wake up in a white hospital room on a hard visitor's chair, wiping the tears in the corner of my eyes; I glance over to the frail, sleeping boy; his dark hair messily covering his face. I lean over and caress his cheek before pressing my lips gently upon his. His features are so relaxed now, you never would have known anything was wrong; he had been screaming in pain only an hour ago. I hate seeing him like this, I despise myself more however for allowing for this to occur. It rips my heart in half every time I look at him; god knows I would do anything to exchange places with him. I know its not what he would want but I don’t know what else to do ; I hate this feeling of helplessness. I sit beside him; I hold his hand drawing soft circles on his palm. I talk to him; whisper sweet nothings in his ear; HELL i even sing to him but nothing seems to work.

It’s been a month since Taemin was re-admitted into Seoul Public Hospital he was a lung cancer patient  but it was easily treated, or so we had thought; the cancer spread throughout his lungs slowly killing them. He was suffocating and I didn’t even realise, he was suffering all alone. The stress must have been too much as he had a horrible heart attack causing his medication to be ineffective. It happened so suddenly, i can’t even come to explain how i felt and now the memory is scared onto my heart for eternity as punishment for not realising sooner.

*Flashback*

“Hey Taemin! Are you sure you should be up?” Minho asked Taemin, who was  currently rummaging around in the fridge looking for something sweet to eat.

“I’ll be fine Hyung, it was only a cold!” He pointed out grabbing a tub of banana flavoured ice-cream and a small spoon. He points it at Minho, and mumbled shyly “Besides I feel fine after snuggling with you last night.” The older laughs at the pink flush appearing on boths faces, which flustered Taemin even more. Minho leans towards his partner and hovered by his ear, he paused before blowing at the youngers neck. Taemin screeches jumping away from him but Minho’s faster.

“Come here!” Minho yelled grabbing a hysterical Taemin, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him into the living room plopping him down onto the bouncy sofa. He landed in a warm heap of blankets causing his hair to fly in a 100 different directions, he gently rested one hand over his heart and the other over his face, palm facing towards the sky. Minho kneeled on the floor beside the fluffy lump,

“Taemin?” he asked softly, placing a hand onto the others shoulder, Taemin lifted his hand that was over his face and intertwined it with Minho’s. he twisted his head so that he was staring into Minho’s beautiful eyes and Minho into his. Taemin opened his mouth slightly and whispered; “Forever?”, the other smiled, closed his eyes and rested his head upon their clasped hands. He whispered; “Forever.” Taemin smiled softly and also closed his eyes.

They continued to lay like that, in a peaceful air of content and love. Minho was startled out of his contentment however, when Taemin squeezed his hand, hard. He lifted his head and looked down onto his lover's face, finding it twisted with pain.

“Teamin?! Oh my, what’s wrong?” He asked panicked, Taemin’s hand on his heart is clenched and shaking.

“Tae?!” Minho tried again after getting no reply, Taemin's lips part as they struggled to form words, “Tae please, I can’t hear you.” Minho brought his her closer to Taemin attempting to hear the microscopic mumbles.

“......hurt’s….” Minho heard, he jumped up grabbing the phone, dialing the number no lover wishes to call. A monotone voice answered, “Hello, accident and emergency how can I-”, Minho cuts her off running back to Taemin’s  side his hair.

“I need an ambulance, quickly, my partner suffers from cancer and i t-think he’s having a heart attack!” He stuttered slightly as he realised his own words, he gulped. A loud beep was heard and then a new voice is saying “Certainly, what is the address?” Minho chokes out the address and hangs up.

Turning to Taemin, Minho blinked back the ever threatening tears and pulled the younger into his strong embrace. Taemin is crying openly, gasping, panting and shaking, he was fully consumed by the pain and felt nothing of the warmth Minho was trying to provide. The ambulance came just in time, one minute later and Taemin would have died in Minho’s arms sobbing himself out of this world.

*End of Flashback*

As i sit there remembering and reliving the most painful moment in my small life, i think ‘Maybe it would have been better for him to die then, so he wouldn’t have had to suffer until now’. Shocked at the horrible thoughts i scold myself and forbid myself from letting my thoughts wander, i turn back to taemin, my reason to live. I look into those beautiful smiling eyes and …, wait. I gasped letting on solitary tear trickle down my face.

“Taemin.” i whisper my voice full of relief, happiness love and sadness. What is the price of this moment with Taemin? I dread the answer. Smiling i bring our hands together and intertwine them, i lean in resting my free hand on the side of his face so my thumb is softly caressing his cheek. He smiles up at me mirroring my action but pulling me down so my forehead is resting gently against his.

“Oh Taemin, I love you; so much.” i say softly looking deeply into his eyes. Taemin’s eyes widen slightly along with this smile before whispering;

“I love you too Minho, with all my heart.” He giggles and says “Thats the first time we’ve said that to each other!” I grin at his adorableness and lean down to peck his plump rosy lips, while pulling back i notice that he heartbeat monitor is slowing down. Alarmed i go to attract attention of a doctor, before being pulled back down by a paler Taemin. He smiles and kisses me;

“Let it be” he mumbles. I nod as hot tears stream endlessly down my face, he pulls me into his embrace.

“I love you.” I say nuzzling into his neck, he sighs happily before replying, “I love you.”

Taemin’s grip slackens, his chest stills and the annoying beeps level out. The doctors attempt to pry a crying Minho from their patients body, only to be met by a cold glare and a gravelly; “Let it be!” They nod silently and leave the room, the soft sobs echo down the corridor as another cancer patient is confirmed to have lost his battle.