“Are you alright?”

“What? Oh yeah, of course I am.”

“What else did the kids do to you, apart from verbal abuse?” The young lady in her early twenties asked, handing a cup of hot tea over to her student. He accepted it with a quick bow and sipped on it. He closed his eyes to enjoy the taste of the tea before answering her question.

“Oh, the usual. Pushing me against the wall, throw paper balls, there was collar-grabbing once too.” He took another sip.

“Why didn’t you stand up for yourself, Jinki?” She was exasperated at how he was so nonchalant about the bullying matter. It was the first bullying case she was ‘taking over’ since she joined the teaching force a few months ago.

“Because I don’t find the need to.” The sophomore – Jinki – replied with a subtle smile on his face.

“Why? I’ll help you as much as I can, I’ll teach them a lesson-”

“Ms. Yoon, you don’t see it do you?” Jinki cut her. He gently smoothed his bangs, the smile never leaving his almost angelic face (well, if not for the cut on his right cheek).

“Huh?” The chestnut-haired teacher furrowed her brows, confused and taken aback by her student’s words. To her, Jinki is a respectful, quiet and smart boy. He listens in class and according to his academic records, scores very well in his examinations and tests. Theoretically speaking, Jinki is the kind of student who every teacher loves. But in this school, the situation seems different from what is expected. Much different.

“The other teachers know about my situation, but they’re too scared to help me. I understand.” Jinki let out a small cough and took another sip of tea. He pouted a bit when the tea was a little too cool for his taste. ‘Oh Winter.’ He sighed inwardly.

“But I’ll help-” Ms. Yoon straightened up, eager to provide help for the young boy. No way was she going to let bullying continue in front of her eyes.

“It’s no use. Not like they’ve never really tried.” Jinki cut her again. He refused to give the young teacher any hope. Bullying will continue, not like anything will change. I understood that fact all too well. I deserved it.

“But you can’t go on like this.” Ms. Yoon said firmly.

Jinki chuckled a little. The young teacher was amusing to him. Young and inexperienced teachers are always too fragile. But these kinds of teachers are the easiest to be friends with, so he decided to ask, “Ms. Yoon, do you believe in karma?”

She was slightly taken aback, but replied, “I… well, I suppose so.”

Satisfied at where the conversation was going, he continued. “I believe in karma. Because I used to be like those kids, trampling on the weak, make them a laughing stock. I used to be one of them, Ms. Yoon.” Jinki chuckled at her shocked expression. “I grew up and repented a lot. That’s when I started to change. I became much quieter, changed my hairstyle, and moved house.”

“I don’t believe you.” Ms. Yoon shook her head to emphasize her words. No way was this angel once a devil, she would never believe it. How can the boy with a sweet eye-smile and quiet personality be once, a bully? That was completely illogical in her books.

Jinki took a long breath before saying, “Doubted that you would. I’m now living the life of those that I’ve trampled on. Now I’m the laughing stock, and this really hurts.” He paused for a moment, playing with his thumbs. He stared at the steam coming out from his cup (‘You cheated my feelings, little white one.’ He thought) and continued his story, “Funny how I thought my life would be better if I had changed. But that’s karma for you I guess. There was a kid whom I used to push around literally, and now I’m the one clashing into walls. There was another kid whom I used to laugh at for being anti-social, but look at me now.”

“The worst was…” Jinki paused, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes. The youth swallowed and continued, “There was this kid… who had no parents. I laughed at him for having no love at home, when I also had no love either. Now, I live with my aunt and uncle whom are rarely home… because my mum and dad drove to heaven.” Ms. Yoon leaned back against the hard wooden chair as she let his words sink in. This was not what she signed up for when she called him over after class. Knowledge can sometimes be a little intimidating, daunting even. She had no words to describe how she felt, despite being a language teacher. 

“That’s why I don’t bother fighting back, because it’s all karma. That’s why I’m trying to change while serving my punishment so that it won’t last for too long. Sure, it’ll leave a mark in my life, but I’ve probably left very deep and ugly ones in the lives of those I bullied. It’s the only way I can aplogise to those I’ve hurt; by repenting.” Jinki paused, then smiled to signal that the teacher could talk now.

“You don’t have to live like this you know?” The young teacher said, voice ever so gentle (and fragile, Jinki would say).

“I know. But… I finally have a conscience, and it’s the only way I can lift this feeling off my chest. Karma will find those kids one day anyways. I believe that. What goes round comes round right? All I can do now is to just live my life with a positive attitude and pleasant thoughts so that one day, I can finally taste a bit of happiness. And perhaps, live my life with less guilt and more love.” Jinki clasped his hands together, as if wishing for it to happen. ‘All I need is some candles on a cake or a shooting star.’ He jokingly thought.

“Y’know, I wish I can really help you. Is there any way I can help? I’m new to this whole bullying thing. I’m… I just want to be able to do something.” Desperation could be heard in her voice, she was eager. A little too eager to help, Jinki notes.

“Thanks for the thought, Ms. Yoon. Maybe you can help.” Jinki almost wanted to laugh at how hopeful she looked. Poor lady, he thought. How he wished that he would not be the one who crushes her dreams and hopes that pushed her to become a teacher in the first place. He wished that she would realise that as a teacher in this country, sometimes it’s best to just stick to teaching and not be too courageous.

“When you see me get bullied, don’t come to my rescue.” Oh, what a cute teacher she is, he thought. Her large shocked eyes were adorable to him. “Just look into my eyes, smile, and mouth ‘him-nae’ (A/N: something similar to ‘hwaiting’). That would be enough, really.”

“How is that enough?!” She raised her voice, startling Jinki a little. She had never raised her voice the whole time he knew her. Plus, her youthful and cute face doesn’t match with her tone. “Is there anyone else that might be able to help you? I can see that you’re pretty close to Jonghyun and Sunyoung.”

“No no please don’t get them in trouble too! I’m sure you know if someone helps to defend the victim, he gets victimized too.” He waved his hands in front of his face anxiously.

“But as a teacher I can’t just sit back and do nothing! This is not what I became a teacher for! This…” Ms. Yoon was on the verge of tears.

“For a teacher you break down quite a lot.” Jinki chuckled. “It’s not as bad as it seems, really. Thanks for hearing me out today, it helped me a lot. Just remember, don’t get yourself and anyone else involved.” Jinki stood up and left the staff room, not forgetting to bow in respect before stepping out. The poor teacher scoffed, completely taken aback by his words. ‘This was not what I signed up for.’ She thought, frustrated at herself for not being able to help.

Jinki walked down the quiet hallway. No one was there, much to his relief. He climbed up the stairs that leads to the rooftop garden, his secret haven. Jinki slid on his earpieces and played a soft ballad on his phone. He was hoping that he could be alone, but hopes will remain hopes.

“Yah, Sunyoung-ah, stop coming here.” He announced when he walked to the far end of the rooftop garden.

The girl with slightly tan skin and dark hair rolled her eyes. “Please, you didn’t buy this rooftop garden. We pay the same school fees. Just share it okay?” She was not her usual chirpy self, and Jinki suspected that it was a case of PMS. He checked his phone’s calendar, scoffed mentally when it confirmed his suspicion.

After a minute of silence, Sun-young spoke, “How’s your face? Does it still hurt?”

Jinki shook his head gently, not uttering a word. Sunyoung took out her band-aid and handed it over to her friend. Or at least the boy she considers her friend. Jinki took it, but stuffed it in his pocket and continued leaning his head against the concrete wall.

Sunyoung was getting used to his sudden change in behavior. She had known him since elementary school. She had been a victim of his bullying, but her bullying – or teasing – didn’t last for more than two months. She was the luckiest victim according to everyone. Despite her life being affected one way or another, she could not bring herself to hate him.  

Not when she was there to witness him breaking down in front of a doctor in the hospital after hearing the news of his parents’ death.

Ever since then, her heart softened for the boy. He was only 13 then, but the world was so cruel to take his parents away from him. He moved to Seoul with his aunt and uncle, and had a 180 degrees change in behaviour. Sunyoung moved a month after he did, though they went to separate middle schools. The duo met in high school again, and Sunyoung was shocked to see that the boy who used to be a bully was bullied. The boy who was cocky, rude and dare she say, a jerk, became the quiet, reserved and easy-to-bully boy she sits right beside now.

‘Guess you need to lose to win.’ She thought. ‘Lose your parents to gain some maturity and a slap of reality.’

“Sunyoung-ah,” Jinki suddenly spoke, startling her a little. “are you feeling happy that I am like this now?” His eyes were distant, though his attention was on her.

Sunyoung tilted her head to the side, thinking about his question. It took her a while to realise what he was saying. Firmly, the girl replied, “No.”

A soft scoff escaped Jinki’s lips, confusing Sunyoung a little. “Then what can I do to make my victims forgive me?”

Sunyoung gripped onto the hem of her skirt. She eyed Jinki cautiously. His eyes were closed, and she noticed how his bangs were neatly kept at the same level as his eyebrows. Years ago, his hair was messy and long, representing the ‘bad boy’ he used to be.

There’s a saying, the past is just past. But can one really put down everything and leave the pain behind? Sunyoung did not have an answer to this question, and she doubted that Jinki had it too.

“Rest assured that they will never forgive you.” Sunyoung stated plainly. “So, do you think you living the way they did will change anything?”

Jinki was stunned by her words, but gestured her to continue. With a shaky heart, she continued, “The past is the past. I’m sure those kids would have grown up by now, living life the way they should. The most important thing is to forgive yourself and move on.”

“I just want to apologise, to you and them.” Jinki said, removing his earpieces. Sunyoung shrugged, saying that her life was not badly affected by him. She was ready to forgive him, and at that moment she had the answer to her question.

It was possible.

“I forgive you; it wasn’t a big deal looking back now. The kids won’t, but I’m sure at least they’re leading a better life putting the past behind.” Sunyoung stated as plainly as she could. “The problem now is, are you willing to put the past behind?”

“I am, aren’t I? That’s why I’m changing.” Jinki turned to face her, making their first eye contact in a long while.

“No you’re not. You’re not putting the past behind. You’re living in pain – physically and emotionally – because you’re still living in the past.” She clicked her tongue, a sign that she was ready to go all out with her speech. Jinki didn’t catch that, though he wished he did.

“You’re just trying to torture yourself because of the conscience you suddenly got because of your parents’-” Sunyoung stopped herself a second late. “- because of an accident. Really, if you’re willing to put the past behind, why are you still in this bullying situation?”

Jinki blinked, trying to process her words. They were right, but his man ego didn’t allow the words to sink in.

Sunyoung combed her fringe back with her fingers and continued, “If you’re really trying to put the past behind, then you should change in a different way. Treat people with kindness, make a few more friends, associate yourself with the brighter ones, and stop bullying any way you can.”

A soft sigh escaped Jinki’s lips. “I’m more aware of this than you. Once you step in this cycle, you never get out unless you graduate.”

“Start by not pushing me and Jonghyun away next time. My friends aren’t that scared of associating with you honestly, and I doubt the guys are. The more friends you have, the faster you’ll get back on track. Plus, Soojung’s on my side. You’ve seen how she’s battled with Jungho before. And you know who won.” Sunyoung said while smiling. She hated how down the whole atmosphere was, and lifting the atmosphere made it more comfortable for her.

Jinki raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “I’ll… try. It’s quite difficult, just thinking about it.”

Sunyoung patted his shoulder and stood up. “Jinki-ah, just remember. There will always be someone who is there for you. You’ve punished yourself enough, now it’s time for rewards. Whatever you’ve done wrong doesn’t matter anymore really, because life goes on. Everyone grows up, everyone learns how to let go, don’t be the little child holding onto your deflated balloons. Really, it’s childish to think that what you’re doing is mature.” She took a deep breath while taking her bag.

“See you tomorrow, my friend.”

Jinki believes in karma. Perhaps he had really repented long enough, and now the good things he prayed for is knocking on his door. Perhaps he is finally ready to accept the light the skies have been offering for a while now. The sunset seemed prettier than usual, and the winter breeze felt warmer than he expected.

And for the first time since he knew her, these words came out of his mouth.

“See you tomorrow too, my friend.”

---

This is really crappy I'm so sorry Hizza! I hope you still like it!

Just thought that since it is your birthday, maybe I should present you with some sort of life lesson/reminder. Since last year a lot of things have happened, but we all walked through the tough times either alone or with each other. Looking back, we've all put down all the burden and unhappiness to become who we are today, but I'm sure we still have more on our hands. I've gone through some reflecting (yes, I do that) and thought, "We all need to learn how to put all the past behind because eventually, the past is just the past and we'll live like nothing has ever happened." So, here's a little 'sentimental' gift for you ^^

Another thing, which is kinda like the main point of the story, is that once you've put all the past behind and work towards a better you, you'll reap rewards. That's something I hope everyone I know and love will experience. I could've used a better word besides 'karma', but I thought a strong word would work better. So start thinking positively, acting positively, and what goes round will come round ^^ We'll do that together, neh?

Lastly, happy birthday! I'll cook up a romantic and sweet and short one-shot after work tomorrow and post it up. I'm so unfamiliar with Kyu and Sungmin honestly, so I'll most likely work with SHINee (Onew being the lead again 'cos he's your bias) since I haven't written about them in ages! :D Any sort of stories you want? If not I'll be doing it my way~~

Saranghaeyo~~

Thanks for reading!