Idiot                                                                                                                   

“Who’s she?!” A pillow was chucked across the living into the kitchen. Himchan quickly dodged to the right as the pillow flew past his shoulder and into the sink that sat idly in the middle of the island counter. Idiot, he thought to himself as Jia waved his Iphone dangerously in her hand, looking at him with a “You better have a really good explanation to who the k this is texting you: Baby, last night was fun” kind of look. Himchan knew he screwed up BIG TIME, like, he knew. Not like those other times he thought he knew he screwed up, only to get a few kisses on his neck while he read a few chapters of Death Note before cuddling to sleep with Jia. This time was different than all those other times – this was Go time.

Slowly and cautiously approaching the enraged Jia, his hands in front of him for protection, he said, “She’s just a friend, bella. She was just a friend from university. When she say’s ‘Baby’, she means it in friendly way – she’s just a friend, Jia.” She rolled her eyes at Himchan, knowing him and being with him for more than 2 years she knew all his tricks just as much as he knew his own. For example, when he called her “bella” it was meant for her to get distracted with the fact that he just called her “beautiful” in another language.

Himchan skimmed his hand around Jia’s hips gently, bending down slightly to tilt her head back slowly with his forehead on her’s. As he tilted her head back, a small sigh escaped from Jia’s lips – a tired sigh. Himchan – amazingly - has never heard that sigh before. The sigh he knew was the one that sounded really sharp and loud; an annoyed one, the sigh Jia would usually do at times when Himchan gave into his “manly needs” with other girls. As much as neck kisses, hickies, and bite marks along his collar bones sufficed Himchan, they didn’t hold off those urges he had inside him for awhile; he craved the feel of the skin under Jia’s top rubbing against his bare torso at night while she whispered intimate things lowly in his ear. He wanted her love.

“I’m sorry Ji -”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it this time Himchan. I’ve made up my mind and you really really really really don’t deserve my heart or any more chances. I’m done with you. It was nice knowing you. Bye.” She shoved her way out of Himchan’s embrace, tears breaking past her eyelids and onto her cheeks. Himchan looked at her, expressionless. The tears that rolled down her soft cheek, the one’s that once smiled at his lame jokes and held prized butterfly kisses that Jia had rightfully earned for being quote – unquote; best girlfriend in the whole “widest-est world”, glimmered in the winter sunlight. The thought never occurred to Himchan why Jia hadn’t already left in a fit and was just simply standing there looking at him, as if waiting for something to happen. Was he supposed to say something? Of course you idiot.

“I’m an idiot,” Himchan said. Clearly, he didn’t know what to say, he just knew he had to say something. And clearly that wasn’t enough because Jia scoffed and rolled her eyes, finally showing some sign of leaving when she pivoted on the heel of her shoe.

“I know that already, Chan. No need to repeat it.” Damn, she’s so sassy … and hot … when she’s mad.

Words failed to come out as Himchan tried of thinking of something to say to Jia – something that would make her forgive him and give him one last chance before he would screw up again. But nothing came out; only a sigh of defeat and a low hang of the head. Not even words could describe how sorry he was that he couldn’t be that ‘good boyfriend’ or that ‘potential husband’ material, how he couldn’t wait for Jia obediently until she was ready to make love to him, how he wouldn’t tell her enough times that he loved him with ALL his heart until she said it first, how he couldn’t give her all of his attention because he was too busy planning trips with his buddies, how he might just lose the most important person in his life all because he ran out of chances with the girl who always gave them to him.

He couldn’t take it anymore; how sorry he was for treating such an amazing woman so wrongly, all because she loved him too much to let him go. She loved him with her heart and not with her body – the best kind of love. Himchan’s knees gave out, making him collapse on them, his upper body still up. With tears rushing out of his eyes and throat tensed up, Himchan barely managed to even whisper the words he hoped would work to bring Jia back; he could hear the front door opening quickly.

“Don’t leave me please,” he said a bit too frantically.

There was a pause in the air before Jia’s voiced echoed into the kitchen where Himchan was still kneeling. “Why? I’m just going to get hurt again.”

“You’re not going to get hurt.” Himchan said firmly while he opened his eyes, “As many times as I’ve hurt you and as many times as you’ve taken me back with open arms, I somehow hadn’t manage to learn my lesson. But this time, this time, I have learned it. You know I’m not the most smartest guy out there and I do take awhile to finally understand that you just can’t wait until last minute to finally understand that what you’re doing is hurting someone else up to the point where they die inside just a little bit each night in your arms. Don’t lie to me Jia. I know you feel a pain in your heart when I tell you I love you and when I make you feel special and safe and just 100 percent fantastic, then go off and go bang some chicks at the bar. I’d be hurt too. I’m a er for love, but it’s your love that I want. If you truly think it’s time for us to be apart, after 2 long and strong years of just plain awesome adventures, I’ll understand. I’m hurt, but I understand.”

Himchan’s shirt was now drenched with tears and his voice cracked near the very end of what he truly felt inside his heart on what he now understood; words are words but actions are louder. He always told  Jia he loved her, but he never clearly showed it. Sure, he would buy her things and kiss her out in public – but he could do that to any girl. He lacked that spark that just made every girl head over heels fall deeply in love with a guy – until now.

Her face was blank as she walked slowly towards Himchan; to his surprise. What is she doing…? She knelt down in front of Himchan, cupped his tear soaked cheeks, and looked him straight in the eyes. Himchan took note on how ugly he must have looked at that moment.

“How is that you still look completely adorable when you’re supposed to look so damn ugly?” Jia joked softly, a smile curling at the corner of her lips. Himchan returned that gentle smile, sniffling up some snot that managed to slip out of his left nostril and rock idly on his philtrum. Picking up the hem of Himchan’s shirt, Jia wiped his eyes and nose caringly.

As she did so, Himchan watched almost with a childish curiosity as to what was happening to his face. He knew his face was getting wiped but … it just felt different; a warm fuzzy feeling rested inside his chest.

Out of nowhere, Himchan’s hands held Jia’s curves, supporting her curvaceous body close to his half exposed torso. Getting into a more comfortable position, he fell back on his and stretched his sore legs in front of him before holding Jia between them.

His face was clean and dry but Jia still kept his shirt up, pulling it ever so slowly up more, revealing more and more of his toned chest and abs. Jia was too shy a girl and too good a girl to change in front of Himchan, so she never saw this part of him before; she kind of liked it. Okay, she really liked it.

Jia’s eyes roamed around Himchan’s torso. He noticed the trance she was in and smirked, “Boo, you alright there?”

Immediately, a blush flowed into Jia’s cheeks, her eyes gazing back up to Himchan’s, “I’m fine. I-it’s j-just hot in here..”

“Mhm. Sure,” Himchan laughed teasingly.

There it was; that pause in the air. But it was a great kind of pause. The two just sat there on the cool hardwood floor, sweetly kissing the bare skin that was above each other’s chests before realizing that the door wasn’t closed and a small pile of snow was pilling up on the welcome mat.

“I don’t feel like getting up,” mumbled Himchan between hot French kisses to Jia’s – now moist – neck. Now sitting comfortably on Himchan’s lap, arms wrapped around his “hickied up” neck, she smirked softly while glancing down at his lap.

“You don’t want to, or you can’t?” There was an evident bulge seen through Himchan’s track pants; it was amazing how easily Himchan could get , being that they’ve kissed each other’s neck before.

Himchan pulled back from Jia’s neck with a plop from his plump, pink lips. Following Jia’s gaze, Himchan began to laugh at his obvious and so did Jia (after she got the “okay, you can laugh at me” signal).

“I guess I can’t now. But – just for you, since I love you so very much – I’ll try and take the chance.” Jia got off Himchan’s lap before he slowly got up and limped over to the door. Jia laughed harder, curled up on the floor with tears running down her eyes at her boyfriend’s expense.

Snow stopped coming in and the cold air was being replaced by the warm air provided by the heater; the door was closed. But not only was the door to Himchan’s bungalow closed, but so was the door of Last Chances.