You know that girl that is always smiling at you, whenever you lock eyes? Whenever she catches a glimpse of you, even when you aren't looking? That sighs of relief when she hears your name being brought up into a converstation, because she didn't have enough courage to text you a message and ask you why weren't you coming that day? Or if you wanted them to wait for you at lunch. And— Do you know how you made her day when she received some message on her phone from a common friend asking her permission for her to give you her own number? Oh! The heartbeats! The huge smile all over her face for the whole day and maybe for the next day. But even then she felt distant of you.

What if all she could do was exactly that, smile at you?

Not all she could do, but all she could do concerning you and, well, her life now.

What if she found out she was actually taking an interest on you, and crushing on you, but couldn't do a thing about it?

What if she didn't want to ruin all the friendship between both of you?

What if you didn't feel the same?

What if you weren't even interest in her?

What if you didn't even look at her that way?

Have you got any idea of how uncomfortable she gets when you're talking about your countless ex-girlfriends and girls you're hooking up with every weekend? Has it ever crossed your mind she might get hurt from hearing you? Have you ever questioned yourself the reason why she's always smiling at? Or about? Have you ever thought to yourself how happy she must be, since she's always laughing so genuinely? You wouldn't perhaps know how much it means to get to see you most days of the week, would you? Now she's closer to you. And you're much closer to her. Do you know how hard is it, for her, to say goodbye for the day? Even if you're going to see each other the next day? Now imagine how hard it is, for her, when you miss classes the next day because "you fell asleep". You can't, right? When was the last time you fell for someone?

It has been long, hasn't it?

You probably forgot that exciting feeling. Well, she doesn't find it very exciting. She grew to find it sickening. And do you know why? Partly because she thinks too much. (Oh, and that is an euphemism.) Partly because she is sure what she's feeling for you won't take her anywhere. Which is good, in a way. In the other way, it isn't. Why does she have to suffer? What did she do to suffer like this?

She didn't see this coming, this wasn't how she had planned her life to be for the next few months.

Where did it go wrong?

What did she do so that she has to spend the whole night awoken? 

Why is her night, although spent in a silent environment, so noisy?

Why does she have so many voices inside her head?

Why is it that one in particular is drawing some kind of impossible future of you two together, in which both are happy, in which all is fantasy and it will never come true?

Why is she giving false hopes to herself?

Why is she testing her sanity?

Why the sleepless nights?

Why the silent sobs?

Why the desperate thoughts of you?

Why the constant thoughts of you?

Why the hopeful thoughts of you?

Why did they turn into hopeless thoughts of you?

Why did you make her cry?

Girl, why are you crying?

What's wrong—? What went wrong?

Where did she go wrong?

Where did it all go wrong?

Where did it go?

Where did what go?

What if she falls asleep imagining you were there by her side, warming those cold nights of a very cold December?

What if it wasn't imagination?

Why would you be there?

Why were you there?

Why... weren't you there?

But wait, where are you going?

Where did you go?

Where are you—

Since when has Love been this complicated?

Sigh.

"Sigh no more."

Can't. No more.

What—

What if the next day she smiled at you?

What if all she could do was exactly that, smile at you?

A/N: I found my muse.

I'd be thankful if you could leave your opinion!