Note: What I state is what I've gone through, it might offend some of you for the fact that it concerns my sanity, sure you might call me crazy but I know that I'm still able to hold onto my sanity.

It all started about two years ago, I didn't know anything about INFINITE, since it's about my first year in the KPOP world because of Girls' Generation, and I didn't want to go any futher, so I never really wanted to know anymore of KPOP bands, but little to my attention, I started getting more and more involve in KPOP and because a fan for almost every group, and for those groups, I had already have a bias. 

2011, I became a fan of Teen Top and L.Joe was my bias, then I also started reading L.Joe fanfics, and finally notice that somehow, every single fic that I've read about L.Joe always had L or Kim Myung Soo as the other guy, then it spooked me on who is this Kim Myung Soo or L or whatever, so I looked him up, and finally finding out about INFINITE and that he was the visual of the said group, but up to that, he still had not interested me, since in my thoughts, he's just another handsome guy in Korea. By that time, I had accidentally switched to channel tvN, and it showed 'Shut Up Flower Boy Band', and somehow, something pulled me to watch it, and I did.

By the later episodes, I started to notice more and more of Myungsoo, then I also found out some things about him, like how caring he is, may it to his fans, or to the other members (or Sungyeol and Sungjong), and somehow, my heart craved to have that kind of caring as a result of not being quite loved by the people around me, so I wanted someone with that same trait of Myungsoo to love me for the days in my future.Continuing from this, I slowly started to realize about INFINITE, getting impressed of their synchronized choreography, and amazing vocals, then I started to watch their performances, and became quite a fan with their song 'Be Mine', which is so far one of my most favorite songs in INFINITE's list of songs.

Along with these, I started watching some of their variety shows and I slowly became an inspirit, and I came to love all the members, and somehow, I also started imagining what life would be with Myungsoo as my boyfriend who will promise to love only me, but at the same time, won't forget to love his other fans. I know it seems absurd since he's an idol and I'm just a fan, but still, you guys can't deny that every one of us wants a happy ending with the one they love, right? May it be just a daydream, you'd still accept it, right? Well, probably even more anticipate it since everything will go the way you want it, kind of like, a rainbow appears after a gloomy rain, right? So through these two years, I've come to love Myungsoo more, and I didn't even intend it, and I kept on thinking that this was destiny, we were destiny. (Please don't get offended!) You might think that what am I talking about and I have gone to the fact of thinking of being destined to him. It's because I noticed a lot of similarities between the both of us, like photography, which is his hobby. I know that you guys will think that, 'So what, I like photography too!'. I thought of that way since I remember when I was young, I dreamt of taking up photography in college, but my mom told me that there's no such thing, and well that was enough to crush my dreams of taking it up for college, but the fondness still remained as I enjoy taking pictures of sceneries and things that seemed nice to take a photo of and still dreams to continue this hobby of mine. Another was the fact that I want to be an idol since I enjoy performing and if not I'd just go on life, may it be as a doctor, businesswoman, or just continuing my hobbies and make it a profession since I thought that I'd get to travel to beautiful places. ^^

And as I still continue to find out more about him, I got to know that we are both stubborn, affectionate to the people I'm close with, we are both hard to wake up in the morning, both have not yet have a first love and kiss, and many others. I started to really think that maybe we were meant to be, but have not yet met. So this had go on, then came the day that I the scandal broke out, people speculated a lot of things... I was sad, my feelings were mixed, and to be honest, I was a mess, I even failed in some of my midterm tests, but luckily, I only failed in one subject.

I was really relieved, when Woolim released that it was not true, I was actually a little bit happy, but when I got my time to think through my getting busy sched, I threw every 'destiny' or 'meant to be' thoughts and just thought of how he's just a human and he would definitely like someone on this world, that even if he says that he's our eternal boyfriend, he's still a man that would get married and have a family of his own, and that when that time comes, we'd all have to let go of him and let him be happy with the person that he chooses.

Since I was still relieved, I just continued imagining, and finally came back to being me, and I could say that I was ok, even with all the pushings in OGS Manila, all the head-hitting cameras, all the pushings, I was fine, since I found another thing that me and Myungsoo shared together from another fan, the fact that we both wanted to the place where water was sparkling, it's some kind of beach, I just forgot Where it is or what the name is. It's included in the world's most beautiful spots, and throughout the list, I only noticed this placed when I had read it back in 2010, I think.

Althroughout the OGS concert here, I was happy, giddily happy to be exact, aince it's my first time ever seeing them. November, it was supposed to be a happy month for me, because of the special stop of INFINITE here, but everything broke down when the scandal was now proven true by Kim DoYeon herself and Woolim. I was out that day, with some friends since it was one of my friends' birthday, on that day, and somehow, something was pulling me to not look at the news of the day, but I still pushed myself to look at the news. Indeed, when something great happens, there comes a bad thing after it, and what weird thing about it is the fact that this phrase was said by some of my friends earlier either that day or other days before, I couldn't remember anymore because of the fear that came with that phrase on that day, I wondered what bad thing was exchanged for the small great happening in that moment, but I brushed it off, since I didn't want to make myself worry more or even think of bad things that could possibly happen.

I was devastated when I had read about the article and cried, a lot. When night came, I decided to talk to God, and let out everthing, everything that I had thought or feel, I let it out. Next day, I was a big mess when I got to school, it seemed like every single spirit that I had in my life left me, and my eyes were swollen, and it had also occur to me that I don't blame anyone for this scandal, heck (sorry for the somewhat kind of bad word) I even wanted to protect Kim DoYeon, since I know that no one should've been treated that way and I know that all of them had a part to blame on this one, and I still agree with the fact that Myungsoo chose a wrong girl to date, that he deserved better.

Going back, I really don't blame her, maybe she wanted attention or just love, but I still couldn't remove the fact I did got angry with her, not because of dating Myungsoo, but because she didn't trust Myungsoo enough to wait, to think about what her actions could do to seven males' dreams and hard work, and that she still blamed some of the inspirits for hurting her (though I don't say that I agree with them, since it is a childish way of getting back to someone or simply just to express one's anger), 'cause she did not think hard enough to know that with her actions could lead to this kind of happenings.

So, this is everything, you guys might've agreed with me or got irritated or offended with me, I'm sorry for that or thank you for that, but again, this is what I experienced, so yea, that's it. ت

Anyways, I'd still support L and the rest of INFINITE no matter what, because it is my responsibility for getting a job as their fan and believing in infinity and beyond. ∞