I love you... (Final)
I'm Sorry...
Luhan was everything to me. He was my life, my soul. We were happily married couple until one day, my doctor told me that I've got brain tumor and it can't be cure. My whole life was ripped apart. My vision slowly got blurred as tears was rolling down my cheeks. I wiped the tears away and bowed to the doctor before I go. I leaned to the nearest wall and burst into tears there. Why the world was so cruel to me? The moment I know that I got that damn brain tumor, my mind was thinking about Luhan. How do I tell him? Should I or shouldn't I? I've made my mind.........
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"Congratulation, you're pregnant 2 months !" I was happy......... for Luhan. I can't cry. I can't cry. Without Luhan noticed, I quickly wiped the tears that almost fall. I saw Luhan jaw dropped a bit for a seconds and his eyes were wide opened. I'm happy for him... He hugged me and kissed my forehead. I was faking a smile and nobody noticed that. I sighed. I wanted to tell Luhan everything but I can't. I wanted to be in his embrace and cry my heart out."Hey, why are you crying?" I hurriedly wiped my tears and hugged him tightly. "Nothing. I'm just so happy." I lied to him. That night I can't sleep at all.I kept thinking the words that the doctor said earlier..
Flashback
Luhan said that he was buzy so he will come later. "Mrs??" the doctor called me. "Ahh, yes. Sorry I was spacing out." "You're pregnant 2 months.." Am I dreaming? I mean, this is what Luhan and me was waiting for. :"But, I'm afraid you have to abort it. For your own safety. I'm sorry Mrs.." The doctor said while looking at me with sad eyes."WHAT???! WHY?!" I yelled. Luhan wanted a child so bad, how can I abort it? "You do know that you have brain tumor right?" The doctor asked me. I gulped. Oh god, please... "Can I keep it? My husband and I was waiting this for years. I can't abort it just like that." I asked the doctor while crying. "If you keep it I'm afraid that only one of you will survive during your delivery." I can't breathe. I was too shocked. My body felt numb out of sudden. I sit on the floor and cry my heart out. Why life is too complicated for me? The doctor tapped my back. "Please think it carefully." The doctor said to me. I stood up and grabbed the doctor's arm. "Please don't tell my husband about his. I begged you." The doctor stared at me and nodded his head a little.
End of Flashback
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Ever since I was pregnant, Luhan took care of me like I was a baby. He do all the house chores and go to work everyday. I can't help but being guilty and sympathy at the same time. I'm sorry... I wanted this 9 months to be my last moment with Luhan. I love you.. Luhan always said that he can't wait for the baby to be born. He always talked to my tummy and sometimes he kissed it while he talked. This is my sacrifice for you Luhan... I love more that anyone do. Every night when he's asleep, I always cried and asked myself whether I've made a right decision or not... I'm sorry Luhan, I can't be with you any longer...
I can tell that Luhan was excited when I'm at my 7 months of pregnancy. "Oppa" I called Luhan. "Yes baby?" Luhan answered me. "What name should we choose for our baby?" I asked Luhan while rubbing my tummy gently. "Emm, well let's see, if its boy, we named it Xi woohyun and if it's girl, we named it Xi bella alright baby? "I liked it oppa. Its so cute." Luhan pulled my body onto his and kissed my lips sweetly. "Thank you for giving me everything." and kissed my lips again. I was wondering if this is the last kiss I will had with Luhan...
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I was watching television with Luhan when I felt a sharped pain at my stomach. I inhaled deeply and repeated it over and over again. its time... Luhan saw me and he's panicking. After 3 seconds of staring at me, he quickly took the car key and lift me uplike a bridal style. He put me on the back seat and drove to the nearest hospital. My pain got doubled up when my head start to hurt badly. As soon as we reached the nearest hospital, my headache started to get worse. I can feel that I'm gonna die soon... Luhan was with me when the nurse asked me to pushed harder and harder. I grabbed Luhan's hand tightly because I know I can never hold his hand again after this. I'm sorry... "Congratulation! you've got a healthy baby girl!" Luhan kissed my forehead and whispered to me "Its bella, baby. Its bella....." I can see that his tears was flowing down onto his cheeks. I'm sorry Luhan..... I have to go..
I started to felt hard to breathe. By this time, I know that death.......was calling..... me... "Luhan, can I see our daughter?" for the last time.... "Of course baby." He showed me our daughter. "She's so beautiful, like you" Luhan said while wiping his tears of joy. I can't feel my body. It has started.... "Luhan oppa, I'm sorry. I love you so much. Please take care of Bella." I smiled at him before closing my eyes for the last time. While I'm losing my last breath, I can feel that Luhan shook my body several times while shouting my name.
Luhan immediately called the doctor to check on you. The doctor ask Luhan to wait outside. "Please tell me she's okay. Please.." Luhan pleaded the doctor while crying hysterically. The doctor pull Luhan outside and ask him to wait. Luhan waited anxiously. He suddenly got a bad feeling that you're gone. After a while, the doctor came out with a sad and sympathy face as he walked towards Luhan. "H-how i-is s-s-she?" Luhan is stuttering because he's too scared and sad at the same time. "I'm sorry, sir. We already tried our very best to save her. Her body is too weak to survive. I'm sorry, Sir. She just passed away." "No,.......... it can't be! It can't be! It can't be!" Luhan yelled out his heart while putting his his palms onto his head. Luhan burst into tears. He felt no strength to stand and he felt heavy on both of his shoulders. He fell down onto the floor and cried again. "I can't believe that you've gone.. why you do this to me? why? I still need you in my life.. whose gonna take care of our daughter... for god sake she's so small, she needs a mother.... why did you leave me......." Luhan kept repeating it over and over again. He can't accept the fact that you've gone.
"Sir, I'm sorry for interrupting. But, she wanted me to gave you this after she's.... gone.." The doctor said while holding a letter. Luhan took it and read it.
Oppa, i'm sorry because I'm lying to you all this while. I got brain tumor and it can't be cured. That day, when the doctor told you that I'm pregnant, I can see that you're so happy. Seeing you happy makes me happy too, oppa. The doctor gave me a choice whether abort the baby and I can live a little longer or keep the baby but die anytime after giving birth. I know you wanted a child so bad.. Don't blame the baby oppa. Even if I abort the baby, I would still die one day. So, I've decided to keep our baby and leave him/her to you as a reminder of me. Again, I'm sorry and I love you Xi Luhan. I'm so grateful that I have the oppurtunity to be your wife and even carried your child. To me, it was miracle. Luhan oppa, I know you're sad for our baby. She's so small yet she already lose her mother. So I'm asking you to find a perfect mother for our baby oppa. She needs a mother so she wouldn't find out about me, oppa. Please take care of our baby carefully. I love you.
Xi Luhan's wife.
Luhan hold the paper and cried hysterically again.He still can't believe that you're gone. Today was supposed to be his happiest day ever... He went to the nursery room and look at his baby. She was so small yet she already lose her mom. Luhan touched her face. You have the same face as your mother.. His eyes went into tears again when he realized that baby bella has the nose and lips as yours. He kissed bella's forehead before went back to your room. His hand was trembling as he opened the white cloth that was covering your beautiful face. He burst into tears again and put his head beside yours. "I promise that I will take care of her.." he whispered to your ear. With that, he kissed your lips for the last time before he go. "I love you too.."
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