I remember everything. Your eyes full of tears the day I almost ran over you at the crossroads, in front of the coffee shop. I'm seeing your cheeks and your nose being red because it was cold. I remember the way you nestled in my arms without even knowing my name. You were broken. I remember everything. Our second meeting, at school. You were gorgeous, you had a smile that could have light up the whole town, I felt my heart skips a bit. You were radiant, you seemed so happy, no one could have known. I remember everything. The first time we talked. You asked me to keep quiet about that night, I promised but only if you told me the reason for your tears. You refused, so did I. I remember everything. When you asked me to come to the coffee shop, in front of the crossroads, you showed me the marks, you trusted me. I remember everything. The fall. Painfull but I liked it. I didn't want to, but the more I was backing off, the deeper I was falling. The more I was backing off, the more you were moving forward. I remember everything. I was scared, you were scared. We fell. I was crazy. About your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your voice, your clumsiness, your way to tilt your head to the side, to furrow your eyebrows until they touched and your way to stick a little bit of your tongue out when you tried to understand something. I remember everything. Our first kiss. Your head hanging low and your small shy smile, the day I confessed to you. Your "yes" almost inaudible. The firework in my chest. I remember everything. Our first anniversary. You were wearing a white dress decorated by a thin purple ribbon. Our first time, the softness of your skin, my trembling hands, the clumsiness of our moves. I had this strong impression to be clearly and purely high. Your skin, you tenderness, your smell of roses were my drugs. I remember everything. That day 2 months later, I waited for you, waited and waited for 3 hours in the cold. You never came. You couldn't and I didn't now. I held it against you. So much. I remember everything. The second fall. Your mom's voice on the phone. She was shaking,she was crying. I remember everything. My hatred for this human being you used to call "dad", this human being who kissed your forehead so many times and who caught you when you jumped in the pool. I remember everything. Your mom's tears, your 3 years old brother who didn't understand and searched for you. I remember the black outfits, the tissues, the cold surronding me. I remember everything. My trembling steps when they asked me to come at the front to talk. I didn't speak since that day. I remember everything. My head spinning like a spinning top, like a disk. I only said: I hate you. I sat back. I remember everything. Your father's smile in my TV two days later. He looked happy. Happy to have made you leave. He had the same smile as you. The one you used to wear at school, the one he wore in the car taking him to jail. I remember everything.

I know you'll hear this. I know you hear me scream and the your the wind opening my window each night of june. The breath surronding me and calming me instantly, I recognized you. I never told you enough. I loved you, I love you and I'll love you. In your last letter, you told me...What am I saying...You strictly forbade me to follow you. You say you want me happy, that you're here next to me, in me, forever and ever.

You were 17. You were 17, had the brilliant future of a neurosurgeon. You were 17 the day you died from the beating of the one people call your father. I remember everything. Your silent shouts for help. I'm guilty. Guilty of complicity. I don't know anymore, I didn't act in time.

Tonight it hurts, but you know what?

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