She's smiling...

Even though its her last...

Its the same for her...

They're the people I love the most..

The two of them left me...

Alone..

Here.

But, 

I will never be mad...

Because I know, 

One day,

We will meet again..

I'll smile...

Even though I know pain...

Is crushing my inside...

I will shape a curve on my face... :)

DIARY's ENTRIES

May 17th

Dear Memory,

Its been two months since mom left me. But, I'm still here... I don't know why. I've always heard she asks me to always be by her side. But now, she went away. I must follow... But I don't know how. I will not kill myself. Its a fool thing to do. I will wait. I don't wanna left Kwangmin alone. 

He'll miss me if I do so.. :) So, I will wait.

May 24th

Dear Memory,

My chest is hurting day by day... I'm sorry for not writing... But I'm really in pain. God is Fair. I still can smile. You should see me smile :)... Its not pretty but it gives calm to others hearts... Kwangmin is worry about me but I assured him that I'm OK. You know, last night, mom visited me. She's pretty. Really pretty. She was wearing a green dress, with a flower hatched in her hair.

She's like an angel. I miss her.. :) She told me to smile so I will :) 

May 29th

Dear Memory,

I've gone to the doctor. She told me that I'm having a lung's cancer. She told me to trust in her... That its still in an early stage. I will.. But still, I'm scared :)

June 12th

Dear Memory, 

Kwangmin is getting closer and closer to me. He didn't know the pain I'm suffering. I don't want him to know because he will get hurt. So, I told him to back off... Memory, I want to smile! Really, I want! But, I can't... My tears can't stop falling. Its hurt...

My heart is hurting.

June 15th

Dear Memory,

Kwangmin has got my replacer. They are really suit with each other. They're always joking. I'm calm now that I can see Kwangmin's smile all day. I know that Kwangmin is not getting any revenge because, even though he can't see me, he is still happy with that girl. 

June 16th

Dear Memory,

I cough blood. All day... I've gone to the doctor but she just can look at me in the eyes. Then, she asks me to have a surgery.. I don't have enough money, so I can't.. It's OK.. Mom and sister are waiting for me... I can't make them wait for so long... :)

June 17th

Dear Memory,

I went to the city today.. I across by Kwangmin and his girlfriend. They're dating... Memory, I'm being honest here! Its hurt... Everytime I saw him smiling with her.. Tears are welling up in my eyes. I don't know what to do.. Its OK, right, Memory? Its the best for him, right??

Yes, it it!! It really is!! 

June 22nd

Dear Memory,

I've... I've been... I can't believe this! Its not logic! I always run into them! I always pass through the road, but why today?? I'm not pure... Anymore! They've done that 'thing' to me in groups. When they've done, they left me... On the road, and hurt... 

June 29th

Dear Memory,

My coughs are getting worse! I can't sleep at night! I cough and sometimes vomit.. Blood! My body is weak! I can't go to school. Its almost three days already! But still, I can smile :)

July 20th

Dear Memory,

Its long... Since I wrote. I can't really do anything. My life is on the bed. You know what? I'm pregnant. My stomach is growing even though my other body parts are shrinking. :) I'm weak on the outside but now, I'm strong in the inside because I don't want this baby to leave the world with me. She/He must see what the world looks like.

What it feels like to love and to been loved. What it feels like to smile... :)))

July 21st

Dear Memory,

I'm getting out to school today.. But, its not long until I faint. The teacher brought me to the hospital and my secret... is broken. I've got expelled from school when they know that I'm pregnant.. :) Late evening, Kwangmin went in.. I thought that he wanna visit me but..

"!! You have dirtied my face, you darn !!"

I never heard he cursed before but then... Its still my fault. I seek for his forgiveness but he just slammed thedoor shut. H-He must have been really hurt. Yeah, he is hurt. Jo Kwangmin will never be that rude to anybody! He's hurt thats why he done that.

Memory, I try to assure myself but I can't stop from crying! Tears are just apart of my life now.. I'm alone.. COMPLETELY alone! 

'Smile is the BEST way' :) 

Kwangmin-

I close the book shut. Crystals are rolling down my eyes. These are the things she's hiding from me? Why is it so BIG?? Why, _____?  I open the letters she wrote.

Dear ____(?)

Hello...

As soon as you read this letter, I'm not there. I bet you're a policeman. No one will found this except you :) Can you please grant my first and last wish? I really hope that you can find a suitable place for my baby to be placed at. Tell someone to teach him how to smile whenever and wherever. 

Teach him how to respect others. Teach him how to put others first and... Teach him how to love.. :) Thats all... Thank you for reading and helping.. :)

Smile,

_____

_____ has left me five months already and yes, the policeman found her diary and letters. Her baby is safe and growing well. I'm taking care of it. I'm regret... For leaving her when she actually really need me. For hurting her when she already hurt.  I... Don't know what to do anymore. I love her... God, I love her.. So, I promise, ______

That I will raise your/our son, _______ with love and... SMILE :)

I know.. I know.. ITS UNLOGIC!! :P SORRYY!!! FIRST ATTEMPT IN WRITING A COMPLETE ANGST!! :)