About a year ago, some things happened. My lover and I lost somebody. Although we didn't know her for long, she was still family. We were emotionally attached to her. 9 months. We spent 9 months for her. Preparing and suffering. We thought it would be worth it. We thought that we could walk into our home, holding her in our hands. We had fantasies of cuddling her, singing her lullaby's, playing peek a boo and yet, they never came true.


My 1^st child, Lee Jirin died as soon as she came out of her father's womb.

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“Yeol, do you remember what tomorrow is?” he asked me in a whisper so faint. I nodded my head.

I took a deep breath. “Of course Myung... it would have been her first birthday”. Myungsoo cuddled up to me and put his head on my chest. I put my arms around him and hugged him tight and secure. I heard sniffles and soon my shirt was wet. “Don't cry Myunggie, it's hurts my heart to see you cry”

“B-but, I can't help it Yeol!” He wailed while still hiding into my chest. “I failed myself, I failed you and I failed Jirin! It's all my fault-” I cut him off by putting my hand over his mouth. I grabbed his chin and lifted his head up to me so I could stare into his oh so beautiful eyes. I leaned towards him and placed my lips on his. At first I didn't feel any response, but I could slowly feel him kiss back.

“Lee Myungsoo, I want you to listen to me right now” I said to him sternly. He nodded and looked straight at me. “It's not your fault. Things like these happen and you're not in control of them. I understand that it hurt, hell I think that was the second most painful thing i've ever experienced”

“What was the first?” He asked me. I used my right thumb and used it wipe off his tears.

“Seeing you beat yourself up over this.” And I kissed him again. “You're a strong person Myungsoo. I'm always with you but you need to let go. Let go of all the hurt that drowns you. It's gonna do anything good for you my precious Myungsoo. Smile because you deserve to. You've been through too much”

“Sungyeol, I don't know what I would do without you.” He leaned up and pecked me for one last kiss. He put his head inbetween my neck and soon fell asleep.

Myungsoo..

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*1 Month Later
 

My precious Myungsoo and I were watching a movie together in the living room when he suddenly brought up something I wasn't expecting.

“Yeollie, can I ask you something?” Myungsoo asked.

“Of course Myung, what is it?”

“I want to try again. I want to get pregnant. I want to give birth to a healthy baby and raise it until we grow old and weary”. He grabbed my hands and started to squeeze them. “Please Yeol, let's try this again!!”

To be honest i'm more than shocked that Myungsoo actually wants to try again. It's only been a year and i'm pretty sure that he's still traumatized. I looked at him with big eyes.

“Myunggie, are you being serious? I mean it's great you wanna try again, but are you ready?”. He furiously nodded his head up and down. He put his hands on my shoulders and shook me as hard as he could.

“OF COURSE I'M BEING SERIOUS YOU PABO! I've been thinking about it ever since Jirin's first birthday and I really wanna have this! I know you do too!”. Wow so he really is being serious. I still have my doubts though. I nodded my head.

“Lee Myungsoo I am so proud to have a husband as strong as you. Even though it hurt you before, I'm happy that you're taking some steps forward. Saranghae” I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his towards me and kissed those precious lips.

“Lee Sungyeol, ever since I met you, you've done nothing but make me feel like the most beautiful man on this earth. When i'm sad you cheer me up with that stupid smile of yours. You always know how to comfort me and make me forget about all my sadness. You basically saved me from myself, and for that I could never repay you. Saranghae” We kept kissing and kissing. Next thing I know he has me pinned onto the couch. “Let's try to conceive, right now” he whispered huskily. Damn was I ever . But..

“As much as I really want to 'try for a baby',” Man who am I kidding, I wanna do him so bad. “We should probably go talk to the doctor about it. I read that pregancy after a miscarriage can be dangerous stuff.”. He pouted (oh so cutely) but eventually nodded his head.

“Sigh, I guess you're right..”. I smiled and kissed him.

“The faster we consult the doctor, the faster we can get to uhm 'other things'”. I winked at him and his face turned the cutest shade of pink.

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“Lee Sungyeol! Lee Myungsoo! My my it's been quite sometime!”

“Hey there Dongwoo, how's it been going?” I went up and shook his hand.

“Wonderful oh wonderful!” He started to skip all around the waiting room. I smiled at him and Myungsoo facepalmed himself.

I grabbed on to Dongwoo and stopped him from moving at all. “Wow you seem really happy don't you?” He grabbed my left hand and put it on his stomach.

“W-what? What are you..” I suddenly felt something like a kick hit my hand. I looked at him in shock. “YAH MYUNGSOO COME HERE AND FEEL THIS!!” I grabbed Myungsoo's hand and put it agaisnt Dongwoo's stomach. I waited to see his reaction.

He must have felt the kick. “Oh.. That's wonderful..” He replied without any trace of emotion. Sigh.. Oh Myungsoo..

Luckily Dongwoo was oblivious to any hint of sarcasm in Myungsoo's voice. “ I KNOW RIGHT!!!! HOWON AND I TOTALLY LIKE ED AND THE BOOOOM IM PREGNANT!! ITS BEEN THE BEST 7 MONTHS OF MY LIFE SO FAR!”

“Huh? Isn't it stressful on you?” I asked the hyper male.

“Well it could be, but Howon takes super amazing care of me so it's alright!” He beemed happily. “OH RIGHT! You two are here for an appointment! Silly me, follow me this way please!” He walked ahead. I looked over at Myungsoo and saw that he was being super distant. I grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Don't worry baby, soon that'll be you again”. His smile came back instantly.

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“Mr and Mr Lee, it's such a pleasure to see you again!” Dr Howon greeted as he walked into the room.

“Hello Dr!” we both greeted.

“What brings you here today?” he asked us. I was about to speak but Myungsoo beat me to it.

“I want to get pregnant again” he explained. Short and simple.

“Oh is that so? Well since your last pregnancy umm.. ended with unfortunate results..” I could feel Myung tense up a bit. “I'll have to do some tests to see if you are clear to attempt it again.” We both nodded,

The doctor performed a lot of experiments on Myungsoo. Some bloodwork, xrays, and a bit of exercising. Dr Howon left the room shortly after. Myung grabbed my hand.

“I hope the tests turn our alright Yeol..” he muttered.

“Let's hope for the best.” After what seemed like forever Doctor Howon came back in the room. The look on his face was undreadable. Oh for s sakes, talk about deja vu.

"What's wrong doctor?" Myungsoo asked. The doctor looked at Myungsoo and I with dead eyes.

"Myungsoo, you can't afford to get pregnant again. It could kill you"

My heart immediately shattered.

“E-excuse me?” I choked out.

“I'm sorry but the last pregnancy really took a toll on Myungsoo's body. He can't hold another one or the baby could potentially rip out his insides.” I could feel myself breaking. All the hope I had, was now gone. I could only feel one thing running through me. Despair.

Myungsoo jumped up from his seat.

“How about.. if Sungyeol is the one that gets pregnant?” he asked with desperation in his voice. I looked at him with utter shock on my face, while the doctor remained blank.

I thought about it. All the stomach pains, the morning sickness, the cravings, hormonal changes.. As long as it made Myungsoo happy and as long as he and I had our own child at the end of the day. It's worth it.

I opened my mouth “I think that's a-”

“not so good idea” Doctor Howon cut me off. Myungsoo and I looked at him with confused stares. “You see in your relationship Sungyeol is the one who “leads” between you two. With that mindset, it affects the hormones in your body. Your bodies thinks that Myungsoo is the one who is supposed to get pregnant, not Sungyeol. The chances of Sungyeol getting pregnant are slim to none.”


That can't be possible.. can it? “No way... It can't be” I choked out.

“Sungyeol.. it's over..” Myungsoo whispered. He sank down onto his knees. I ran over and grabbed him but when he looked at me, his eye's were void of any emotion. He lost all hope.

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*2 Months Later

“Leave me alone Sungyeol” Myungsoo shoved me away from him. He was cuddling himself in the corner of the baby room we made last year, for Jirin..

“You can't be like this Myungsoo! It isn't healthy!” I cried out to him. I tried to touch him but he hit my hand away.

“Maybe if I was healthy enough, I would have been able to get pregnant by now” he replied to me.

“Adoption?”

“With what money, plus there aren't any adoption centers near by. We'll need to travel which would cost even more money.”

“Myungsoo, we'll figure this out!”. He stood up, walked up to me and slapped me in the face.

“FIGURE WHAT OUT? FIGURE OUT THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T HAVE KIDS TOGETHER? THE FACT THAT WE'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE BUNDLE OF A JOY THAT WE CAN CUDDLE EVERY NIGHT AND PLAY PEEK A BOO WITH? ONE THAT WILL COME HOME EVERY FROM SCHOOL AND TELL US ABOUT HOW AWESOME HIS OR HER DAY WAS? HOW WE'RE NOT GONNA SEE HIM OR HER GRADUATE FROM SCHOOL? HOW WE'RE NOT GONNA BECOME GRANDPARENTS? OH FOR S SAKES EVEN PARENTS? I JUST- I J-JUST-” he fell on the floor wailing as loud as his voice allowed him too. It hurts seeing him like this. I hate it. I ing hate it. I feel like a failure. I promised him, my Myungsoo that I would do anything to make him happy.

I knelt down and pulled him towards me, hugging him as securely as I could, rubbing his back and whispering soothing words into his ear trying to offer as much comfort as I could. “Hey now, don't be like this love”

He continued to cry. “I just wanted to start a family with you Yeollie. I want us too wake up one day with our children jumping on our bed yelling at us to wake up. I want to go on family trips to the zoo or the amusement park. I want to be there, yelling our our childs name when we see him or her getting a diploma. And when we're old and weak, I want you and I to be lying in bed together with our children taking care of us until we die. I don't know Yeollie, but starting a family with you has been one of my biggest dreams, but now it won't come true”

I couldn't take it anymore. I felt hot water run down the sides of my cheek.

“I'm so sorry Myungsoo”

“Yeollie, are you crying?”

“Of course I am stupid. I just realized how much of a failure of a husband I am to you.”

“Yeollie! That's not true at all!”

“Then how come no matter what I do, I can never seem to make you happy huh? I've tried as hard as I could to keep you happy, to make sure that beautiful smile stays on your face, but you just have a blank stare now. I'm trying my best Myung, but I can't seem to do it right!” I rubbed at my eyes but the tears wouldn't stop coming.

“Sungyeol, you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life” Myungsoo grabbed my hands and put them down. I started to use his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “When I first met you, I was insecure about everything, but you made me feel assured that I was perfect.

“It's because you are, you silly goose.” I teased

“When you proposed to me, I cried myself to sleep that night.”

“YOU WHAT”. He chuckled a bit and put his finger over my lips.

“Do you know why? Because I was happy. The only person in the world who gave two s about me, was on one knee asking to be eternally linked for the rest of our lives.”

“I give more than two s about you, more like infinity s.”. He slapped me upside the head.

“ At our wedding day, I felt as if I found the missing half to my heart. I felt as if nothing could stop me and nothing could bring me down.”

“And I hope you always feel that way.” I put my hand on his cheek

“When I first got pregnant I was scared. Scared that you would reject the baby. But when you found out about the pregnancy, you accepted it.”

“What else was I supposed to do? I wanted to start a family with you too!”

“ We went through a lot through those 9 months huh? But every day throughout those 9 months, I started to realize what I truly wanted and that was to have a family with you.” His eyes started to well up with tears again.

“My dear Myungsoo..” I his cheek.

“When Jirin died on the day I gave birth to her, I truly felt like I died. I really did! I blamed it all on me because I truly felt it was my fault.” The first tear fell

“My love, it wasn't your fault”

“But you helped me and supported me. You made my realize that it wasn't my fault and that sometimes, God hates us.”

I nodded my head “He must really hate us”

“You were and still are my rock.”

“As you are mine.”

“I need you more than ever Sungyeol”

“And I need you more than ever Myungsoo.”

“So don't ever say you're a failure because you're far from it. You're the most amazing husband a boy could ever have. Thank you so much for being in my life.” He pressed his lips agaisnt mine so passionately, it surprised me. I immediately kissed back. We both pulled away and rested our foreheads agaisnt eachother. We gazed into eachothers eyes.

“Lee Myungsoo, what did I do to deserve you in my life?” I asked him.

“You-”

DING DONG

Who the would ring the door bell while I was having a romantic moment with my Myunggie. I ignored it.

“Sorry, what were you gonna say?”

Myungsoo chuckled “I said that you-”

DING DONG

“OH FOR S SAKES” I yelled out. I stomped to the front door while I heard Myungsoo laugh behind. I opened the door “What the hell do you want?”

What I saw made my eyes pop out of my sockets. “Yeollie, who is it?” asked Myungsoo. He looked to see who it and he looked shocked to.

At our door step there was a wooden basket and in the basket was a tiny little baby. At first we just stared at it in shock but then the baby started to cry. Myungsoo was the first to react.

“Hurry Yeollie!! We have to bring it inside, we can't just leave it.” I nodded and bent down to grab the baby. As soon as it got into my arms it stopped crying. “AWHH YEOLLIE!! LOOK AT IT! It really likes you! Look at how it's smiling now!”

“That's nice and all, but what is a baby doing in our front door step?” I wondered. “Maybe there's something in the basket, can you check Myung?”

“Okay!” He walked over to the basket and picked up a little card. “Look at what I found Yeollie!”

“What does it say Myunggie?”

Myungsoo looked at it and started to read. “It says : Dear Mr and Mr Lee, Meet your new son. Be happy from now on and I hope you don't mind the new addition to your family. But something tells me you two are not gonna mind at all. Have a nice day! ~H”

“Huh? Who's H?” I wondered. Myungsoo shrugged his shoulders. But suddenly his expression brightened and started to jump up and down. “What is it Myung??”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS YEOLLIE? THIS IS OUR SON? WE HAVE A CHILD!! WE CAN START A FAMILY!!” he screamed into my face. Ouch my ears. But wait.. now that he mentions it..

“HOLY MYUNGSOO WE HAVE A SON! WE HAVE A CHILD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD” Myungsoo and I jumped around with the baby in my hands giggling along with the craziness of his two new fathers. Speaking of which..

“Hey Myungsoo, what should we name him?”

“I have an idea! I'm not sure if you'll like it though.”

“Shoot at me babe, what is it?”

“Sunggyu. Lee Sunggyu”. I smiled at that.

“I think that's a wonderful name Myunggie, Lee Sunggyu it is”

“Can I hold him?” he asked. I nodded and held Sunggyu out for Myungsoo. Myungsoo grabbed onto Sunggyu and held him close.

“Hi there Sunggyu! I'm your new appa!” and he just kept making cure noises at Sunggyu which made the tiny bundle of joy giggle at his adorable appa. I walked up to Myungsoo and Sunggyu and wrapped my arms around them both in a big hug.

“I love you Myungsoo. I love you Sunggyu” I said

“I love you Sungyeol. I love you Sunggyu” replied Myungsoo

“Gaga”

And we laughed. Today's the day where we start as a new family. No more negative emotions. Just pure happiness.

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Little did they know two certain people were watching the new family from far away.

“Are you sure you're okay with this baby?” The taller asked as he wrapped his arms around the shorter male. The shorter nodded his head.

“Of course, they've been though a lot of stuff, they deserve happiness.”

“How about our happiness? You went though nine months of pregnancy, gave birth and you're giving away our baby, just like that.”

The shorter just laughed “We can always make another baby. Tonight if you wanna”

The taller chuckled a bit “I can't believe how nice you are”

“Isn't that what you love about me?”

“Of course. I love everything about you. I love you Dongwoo”

“I love you too Howon”