felt colder up there than he remembered.

~

"you were seen," santa was saying, pacing back and forth. he didnt have a heavy jacket on, just a plaid shirt and some suspenders and his stomach wasnt plump at all. but he was still intimidating because he was santa and santa was the boss of everything.

"i know, im sorry," sehun defended. "but i didnt mean for it to happen. the boy wasnt supposed to have seen me."

santa gave him a stern look, his face twitching underneath a clip-on beard that seemed unfathomably itchy. sehun wondered why the hell he was wearing such a thing, but then he remembered it was to assert his power and show that he was santa, not just some other guy.

"fix it," santa said, his nose twitching. he sneezed a second later, scratching at his face through the beard. he seemed frustrated, and sehun was hoping and praying that it wasnt because of him.

it wasnt, he soon found out, because santa was bellowing someone else's name.

"jongdae! let me take this damn thing off!"

a man popped his head in from a side door. "no," he said, smiling. he was wearing a headband with jingling antlers. "i told you, you have to BE santa to everyone else. you cant just be a thin, squishy, asian guy, you have to be SANTA."

"to hell with this," santa shouted. "youre gonna pay!"

he tore off the beard and sehun glanced away. this felt like something that wasnt inclusive of helpers, only who seemed to be santa and mr. claus.

'jongdae' waltzed over to the now-beardless santa, his head jingling. "no, im not going to pay. YOU are going to pay."

sehun looked up at just the wrong time, accidentally catching the two in a passionate lip lock.

"im gonna go!" he squealed and his heel. "dont worry, ill fix it!"

he closed the door behind him, more than a little flustered.

"i just dont know how."

~

"so heres what you do," lay was saying. "you go to the little tykes house during the night-"

"he has a name," sehun grumbled. "and its luhan."

lay waved him off. "yeah yeah. so anyway. you go to his house at night and you hover over his bed-"

"what the hell?!" sehun interrupted. "thats creepy!"

"just do it!" lay shrieked and the canteen went silent.

they were at lunch and lay was going over the process of how to make a child forget you; something that sehun didnt really want to do but knew that he would have to do anyway.

the background chatter started up again and sehun tried his best to focus on what lay was saying and not on all of the creepy and stupid things that went with it.

"you hover over his bed, yes?" lay continued. "and you have to touch his forehead with one hand and his heart with the other and you have to say 'you never saw me.'"

sehun stared at him. "thats it?"

lay nodded. "thats it."

"but," sehun started. "thats so simple."

"of course its simple. if it wasnt simple then how the hell would we fix things. no one would remember the protocol!"

"true," sehun agreed. his sandwich seemed tasteless to him.

"so are you ready?"

he wasnt. he honestly wasnt. he didnt want luhan to forget him, and so soon after he had actually talked to the boy.

"yeah," he said, swallowing the lump that threatened to clog up his throat. "im ready."

~

sehun went to the house that night.

it was different than he remembered, dishes stacked in the kitchen and new things littering the floors. it seemed as if luhan had gotten a lot of gifts and sehun realized that his own gift, the plastic doll house, paled in comparison.

he decided that he would get luhan even better gifts in the future, should he be allowed to stay on as the boys helper.

the stairs didnt make a sound under his bare feet, probably because he wasnt actually touching them. he would never affect this world like a human did and he had to remind himself of that. he wasnt human, no matter how much he looked like one.

luhans room was marked with a sign covered in flowers and swirling script. sehun pushed the door open with trepidation hindering his breathing.

the moonlight streamed in through a tall window and luhan slept soundly in a bed covered in polka dots and stuffed animals. his light hair shone bright and his giraffe was clutched in his arms.

sehun knelt next to the bed and reached out his hands, to do what he had to.

"mr. helper!" luhan exclaimed in a whisper and sehun let out a very un-manly shriek.

"oh my god! what are you doing awake?!" he gasped, jumping back. this was bad, very bad, because tonight was probably the only night he would be able to do this and get it over with.

luhan looked a little dejected. "i was waiting," he said quietly, sitting and holding his stuffed toy between his legs.

"waiting?" sehun was puzzled.

luhan nodded. "for you."

sehuns heart sank, knowing that he wasnt supposed to be there and luhan shouldnt be waiting for him. he wouldnt be seeing him again. "you shouldnt wait for me, luhan. you need to sleep," he said, trying not to be cruel about it. "and i wont come around again."

luhans eyes were wide and shiny. "but why?" he asked, his voice quivering.

sehun knew very little about children, but he had realized recently from watching luhan that children could get their feelings hurt pretty easily.

he decided to tell the truth. "because you arent supposed to see me. that was a mistake. you arent supposed to WANT to see me."

"but why dont i want to see you? you give me presents."

sehun didnt have an explanation for that. "youre supposed to want to see santa, not me."

"but why dont i want to see you? i do want to see you," luhan whined. "i dont understand."

sehun sighed. he just hoped that maybe the whole 'forgetting thing' could work later because he was beginning to not want to do it.

"okay, luhan. ill make you a deal," he said, resigning himself to the fact that he wouldnt win. "ill see you on christmas. no other day. only christmas, okay? and you dont tell anyone that you saw me."

luhan was a bright child and he seemed to understand. "okay."

sehun began to get up.

"wait! pinky promise!" luhan cried desperately, out of the blue.

promises were difficult things. they were never easy to keep. but sehun had to make this one.

"okay," he said, twining his large pinky with luhans small one. "pinky promise."

luhan smiled. "bye, ajusshi!"

sehun decided that next christmas, he should tell luhan what his real name was, granted he wasnt fired first. he couldnt stand to be called ajusshi for the rest of his life.

or, until luhan stopped believing in him.

he turned around and was gone.

~

the next christmas, luhan asked for an ez-bake oven.

they were crappy little things that never worked right, but who was sehun to refuse him.

no one at the north pole ever found out that sehun hadnt followed through with the forgetting process and sehun decided that no one ever would.

when luhan was eight, he woke up extra early and spent almost an hour just chattering to sehun while sehun listened. luhan was growing up well, all his fingers and toes long and beautiful and his eyes wide and expressive. he had a liking for barbies and drawing and sehun would watch him once in a while, without luhan knowing, playing and pretending for hours on end.

he struggled a little with math but he was very good with his early english studies. sehun was proud of his human, such a smart boy compared to everyone elses who were all concerned with transformers and video games.

so what if luhan liked girls things? that didnt mean that he wasnt a wonderful child.

but apparently, the other kids at school didnt think the same way.

the year that luhan was nine, on christmas he came downstairs with band-aids on the sides of his face and on his fingers. there was a long bruise up his arm and sehun was worried about him.

"what happened?" he couldnt stop himself from asking.

luhan shook his head. "its nothing."

sehun frowned. "i know its not nothing. dont try to be the tough guy. did you tell your parents?"

luhan nodded. "dont worry. ill be fine."

sehun tried not to.

"so what did you get me this year?" luhan asked, excited.

sehun smiled to him. "i got you what you asked for, just like always."

"an american girl doll?!" he seemed so excited, as if he forgot about all his dings and cuts. "one who looks like me, but as a girl?"

"of course," he said and he decided that if luhan could forget about it, so could he.

~

forgetting about it didnt last, however. he ended up staying the whole day, sitting in the corner and watching luhan with his parents.

they never noticed sehun, just like they should never notice him, and luhan was pretty good at pretending sehun wasnt there when they were in the room (but when they werent, he would prattle on about everything and nothing and his parents assumed he was talking to his american girl doll).

it was only after luhan was in his bedroom, having fallen asleep early after the days excitement, did sehun overhear the conversation.

"hes happy," luhans mother was saying, seeming exasperated as sehun watched through a crack in the door. "why does it matter what he likes?"

luhans father was pacing, flitting in and out of sehuns vision. "it doesnt matter what he likes as much as WHO he likes. did you hear him talking to his friend about that boy?"

the mother sighed. "so what if he likes boys? weve known practically since he could walk."

luhans father was not satisfied. "but he shouldnt! and all this nonsense about being beaten up at school? if he was a real boy, he could fight for himself!"

"i dont get why you cant just let it go! he is our son and we should accept him for who he is!"

luhans father stopped and looked at his wife. "please, dont let this be another thing that gets between us."

"it wont be," she said evenly, "as long as you dont let it."

"fine," he replied curtly.

and while the conversation seemed to be over, an icy undertone still hung in the air, and in sehuns chest, because he was afraid of what might happen should they argue any more.

~

his fears were confirmed when, the next christmas, the house was emptied of all the items that used to belong to luhans father.

sehun hoped sincerely that his gift could make up for it, but he really wasnt sure.

luhan came downstairs without his usual skip, but still a wan smile on his face. sehun could tell he was trying, but it was difficult for the boy without his father on christmas day.

"did you get me the drawing pad and pencils?" luhan asked, sitting at his spot on the rug.

"of course," sehun said and he really wasnt sure how he was supposed to cheer luhan up.

it took two more years before luhan was smiling happily again.

~

"so, how is your human?" lay asked. "did he ever see you again?"

sehun was in the middle of chewing when lay asked and he was grateful for the delay so he can compose his answer to sound realistic. "no, he didnt. thanks for the advice a while ago. i forgot to say that."

lay smiled over his soup. "no problem. anything for a newbie."

it was quiet for a few minutes, sehun nibbling some more on his sandwich, not really hungry anymore.

"its almost time for you to leave him, you know," lay said. "im surprised he still believes."

sehun didnt want to think about it. he really didnt. but luhan was 13 and it was about time for him to forget about santa and about magic. it was time for him to face the real world.

"yeah," sehun said quietly. "ill leave when he wants me to."

~

luhans mother was in the hospital with pnemonia on christmas day.

at first, sehun went to the house, only to find it abandoned and quiet. there was no one around and he was confused. so he looked around and saw a bill from the hospital on the top of the mail stack.

he went there in a single step and found a weak woman in the bed with a slumped figure next to her.

luhan had been sleeping in the chair all night, sehun could tell, and it didnt look all that comfortable. he hoped that maybe his gift this year could add some christmas magic to the air.

there was a tiny tree on the deep window-sill, made out of plastic and wires, but it was still a christmas tree, and sehun set luhans present next to it.

"sehun?" a groggy voice asked and sehun stood motionless by luhans chair.

"yeah."

luhan looked up with a sleepy smile. his hair was getting longer and it stuck up in the back from sleeping in the chair.

"you came," he said, sounding surprised.

"i will always come," sehun answered. "or at least, until you dont believe in me anymore."

luhan was quiet. "all my friends dont believe in santa," he said with a dark chuckle. "they think im stupid for still believing."

"youre not supposed to, at your age," sehun said and he realized too late that it probably wasnt the best thing to say. luhan was hurting right then and he didnt deserve to hurt anymore.

"maybe i shouldnt," luhan replied and sehun could swear he heard something breaking. maybe it was his heart. "maybe i wont," he added.

sehun couldnt reply to that. he was supposed to let luhan go, he wasnt supposed to hold on. holding onto a child would hinder them and hindering them was against the rules. a helper was supposed to help a child be happy once a year, up until they could make themselves happy and luhan was at the age where he could make himself happy.

but luhan didnt seem happy.

"its called christmas magic, right?" luhan said and his voice sounded bitter. "but if its magic and today is christmas, why isnt my mom better yet?"

sehun wanted to make luhans mother better. he really did, but he was only allowed to give one gift.

"do you want me to make her better?" he offered, knowing that he was going to have to take back his present; a new phone for luhan and one for his mother, so that they could communicate more. he knew luhan wouldve loved the swirling design on his case and the flower around the camera lens.

"you can do that?" luhan asked quietly.

sehun tried to remember the rules surrounding christmas miracles. they were never certain things. every miracle had to go through a trial and there was only a ten percent chance that it would happen (which of course was better than nothing). thankfully, as lay had said, the rules were always easy.

and with a miracle, should it work, he was completely forbidden to see his human again as his helper, which probably was for the better. luhan was old enough to do without him, he was old enough to forget him.

"i can try," sehun replied.

he picked up his first gift, taking it back, and he tried.

~

and it worked.

~

"you have done well, sehun," santa said. his voice was clear and loud in his office, with its vaulted ceilings. "not many helpers succeed with their first miracle. i should add you to my recommendations list." he paused. "though im not really sure who im recommending you to since im the boss."

"thank you, sir," he said, trying to stay platonic. his heart was heavy with the notion of never seeing luhan again.

"we should get you on a new assignment right away," santa added. "i have a long list of girls and boys we are expecting to arrive before next christmas and i will let you have first choice."

sehun shook his head. "no thank you, sir. i would rather you choose for me."

santa rubbed at his face, which was free of a beard. "alright, i think ill do that. there should be someone around here who would be good for you like that little boy was. come back to my office tomorrow. i think ill have someone by then."

sehun nodded and left. santas husband went in behind him, as he was going, waving and smiling before shutting the door.

he was glad he wasnt in there for that.

~

"so, youve graduated," lay said proudly as they forged through the bustling halls. despite christmas being over, the elves- short, little factory workers, and only factory workers- were all abuzz, planning for the great new years celebration. "its been thirteen long years and im proud of you for staying on this long, especially after your human had to forget you."

that was sehuns little secret, that luhan never really forgot him, and he intended to keep it. because if he didnt, his reputation would probably go south and there would be no way that he would be congratulated on a job well done if it was found out.

"thanks, lay," he said with a small smile, squeezing past an elf who was carrying garlands made of candy canes. "why are we using candy canes for new years?" he asked curious.

lay glanced behind them. "we made too many this year. and they are a good, tasty, edible, addictive decoration so why not?"

sehun had found that pretty much everyone in this place was high on candy cane dust. he hadnt caught the craze yet, unfortunately.

"did you get a new assignment yet?" lay asked him curiously.

sehun shook his head. "santa is still thinking about it. and then his husband came in as i was leaving and i raced out of there."

lay nodded as if he understood sehuns awkwardness with the claus couple.

"i hope you get a good kid, then, sehun," lay told him.

inwardly, however, sehun knew that no new assignment would be as good as luhan.

~

they gave him a new boy named jongin. he was a bundle of energy from the moment he was born.

his first gift was a book full of numbers for counting.

jongin wasnt as bright as luhan had been and it took him most of the year to understand the book, but he worked hard at it and sehun decided that that was all that mattered.

jongin turned out to be a much more typical child. he asked for a toy truck on his fifth christmas and a coloring book of construction equipment for his sixth. he stopped believing in santa when he was nine and sehun had to look for a new child.

he hadnt aged any, even though it had been nine years in the human world. he was still a helper, not a human, no matter how much he wanted to be one. if he was a human, he could go looking for luhan and he could talk to luhan and touch luhan and everyone could see him WITH luhan.

maybe it was a little strange, the way he cared for luhan, especially since when he knew luhan, the boy had been young. but he had seen him grow and change and be confused about himself and the things he liked and the people he liked and sehun wanted to show luhan that he was a part of that. that he had always been there.

so he went to santa.

it was going to get him fired, he knew, and it would probably never work. luhan was 23 and sehun guessed that he was finishing college or working a nine to five job, even though no jobs were truly nine to five anymore. and even if he was granted his freedom and a life as a human, who was so say he could find luhan or that luhan would be able to remember him.

he barged into santas office, and then quickly turned out and shut the door again.

he had seen something he really had NOT wanted to see, something that would never allow him to look at santa the same way ever again. he probably wouldnt be able to look at mr. claus/jongdae/whatever the hell his name was correctly either.

he felt traumatized, so he decided to think instead about fluffy bunnies and flowers and candy canes and it helped a little bit.

it took thirty more minutes before the door was being opened and santa looked out with an extremely embarrassed and extremely disgruntled look to his face. "come on in," he said.

sehun kind of didnt want to. knowing that he had interrupted THAT, he was afraid that santa was probably angry with him and asking something outrageous of the boss while the boss was not too happy probably wasnt a wise decision.

but luhan was more important.

so he went inside.

~

"so, let me get this straight," santa was saying, a hand to his temple. "you want to be human."

sehun nodded, his stomach jumping with nerves.

"you want to be human so you can go see luhan, your first human, who you fell in love wi-"

"i didnt!" sehun retaliated. "i just care about him."

"hes in love with him," jongdae supplemented helpfully, through the side door.

"shut up!" santa yelled. he tried to sit down in a huff, but he winced in pain and gave up. "i hate you!" he added.

"umm, sir?" sehun prompted.

"oh yeah," santa said with a sigh. "you want to walk with the humans?" he rummaged around the stacks and stacks of paper littering his desk. "you know, you wont get to have any connection to us anymore. no letters, no magic, no helpers, no santa claus, no nothing."

sehun frowned. "cant i still celebrate christmas? and have a tree?"

"well, of course, but only if you want to."

sehun wasnt worried, then, because luhan was sure to make him want to, should he find him. and if he didnt find him, he deserved to be without christmas cheer.

"are you sure about this?" santa asked again.

sehun didnt need to think twice. "yes."

"alright," santa said.

"thanks... santa, i guess."

santa smiled, a smile that was higher on the left. "minseok," he said. "im kim minseok. call me that."

"thanks, minseok-hyung."

minseoks smile was the last thing that he saw.

~~~

it started with a snowball fight. a cold, powdery and slippery one.

it was christmas eve and sehun was outside, bundled in his coat and his mittens, throwing snowballs with his friends chanyeol and tao. he was wondering how he got there, because he couldnt remember anything before the second he got hit, right in the face, with a wet snowball.

"gotcha!" tao screamed, jumping up and down and chanyeol laughed his manaical, crazy laugh, his eyes scrunching.

"you !" sehun shouted, throwing a snowball back and smacking tao on his winter parka.

tao looked down at the spatter of snow crystals. "haha! you missed! your aim , sehun!"

sehun made another snowball and tried again. but this time it sailed right past tao and hit a poor passerby.

sehun stood frozen in his tracks and tao and chanyeol looked at each other, then back at him.

"it was his fault!" they chorused, fingers of accusation staring sehun down.

the stranger wiped at his wet hat. it fell off, revealing a mess of blond locks.

sehuns heart jumped. "it cant be," he muttered under his breath. there was no way he could be there, at that moment in time, with luhan fifteen feet away. it would mean he was more than lucky; and that santa was an absolutely wonderful person.

but he was lucky, because the man looked up and his eyes were wide and his lips and cheeks pink. his breath frosted in the air and sehun remembered his human, all those years ago, saying, 'doesnt it look like the clouds? i can make clouds with my breath, ajusshi. look!'

sehun was afraid, the terrible remembrance of his miracle working, and forcing him from luhans life, washing over him. what if luhan didnt remember him? he would have to start all over.

but luhans mouth formed sehuns name just then, barely a whisper and his eyes were shiny (probably from the cold, sehun thought, because he didnt want to hope) and sehun wanted to go over and close his eyes for him and hold him and make him feel better like he used to try to do. but he was never able to touch luhan, so all he could do was watch and go through the motions.

his hands were ice cold inside his gloves and he wished he had someone to warm them up.

"sehun!" the exclamation was quiet but firm.

the hope he had clawed its way into his chest. maybe there was a loophole. maybe luhan did know him.

"sehun!" luhan shouted, and then he was running and crashing into sehun, who wrapped his arms around him.

luhan wasnt a boy anymore. he was tall and thin and his grip was strong. but he was touching sehun and he knew who he was and sehun knew something too.

he loved luhan.

(and every night before he went to sleep he would thank kim minseok for giving him a chance as a human)

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY (lol evrybody, evrybody, evry-evrybody~ sorry not sorry)

im sorry its a lackluster ending. i was realy tired last night when i finished it up and i dont really want to change it now. i feel like if i change it the story wont be the same, you know?

XP idek...

so umm thank you thank you thank you to all of my 353 subscribers, not just for my exo stories but for everything else as well. im trying not to make this serious but im kinda failing ;-; i wanna be a funny author-nim *cries in a corner*

ill see you later! and (spoiler for IV subbies) i gotta get started writing kaisoo and all the other things ive neglected (like starting forgotten omg i wanna write it but i dont wanna write it at the same time cuz i dont wanna mess up and im lazy help me). then again, vacation is just for IV, so IV it is.

byeee~

-DAndEagerRivalry (do you like my username? i dont know if i like my username... its not very author-y. hmm)