If you'd like, you can listen to this song while reading the chapter, enjoy your reading!

- s u z y -

Space. Everyone needs it from time to time.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by life, stressed, tired, or sad... space is the best gift someone could receive.

Nowadays I have been sensing my life is becoming too dull... too monotonous even. Every day I just casually find myself waking up, getting ready, going to work, gathering money to pay the bills, and going back to sleep, only to start the same cycle once again.

Some years after living in this same condition of trying to fend for myself, living alone and having a job, I have reached the conclusion that being an adult is boring... boring and stressful. One would think that becoming independent would implicate having more freedom, but the reality is different. I find myself being tied up now more than ever. I have to work every day to pay for my food and necessities, and I can't simply escape like I would do when I was a naive teenager, because there is a factor that makes me go back to the same cycle once again... responsibility.

How I hate that word, responsibility. Hearing that word feels like being forced to hear the sound of fingernails scraping chalkboard, the mere thought just runs shivers down my spine, and gives me goose bumps. Simply awful. And to be honest, I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, perhaps I'm just too young to be feeling this weight over my shoulders, perhaps I'm rushing things...

Or perhaps I'm just too afraid of changing.

Change and adversity scares me, terribly. Thinking of the future is a daily torture for me, because truthfully, the future seems to be something so uncertain to me. Here you have me, a girl living in her twenties, who chose to work instead of studying in college, and who chose to live alone instead of being maintained by my parents. And using the word "choosing" may even be incorrect, since I didn't really have a choice. My parents could have never afforded to pay a college for me, and you would expect me to say I worked hard to get a scholarship, but the truth is, I didn't. I was never a smart or hard-working girl, in my teenage years, I was never aware of the future, and now that I have reached this age, I terribly regret it. Because now the future is knocking me right off to the ground.

Because I didn't work hard in the past, I am now mending the wrong decisions I took. When I graduated, I took the decision of leaving my parents' house, maybe it was to prove them that I can be hard working and... as much as I hate to say the word... responsible, or maybe it was to prove that fact to myself.

When I finished high school, everything seemed so bright, and every decision I made seemed to be the right one. I used to think starting a new stage in my life would imply erasing the mistakes from my past and starting all over again, resetting my system.

But life doesn't work that way, the past still haunts me, day after day. And that's just something I have learned to live with.

So now I just live up to no expectations. My mind can only focus on one thing at a time, one step ahead of the other. This step I'm currently standing at, is working.

It has been a year since I finally achieved to have a stable job at a jewelry store, having to deal with snobby ladies of leisure can be unpleasant at times, but it pays the bills, so I cannot complain.

Usually, I would have started my day preparing myself mentally for what it would've been yet another day of being surrounded by expensive jewelry that I can only imagine of being able to afford in my dreams.

But today is different.

Every year, I get four weeks of vacation assigned, and today was the day on which those vacations began. Every year, my co-workers would ask me the typical “where are you planning to go and what are you going to do?” questions, and every year I would simply reply...

“The usual, staying at home and hoping to not fall into depression because of the wasted leisure time... oh, and visiting my parents' house as well”.

Of course I was just exaggerating things a little, however, I don't think my co-workers shared my same sense of humor, because that answer never failed to take them aback, even though by now they should've been more than accustomed to my behavior. I guess they just can't comprehend my thoughts, and how could I blame them for that.

Since today I don't have anything scheduled or planned, I decided it was the time to enjoy that privilege I can give to myself once in a long while...

Space.

Hoping up into my old and reliable sedan -that I could recently make a property of mine, thanks to my well-earned salary and a little help from my father- I stepped on the accelerator and drove away from my little yet comfy apartment situated in the middle of the city. As I watched the apartment complex getting smaller and smaller through my rearview mirror, my excitement grew bigger and bigger.

I had been thinking of going to this place for a while, and since now I had the means, I thought: why not?

It wasn't the most special thing, and to many people it may have probably seemed pointless or just plain boring, but to me it was something unique and relaxing, maybe it is because it reminds me of my earliest childhood memories. Whatever the reason was, I just couldn't wait anymore.

The radio was playing a song I don't recall listening to before, but it surely got my head bobbing up and down to the melody instantly. I gave myself a mental reminder of searching that song on the internet later.

Before I could be aware, my destination was finally up to the reach of my vision, and when that beautiful scenery appeared in front of my eyes, I just knew I had made the right the decision of coming here today.

Watching this place once again after all these years brought a nostalgic feeling to me.

The cherry blossoms.

You see, when I was very little, as in being three or four years old, I don't really remember much from my childhood, but what I do remember is visiting this place with a very special woman. My family often told me that the mysterious woman from my memories was my grandmother. This is the only memory I have of her, I was very little when she left my life, so I never got the chance to know her... to know her tastes and preferences, her story.

That memory is still a blur to me, I recall laughing, playing and admiring the place with her, but when I try to remember her face, all I see is a blurry visage. That unknown face who laughed gracefully and combed my hair with her fingers as I slept on her arms still remained a mystery to me...

But that mystery somehow soothed me, this place... even though it brought nostalgia and confusion to me, is the most relaxing place I have ever visited.

I parked my car on the first available place I could find, and in a swift movement I exited the vehicle and strode towards a particular site my eyes had spotted.

The trees were fully blossomed, and the flowers covered the whole area, making it a beautiful view for my eyes to witness. Today more than any other day, the place felt as beautiful and breath-taking as it could ever be.

I laid down under the biggest tree and let the flowers surround my body as I closed my eyes and felt an incredible peace.

I wish I could have gotten to know her better... I wish I was born earlier, so I could remember better... so I could remember that face that was described by everyone as an exceptional beauty.

I wonder if life would have been better if she was still around.

I tend to think about this matter a lot during times like these, but right now, I can no longer give myself the luxury. I should take advantage of this precious time as much as I can. Because soon I will have to leave and go back to my house, go back to my life.

My mind and heart yearned to stay in this place up until midnight, or even more. But soon I would have to return, there was something that was unfortunately making me go back...

Her return.

A/N: If you have reached this point, thank you for enduring my writing for so long haha. I hope you let me give you the opportunity of entertaining you for a little while with my story, and of course, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Thank you for reading, we'll be hopefully seeing each other on the future ◠‿◠