Note: bold- flashbacks

I wanna smash your fears
And get drunken off your tears
Dont you share your smile with
anyone else but me
I wanna touch your heart
I wanna crush it in my hands
Make you plead and cry
As you give up all the lies

Back then, when you have doubted the world and almost give up your dreams, I was there. Do remember those days when used to play around? Those days when we could only careless about the world? I was there with you every step...

I was so elated when I bought a copy of your first magazine cover appearance, despite of your warning that I shouldn't. But how can I stop myself, when you looked devastatingly handsome? 

It seemed like yesterday when we have watched your first variety show appearance, together. Gosh! You looked so cute pouting from the corner of the couch at your parent's house while I was laughing so hard till my stomach hurts.

And how can I forget that smile you showed me on when they announced your debut. Gosh! We hoped and prayed for that time to come. I remember watching your debut stage from my parents house, with handmade banners and all, cheering for you. You know what, I've always knew you'll make it. I've always believed in you. You're that amazing after all.

 Sometimes, I can't help but ask do you feel the same way? Do you still remember those things, in detail, like I do?

And that smile, curse that smile. That smile that never failed to bring the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy.  Seeing you flash it to everyone made me feel less special. Well who am I to think I am special, right? Was I ever special?

Maybe I wont think that way had you not kissed me that night. Had you not hold my hand, and told me that I am the most beautiful thing that happed to your life and you wont ever want to let me slip away. Oh dear! You are such a romantic and I have cursed myself for holding onto every words you said. But can you blame me?  After all, You wont lie to me, right? I am your childhood best friend, for heavens sake! I know you like the back of my hand, I would have seen thru your lies. I should have. Because in the end you did. You lied. And I want to take a revenge for every single pain you left me, but I can't.

Stuck in a real bad dream
And man it feels so new to me
Should be in your arms but Im beggin at your feet
Its been a real hard night
And I just hold my pillow tight
It wont love me back
No its not you and I

I remeber, that day when you called me...

It was one of the happiest day of my life, I just got accepted at my dream Uni in my desired program. I was so over the moon.

*ring ring ring*

"um.. Yoboseyo"

"________-ah can we talk? meet me at the park near your house. 9pm, thanks"

"huh? wae? why would I meet you there? did something happen?"

"Uhm, nothing just... I'll tell you later? I'm kinda in a hurry, bye."

"Uhm, ok. See-"

Then the line was off. I should have seen it as a sign.

*9:00*

"JongIn-ah! Annyeong!"

"Look _____-ah I want to get straight to the point. Lets not see each other like this anymore"

"Huh? W-why?"

"Look dont make it hard for me will you?"

"Why am I making this hard for you?! Tell me! Did I do something wrong?"

"No you did not."

"Then why?!"

"Look it's not you. It's me."

"Oh dont hit me with that stupid line! Just tell me the thruth!"

"You want the truth?! I just want to stop. This whole relationship is pointless. That's the thruth! Are you happy now?"

"W-what? Are you..." 

"Y/n. Lets end this, whatever this is."

"Wow, really! You call our relationship this? I cant believe you right now! I-I just can't"

"We are not exactly in a relationship after all!"

And that hit me. What exactly are we? Yes, we see each other from time to time. We call each other until late night and say we miss each other. We makeout and let all our frustrations go on each other. But, what exactly are we?

Maybe I was the only one who believed that there was an us. That everything we are definitely endgame. That you'll love me the same way as I loved you.

"Fine, let's end this."

"Y/n."

"I get it now. I know now."​​​​​

*home*

I cried my self to sleep with our pictures near me, in the old tee you left me before you left for training last week and the pillow from the guest room where you use to sleep when we plan for a sleepover. After all, thats all I have, and they wont love me back just like you did.

Were not lovers
But more than friends
Put a flame to every single word you ever said
No more cryin to get me through
Ill keep dancin till the mornin
with somebody new
Tonight Im getting over you

I know now, we're not lovers just friends but how come I feel were more that? Maybe its just my imagination playing with me again. Those "I love you baby" were just friendly greetings and not more than that.

Despite your warnings not to get close to me the members never did cut their connections with me, specialy Junmyeon-oppa. He took care of me, loved me more that you did. by the time your reading this maybe I'm with him already. Tonight were together, officialy. Thank you for everything Kim JongIn. For allowing me to meet this  angel. I will show you will not cry anymore. I will not let myself get jailed again with my hopes for you. Tonight Im getting over you, Tonight I'm Officialy Over You Kim JongIn.

With love,

            Y/n