They used to have that kind of love story that anyone prays to have. He looked at her full of passion, b with love, that kind of look anyone would wish their lover would give them. She was happy whenever he was around and her heart would jump in joy when he holds her. It was as if one lifetime is not enough to show the love they have for each other. They had that kind of love that was supposed to be everlasting.

 

They used to…

He looked…

She was…

It was…

They had…

Geil woke up feeling the other side of their bed. Just as she expected, and just like how it had been months ago, it was empty. Once again, again and again, she woke up without him.

While staring at the ceiling and wondering what time her husband left the house, she suddenly felt nauseated. Geil ran to the bathroom and threw up the dinner she ate last night. She couldn’t stop, no, she refuses to, she allowed her tears to fall. She feels weak, helpless, and she is alone in this damned house that used to be a home.

What she wouldn’t give just so she can go back to that very first time he talked to her?

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It was a magical night. The street was covered with white and the snow was gently falling on her head. The lights were glistening. Blue. Yellow. Red. Green. Different colors shined everywhere she looked. Everything was perfect except for one thing: herself.

Geil just found out that her father left them for another woman. She ran away from home and straight to the playground she would always go to. Her father used to find her there when she sulks. Her father would buy her ice cream; it doesn’t matter if it was winter. Realizing her father won’t do those things for her again, she was devastated and no matter how much the Christmas lights try, she can’t feel any comfort. Christmas is a time to be happy so why did this have to happen? She's supposed to be inside their house and playing games with her brother while their parents drink wine as they wait for the clock to strike 12 so they could open their gifts. She's not supposed to be here alone. She's not supposed to be freezing but shedding hot tears.

That’s when he found her.

Luhan was on his way home when he saw a girl sitting on a swing. Her hair is long and straight. Her head was bowed down, she wore no jacket, and was alone. Just who spends Christmas Eve alone and sad, he wondered. For some reason, he felt like he should be the one beside her. Little by little, he walked up to her. He cleared his throat to announce his presence and the girl looked up to him as if she had been waiting for him. It's as if those brown orbs were speaking to him and desperately asking him to stay. He found himself frozen on the spot.

“Geil-ssi,” he mumbled when she bowed her head again. Is that a confirmation? That what Luhan saw in her eyes was true? That he should stay? Luhan sat on the swing beside her but stood up again to put his coat over Geil.

“What are you doing here?” Geil asked with a shaky voice.

“I should be asking you that,” he smiled a small smile though she didn’t see because she turned her head away from him.

Silently, Geil’s tears dropped uncontrollably. Because I can't be in our house! I can't take any more of my parents screaming at each other! I can't take more of my father's lies! I can't take more of my mother's tears! I can't take any more of my brother's painful silence! I can't take more of the scene of my family breaking apart. Why do people get together only to leave the other? Why do people have to fall apart? It's cruel and it's stupid! She screamed inside her head. 

By hearing her sniffles, he abruptly stood almost forgetting the life he was holding. The puppy in his arms whimpered when it felt it almost fell off from its owner. Luhan held the brown puppy securely and kissed its forehead to assure it that it’s safe.

With the puppy in Luhan’s arms, he walked to the direction where Geil’s head is turned to. He looked at her and it was as if his heart was clawed out of his chest when he saw her tears fall. He liked her doe eyes and curled eyelashes but he hated the tears that were rolling down her pink cheeks. They know each other by names, but isn't it a bit weird that he suddenly felt unfamiliar feelings by just seeing her cry?

“Geil…” he called but more tears responded him. Gently, he wiped off her tears and as magical as the night, Geil’s tears stopped. She doesn't know why but she felt somehow... safe. His eyes that are looking at her seemed to calm her and it awfully felt good. But she wasn't supposed to feel that way. Her family is breaking apart, she should be thinking of ways to prevent it, not get lost in this guy's eyes. She doesn't even know him well.

“Don’t be sad…” he mumbled. And his voice sounded so sweet to her.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she muttered. Here she goes again, pushing away people who cared for her.

“But it’s nearly Christmas Eve,” he told her, smiling. No matter how cold she sounded, to him it’s still as if she is drawing him near. “Nobody is entitled to be sad during Christmas,” he smiled as he caught her last teardrop.

Geil and Luhan have been classmates since they started high school but they had never talked. She had her own set of friends and he had his own, too. There was never a chance or any circumstance when they had to talk to each other except that one time when Luhan was blocking her way and she had to say “excuse me.” But that's that. They were never assigned to do work together, and they were in a different school club anyway. She eats her lunch with her friends in the school cafeteria, while he eats with his group of friends at the back of the school building. The only place that they will be scene together is inside their classroom, and that's not saying much since the girl sit on the second row, third column, and the boy on the fourth row, sixth column. They walk a different path but they're not exactly worlds apart. It's just that the path they're walking on was parallel to each other and their points won't meet.

They know each other only by name but here they are, spending Christmas Eve together at the playground. It's as if the world shook and suddenly their lines changed and their paths crossed.

“Ya,” Luhan called her from his swing. “That’s like the third joke I’m telling you,” he said. “Am I really not that funny?” he whined.

She nodded with a straight face. She was just so lost in her thoughts she didn't know what exactly Luhan was talking about.

“Ya,” he looked at her, appalled. She only giggled in response. It’s like bells chiming for Luhan, he was mesmerized. He never knew Geil could make him feel this way. Well, he didn't know her much.

“Would you like to go get ice cream?” she asked and he found himself nodding. Its a few more hours before midnight, so maybe stalling his way back home won't hurt anyone.

The snow was falling on his dark brown hair and his coat was on Geil, but even if she asks him to dive off a building, he’ll gladly do it. Just what did this girl do to him in a span of one night?

They walked from the playground and told each other funny stories on their way, they discovered differences and similarities. Differences like Geil hates milk chocolates but Luhan likes it, that Geil is into arts and Luhan hates their arts subject, that Geil just barely pass math quizzes and Luhan excels on it. Similarities like they were part of the school's choir, just in a different time because apparently, Geil joined the day after Luhan quit. They also like it when sun sets more than when it rises.

They watched the beautiful lights as they passed by different shops. Geil forgot why she was crying a few minutes ago and Luhan can’t stop smiling.

"I think it's cruel, having to be forced to get up from bed when you're so tired and want more sleep just because the sun is up," Geil said.

They ate ice cream and talked. For years that they knew each other’s names, it is the first time that they actually talked and it’s as if they knew each other since forever. Like paths moving in parallel suddenly makes no sense because their lines crossed and it felt like it was meant to be.

Its a few minutes pass midnight and Luhan was sure his mother would ask endless questions but it was in the bottom of his list of things that matters, well, as of the moment. It just felt so good to be spending time with Geil and he wondered why this didn't happen before? Why did it not happen sooner?

Before they parted, Luhan gave Geil his puppy. Her eyebrows met in the middle and she wondered why?

“He makes me happy when I’m sad,” Luhan told her as he ruffled the puppy’s ears.

“Then why are you giving him to me?” she asked, dumbfounded.

“You need him more,” he smiled but his mind suddenly flashed back the image of Geil crying and he doesn't feel so good about it. “So, take care of him.”

He turned to leave but after a few feet away, she called him back. “Luhan, thank you,” she smiled and he melted.  “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” he waved and smiled.

Geil walked back. It didn’t matter how sad she was just a while ago, she just can’t stop the smile that formed on her face as she cradled the brown puppy in her arms while she thought of his smile. For a while, she forgot she's coming back to house of a broken family.

She was smiling.

Luhan is her miracle in December.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Geil couldn’t fight it anymore. She felt really sick and dizzy so when she felt that she could manage for at least ten more minutes, she hailed a cab and went to the hospital.

When she got there, she went under tests, interviewed by doctors and filled up papers.

Her heart thudded and she forced the nurses to allow her to stay in front of the doctor's office and not be inside the emergency room. It made her feel anxious, and patients coming in with distraught faces and people who comes with them wearing worried expressions somehow made her feel sick. She also refused to tell Luhan's contact number to the nurse so someone could accompany her. She just doesn't want to disturb him over trivial things. So she waited until the nurse told her it was her turn to enter the obgyn's office.

“Congratulations, Geil,” her doctor, a woman probably in her early forties, smiled at her.

 “What do you mean?” she asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“You’re pregnant, Geil. Two weeks,” the doctor smiled.

Geil’s hands automatically flew to her stomach as if to protect the life inside her. She gently touched her still flat tummy and unconsciously smiled. Luhan’s baby… Her miralce...

For few days, Geil tried to tell Luhan about her being pregnant with his baby but she can’t. He was always busy and saying it through phone wasn't exactly how she wants it. She wants to tell Luhan personally so when she does, Luhan's eyes will light up and he will hug her so tight, and he will shower her with kisses, and he will tell her she's beautiful, and he will take care of her, and he will smile at her, or at least, he will look at her because to be honest, Geil misses Luhan. Terribly. She goes to sleep before he comes home and she wakes up but he already left. It felt like hell.

For a few days, Geil tried to strategize how she will tell it to Luhan. Maybe this baby will bring Luhan back to her. Maybe their baby will bring them close again. Maybe their baby will close that gap between her and her husband. Maybe... She hoped.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Luhan and Geil were nearing one and a half years into their marriage. They lived in small apartment in the city near Geil’s work. Her job paid her well and covered all their financial needs. Geil was happy as her job as an art director.

Luhan on the other hand felt useless. Though he was happy that Geil is happy, it didn’t last long especially when his friends constantly about being dependent on Geil.  He is the man in the family and it is his job to pave for her, not the other way around. So when, finally, an accounting firm called for him to report to work, he immediately asked Geil to quit hers.

“No, Luhan,” Geil said sternly. “I’m not quitting my job.”

“Just hear me out, okay?” he said unable to hide the irate in his voice. “I’m the man and its my responsibility. I’m the one supposed to go to work every morning buy you things and then you wait for me to come back. Not you working until you're passed out.”

“Come on, Luhan,” she looked appalled at his reason. “It’s not the Victorian times anymore! Times changed, I can work for us, too. I’m not doing my job because of the pay, but I do it because I love it. Accept the job they're offering to you, I will support you on that 200%, but, please, don't expect me to quit mine.”

Before Luhan could stop himself, he said something he regretted and didn’t mean. “Just stay at home! This is why we can’t have a proper family.”

That hit a nerve and Geil just knew that their conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Yes, she does go home too late at night, she work over the weekends but is it really her fault that she can’t have a baby? She's trying, for goodness sake! She drank all kinds of medicines her mom told her so she could bear a child. She prayed to all the saints. She hoped with all that she had.

Seeing the hurt in her eyes, Luhan felt like taking his word back and say sorry but Geil was already running to their room and banged the door shut.

Though they slept in the same bed, they kept their backs on each other. The next day, Luhan reported for his new work as an accountant and Geil drafted new templates for a new client. They didn’t spoke a word to each other.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It was their first day back to school after the winter break.

Geil, still not in the mood for school, trudged her way and accidentally met up with Luhan by the school gates.

“How’s my puppy?” he asked first thing with a smile. Geil felt her heart beat faster.

Though she wasn’t able to meet with Luhan again during the break, she seemed to be unable to remove his face off her brain. There were a few times when she would just sit by her room's window and stare at the falling snow remembering his sparkly eyes and his handsome smile. Her head would always give her a rundown of the things they liked and the things they differ. In the morning, somehow she knew someone else was feeling annoyed because he has to leave bed and when the stars appear at night, she would constantly be reminded of the person's sparkling eyes.

She also found a new method to tune out the cries of her mother because of her father’s leaving. She locked herself in her room and would play with her new puppy. She found drowning herself in her own world was better than crying her eyes out because of people leaving her. It's not like she doesn't care, it's because she cares so much. She chose to run away.

Most of the times, she would be too drawn to her sketches. Instead of things that depresses her, why not let the world know what she wants, what she likes, what she wishes to see through her drawings and paintings so fate might actaully be convinced and grant her wishes.

One day, she got quite a shock when she realized just how many times she sketched Luhan’s face, Luhan's nose, Luhan's fingers, and just plain Luhan. But she's knows at the back of her mind that Luhan can never be just plain. 

So looking at him now, wearing their school uniform and smiling down at her, she couldn’t help but stutter. “I- uhh, I n-named him D-dessy…” she mumbled.

“What?” he neared his face to her to hear better.

“I s-said I named him Dessy,” she said softly as she gently pushed Luhan away.

“Dessy?” he repeated while he walked with her to their classroom. “Why Dessy?”

“December,” she admitted sheepishly.

Luhan found Geil's reddening cheeks cute.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It was Saturday. Geil should have been at work instead of cooking bacon and eggs for breakfast. Luhan, who was still in bed and feeling utterly stressed after two weeks of work, smelled it. He contemplated for a while if he wants to stay in bed or get up and greet his wife and say sorry. After all, it’s been two weeks since they fought and he missed her so much.

Two weeks?! And Luhan had the urge to kick himself because, what the heck, Luhan, you do not ignore your wife like that! He ran out the room.

Geil was staring at the half cooked bacons when she felt his strong arms hugging her from behind. Next, there were small kisses on her neck. Geil turned the stove off and, to hell be with the bacons, she made out with her husband whom she missed so much.

That was right. Being in each other's arms felt right and wonderful, and amaizing, and perfect. This was how they're supposed to be. Entangled in each other's embrace and the only fight they're supoosed to have is whose tongue should be dominant in their connected mouths. He whispered I love you's and she responded with more kisses.

Beep. Beep.

“What the hell,” Luhan hissed as he looked over the door. Geil, though she hated it, disentangled herself from Luhan and went to open the door.

It was the delivery man. Luhan screamed profanities inside his head but went to her and took the box the delivery man brought while Geil signed on a paper.

“What is this?” Luhan asked when he saw rulers, papers, artworks, brushes, paints, pallets, and more stuffs inside. He sat on the living room to take out canvasses out the box to look at paintings. He found himself staring at his own eyes, lips, face, and fingers. 

“I had them delivered from the office,” she said weakly while she set the table in the kitchen.

“And why?” He opened sketchbooks and saw his own face drawn on them, each piece showing his different expressions.

“I quit,” she said quietly.

Luhan felt guilty at once. It was as if it is his fault, but it is. It is my fault. What have I done, he thought to himself. How can he be so stupid? Even if Geil would fight with him, even if she disagrees in everything he says, he knew, he had always knew at the back of his mind, Geil would say okay to him, so how can he be this stupid and selfish, and self-centered, and just stupid to plant that thought inside Geil's mind. Now, what happened? He loves Geil, God knows he does, but how can he be such an idiot and not respect Geil's interest?

Seeing his guilty expression, Geil abandoned the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Luhan. He hugged her back, only tighter.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said back then,” Luhan mumbled while he cursed himself inside his head to hell and back.

“Nah…” Geil forced a smile. “I did think about it...”

“Ugh, I was just being stupid, Geil, you shouldn’t have-”

“Luhan,” she interrupted. “I think you were right. My mother is pestering me for a grandchild, now,” she smirked.

“Still, we would’ve find a way even without quitting your job-”

“Luhan,” she interrupted again. She'll find a way to not completely let go of things she likes but loosing Luhan is not an option. “Shut up and let’s make my mother’s wish come true, shall we?” she winked.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It had been almost a year since she quitted her job and she got used to it. Though she quit her work, she didn’t entirely let go of her passion. From time to time, she would do a few paintings and have it on auctions in the internet. She painted nature scenes, and almost anything. But she never had her paintings of Luhan be for sale. That's for her and only for her. Luhan is hers.

She was able to save up an amount of money without Luhan knowing. It’s like their emergency fund, she decided.

Geil just got home with the groceries.

“Luhan, are you home?” she called but nobody answered. Then she noticed the flower petals scattered in their living room that lead to the dining area. “Luhan,” she called again.

Geil followed the direction of the petals and saw that the table was set and a bottle of wine in place.

“Welcome home, baby,” a low voice said behind her. She turned around and Luhan locked her in his arms. Sighing, Luhan took away the bags of groceries in between them and hugged her again. Now that's right...

“If you only told me that bringing in groceries can be this romantic, I’ll shop groceries every day for you,” she giggled and kissed him.

They ate dinner and talked about their day. Geil told him that was she painting again when she felt like the urge to go out. She ended up buying the groceries. Luhan, on the other hand, had good news.

After dinner, they were watching a movie, or should we say a movie was playing while their mouths and hands were busy with something else.

“Luhan,” Geil said while gently his cheeks, “what’s the occasion? I’m pretty sure it’s not our anniversary,” she giggled

“I have good news, actually,” Luhan smiled. “I was promoted at work and I’m being paid plus half of my original salary,” he said proudly. "I will have my own staff and be able to join important meetings."

“Luhan, I’m so happy for you,” she said sincerely. She was extra happy by seeing Luhan’s eyes sparkle with happiness. She felt lost again in his beautiful eyes and the smile on her face kept growing.

“But, Geil,” he said a little more serious while his wife's cheeks. “I’ll get loads of works. Sometimes, I might work during weekends and be very busy especially every end of the month, but I’ll do my best to still be the proper husband for you…”

“Oh,” she blinked. “So that dinner was a bribe,” Geil feigned being hurt, but seeing Luhan’s shocked face, she couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh.

Luhan only blinked at her.

“Please, Luhan,” Geil finally said. “It’s fine! You are everything and more than I could wish for.  I love you, Luhan, and, you, being successful at anything you do, that makes me happy. When I see you smile and happy for what you are doing, I’ll be twice as happy,” she smiled at him.

“Thank you, Geil,” he whispered.

“It’s okay, Luhan. It’s going to be fine, we’ll be fine,” she assured him.

"Yeah, it's going to be fine," he smiled and kissed her. "Whenever I have the day off, we can go on dates, we can go to the park, visit your mother..."

"I'll cook for you, we'll take Dessy out, we'll visit Namsan Tower, we'll drive to the seaside and we'll watch the sunset..."

"Or we can just stay at home, stay on bed, and I'll kiss you, and then you'll smile to me and then I'll tell you I love you and you will kiss me, and..."

Only, nobody expected what was waiting for them.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It’s been a few months since they started to drift away from each other. Luhan got busy since he was promoted in the company. They thought it will be a blessing but it scratched their once perfect relationship.

Luhan got busy with work and would come home too late to a Geil who fell asleep waiting for him and the dinner in the kitchen already cold and uneaten. He also had to go to work very early in the morning and get the day started, leaving a quick kiss on Geil's forehead that the latter wouldn't even know when she wakes up. Then he started to forget dates and anniversaries. But Geil told herself that it was all okay. Luhan is busy and alot of things are expected of him and there are people depending on him. Geil was the happiest when she saw Luhan smiling at her one evening when he told her he's going to buy a car, along with the promise that they will have their own house and that everything will be okay. She held on to that promise.

And then, Luhan started to pull all nights in the company and sometimes would still work during weekends. If she sees him in the house, he is always resting and knowing the amount of work he’s doing, Geil doesn’t have the heart to wake him up. When he's awake though, he'll be in the kitchen table and looking over papers and studying accounts with his spectacles, successfully hiding the twinkle in his eyes Geil always loved to see. And when Geil tries to take his glasses off, he would tell her to go to sleep without him and that he'll turn in shortly and that he just had to finish things, then he will give her a quick kiss. That was, until the enth time it happened and Luhan didn't mean it, really, he shouted at Geil, "I'm busy! Just stop! You're disturbing!"

And he caught himself and he wanted to stab himself. "Look, Geil, I'm sorry. It's just that-"

But Geil held up a hand, forced a smile, said it was okay, gave him a peck on the cheek, and turned around.

Slowly, they grew a gap between them. The nights were cold and making love with him felt forced. Slowly, they became strangers to each other.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Luhan had his own staff. He led them and slowly built a credible image in the company. Their team succeeded in a lot of their presentations and the managers favored them.

She was one of his staff. Soo Jin. 

Soo Jin is most of the times quiet but when she opens her lips covered by red lipstick, deals get signed and money comes in.

Luhan, with great help from his staff, was able to seal a deal with an investor. He had to admit, Soo Jin’s ability to solve problems is one of a kind. As a reward, Luhan treated his staff to dinner. They congratulated each other, had fun, told stories, and had too much liquor.

Luhan told himself that after a glass, he'll come home and spend time with Geil and make up for all the time they lost. One glass and he'll still be okay to drive himself back home. So he said his good bye, turned to leave but a hand pulled him back.

"But, sir, just hire a driver to bring you back to your place and have some fun for now," Soo Jin said while looking at Luhan's eyes then to his lips and back.

Suddenly the room was hot, and his other staff members hooted and told him to stay. He smiled awkwardly, and dialed a driving company to fetch him. He took the glass Soo Jin gave him and what happened next became a blur.

Before Luhan knew what he was doing, he had given in to seductive looks Soo Jin threw his way. 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Once, in the middle of the night, Geil heard the lock in the house beeped signaling someone was entering. She was so sleepy but she did her best to get up from bed and welcome him. She was about to open their bedroom door when she heard him talking to his phone.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow for work,” he said to his phone. “Yes, of course... …. Hey, I have to go, I’m in my house, my wife might hear me… … You know I can’t do that… … Okay…  Good night, too... No, I’m not doing that, that’s childish… … No way… Fine, fine…” he chuckled and made a kissing sound to the phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” then he hang up.

Since that night, Geil’s heart breaks in thousand pieces every single day. She kept quiet about it because she doesn’t want to fight with him.

She started to wonder what actually keeps Luhan in the office but everytime she gets somewhere near the conclusion that Luhan found someone else, she would open the television and force herself to understand animal documentaries.

There are times when she can't sleep at night and Luhan would found her lying on bed and staring at the ceiling. She would ask him how his day was and forcing herself to forget what she hears countless of nights when Luhan talks on his phone just before he enters their bedroom. Many times, she would just kiss him goodnight, and turn her back on him. Some other times, when they're entangled in each other's arms and try to make love she would just cry.

Luhan thought that, yes, of course, ramming himself in her would hurt but it would turn into pleasure, right? So why the heck does she always cries even after it. Luhan had enough so that one night Geil started crying again, after he fell from the high, he asked her irritated.

"Why do you always cry?"

"Because it hurts," she mumbled.

"I know," Luhan snapped and left her to sleep inside the car, refusing to hear her sniffles.

He just didn't know what actually hurts. He just didn't know how much it hurts.

It hurts like hell to be forced to smell that sweet female perfume that never leaves his body even if he's long changed to his sleeping clothes. It hurts that Geil is being forced smell that sinful scent whenever she buries herself in his chest, in his neck, in his hair, and it kills her painfully slow.

It’s as if she was a kid again and memories of her childhood replayed in her mind. Her own parents fighting every night and in the end, her father left them. She doesn’t want that. She would rather be called stupid and blind than lose the only man she has ever loved.

The days got more depressing and the nights became colder. Just the thought of what Luhan might be doing at the moment breaks her down.

But it should end now. It's about time she fights for herself, for her baby, and for Luhan. It's still there, right? The love Luhan has for her, right? 

She wore a simple dress and took her purse. She hailed a cab and soon enough, she was standing just in front of his company.

“Baby,” her hands cradled her stomach. “Give mommy courage, huh? I will tell daddy about you, then we will be a happy family. Mommy promi-,” but even before she could complete saying her promise, Luhan stepped out of the building hand in hand with someone. She wore a tight black dress and her thin lips were covered with bloody red lipstick.

Geil concealed herself behind a big black van. Her eyes followed Luhan and the woman.

Smelling her perfume on him, hearing their conversations on phone, reading text messages, everything hurts and felt like hell for Geil. But by seeing it with her own two eyes, she didn't know the pain would feel even more real, more breaking, and more...

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Are you sure you’ll be fine here?” Chanyeol asked Geil for the nth time.

“Yeah, I’m going to be fine,” she smiled then there was a bark. She couldn’t help but giggle at the dog. “We’ll be fine,” she ruffled the dog’s ear while her other hand cradle her stomach.

“I swear when I see that Luhan-”

“Oppa, please,” she pleaded. “Don’t do anything to him. Also, don’t tell him anything.”

“But what about you? You’ll have to raise your child alone. How can you do that? Do you know how hard it is to be pregnant?”

“Oppa, please…”

“I don’t know what’s with you, Geil. I just don’t understand you…” Chanyeol took her in his arms and let her drench his shirt with her tears.

After what Geil saw in front of the company, she hurried back to their house, packed her bags and with Dessy, the once puppy Luhan gave her that Christmas, she left. She left a simple note and went to the vacation house in the countryside Chanyeol, her brother, owns. She left her own phone so even if she liked it or not, she would not be tempted to call Luhan. She didn’t tell him where she’ll be and that she’s pregnant, and she has no plans to do so in the near future, or ever.

“Okay, just call the maids if you feel uncomfortable. They will help you,” Chanyeol smiled and wiped off her tears. “Remember, Geil, I’m one call away, hm?” he hugged her again and patted her back gently.

“Thank you so much, Chanyeol oppa,” Geil smiled sincerely at her loving brother.

Chanyeol could only force a smile. As Geil's brother, he saw for himself the love that happened between Luhan and her sister. He was there and witnessed the vows the couple made in the altar, and he was there to see the way both of the couple's eyes would change in a gentle way when they look at each other. He was so happy that despite having a failure of a father, Geil found a person who would love her. Chanyeol was so sure about the two. But, why? Does love really do have expiration dates?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was true. Pregnancy is not Geil’s favorite thing.

After every meal, she throws up. She craves for a lot of things. She gets extra lonely at night and would almost always cry herself to sleep. Chanyeol goes with her for checkups, and would almost every day, after his work, he would visit Geil in the vacation house. The maids, too, took the role of a friend and would talk to her when Geil feels down. But no matter how much Chanyeol cares for her and no matter how hard the maids try to make her smile, she can’t stop herself from missing that man, Luhan.

How can she call herself her baby's mother if she can't fight this through? So every time she feels like giving up, she just pictures herself playing with her kid and running around the beach. And then the two of them will watch the sun set, just the two of them. A mother and a child. She will be strong and she will make it through.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It was Valentine’s Day and all girls in Geil’s and Luhan’s high school were on their feet. Girls left and right were giving chocolates, cakes, and whatnot as they confess to that one guy they like. Geil couldn’t care less.

She walked to her sit. She passed by Luhan who was annoyed while looking at the amount of chocolates he received that piled up on his desk. He also looked frustrated because there are boxes of gifts too on his chair and he couldn't sit.

“Morning, Luhan,” Geil said as she passed by. She sat and dumped her bag on her desk and tried to continue her disrupted sleep when the seat in front of her was pulled and someone tapped on her desk effectively making her head shoot up. “Quiet, Luhan, I’m trying to sleep,” she said weakly to the culprit.

“Ya, ya,” Luhan poked her head. “Wake up, Geil,” he ordered.

“Okay, what on earth is it?” she asked irritably.

Luhan and Geil got closer as weeks passed by. They talked in school and sometimes hang out. Sometimes he goes with her friends, or sometimes she goes with his, but most of the times, it’s just the two of them at the rice cake shop just in front of the school.

“Where’s my chocolate?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Geil had to use all her willpower to not laugh when she saw him pout. “What chocolate?” she asked back.

“What ‘what chocolate’? It’s Valentine’s Day, babe,” Luhan grinned. He held his left hand to her so she could give him a chocolate.

“First, stop calling me babe, it’s disgusting-”

“You like it, just admit it.”

“Second, I don’t give a crap if it’s Valentine’s-”

“But-”

“Lastly, I have no chocolate in my pocket, in my bag, or anywhere so take your hand away from me,” then she went back to burying her face on her bag to sleep.

“It’s Valentines and giving chocolates is, like, obligatory, Geil,” he whined but he knew it was useless.

When their teacher came in, Luhan shook her awake and Geil smiled at him as thanks. Luhan felt his heart skipped a beat.

“Let’s eat rice cake after class,” Geil whispered to Luhan.

“I want chocolates,” Luhan hissed back.

“Fine, I’ll go alone,” she stuck her tongue out.

But in the end, Luhan went with Geil and together they ate rice cake.

After eating, they went to the playground and sat on the swings. Both of them shared the chocolates Luhan received.

“At this rate,” Geil pointed at the chocolates and the empty wrappers, “we’ll get sick and die,” she said. Luhan only snorted. “Hey, Luhan,” she called.

“Hm?” he turned his head to her.

“Can I have this one?” she pointed at a Toblerone bar.

“Why? That’s milk, I thought you hate milk chocolates?”

“Just give it to me, will you?”

“Fine,” he smirked. “Just don’t complain that it’s not your ta-” but he was cut off when he saw the chocolate bar in front of him. He looked at Geil questioningly.

“What?” she asked shyly. “You said you want me to give you chocolates, here, take it,” she blushed.

Luhan broke into a smile that reached his ears and took the chocolate.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Should we go to the hospital?” Jane, one of the maids asked. “It’s been a long time since it started,” she handed her a medicine and water.

“No, I’m fine,” Geil assured her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am, Jane,” Geil smiled. “I’m tired, I think I’m going to sleep now,” she mumbled but the whole night she had a coughing fit, not to mention it was hard for her to breathe. She couldn’t help but shed more tears as she missed Luhan.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Let’s go,” Luhan smiled as he dragged her.

It was White day and it was a weekend and all Geil could think about is to sleep that day away until Luhan pestered her to go with him.

“You whined and sulked the whole day yesterday to force me to go out with you today just to ride a bike. Are you freaking kidding me, Luhan?” Geil glared at Luhan.

“Oh, come one. It’s boring at home,” he reasoned.

“Sleeping is not boring,” she bickered but nonetheless rode the bike with him.

They rode the bike and passed by busy streets, houses, buildings, and shops. They rode the bike side by side and kept talking about almost everything. Finally, they got tired and rested at the playground. They sat on the swings again. Geil was tired but she’s thankful that Luhan asked her to spend the day with him. Luhan’s heart was beating fast because of what he has been planning days ago but he can’t stop but feel happy because Geil is with him.

Before the sun has set, they were back in front of Geil’s house.

“Luhan,” Geil called before she entered the gate, “thank you for today,” she smiled and it caused Luhan’s heart to skip a beat.

“Geil,” Luhan called even before she can take a step away. “I have to t-tell you somet-thing,” he stuttered and mentally smacked himself as the pounding of his heart became unbearable.

Geil watched Luhan as he pulled a white rose out of nowhere and held it for Geil.

“It’s W-white day,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh, thanks,” she chuckled. “Is that all? I’m going ins-”

“No, wait,” he stopped her by grabbing her wrist.

“What is it, Luhan?”

“I, uh.. I,” he looked somewhere else to distract himself while scratching the back of his head. Come on, man up, Luhan, he scolded himself. He cleared his throat and looked directly at Geil’s eyes. He felt his heart stop beating and she felt hers beat faster.

“Geil,” he started again. “I know this might sound weird and strange, and unbelievable, but you have to believe me. I know it’s just a few months since we actually started talking and be friends with each other. You can smack me on the face later but you have to hear me out,” he blushed a little. “Since that night when I saw you on the playground, for some reason I felt drawn to you, as if it’s a need for me to be beside you. Since then, I wanted to be close to you and protect you from everything that will hurt you. Since then, I wanted to make you smile and wipe your tears away. At first I was confused but the times we spent together made me realize that I like you. I like you so much for my own good, Geil.”

But Geil can’t utter one word let alone make a single sound.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Luhan waved off and felt rejected. Out of nowhere, he got a bouquet of flowers. “I just thought I have to say it, just to let you know,” he smiled weakly when Geil took the flowers. “I’ll see you at school on Monday,” he smiled and started to drag his bike and walked away.

 “Luhan, wait,” finally Geil got back her senses. She ran to Luhan and it was an enough answer for Luhan.

Geil tiptoed and kissed him just at the side of his lips. With tomato red cheeks, Geil ran back to her home straight to her bedroom and jumped up and down out of happiness.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Geil…” a low voice disrupted her sleep. “Geil…” the voice called again. She opened her eyes and got face to face with Chanyeol. Dessy barked and she felt completely awake.

“Good morning, baby,” she gently her stomach to greet the life inside her. “Good morning, oppa,” she smiled at Chanyeol then she heard a bark and immediately scratched Dessy’s furry forehead. “Good morning to you, too, Dessy,” she smiled.

“Omma sent you side dishes, I put it in the fridge,” Chanyeol smiled as he sat on the bed.

“Thank you, oppa,” she smiled but too soon, she had a coughing fit. Suddenly it became hard for her to breathe.

“We have to go to the hospital, Geil,” Chanyeol said as he helped her sister drink water.

“Did Jane tell you about my cough?” she smiled weakly. “I’m fine, oppa. It’s just a normal cough.”

“I’m worried about you and the baby so whether you like it or not, you’re going with me to the hospital, besides, tomorrow is your scheduled checkup, you can just do it today,” Chanyeol smiled comfortingly at her.

“Well, if you put it that way,” she smiled cheekily and let her brother help her to stand up.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Luhan,” Geil smiled as he dragged him by the wrist, “come with me.”

“You’re making me follow you with this?” he looked at her hand holding his wrist. “No way,” he smirked. “It should be like this,” Luhan tangled his fingers with hers and held on tightly. “So, where are you taking me?” he smiled angelically.

“Here,” she mumbled and lead the way with red cheeks. Luhan can’t help but feel giddy just by looking at his cute girlfriend.

They entered the school’s music room and they both sat on the piano.

“Close your eyes, Luhan,” Geil instructed.

“Why?” he asked. “You know, no matter how much I would really like it but we are in school right now, you can’t kiss me,” he teased.

“Shut up and just do as I say, Luhan,” she told him sternly.

Luhan closed his eyes and Geil reluctantly let go of his hands. There was a sound of papers and next there was a soft melody.

Luhan listened to it and unconsciously smiled. The melody sounded nice to his ears and he started to remember the first night in the playground, those simple smiles they gave each other, that day when he confessed and all those secret dates they had on the school building’s rooftop.

“How was it?” Geil asked after she played her piece.

“It’s beautiful,” Luhan smiled at her. “Did you compose it?”

“Yes,” she admitted shyly.

Luhan held her hand again and played with her fingers.

“I was thinking of you when I made it,” she said. “so I titled it ‘Luhan,’” she muttered and he looked up.

Geil took her hands from him and rolled the pieces of paper and tied it with a ribbon. “It’s my 100^th Day gift for you,” she smiled.

Luhan felt something inside him burst and he just can’t hold it in anymore. He softly crashed his soft lips on hers.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

 

“So,” the doctor placed pieces of paper in front of Geil and Chanyeol. “Let’s start with the baby matters first,” she weakly smiled. “Geil, you have a baby boy.”

“Jiho,” Geil silently muttered as her hands shoot up to her tummy and softly her stomach.

“Jiho?” Chanyeol asked.

“His name is Jiho,” Geil smiled.

“Baby Jiho,” Chanyeol smiled widely seeing his sister’s eyes brim with happiness.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Geil, are you sleeping already?” Luhan said over the phone.

“As much as I want to, I can’t,” she mumbled. “Why is summer so hot?” she complained.

“I’m hotter,” he said cockily.

“Keep telling that to yourself, Luhan,” she giggled.

“Wait for me,” he said and hung up.

Geil looked at her phone confusedly. She was slowly drifting to sleep when she heard something.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Geil’s head shoot up when she saw Luhan just outside her window.

“Luhan,” she hissed and ran and opened her windows. “What are you doing here? How did y- Oh, God,” she looked at the rope ladder attached to her window sill. “I’ve been wondering for days now how did this ladder end up here,” she looked at Luhan who just mischievously smiled at her and winked. “You are one sneaky guy, Luhan,” she said.

“I’m being romantic, Geil,” he chuckled and hugged her.

“Come here,” Geil said and lead Luhan to her closet. “I have a secret inside,” she smiled. “Follow me.”

Geil’s built in closet was divided into two. One is the closet proper and the other has a door. Inside is a staircase with six steps that lead to the rooftop.

“It’s beautiful, right,” Geil smiled at the awestruck Luhan.

“Yeah,” he whispered as he looked at the stars above him.

Geil took some blankets and pillows from her bed and with the help of Luhan, they laid it on the rooftop and rested on it.

 Luhan wrapped his arms around Geil and she buried herself deeper in the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of her head and started to sing Geil a lullaby.

♪♫♪

 

This moment when I’m closing my eyes to pray
I will hug the heart in you slowly
Today is a one-time chance
My first footstep I take

 

I will promise I’m going to do good
As expected I, as predicted, happily
Us two’s own dream

That first step

 

Why do you make my eyes shine like this
Why do you make my heart beat this crazily
Although I become breathless
You are so precious to me

 Don’t forget

 

In the beginning your dream, your word, thicker than tears
Also sweeter than heaven’s nectar
Yes, you are my baby, baby, baby, baby, baby baby…

 

I promise I won’t stop when I only see you

 

♫♪♫

“I love you, Geil,” he said as he planted another kiss on top of her head.

“I love you, Luhan,” she said as she tightened her hold on him.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Now you have to listen to me,” the doctor then said gravely.

Chanyeol and Geil looked up to the doctor and whatever she told the two caused Geil to cry uncontrollably. Chanyeol, feeling heartbroken for his sister, listened to the doctor for anything that he could do for Geil.

This is dangerous for you and the baby…

This is dangerous for you and the baby…

Dangerous for you and the baby…

The baby…

The words of the doctor kept on replaying inside Geil’s head like a broken tape.

And for the first time since she left him, she needed him by her side.

She needed Luhan to tell her that everything will turn out fine…

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“Call me right away if there is a problem,” Geil’s mother said for the nth time.

“We’ll go back as soon as possible, Luhan,” Chanyeol said.

“I don’t understand why you had to call him,” Geil said. “It’s just fever.”

“And to whom do you expect us to leave you?” Chanyeol playfully smacked her forehead. “Just rest.”

“You might have to slip a sleeping pill on her food to knock her off,” Geil’s mother jokingly said.

“Ommaaaa,” Geil complained.

“You’re already eighteen and you whine like a five year old girl,” Chanyeol teased.

“I’ll take care of Geil, omonim,” Luhan smiled.

Geil’s mother was beyond thankful that Geil found someone like Luhan whom they could trust.

The whole day, Luhan refused Geil’s requests to stand up. He fed her with the porridge her mother cooked but after a few spoons, Geil craved for the ramen with eggs Luhan cooked. Without complain, he cooked for her.

“I’m sleepy,” she mumbled.

“Take a nap, Geil,” Luhan said after giving her her medicine.

“Sing for me,” she held his hands and played with his fingers.

Luhan lied on the bed with Geil. He wrapped his arms around her and started to sing. Geil felt herself relax and soon enough she was sleeping.

Words can’t describe how lucky she is to have this guy beside her. He cares for her and he loves her. Just what kind of good deed had she done in her past life to deserve the perfect guy Luhan.

Before the sun has set, Geil woke up. She slowly opened her eyes and got face to face with a sleeping Luhan. He looked so handsome and peaceful. As carefully as possible, she disentangled herself from him and reached for her sketchbook and pencils.

While waiting for Luhan to wake up, she drew his perfect face.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

 

It had been six years since they started dating and Luhan knew that he will not take any excuse to not have Geil for the rest of his life. He loves her more than anything in the world and he is sure it is about time that he drops the question.

Geil arrived in her house and found a note: Meet me at the playground, love. –Luhan

She hurriedly dumped her purse on the couch and put her sneakers back on. It’s been a long day at work and Luhan is who she exactly needs.

But when she got to the playground, not even a single light was lit. It was complete darkness … until fairy lights started to light up and in the middle. Luhan sat on a piano and played the song she composed for him.

“I think you played it better than me…” Geil said as soon as Luhan wrapped his arms around her.

“I’ll take that as you allowing me to play your piece,” he smiled softly.

“It’s for you, of course you can play it, silly,” she giggled. “But Luhan,” she looked at him. “How on earth did a piano appear here?”

“You forgot I’m the same person who tied that ladder in your window,” he chuckled. Once again he tucked her in his arms. “Geil,” he continued seriously. “This might not how you expected it, this may not be as perfect as you imagined but I hope it will be fine,” he then looked at her directly in the eyes. “I can’t promise that everything will be smooth but I promise to love you for the rest of my life. Only you, Geil,” he smiled and went down on one knee and presented her a silver ring. “Will you marry me?”

With a tear out of happiness fell on her right cheek, she said “yes,” and Luhan slipped the simple silver ring on her ring finger.

“I love you,” they exchanged to each other and were followed by a passionate kiss.

That night, the first snow of winter fell…

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

He sat on his office and was there, wondering why his wife was always crying at night? When did she start to smile less? When did they grow a gap? Work was long over and his cheeks still felt sore when he ended it with Soo Jin but he couldn't care less about it. Yes, he felt bad for hurting Soo Jin, but it was nothing compared to the guilt he felt ever since that time when he slept inside the car. Geil's cries were a torture for him. He doesn't want to hear it because it reminds him of awfully evil things he's done behind her back.

It also didn't sit well with him when he suddenly had the urge to call Geil to check up on her just like he used to do a long time ago and she didn't pick up. 

So Luhan knew he wasn't in the right place where he should be. He ran out of office, started the engines and race back to their house.

Luhan tried to convince himself that everything was okay. It's just 6pm and surely, when he gets home, Geil would be surprised because he came early, but he will put that aside, and he will kiss Geil, even if it hurts, even if she cries, they will make love that night and he will hold her securely in his arms until her tears subside. He will tell her he's sorry and that he loves Geil, only Geil.

But what welcomed him was a note taped on their bead's headboard and an empty closet.

 When I see you smile and happy for what you are doing, I’ll be twice as happy. I'm okay. We'll be okay.

It has been six months since Geil left and Luhan has never felt more lost as days, weeks, and months passed by.

He was too late…

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

It was their first Christmas since getting married. Luhan woke up before her. He softly her cheeks and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead before he went downstairs to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

“Dessy,” Luhan ruffled the dog’s ears, “here, boy,” and he gave the brown dog a slice of bread.

“If you keep doing that, he’ll refuse to eat the dog food,” a voice said behind him.

“Good morning to you, too,” he turned around and got face to face with his beloved wife. She wore the white polo shirt he was wearing the night before. It was oversized for Geil but to Luhan, she looked like a goddess. “Hey, gorgeous,” he grinned as he pulled Geil in his arms then showered her with kisses.

“Hey, you’ll catch a cold,” Geil managed to say in between her laughs. “Wear a shirt, you y being,” she giggled. He was only wearing a simple jogging pants and nothing on top. “Coffee?” she asked before she does something that’s unlike her because of his toned abs that’s just a few centimeters from her.

“Yes, please,” he answered and gave her one last peck on the lips. He set the table while Geil took two mugs to make coffee.

“Whipped cream, of course,” Luhan muttered to himself when he saw Geil sprayed whipped cream on their coffees.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Luhan stood on the kitchen feeling worse than ever. He stared at the coffee he made. It missed something. He went to the fridge and took a can of whipped cream and sprayed it in his mug. He tasted it and something was still off.

“It’s been months since I tried to make my coffee taste the same as how you make it, Geil. I’m not getting any good at it, please, come back,” he pleaded as if the coffee in his mug would grant his wish. He sat in the living room and stared at Geil's painting of his face. He drew his legs near and covered his face from the emptiness of the house and cried.

He tried calling her, but later he found her phone under the blanket on her side of the bed. He tried to reach her mother but all he got was an earful of lectures and pure disappointments. He tried talking to Chanyeol but the latter only looked at him as if ready to kill him. For one moment, he wanted Chanyeol to kill him, but told himself it wasn't the right time to die yet. He doesn't deserve to be able to explain himself, but at the least he wants to be selfish and tell Geil that he loves her

He tried contacting her friends, ex-co-workers, talked to the guard in the lobby, but no one knew, and no one told him where Geil is.

With tears uncontrollably falling from his eyes, he looked at the Christmas tree in front of him and to the star that's still on the floor. He wants to put it up with Geil beside him.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Feeling worse than he was yesterday, or the days in the past for the matter, Luhan woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He didn’t realize it was the call he had been waiting for until he heard Chanyeol's low voice.

He raced out of bed and prepared to leave. He was about to open the door when he realized something. He went back to their room and took out the coat Geil gave him two Christmas ago.

“It looks good on you, Luhan,” Geil smiled as she marveled at the man in front of him.

“Of course,” Luhan chuckled and showered Geil with wet kisses.

Those were the times when they were still what all can say an in love couple, a complete opposite to what they are now, apart from each other.

She needs you, Luhan. She needs you, Chanyeol’s pleading voice rang inside his head again and Luhan snapped back to reality. He grabbed his keys and drove to the place where his love is.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Dessy waited in the porch while staring at the beach in the back of the vacation house. He was waiting until his human would finally get up from bed, wiper her tears away, and feed the poor dog. That was until he sensed his other human so he ran from the porch to the front door and out of the house and barked at Luhan who just got out of his car.

He looked like a mess from his messy hair to his pale lips, from his bloodshot and dead eyes, to the mismatched pair of shoes he was wearing. The only thing that looked good in him was the black coat he was wearing, but there was no mistaking it was his other human.

“Here, boy,” Luhan sat on his legs to hug Dessy. The dog barked and the side of Luhan’s face. “You missed me, Dessy?” he asked as he ruffled the dog’s ears. If Dessy's here, it's only logical that Geil is, too. He thanked Chanyeol for finally telling him the location of his wife but he also cursed himself for not knowing. And then he heard her.

He never fully understand how much he missed her voice, her eyes, her laugh, her smile, her kiss, her warmth, her.

“Dessy, where are you?” she said while struggling to breathe. “Dess-, Luhan?” she looked at him with wide eyes. 

They locked eyes and froze on the spot.

A smile broke on his face shortly. She was still that beautiful goddess he loves. But there was something off. 

But he didn't mind because right now, he want to touch her, feel her smile on his lips, and tell her I love you.

“Geil…” he whispered and took a step near her.

Geil only stood on her spot as she took in what was happening.

Luhan touched her face and looked deeply in her eyes. She got paler and thinner but nonetheless, she’s still the same girl he loves so much. It doesn’t matter to him if he doesn’t have the right to do it. He hugged her and inhaled the sweet lavender scent he missed terribly.

How stupid was he to take these things for granted? How can he be so selfish? How can he be so dumb?

By hugging her tight, that’s when he realized a bump on her tummy. He looked down to see Geil’s bulging stomach.

“You’re pregnant,” he whispered and he touched her stomach.

“Luhan,” she mumbled and at once he looked back to her eyes. The walls she so hardly tried to build alone were powdered to dust. How can she be so weak when it comes to him?

Geil took Luhan’s hands and put them on her stomach. “His name is Jiho,” she smiled weakly and Luhan couldn’t help but let the tears fall. “Jiho-ya…” Geil cooed. “Daddy’s here, baby… Daddy’s here,” her voice broke.

Luhan went on his knee and showered Geil’s stomach with kisses. “I’m here, baby, Daddy is here,” Luhan cried. “Jiho-yah…” he cooed.

 

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

“How did you find me?” Geil asked while she curse Chanyeol to hell and back inside her head because, of course, other than her mother, who would tell him? 

“Chanyeol,” Luhan admitted.

They sat on the porch that has a great view of the beach. It was winter and the waves danced violently making the sea scarier. The silence and tension was so thick. Luhan doesn't know how to start and Geil wants to hide now as cough starts to build inside her lungs. She gulped from her cup of coffee and wished Jane would come with a glass of water instead.

Geil made the both of them a cup of coffee, and much to Luhan’s delight, she put whipped cream.

“Your coffee tastes the best, Geil,” Luhan said, momentarily forgetting the awkward atmosphere.

“Why? Didn’t you like her coffees?” Geil muttered bitterly.

Luhan snapped back to reality. “Geil…”

“I know it Luhan,” Geil said while looking at her mug. “I know about you and her. I heard it. I smelled her. I saw you...” and then tears started falling but she wish it wouldn't. She's too weak now. She needs to build her defenses back up.

“I’m really sorry. I know how thick faced I am to still face you. I know I’ve been a jerk, no, maybe a jerk isn’t enough to describe what a complete failure I have been, Geil, and I really am sorry,” and then he was crying, too, but she wished he wouldn't. It hurts her hundreds times more when she sees him so broken like this, and honestly, isn't she hurting enough now? Isn’t it too much already?

Geil kept her silence. Luhan stood up and knelt in front of her. She couldn’t help but let her walls break down when she saw Luhan’s face covered with tears.

“Geil,” Luhan held her hands while leaning his forehead on her knees while he knelt down and cry, “I’m so sorry. I was stupid and I was a complete . But I need you, Geil, I need you beside me. I missed you terribly, and any other coffee tastes , and it tortures me when I don't see you in the morning, and the star's not up on our tree, and I regret everything, and we have stacks of dark chocolates in our refrigerator, and tubs of ice cream in our freezer, and I love you... I love you so... much... I love you, Geil...” 

Just as Geil hated to admit, she’s letting Luhan in.

 

 

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Luhan, for weeks, did his best to be the right husband for Geil and be the proper father for Jiho. Every morning, Geil feels weak so Luhan made sure that he is beside her to be the strength she needs. Every night, especially during 1 or 2 in the morning, Geil would crave for different treats and Luhan, without a single complain, will buy the food for her.

Though, Luhan is not sure if Geil’s time to time coughing fits, wheezing, and difficulty in breathing have something to do with her pregnancy.

Luhan took the whole month off from work and even before his boss could say no, he hang up his phone and turned it off. He stayed with Geil in the country side and did his best to fulfill his duty as a father.

At first, Luhan can’t help but feel hurt. Geil would oftentimes refuse his help and ask for Chanyeol or Jane instead. Sometimes, he will catch Geil look at him suspiciously when he talks with Jane. But he can’t do anything but blame himself and just prove to Geil that he’s changed. Geil would also flinch whenever he touches her, so Luhan had to be careful. He couldn't even sleep on the same bed as her. He opted for the blue couch inside the room.

At least he could still watch her.

One afternoon, Luhan saw Geil turn his phone on. He sat on the couch with her and even if Geil tensed a little, he hugged her and nestled his face in her neck.

“Luhan..” Geil mumbled and showed him his phone. “Just go back to work, I’ll be okay. Your boss is going to fire you and-”

“No,” he said firmly, “they can kick me out for all I care. Being with you is all I need…”

 

 

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“Luhan,” Geil mumbled in the middle of the night. “Luuhaaan…” she cried. She woke up from a nightmare.

Luhan jerked awake and looked worriedly at his wife. He stood up from his slumber on the couch and hurried to the bed and sat beside Geil. “Why, baby?” he asked, wiping off her tears. “What is it, Geil? Tell me…” Luhan wrapped an arm around her and his other hand gently her stomach.

“Don’t leave me…” she whimpered.

“I won’t… I will never…” Luhan said as his heart broke. Maybe he had hurt her so much that it scares her now. Luhan can’t help but feel terribly guilty. If only he could do anything to turn back time. But it already happened. The least he could do is make Geil feel that he do loves her, and he will do anything, except to be far away from her.

With closed eyes, Geil found her way and kissed Luhan on the lips.

“I don’t even know if I deserve this much from you, Geil. I’m really, really sorry,” he said as sad tears fall off his eyes. “I’m so sorry… I love you, Geil.” He kissed her with all the love he has for his wife.

 

 

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A bark woke up the couple from their slumber.

“Dessy,” Luhan smiled at the dog. “Dessy, boy,” Luhan ruffled the dog’s ears. “Okay, now that I played with you, go away and let me have time with my wife,” he said sternly and went back to hugging Geil, who was laughing.

“Dessy, come here, boy,” Geil reached for the sulking dog. Dessy leaped and barked. “Good morning, Dessy…” she played with his fur.

“Geil…” Luhan groaned.

“Hm?” she turned to Luhan.

Luhan smiled sweetly at her. “I love you.”

 

 

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Luhan and Geil sat on the couch. They sat in front of the Christmas tree and silently watched the lights. Luhan wrapped an arm around Geil and the other cradled her stomach. “I love you, Geil, I love you, Jiho,” he repeated again and again. He kissed the top of her head and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. He knew it wasn’t enough to pay for his sins to his wife and his child, but he will take all the punishment for the rest of his life, as long as God won’t take away his family from him.

“Jiho-yah..” he whispered,  “please forgive daddy for hurting Mommy. I promise to be a great father to you and a better husband for mommy. When you grow older, we will go and visit the park and we will play the whole day at the playground.  Daddy will bring you to school and you will eat the pack lunch Mommy will prepare for you. We will go ice skating for your birthdays, and we will watch the Christmas lights at night. We will be a happy family and Daddy will never hurt you, or Mommy.”

Geil who was silently listening felt her tears forming in her eyes.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he whispered and kissed Geil’s cheek a second too long.

Giving in, Geil turned her head and kissed Luhan on the lips to which the latter happily kissed back.

Then there was a pang of pain on her stomach. The pain was searing and she can’t breathe. The last thing she saw is Luhan’s worried face.

“Geil,” Luhan called forcefully, his voice dripping with worry. “Geil,” he screamed.

Her water broke and Jane called for an ambulance. They rushed to the hospital and to the delivery room.

Throughout the whole operation, Luhan stayed beside her and gripped on her hand. His heart broke thousands of time while she whimpers because of too much pain. He felt like being crazy when he saw her pained expression.

Then there was a sound of cry. Luhan and Geil looked at the new life born on Christmas Eve.  The doctor wrapped the baby in white blanket and handed Jiho to his mother.

“Baby… Jiho…” Geil struggled to say as tears escaped her eyes. “I love you, Jiho,” she said and kissed the baby.

Luhan looked at the scene and he felt as if everything has fallen into its right place.

 

That was what he thought…

 

 

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If he could turn back time, he will rewind to when they were still together.

If he could fly, he will lock her in his arms and fly with her.

If he could make fire, he’ll make it to keep her warm.

If he had the power to create frost, he will make snows to fall for her even if it’s summer.

If he had the ability to control water, he should’ve made ice sculptures to entertain her.

If he had the power to control earth, he will grow flowers for her.

If he had the ability to control the wind, he would’ve used it to blow her soft breezes.

If he had the power of light, he will brighten up all the places she will go to so she will never have to experience darkness.

 If he had the power to go one place to another, he would’ve found her the moment she left.

If he could heal her, he will take away all that’s hurting her.

If he could make lightning, there will be thunderstorm now.

 

 

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“Take him, Luhan,” Geil struggled to say. “Hold him…” she tried her best to smile.

“I will,” Luhan mumbled as he carried the little baby in his arms. “Jiho…” he cooed.

Jiho smiled at his father and Luhan felt amazing and can't help but let his tears of joy fall. He looked back to Geil.

Seeing how happy Luhan was enough for Geil.  They held hands and she gripped on his with all the strength left in her. Luhan carried their baby in one arm and his other hand laced with hers, like a proper family. That’s all she needed. “I love you, Luhan. Always have, always will…”

Luhan watched with his heart slowly crashing like a glass as Geil smiled and closed her eyes, a tear dropped, and the machine connected to her body announced the stopping of her heart.

 

 

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“Daddy,” Jiho smiled charmingly. “Daddy, I want ice cream,” he said.

Luhan stood up from the swing he was sitting on and took Jiho in his arms. He carried him all the way to the nearest ice cream parlor along with Dessy tailing the father and son.

Jiho, though he looked almost exactly like his father, had the same personality as Geil. It’s as if she is living in him.

The first time Luhan had a good look at his son, he realized that Jiho’s eyes were like Geil’s. Growing up, everyone noticed the great resemblance of Jiho to Luhan, but he somehow wished that the boy would look like his mother instead. Though a lot of times have passed by, Jiho never stopped surprising his father for his almost the same habit as his mother, example, wanting to eat ice cream even during winter and unexplainable dislike for milk chocolates.

Three years have passed and Luhan found himself unable to move on and he has no plans to. He quit his job and accepted another in a different company. He lived for his son and he promised to love him with all that he is. He took care of Jiho and protected him. He loved him and told him stories about his mother.

It was lung cancer that killed Geil. She was in a terminal state when she gave birth. She was forced to not go on with the pregnancy and be under chemotherapy as soon as possible, but she refused. She welcomed no other options. So when she forced herself, her lungs gave up and caused her death.

 

 

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If he could only move things, he will take Geil back in his arms and never let her go again.

 

 

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It was their first night as a married couple.

“I love you…” he smiled happily for having this girl beside him.

“I love you more, silly…” she smiled a beautiful smile that beat the pretty Christmas lights outside their home.

“I love your smiles, baby…”

“I love everything about you, Luhan…”

“I’m always beside you,” she whispered as she snuggled herself closer to him.

“I’m forever by your side, Geil,” he promised.

But he broke it.

He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven but she did. Just how much did she love him to allow him to hold her that one last second and still smile? He can’t measure it but he will promise, and forever he will never break it, he will take care of Jiho.

After all, Jiho, their baby, is his miracle in December.