Chapter Finale:

Going Crazy

I stood there; simply letting the cold wind run through my face. The setting sun, its rays reflecting on the river; perfection. But not as perfect as my Himchan, there's nothing more beautiful and innocent than him. He's the purest thing on this universe, even angels can't compare to him. His soft skin, perfect features, cherry-like lips, lilac scent; everything about him simply drives me crazy. 

If only I could hold you once, one last time. I wish you were my lover for just a moment, please, please, please I pray. Us, us, us, us together, together. Because I love you so much my greed keeps growing; I want you for myself. You by yourself. Don’t run, don’t escape. Don't leave me, this is turning into a nightmare, I close my eyes and count uno, dos, tres, cuatro. I’m going crazy. No I grow crazier. The more I meet you, my head gets fuzzy, my heart is confused, I don’t know what I’ll do either, this is insane.

The more I see you the more my mind goes insane, I love you, my greed is too much; I can't stop this anymore. Eyes that can’t lie, the dream last night that was like a nightmare, I love it when you look only at me like this, say “dear." It’s my obsession, don’t curse me, that’s my obsession, don’t look away, it’s my obsession, don’t tell me please, don’t tell me, that’s my obsession. It's too addictive, you're too addictive, I can't erase you; I'm obsessed over you, Kim Himchan.

Everytime I see you, the crazier I get. I wish I could stop this but no, you're too addicting. I want you for myself, don't tell me I've gone crazy, you don't know my heart. Don't separate from me, I follow in your shadow, I make a phone call. I become thrilled at the sound of your shaking breath, my heart runs after your increasingly quick steps. I think I’ll go crazier. The long night gets darker under the dead streetlamp in front of your house, I’m watching you through the crack in your window until the night ends. Come on and find me. Why do you keep playing a suffocating game of hide-and-seek with me? You, you, you, you’re inseparable from me.

You can never break away from me, you have no one to love but me. Try to escape, wherever you are; I can see you, you know deeply you can never break away from me; you have no one to love but me. Look at me now, I don’t wanna cry no more, more. A hundred times, tens of thousands of times I’ve called you but why, why is there no answer? Did you forget? It’s already been a thousand days since we met, I prepared a gift you’d like. I sit on the street you frequently travel, I’m waiting for you.

I know my love, don’t call it obsession, you don’t know love. Don’t say I’ve gone crazy, you don’t know my heart. You can never be separated from me, it's not an obsession; you don't understand my love for you, it's so suffocating knowing you'll forever try to hide from me. It’s dark and I can’t see I put out my hand but only the wind clashes. I don’t know, why but this place is strange. I’m getting used to this misery, I live like a shadow with the useless hope that you’ll look at me at least once. The conversation I have with you all night in my imagination, I dig deep inside of you. 

Stop hiding, it's useless; I'll keep finding you, keep following you all over the galaxy, keep following you even after our death. You have no right to love anyone else than me, you're mine and mine alone. I won't tolerate such an act of others; touching your arm, brushing their hand with yours, I go crazier than a murderer. They have no right to do that, I want to slaughter them mercilessly, my blood-lust has gone too far, I can't handle this anymore.

Just tell me you love me and you're mine alone, and I might have a change of heart. I want to see their blood shed, every drop on the ground, on my blade, on my clothes. I want you to see how much I've changed ever since we broke up. I want to show you I can protect you from anything and everything in this pitiful world, you deserve to be treated like a princess, you're a god, Jae. You don’t have to lift a finger, I’ll do everything for you, anything that would make you happy. I want to see you smile again to feed this obsession. I want you to stop this addiction, this blood-lust – everything that you despise about me.

It’s been years since we’ve talked like normal people, our conversations always ended with you running away, but this time, I’ll make sure you won’t leave me again. Your scent, soft hair, goddess-like beauty, everything about you just drives me crazier. How can I stop this? Are you willing to help me? I need to see you pleasured under me, begging for release, I want to, no, I need to feel your soft skin again, this distace between us drives me crazier, how can I stop this?

I need to feel you again, see your angelic smile made only for me, you drive me crazy, I can’t stop this, I need you so bad, don’t you miss my kisses? The way I used to caress you before? You’re too much, you made yourself my obsession, how can I stop this? I need your help, please, please, please, I want to be with you again, us, us, us, us together, together. This barrier you built is driving me insane, humanity? I don’t have it, nor do I need it, what I need is solely you. I need you, you, you who left me alone and drove me on the edge. This is your fault, why I’m like this, you’re the one to blame. If only you hadn’t left me to “get my mind straight,” none of this would’ve happened. Now tell me, tell me, do you still love me?

Do you still think of me as you fall asleep? ‘Cause I do; didn’t I tell you before? “I can’t live without you,” It’s true, look at me now, I’m a living mess. Do we still have a chance? Can we happen again? My mind is full of questions left unanswered, there you are again, driking Americano at our coffee shop. Does it taste different without me there? Are you sad because I’m not with you? I can’t follow my heart anymore, its telling me to follow you around, my mind is telling me this is insane.

But who am I to talk? I am insane, after all. I’m having a conflict with myself; which should I listen to? My heart knows best, right? But my mind, why is it opposing? I think I can’t handle this anymore, you, you, you, your scent still lingers on our bed after 3 years, it still doesn’t fade. Heal me, heal me, I don’t think I can keep going, stop this, stop this, it’s too much. My heart desires blood shed, I desire blood shed.

Isn’t it ironic? This is like the movie “Titanic,” we used to love each other so much, but you left me for someone else, oh My Juliette, why? Have you found your Romeo? My heart is pounding painfully inside my chest, my breath becomes shaky, my feet wobbles as I approach you, excitement filling me. The way you look at me and smile raises my hope to the heavens, this is absurd, your smile changed, do you still love me? Oh, do you l