No one knows the true Park Chanyeol. No one knows his true self. All they know is that he is the happy virus: the one who is always happy, always smiling, and always trying to make others happy.

They don’t know what is going on in his mind, how he truly feels, what he really thinks.

They don’t know that he can get sad, they don’t know that he can get depressed, they don’t know hat he cries a lot. They don’t know.

They assume that because he’s always happy around others, that he’s happy when no one is there.

They assume that everything is ok in is life, that his life is perfect.

They assume this, and they assume that. That’s all they do. They just assume.

 

They don’t know the real Park Chanyeol.

 

The real Park Chanyeol is hiding. He’s hiding behind a fake smile. He’s hiding because of others. Because they always assume things about him, and when they figure out that they’re wrong, they question him.

He tries telling his friends how he feels, but they don’t help him feel better. They just tell him that his life is depressing and that he needs to get his together.

He will look sad sometimes, and people would say that he’s not acting normal. That he needs to smile, so, he does. He puts on a smile, a fake smile that is, and people think that just because you smile, you’re happy: when in reality that’s not true.

He puts on that smile, but his mind is still sad. Just because you’re smiling on the outside doesn’t mean that you’re smiling on the inside.

His mind isn’t smiling like his mouth is.

His mind is thinking of everything that is wrong in his life.

His mind is trying to figure out why his life is so sad.

His mind is thinking if any one knows that he is sad.

His mind is trying to figure out why his friends don’t realize how depressed he is. I mean they are his friends, and friends are supposed to help you, right?

 

I mean, how can he not be sad.

How can he not be sad with everything that is going on in his life?

How can he not be sad when he feels alone, sad, unloved, and invisible?

How can he not be sad when nothing good happens to him?

How can he not be sad when he misses both of his Grandmothers who are both dead?

How can he not be sad when his Grandfather almost died?

How can he not be sad when he’s worrying about his Grandfather who was going in for surgery?

How can he not be sad when he feels frustrated all the time?

How can he not be sad when his family ignores him?

How can he not feel sad when his family treats him like he’s their slave; making him always cook and clean, leaving him with no free time because he has to study too.

How can he not be sad when he feels like he’s the failure in the family, and that his parents are disappointed in him because they told him that he “could have done better.” Is making honor roll not good enough? Is trying your best in school not good enough?

How can he not be sad when he is always being judged for liking foreign things, for not being the same as others, for being himself.

How can he not be sad when he’s trapped? Trapped in a cruel world surrounded by cruel people.

How can he not be sad when he thought of suicide?

How can he not be sad when h thought of cutting himself many, many times?

How he not be sad when he feels like he doesn’t fit in anywhere because of the things he likes, or the way he looks, or the way he dresses.

How can he not be sad when he feels like his friends don’t like him?

How can he not be sad when his family makes fun of him for things?

How can he not be sad when he can’t tell other about how he feels?

How can he not be sad when he thinks that no one cares about him?

How can he not be sad when he feels like he can’t do anything right?

How can he not be sad when he cries himself to sleep?

How can he not feel sad when he’s hiding behind a fake smile?

How can he not be sad???

 

At first it was easy for Chanyeol.

It was easy to put on that fake smile, to act like he was ok; but as moths went by, it became harder.

It became harder to act happy.

It became harder to smile.

It became harder not to cry in public.

It became harder to act like everything was ok and that he was fine, because it’s not. His life is not ok. His life is not fine, yet others don’t realize that.

His life became harder in general.

It became harder to live with his family too.

 

His family was the main source of his problems.

He almost walked out of his house many times, almost yelled at them, but the one thing that never changed was that he still cried because of them.

He would be alone in his room, writing how he feels in a notebook that you could call his diary. Its just composition notebook with the cover bent and scribbled all over from him taking poor care of it.

He wrote everything in there, from happy things, to sad things, to the crushes he had, but most importantly, how he truly feels. This book was him.

 

There would be times when Chanyeol thought that his life was getting better, that he thought thing would change in a good way, but those times didn’t last long. Nothing good ever last long.

Those good times rarely happened to Chanyeol. His life was mostly sad and depressing.

 

Many times he would wonder why he’s on Earth, or why he alive.

He would wonder what people would do if he was gone.

Would they regret how they treated him?
Would they be happy?

Would they be sad?

He wondered about this.

He wondered about how he would leave Earth.

Would it be because he committed suicide? Or would it be because of something natural like old age?

 

He would think about cutting himself, thinking that it would ease his pain somehow. That the pain and suffering he was mentally and emotionally going through would somehow leave him if he cut himself. That the open skin from the razor cut on his wrist would be a hole and all of his pain and suffering he was facing in the inside would come out. That may be it would take his mind off of what he was thinking.

He never did it though. He was too scared to. He was scarred that he would cut too deep and he was scarred that he would die.

A lot of times he would wish to die, but he has some hope. Some hope that things will get better; that this is happening to him so that he can become stronger.

 

In fact, he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for two things. If he didn’t have his notebook that he wrote everything in, and those few people. Those few people whom actually care about him and what he thinks. Those people he tells mostly everything to. Those few people are keeping him alive. One person who lives with him is his sibling’s best friend. He left his house because of his issues, and moved in with Chanyeol and his family.  He talks to Chanyeol and Chanyeol opened up to him. He’s the one person in his house that he doesn’t hate.

There are also some people in his school who are older then him. Chanyeol may not be that close to them, but none of that maters. They see that he is suffering because unlike others, they actually pay attention to him. They see him in the hallways with his head hanging low and they don’t even ask questions. They just hug him. It’s not a normal hug either. It’s one letting him know that they are there for them. That he would be ok. That he can make it through what ever happens to him. Whenever they all hang out during an extra curricular activity they all are in in, they try to make him be happy when they see him sad. Genuinely happy, not fake happy. They joke around and tell horrible cheesy puns to Chanyeol because he always says them, and they just talk about fun happy things that make everyone happy. Chanyeol doesn’t even call him by there names. They each have their own original nicknames.

There’s Senior, Senior Squared, Senior Some Odd Number, Senior 2, Senior 3, Junior 1, Junior 2, and Junior 3. It’s an inside joke thing between them all. They all go to conventions together, and go bowling, and it’s one of the few times that Chanyeol has a true smile on his face and is truly happy. These are his true friends, not those who don’t care how he feels.

Who knew a total of nine people and a notebook could help Chanyeol get through the tough times he is facing,

Who knew that those people and a notebook could prevent a person from committing suicide or doing self-harm?

Who knew that hey could give a person hope? The hope to become closer to his new friends, or the hope to write something happy in his notebook: to give himself a happy ending.

 

Even though Chanyeol may hide behind that fake smile, and fake happiness in public most of the time, he doesn’t have to with his new friends. Sure he may be sad and depressed still, and that may not change for a while, but for now, he can write about something good in his journal: he can write about his new friends.

May be one day Chanyeol can be happy, both when he is around his friends, and when he isn’t around them. May be one day, his depression will be over. May be one day, Chanyeol can have that happy ending he wants to write in his notebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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►►Hello there, my wonderful reader

Kate1016 here!

I know I haven’t been updating my stories like I said I would, but I have a good excuse not really, but yeah.

So first of all, I lost my notebook that I was writing my BAP story in last summer, and I don’t feel like re-writing it because I’m a lazy bum so I started writing a new BAP story and I wasn’t going to post anything about it until I finished it, and that’s when everything went down hill in my life and I lost my motive for writing happy things or writing in general…

I don’t know why I actually posted or wrote this, and I was going to delete it (since the forward was only posted) but then I saw that I had a subscriber and I couldn’t turn back then so yeah…

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING!!! I LOVE YOU FOR THAT! I JUST WANT TO PULL YOU INTO A TIGHT LOVING HUG AND PREFORM CANNIBALISM ON YO- I mean love you<33

This is the first story I wrote in about four months so sorry if it’s not good.

 

So yeah… sorry about the long authors note and my not-so-good writing skills, but I hope you enjoyed my story! Please tell me what you think, and Thank You for reading my story!

Remember, you are the bombdiggity, and always try to stay positive~

Saranghae <33