chapter 1; idiot in uniform

           why hello, beautiful stranger, i wonder what brings you to me today

entry 1806;

hello. vixxhyuk here.

so i met up with jaehwan hyung in the dance studio earlier than usual. hes really happy today… i admit that jaehwan hyung can get creepier as he gets happier. the other hyungs got there soon. we got a new choreography from hakyeon hyung and it was super hard. we had to throw jaehwan hyung over our heads in sync so he can land safely in front of us. well, he fell several times and the rest of us almost twisted our wrists from time to time. we practiced till around 4 pm. i walked back home with wonshik hyung like any other day. it seems like he's in a bad mood the whole time while we’re walking so i kept quiet along the walk. we part ways in our usual intersection. he went right as I walked forward across the zebra cross. a crazy biker almost ran into me and i yelled at him and thankfully he pulled over and went to me. he apologized like i dunno 10 times maybe and i just shooed him. i continued past the normal byeotbit café. they're having live comics on friday nights now. nothing new on the discounts though so i thought “maybe next week’s allowance”. i walked past the camera store. mr. choi was there and i simply gave him a small bow. and there i was, walking straight for home; plugging in my earphones and blasting off the song hakyeon hyung gave us earlier for the new routine. as i was nodding along to the beat, i saw someone i have never seen before. i remembered it super clear. it was 4.14 pm; i was in front of the gate to the old outdoor basketball court. there's a tall guy playing basketball. he was wearing a light blue shirt and had short brown hair. maybe i'm just seeing things, but after he shot the ball through the hoop, he looked at me and i swore on my justin bieber poster, he flashed a smile at me. that was enough of a reason for me to jump and run away, bit nervous than usual since he noticed i was staring at him. finally i’m here; safely home, dad was home earlier than usual. he already ate dinner so i cooked instant ramyeon. he looked a lot more tired than yesterday. maybe I should tell him to take a few days off of work, so he could rest.

guess that’s enough for today. my instant ramyeon is getting cold.

vixxhyuk out.

I hummed in approval as I clicked the ‘Publish’ button. Leaning my back against the chair and bringing up my knees, squeezing them close to my body, I continued slurping down the instant cup ramyeon while eyeing the screen of my Macbook Air; specifically at the small Wi-Fi radar on the top of the screen.

I silently cursed my air-conditioned room, but without the air conditioner, my food would boil and the soup will evaporate. That’s not good. But my food’s cold now. That’s not good too, darn it.

I heard a soft knock on the door far behind me which made me jump a bit.

“Sanghyuk?”

I stood up and walked over to the door, opening it and peeking out my head as I smiled to who was searching for me.

“Yes, dad?”

My dad smiled warmly. “Wrote on your diary yet?”

How dare he call it a diary. I’m not a girl who writes her love life into one stupid book (no offense); I’m an internet sensation. “Daaad, it's an online blog. Not a diary!”

My old man just laughed at me and ruffled my hair with that stupid grin of his. I couldn’t help but groan in annoyance as my head went side-to-side with his rough ruffling. “Whatever you say, son. Just don’t forget to write every day, okay? Remember what your psychiatrist said.”

I answered with a lazy ‘yeah’ and trying my hardest to push my dad’s hand away from my head. Somehow, my dad noticed my total annoyance towards his hair-ruffling and decided to just leave with a smirk. I let out a sigh and stepped back into my room and closed the door. I walked to my bed and sat on the edge, staring on my stupid Macbook that's just literally staring at me from the desk. And that’s when I saw those cursed six words on Google Chrome. If it weren’t for my fatigued soul, I swear, I would’ve thrown out that cursed Macbook through the window alongside the Wi-Fi modem.

My name is Han Sanghyuk. I'm 19 years old, and I'm a college student, dance faculty. I have soteriophobia; a fear of dependence towards others. My dream is to be a known dancer, or at least a book author. It's kinda hard to have dreams yet have something holding you back. My psychiatrist, who has taken care of my sickness for 12 years, said that I should open myself more by telling others my daily life problems, but I'm very secretive about my problems and I don't want people to care for me. It's not that I don't like to be taken care of, it's just; after I get taken care of, they end up getting close to me, and they'll be able to hurt me, share my secrets to people I don't know, planing evil schemes, and worse; they'll leave me once they've gotten out what they want from me. And to me, other people are a mystery. I know myself a lot, but I don't know about other people, at all. They're all a mystery.

My psychiatrist also said that at least I should try, so I did. I did try to write on a diary, but how can I show it to people without bringing it everywhere? Then I tried to send text messages, the text limit was too short. Next I tried Twitter. It helped me with my problems, but not everyone joined in to help. My psychiatrist and I almost gave up, but then he came up with something.

I signed myself up for a blog when I was 14, and I remembered my first username was coffeehyuk95. I started to update my daily life problems into the blog. At first, the blog was quiet. No comments, views, visitors, followers; nothing. My psychiatrist talked to my dad, Han Jihyo (the old man who messed up my hair pretty good earlier) about the blog. Then the next week, I started having view counts, a few followers, a comment a day, visitor counts, and things were going okay. I started thinking that maybe I just found hope on this whole blog thing. Then the next two months, I couldn't catch up with the view counts, the followers went up to hundreds, I couldn't reply every single comments, and my visitors went up to thousands. The next year, everything on my blog stats flew up through the roof. I had a theory that maybe my dad shared my blog to all my best friends first, then they shared it to their friends, and their friends shared to their friends, and so on. Maybe they promoted me as a freak who can't talk to people regurally so he made a blog, but I didn't care, I just went along with it all, with my purpose of being cured was first in mind.

As years went by, from coffehyuk95 to hyukster95, sanghyuk95, ironhyuk, and now vixxhyuk, I was and still am, an internet celebrity, as my friends say so. Millions of people have commented on my blog, giving me advice on my daily life problems. I was grateful of them for doing so, but sometimes I think that this blog is useless. I wasn't getting cured at all. Only given advices and problem-solvings, I still couldn't trust people. Some actually wanted to meet me in person, to help me directly. I always say yes, but I never did meet them. Sometimes they came, sometimes the don't. Whenever they came though, I never show up. I was always hiding. I was scared. What if they actually wanted to kidnap me and threaten me or something?

I was starting to believe I'm never gonna be cured at all. Even my psychiatrist (who is now almost retired) ran out of ideas.

“Gooood morning, Hyuk-ah!”

Ugh, that made my ears rang a bit.

Jaehwan-hyung shouted kinda-not-as-loud-as-usual, from the middle of the room. There’s something different with his hair. I could’ve sworn yesterday his hair was light brown. How the heck can it be black in just a few hours? Nevertheless, I only waved it off and threw my bag towards the corner of the room where the bags are usually at.

I was walking towards Jaehwan-hyung, and that’s when I noticed that someone’s on the floor, stretching his arms to reach his legs. Those lanky arms and long neck, and that, skin. The stretchy man turned his attention to me as I stood in front of him, watching him do whatever he’s doing.

“Good morning, Hyuk-ah. How was your sleep?” Hakyeon-hyung smiled as he greeted me.

“I almost got into a fight with Aiya.”

Hakyeon-hyung only chuckled as he got up, smacking my wide-yet-vulnerable back. God, it hurts. I squinted my eyes at the dark figure in front of me, and he grinned and then turned away, facing the door. I think he’s staring at the wall clock above it. I swear I know what he’s thinking—

“Where is Wonshik and Taekwoon!”

I knew it.

Wonshik-hyung is Hakyeon-hyung’s roommate at his apartment, yet somehow they managed to go to the studio with different paces. Hakyeon-hyung’s always early and so is Jaehwan-hyung, sometimes I’m on time and sometimes I’m late for a few minutes; once I was late for an hour (doesn’t mean that I’m lazy, okay), and Wonshik-hyung is always late, unlike Taekwoon-hyung who usually comes on time. Taekwoon-hyung is the introvert of the group (I’m the more special one though). He has a reason to shut everyone away, unlike me who am just stuck with this situation. Taekwoon-hyung is somewhat close with Jaehwan-hyung, though it doesn’t seem that he likes to hang out with him. I feel sorry for Taekwoon-hyung sometimes, but he’s pretty cold to me so I shouldn’t worry about him to handle Jaehwan-hyung on his own.

Jaehwan-hyung peeked over Hakyeon-hyung’s shoulder and asked, “Didn’t Taekwoonie told you that he was gonna take the day off? And maybe Wonshik went with—” I was standing behind them, so I don’t really know why Jaehwan-hyung suddenly backed away from Hakyeon-hyung with his hands brought up and slowly walking backwards and halted right beside me. Maybe Hakyeon-hyung shot a side glare, or the side glare.

I heard Hakyeon-hyung scoff. He’s probably imagining what’ll be Wonshik-hyung’s excuse this time. I feel sorry for Wonshik-hyung. He could’ve just been in some real serious problems that he just had to come late again. Hakyeon-hyung turned around to face me and Jaehwan-hyung, who still has his hands up beside me, with a smile. “You guys, stretch first. Now.”

I’ve been hanging out with Hakyeon-hyung since I got into this university, but I’m not stupid enough to not figure out that that smile was fake. Jeez.

Jaehwan-hyung suddenly nudged me with his elbow lightly as I was unconsciously glaring at Hakyeon-hyung, who has his back turned against us, thankfully. I turned to Jaehwan-hyung and he winked at me. I swear if get a penny for every time he winks at any one of us, I would be able to buy a Ferrari by the age of 21, and this has been going on since I was 18.

Yeah, the first time I met the hyungs was when I enrolled this university. I was a really quiet kid back then. Whenever Mr. Joon started babbling on about dance, art, or whatever he’s been saying in class (I’ve never paid enough attention to him since I think he’s pretty high most of the time), I was always facing down and staring down at my legs. Whenever I’m pointed to say or do something, I would stutter and sometimes when I get too much unwanted attention, I start to shake. That was still considered normal for me. Of course, everyone panicked as I started to shake, especially Hakyeon-hyung. He was all; “Are you alright?” “Are you having a seizure?” “Do you have a fever?” “Are you feverish?” “Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” Then there was Wonshik-hyung who ran towards me and starts to shout at Hakyeon-hyung, blaming my shaking on him. I wanted it to stop, but I can’t. Then comes Jaehwan-hyung and Taekwoon-hyung. Jaehwan-hyung was all panicky like Hakyeon-hyung, but his voice; I swear, I already hated his voice since the first time I heard it, and that was the time. Taekwoon-hyung only stood in front of me and held out a hand in front of me, and I stared at him. Somehow, his cold aura made me calm. Taekwoon-hyung then said, “My friends are idiots. Just leave them be." I shook his hand hesitantly and trying to avoid eye contact.

After that incident, Mr. Joon just had to put me in the same group as them, because like he said, "This is going to be a great start of a beautiful friendship," quote-unquote.

And that was the day I started hanging out with these losers, and, trusting them.

“Is Hakyeon-hyung gonna be angry at Wonshik-hyung again?” I considered whispering it rather than earning a smack on the head by the angry old lady with the giraffe neck in front of me. I eyed him cautiously as I heard Jaehwan-hyung replying.

“That’s a matter of if he wants to show up late. He knows Hakyeon would really get angry when he arrives late without any prior notice or any good reason,” the guy sighed and shook his head, “we shouldn’t be worried though. He’ll calm down with time.”

“What’s taking you guys so long! And what are you guys talking about!” Hakyeon-hyung shouted at us. We were too busy whispering while stretching effortlessly, we didn’t realize that Hakyeon-hyung was already glaring at us from the beginning. I shot up straight and I’m guessing Jaehwan-hyung did the same since I heard his legs squeak against the floor, almost slipping.

“Nothing.” Both of us answered at the same time.

“Then hurry! Stretch your bodies and let’s begin practice! Come on!”

2 pm.

I grabbed my bag and bowed slightly at the hyungs. Maybe this time I should say something, since Hakyeon-hyung is too busy scolding Wonshik-hyung who came 2 hours late earlier. “I’m leaving.”

Well, at least Jaehwan-hyung waved me good bye.

I walked out of the studio and as soon as I stepped out of the heated room, I plugged in my earphones and played the song we previously practiced on. It was VIXX’s Voodoo Doll. We decided to cover it for our year-end showcase this December. We’re all fans of the boy group VIXX, even my username is vixxhyuk. It just so happens that I have the same nickname as one of the members of VIXX.

As I was walking out of the dance faculty building, I felt my phone vibrate inside my pocket. I grabbed it out and saw a notification from KakaoTalk. It’s probably from them. I stopped walking and stood under a shade and opened the chat.

10 Unread messages ▼▼

chahakyeoNNN              HAN SANGHYUK
chahakyeoNNN              WHERE ARE YOU
chahakyeoNNN              HOW DARE YOU LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING UD
chahakyeoNNN              *US
jaehhken_D                    hakyeon
jaehhken_D                    he did tell us
chahakyeoNNN              when???
jaehhken_D                    WHILE U WERE YELLING @ WONSHIK
jaehhken_D                    BUUUUURNNN
TaekwoonJung                whats going on

Should I even reply to this, I wondered.

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and continued on my way home. I glanced at my wrist watch and noticed that it’s 2:12 pm. “It’s still midday. I think I’m gonna visit the café,” I mumbled to myself, continuing the road towards the café.

I stopped right in front of the café’s glass door with wooden frames. I reached into my pockets for my wallet, checking if there’s enough money for me to buy the caramel macchiato I always loved to buy in high school. After counting a few won, I shoved my wallet back and stared at the door. As I peeked inside, I saw something that made my mind make a click sound. The guy I saw yesterday was sitting alone on a table in the corner of the café. I blinked my eyes at the guy with brown hair that’s looking down on the table. Curiosity got to me, so I bravely (yet hesitantly) pushed the door open; making the bell above the door rang as I did so. I was greeted with the scent of coffee beans and by the smiling faces of the people behind the counter, which made me smile even wider than they are.

“Afternoon, Sanghyuk-ssi!” I turned to see Seungmi greeting me sweetly like she always does since high school.

I greeted back with a small smile while walking towards the counter. “Afternoon, Seungmi-ssi.”

Seungmi was one of my best friends since childhood. I first met her at grade school. She was very... active; obnoxious, loud, and very very reckless. She was actually a tomboy, as I recall. She bullied me from time to time, but then one day she just softens and we became good friends ever since. When we graduated grade school, we kept talking through e-mails and KakaoTalk, we stumbled onto each other sometimes, catching up with our lives. But when we entered high school, we just stopped talking. I assumed she was busy and so was I. Then I started coming the the café after school, and was reunited with Seungmi who was working part-time in the café. I went to the café everyday after school, but when senior year came, I stopped coming because I was busy studying, duh. And now, as college students, she's still working here. I missed her, somehow.

We started to have a small chat, just to catch up with each other’s stories. After all of that's done, I placed my order. I paid and even gave a humble tip to her; I bowed slightly to Seungmi behind the counter and walked away, in search of an empty table. I almost stumbled upon a few chairs and finally found an empty table. I sat down and put my bag down on the floor.

While waiting for my name to be called out when my drink is ready, I put both my arms on the table and resting my chin on my right hand as I feel my eyes start to wander off. I accidentally looked at the brown-haired guy I saw yesterday. He’s wearing a white sweater today, and thick-framed glasses. He seemed to be reading a book that’s on his lap because he kept looking down and his eyes were fixed. He looks good today, with his hair rather tossed to the side, and his eyebrows are all furrowed down as he kept reading his book. And every time he sips that drink of his, he always lets the foam of the coffee stain his upper lip. This doesn’t mean anything weird. It’s not that I’m gay; at least that’s what I think so. Anyways, he just jutted out his lips as he started mouthing the words in his book. That foam on his upper lip is bothering me like crazy, and his eyebrows are so cute, and not to mention his big doe-like eyes that are staring at me—wait.

“Sanghyuk-ssi!”

I finally snapped out of my state-of-daydreaming to realize that my name was being called over and over again without me noticing. And to make matters worse, the guy realized I was staring at him. The guy flashed a small smile and let out a silent chuckle, being far from me, I can only see his audible chuckle as he returned to his book. Was he laughing at me? Why was he? Maybe he was laughing at the fact that I was too out of focus that I didn’t even heard my name being called out; more like yelled out.

“Hyuk-ssi!”

“I’m coming!” I shot up with wobbly legs before I could make myself look more like a fool in front of all these people. I’m actually considered pretty shy towards new people, so keeping my image would be good when in public, but it’s pretty obvious that my image towards the guy is pretty darn stupid.

I walked over to the cashier and took the cup of caramel macchiato with my name written with a black marker on the side of the paper cup. I bowed slightly at Seungmi and walked back to my table with the cup. I sat back down and put the cup on the table, sighing softly as I closed my eyes. I kept this in repeat in my head: Keep your image, Sanghyuk. Don’t make a fool of yourself. I opened my eyes back and took a deep breath. I breathed out quickly and grabbed the cup calmly, putting the rim of the cup gently onto my lips as I slowly took a sip while looking at the guy earlier who was fixed with his book. I wasn’t really thinking clearly at the time, the one thing in my mind is keeping his cool image in front of public; especially the brown haired guy who is now looking straight at…

—oh crap.

So yeah I panicked and accidentally burnt my tongue because the macchiato was still super-hot, letting out a hiss as I put back my cup on the table quickly and sticking my tongue out, fanning it. You cannot imagine the humiliation and the complete and utter pain my tongue is in. And to make matters worse, I swore I heard a faint laughter from far away. I glanced at the brown haired that was covering his mouth, obviously holding back his laughter with eyes shut tight. And that was it. In that moment, I instantly thought, I’m screwed. I stood up and grabbed my bag, swinging it up to my shoulder in defeat, picking up the cup and left the café hurriedly so that I wouldn’t make more of a fool of myself.

Before I left, I swore I heard Seungmi laughing her off.

On my way home, I was greeted by the cold breeze of November coming. I was sipping my macchiato, and then I start to recap on what happened today: Hakyeon-hyung yelling furiously at Wonshik-hyung, Wonshik-hyung and Jaehwan-hyung making fun of Hakyeon-hyung who was out to buy drinks, the others laughing at Jaehwan-hyung’s precise imitation of Taekwoon, the little kid who lost his mom in front of the flower shop earlier, and the mystery guy at the café.

Puffing out warm clouds from my jutted out lips, I unlocked the door to my house and stepped in, closing and locking the door behind me. I took off my shoes and walked upstairs to my room, opened the door and threw my bag to a random corner of the room. I finished the last few drops of the drink then threw the paper cup to an almost-full trash bin beside the desk. I sat back on my chair, staring at the stupid Macbook, that I named Aiya, on my desk.

“I’m gonna have to go to the electronics shop tomorrow.”

a/n;

IM SORRY IF ITS TOO LONG IM NOT USED ON MAKING STORIES WITH FIRST-PERSON POV

oh uh imma spoil something right here right now
this story is gonna have a LOT of characters from other groups. and this story is pretty much an au? they're not idols (none of the upcoming characters are idols too mhm) so ye
do u guys think i should add the tag "slice of life!au"?????

hope you enjoyed so far!

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