Jessica stared at the picture of her and Taeyeon on her nightstand; she missed the kid leader so much. Through the past few months, her constant flights out of Korea only made her miss her girlfriend so much more. Actually… to be more exact, she missed her ex-girlfriend more than ever. Taeyeon always made sure that she packed all the sufficient items into her bag before letting her leave home.

Unfortunately, Jessica and Taeyeon had no choice but to end the relationship when they couldn’t find any more time to meet each other. Taeyeon was busy with her solo debut then and Jessica was busy in China trying to extend her business, it was a horrible month afterward with the 7 members standing in between.

Flashback.

Taeyeon was sitting on the sofa with a can of beer in hand, a few cans already laid out on the table for everyone to see. Jessica knew that Taeyeon rarely drank if she could help it but seeing her girlfriend in such a horrible state, her heart was shattered into pieces. She came here with only one purpose, and that was to end everything between them so both could focus on their own activities at the moment.

“You don’t have to stand at the doorway, you know.”

Jessica froze when she heard Taeyeon’s voice. She must have forgotten that Taeyeon could feel it whenever there was someone looking at or thinking of her, even from afar. She sighed before bending down to take out her heels, carefully balancing on one foot. Taeyeon finished up the last can in her hand before sitting up groggily, she was drinking because she knew what Jessica came to talk about.

“Hi, baby…” Jessica greeted, the regret building up in her when that endearment slipped out from her lips. She walked into the living room, putting down her handbag on the sofa. “Hi. My head is killing me so please cut to the chase.” Taeyeon said sharply, her eyes not looking at Jessica.

Jessica bent down and placed the back of her hand against Taeyeon’s forehead, only to get her hand peeled off by Taeyeon. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Taeyeon patted the space beside her and shut her eyes, “Sica, please. We both know what you’re gonna say so say it now.” Jessica took a deep breath, her voice getting stuck in at Taeyeon’s straightforward statement.

It was now or never.

Taeyeon rubbed her eyes before sitting up, burying her face into her hands. “You’re gonna break up with me?” Jessica couldn’t even bring herself to agree with Taeyeon’s question. “Yes or no?” The blonde was fed up with the silence and she slammed her hands on the table, standing up in fury, “DAMN IT, SICA! YES OR NO!” Jessica didn’t want to admit that this side of Taeyeon was starting to anger her. It just wasn’t her girlfriend… not the Taeyeon she knows at least. 

“Taeyeon, what’s with your attitude tonight?” Jessica asked, standing in front of Taeyeon. “What?” Taeyeon faked a laugh, clapping her hands in mock astonishment, “you expect me to be calm when my girlfriends going to break up with me?” Jessica zipped her lips at Taeyeon’s question, which was true. How could she expect Taeyeon to maintain her composure when she was going to break her heart by tonight?

The suffocating silence was killing both Jessica and Taeyeon but neither was planning to back down when they were already at this stage.

“You know what? It’s fine.” Taeyeon raised her hands in surrender, “forget it. You came here to break up with me… you got your wish.”

Jessica’s legs turned to jelly when Taeyeon finally called it quits. She might have come here to end it all but she didn’t expect this to happen. She slid to the floor in shock as Taeyeon headed to her own room, ignoring the mess in the living room. Taeyeon didn’t know what she might do if she stayed in the same area as Jessica any longer.

With that, the couple that had been through the most ups and downs were finished.

Flashback end.

Tears slid down her eyes as Jessica remembered that painful memory that was deeply etched in her mind. No matter how much she regretted going to Taeyeon to break up with her last year, it wouldn’t help anything. She was being tortured now for the way she tortured Taeyeon then. She knew Taeyeon was slowly destroying herself inside even though the latter maintained a strong front.

“Unnie?”

Jessica hurriedly wiped her tears on her sleeves, ignoring how messy she looked. It was only her sister outside her room after all, and she didn’t need to act like everything was fine. Krystal always made sure to spend more time with Jessica now that she was easily lonely. When Jessica wanted to cry to someone, Krystal would be the one.

“Yes, Soojung?” Jessica tried to keep her voice from shaking, “what do you need?”

Krystal knew Jessica was crying again but she didn’t want to bring it up. She knew Jessica wouldn’t stop once she started crying, which is why both of them always tried to stop her from even tearing up. “I just missed you… you were away for so long…” Krystal whined, laying her head on Jessica’s lap. “Well, fashion week was long. Plus, Fany wanted me to stay longer so…” Jessica’s voice trailed off, realizing that Tiffany was the bridge to Taeyeon right now.

“Look, Unnie…” Krystal sat up and held Jessica’s hands, “If you miss her, then go and see her. She’s not going to kick you out of the house. You know she loves you more than anything.” Jessica tried to smile at Krystal’s way of comforting her, “maybe she doesn’t anymore…” Krystal cocked an eyebrow at Jessica’s words, she must be drunk to think that Taeyeon doesn’t love her anymore.

Jessica looked up at Krystal when she felt Krystal cup her cheeks, “I might not have fancied Taeyeon-unnie very much because of what happened 2 years ago but I know that she wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t care about you or the other unnies. You know, deep down in your heart that she still has some feelings for you.”

Did she?

Did Jessica actually know that when all that was left in her heart were feelings of pain and regret?

---

If Jessica was in pain then Taeyeon wasn’t in a good state either. She might have released Rain early this year and was on a less packed schedule now but the free time only made her overthink. If all her members were with her, enjoying their free time to the best of their ability then it was fine but she was alone. Hyoyeon and Sunny were on vacation. Sooyoung and Tiffany were busy with photo shoots. Yoona, Yuri and Seohyun were busy with recording songs, filming dramas and musicals.

Not that Taeyeon was blaming them for anything… She was simply… lonely.

There were times where the members suspected Taeyeon of having depression and even offered to bring her to a reknown psychologist who wouldn't breathe a word to the press but she denied. Even the one person who didn't bother to talk to her or care about her well-being tried to advise her to go for counselling - Krystal Jung. That was saying something about how she was behaving throughout the years.

“Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon turned around with droopy eyes, “Sunkyu?” 

Sunny dropped her bag and ran to Taeyeon, grabbing the bottle of beer from her. She knew her fellow danshin too well and one of her weak points were alcohol. Taeye