5 years....4 months... 26 days

Is how long I have been waiting for you....

Do you even know?

Every day he starts his days off like this, missing the one who got away, Lee DongHae. HyukJae lies in bed looking at the white ceiling above, wishing he didn’t have to go to work today; he just wanted to lay there. His friends told him it would get better with time that DongHae would be out of his mind, but they were wrong, he’s a constant thought on HyukJae’s mind.

I miss the way you made me smile....          

HyukJae wrote on a post it, it’s become a habit, any time he thinks of DongHae and wishes he could speak to him, he writes his words on the post it. Stacks of post it, in his own little secret stash, with the one remaining picture of his love that he never dares to look at, afraid it will break his heart even more.

As soon as he put his foot through the front door of his workplace, he regretted it. He couldn’t figure out what it was, but today he feels as if he should have just stayed home.

“YA, get in and close the door” Heechul said, HyukJae’s close friend and boss of a music store.

“Yeah” Hyuk replied in a very low tone, while bowing his head, and then closing the door behind him.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Heechul asked, as he watched Hyuk’s lifeless body enter the room.

“Nothing...,” Hyuk tried to say as little as possible, but Heechul’s questioning eyes called for more.  “It’s just one of those days, Hyung” he finished saying.

“Come here” Heechul called to Hyuk, motioning with his right arm as well.

HyukJae walked over to his Hyung and wondered what he was going to say to him.

“I know about those days...” Heechul paused to hug his friend.

HyukJae fought back the tears, he didn’t want to let them out, because memories he doesn’t want to think about would come flooding in.

“Why don’t you take today to yourself” Heechul said, as he hugged him a little tighter. “Today is usually a slow day, plus I can always just call someone in if I need them” Heechul said before he let go of Hyuk.

It pained Heechul to see his friend who was a fun outgoing person, the life of the party, so broken, with tear filled eyes.

Hyuk didn’t say a word, in fair of his voice cracking on him, and end up crying. He simply just bowed his head and turned around, leaving the store.

Home, he thought about going there, but the thought of staying home left him, due to the tears that have already built up in his eyes. Going home would just give him the escape he would need to let it out, and break down and cry.

He stopped by a little coffee shop, sitting in back corner of the shop, by the window looking out onto the street, which is filled with people on this beautiful fall day. He didn’t want much; he didn’t really have an appetite, so he just got a cup of coffee.

As he was sipping on his coffee, something caught his eyes. He looked up thinking he saw a familiar face, but it wasn’t. The familiar face, smiled lovingly into the girl in front of him, and he pushes her hair behind her ears, before he kissed her cheek.

“Stop it” he said, as the slim fingers, lightly his ears. “Hae... stop it, people are around” he tried to plead, while trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t care” DongHae said whispered into HyukJae’s right ear, as his fingers still his left ear.

Hyuk couldn’t help the smile that came over his face, as he felt DongHae’s breath pass by his ear, he knew he didn’t care, and he loved him for it. DongHae loved skin-ship, he didn’t care where they were, but just for Hyukkie’s consideration he would hold back.

“You know I love you right?” Hyuk said turning his head to the right, looking for DongHae’s eyes.

“Show me” Hae replied with a mischievous smile.

Without a second thought, no hesitation, HyukJae kissed DongHae on his cheek.

“I love you too” DongHae smiled and then cupped HyukJae’s cheeks and kissed him on his lips.

HyukJae couldn’t help but smile, even though it pained him to know he no longer has Hae by his side. He watched the couple until they were out of his sight.

HyukJae finished up his coffee, and packed up to leave the shop. It was too quiet, too easy for his mind to wonder in the past. He didn’t even notice when a tear escaped.

“Sorry” he said, as he noticed he hit someone on the way out, as he tried to wipe his face, without it being known that he had cried.

He still didn’t want to go home, the day was beautiful, sun is out, not to hot, it was just perfect. He didn’t have any set plans on where he was going; all he knew is that he ended up at the train station. The same way he got there, he entered the first train that came with no thought or idea of where he is going, as long as it wasn’t home.

As he entered the train, he stumbled from the train platform and the train. “I never learn do I” he says to himself.

“Sorry, I’m really really sorry” he says profusely.

“Are you okay?” the dark hair brunette asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry about that” HyukJae said as he bowed his head.

“It’s okay...” the dark hair brunette said with a smile, as HyukJae finally met his eyes. “Hi, my name is DongHae” the brunette said as he outstretched his right hand to HyukJae.

“HyukJae” the sandy brown hair guy replied.

“Nice to meet you, HyukJae” DongHae said, as he took hold of Hyuk’s hand.  

HyukJae sat down on the train, leaned his head back, and then closed his eyes.

By the time HyukJae woke up and got off the train, it was clear that time has passed. The sun wasn’t as high as it was before, but it wasn’t setting just yet.

Before he knew it, he was walking along the Han River, wondering if he should get a bike to ride around, or just sit by the open grass and look out into the water.

“How much is it for the bike?” HyukJae asked.

“$3 per hour if you want just one, but if you want a tandem bike its $6” the old man replied.

“Can I have one please?” Hyuk said as he pulled at a $10 bill.

HyukJae began riding along the Ichon Hangang Park. Everything was forgotten, he rode along the bike path, taking in the scenery as he passes by: families having fun together, friends out making the most of their free time, and couples being mushy with one another. Any pain he felt before was replaced by happy thoughts.

Hyuk parked the bike so he could sit by the water and take in the beautiful view of the sun coming down in the horizon.

He took out a fresh pad of post it’s and laid down on the grass, looking out into the water, smiling.

How are you....?

He writes on the first page.

Do you still think of me...?

I hope you do, because I can’t stop thinking about you.

He writes on the third page.

Do you know I smiled today, because I thought of you? J

He writes on the third page.

HyukJae laid there on the grass for about 30mins, staring out into the water, before getting up. He dropped the bike off, and began to make his way home.

He didn’t just wonder without a thought, he looked out for his train, and got on when it came.

“Just this once please” DongHae said, right before he pouted his lip.

HyukJae fought back from smiling, Hae was just too cute for him when he did that.

“Since there’s not a lot of people around sure” Hyuk said with a smile, as he replied to DongHae.

DongHae slid his fingers in between HyukJae’s, locking them, and then leaned his head on his shoulder.

“I know you like skin-ship just as much as I do” DongHae said as he snuggle into HyukJae’s body.

“How do you know that?” Hyuk asked as he slowly ran his thumb along the back of Hae’s hand.

“Do I really have to say?” DongHae replied, as he turned his attention facing HyukJae’s face.

“Ya, we’re on the train, don’t think like that” HyukJae replied.

“Think like what” DongHae replied with a big smile on his face, knowing exactly what HyukJae was implying.

“You know what” Hyuk replied trying to give Hae a serious look but failed.

“But you like the way I think,” DongHae replied as he sat up, looking over his shoulder at the practically empty cart, before trailing his hand along Hyuk’s thigh.

“DongHae please” Hyuk pleaded knowing just how much of a tease his lover can be.

“I wouldn’t do that to you here” DongHae said, right before stole a kiss from Hyuk and snuggle back into his arm, as if nothing just happened.

“Such a tease” Hyuk said to himself.

“Aish” Hyuk said, as he saw the door close for his stop. “You still know how to distract me when you aren’t here” he thought to himself.

He pulled out his post it pad again.

I really miss that about you...

He writes on the blank piece or paper.

Days like this, I wish you knew how much you mean to me...

He writes on another piece of paper, as he quickly puts it away in his jacket pocket, as he got off the train.

He contemplated about taking the train back one stop or walking, since it was nice out, he decided to walk.

The day that started out so gloomy, it was now the complete opposite. HyukJae had life once again; he wasn’t walking around with his head down, he now was walking with his head up, and with a smile on his face. 

Just as he was about to turn the corner to go down his street, to his home, a guy on a bicycle turned the corner almost running him over. HyukJae stumbled to the ground backwards, scraping his palm as he breaks his fall.

“Omg, I am so sorry.” The black hair guy said as he quickly went to HyukJae’s side to help him up.

“It’s okay” HyukJae said, as he brushed off his clothes.

“You’re hand” the guy said as he noticed red on Hyuk’s hand.

“It’s okay, I’ll take care of it when I get home” HyukJae replied and then walked off.

HyukJae reached in his pocket for his keys, “huh” he murmured as he notice that that they weren’t there. He quickly checks his other pocket to see if the keys were there, but they weren’t, neither was his post-its. He turned around and started running down the street to where he fell.

“Sorry, but those are my keys” HyukJae said as he saw a guy picking up a pair of keys by where he fell.

“I know they are” the guy replied as he stood up.

HyukJae stared blankly as he looked at the face that stood before him. He couldn’t believe his eyes, he started to blink and then wiped his eyes, but the man before him was still there.

“Long time, no see, HyukJae” the dark hair brunette said.

“Are you really here right now?” He said as he took a step forward, shocked to see DongHae standing before him.

“Yes I am,” DongHae replied with a smile. “Are you okay?” he said as he looked down at HyukJae’s hand that is no clearly bleeding, from his fall.

“Yea, I’m okay, it’s just a scrape.” HyukJae replied. “How’d you know to come here?” HyukJae asked.

“You walked into me at the coffee shop, and I was surprise to see that it was you” DongHae replied

The coffee shop Hyuk thought to himself. “Hold on, do you mean that you have been following me all day?” Hyuk asked in panic.

“What do you think since I am standing here right now in front of you?” DongHae replied to him with his own question.

“But the coffee shop was earlier in the day” Hyuk replied trying to make sense of what is happening.

“I know, and to think I had plans today” DongHae tried to tease like he used to.

HyukJae smiled, knowing exactly what those words mean.

“Were you on the train the whole time, when I...”

“Yes, I was there while you slept. A few kids wanted to mess with you while you were out, but I ran them away” DongHae said with a proud smile that was returned by HyukJae.

“But why are you here?” HyukJae asked.

He handed HyukJae a yellow post it paper.

How are you....?

HyukJae recognized his own writing and instantly turned red from embarrassment.

“I’m not okay” DongHae said.

He hands him a second piece of paper

Do you still think of me...?

I hope you do, because I can’t stop thinking about you.

Once again, HyukJae recognizes his writing.

“I never once stopped thinking about you” DongHae said.

Another piece of paper comes to light.

Do you know I smiled today, because I thought of you? J

HyukJae looks down at his paper, as he can feel the tears building up in his eyes. The one he was longing for, he didn’t even realize was behind him all along today.

“I didn’t know it was because of me, but seeing you smile, it made me smile”

A tear ran down HyukJae’s, emotions flooding him.

DongHae puts another piece of paper in his hand, since HyukJae was no longer making eye contact.

I really miss that about you...

“What is it that you miss?” DongHae ask. “Is it this?” DongHae said as he lifted HyukJae head so he could face him. The moment he saw HyukJae’s eyes full with tears, his eyes began to get teary as well. DongHae wiped the tears from HyukJae’s face and kissed him on both eyes as Hyuk closed them.

“You don’t have to say it out loud” DongHae said drawing Hyuk’s eyes back to him.

DongHae held up the last post it in his hand.

Days like this, I wish you knew how much you mean to me...

A sob escaped HyukJae’s mouth.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, I wanted to stay with you, but I had to go because of work. When I came back, two years ago, I went to look for you, but your old landlord told me you had moved.” DongHae paused to wipe his eyes, as his vision was beginning to blur, because of his own tears. “Do you know how much I wanted to find you, and when I finally saw you today, you didn’t even notice me.” DongHae continued to say.

“Hae...” Hyuk couldn’t find the words. The tears continued to fill his eyes.

“I told you I loved you” DongHae said as he placed his right hand on Hyuk’s cheek. “I meant it..., I asked you to wait for me, but you moved, without telling me.”

“How was I suppose to tell you, when I couldn’t get in touch with you” Hyuk replied, as he tried to defend himself. He didn’t want DongHae to think he moved on, because he didn’t. He wanted to wait for him there, in that apartment, but it was too painful with all the memories.

“Do you still like me?” DongHae asked.

“Yes, of course I still like you” Hyuk replied.

“Let me rephrase that” DongHae reiterated as he looked deep into HyukJae’s eyes. “Do you still love me?”

“Yes..., it’s still you” HyukJae replied, not breaking eye contact with DongHae. “For 5 years, 4 months, and 26 days; I’ve missed you, I’ve thought about you, but most of all, I couldn’t stop loving you.”

A tear rolled down the side of DongHae’s left cheek. “Thank you for loving me, even when I wasn’t there” he said before he kissed HyukJae’s lips softly.

“I’m not going to leave you again, I promise” DongHae said before he pulled HyukJae into his arms and whispered in his ears “I’m still in love with you too”.

A/N: I just had to write this after the MV today, which killed me. THIS SHIP OTL!!! I CAN'T! 

School is finally on break for 3 weeks. I hope i can get to write a bit more, despite it being the xmas holidays. I hope you guys like.