4 February

I’ve been living the past 17 years without a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Yes I’m single and a .

I sighed and pouted until a hand came to slap me on the back of my head.

“That hurts!” I hissed and glared at the person who did it.

The person laughed then took a seat opposite me, smiling innocently after laughing.

I groaned in annoyance before cracking up.

“Yah Kim MyungSoo, are you looking for a death wish?”

He scoffed and wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk on his face.

“What if I am, Giraffe?”

I pouted at the nickname and kicked his knee from under the table but he seemed to notice it before and managed to dodge my attack.

“Aigoo Aigoo Aigoo~ Our little Yeollie sure is naughty~” He sang before laughing and running.

“Yah! Come back here Kim MyungSoo!” I stood up and chased after the guy until he stopped abruptly.

He held onto the wall and started coughing.

Beads of sweat framing his handsome face and to be honest, the coughing was pretty bad.

He coughed and coughed and after a few minutes, he stopped and he hesitantly took a look at the hand he used to cover his mouth.

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Blood was on his hand.

-

7 March

I tiptoed sneakily into the music room with a grin on my face.

“MyungSoo!” I placed both my hands on the guy playing the piano.

He stood up in surprise and slapped me on the arm.

“Yah! Hajima!”

I laughed and took a seat next to him on the piano bench.

“What were you playing?” I asked curiously, hands resting on the piano.

“The usual.” He replied casually before he started playing again.

It was peaceful and soothing but for a reason, it just felt really…

Sad.

Halfway through the song, he stopped again.

Yes, he started coughing again.

This time, it seemed worse than the previous.

He coughed and coughed, a handkerchief covering his mouth instead of his hand.

He faced the opposite direction, away from me as he coughed.

I bit my lip and brought myself to look at the handkerchief he was holding just as he stopped coughing.

It wasn’t my eyes that were playing tricks.

The handkerchief was red and damp.

He was coughing out blood.

-

4 April

MyungSoo didn’t come to school today.

The rain started falling and drops of water fell on the cold window.

Why wasn’t he here…

I fished out my cellphone and dialed his number but nobody answered.

I frowned at the lady telling me that the phone was off before taking the phone away from my ear.

Luckily I was really close to him.

I dialed in his home number and a lady answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is SungYeol and um is MyungSoo around?”

There was an awkward silent before the lady spoke again,

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“… he got admitted into Seoul Hospital 3 days ago.”

What…

The phone fell from my hand as I fell weak on my knees.

He got admitted into the h0spital on Friday…?

I picked up the phone with my shaky hands and thank God that the lady hadn’t hung up yet.

“W-Why?” I asked shakily, tears threatening to fall.

“Due to inherited factors, he’s got Lung cancer.” The lady swallowed, her tone was shaky and it sounded like she was crying.

My phone dropped from my hands again as I rushed to hail a taxi to Seoul Hospital.

MyungSoo…!

-

15 April

It was raining again.

MyungSoo’s smiling and looking out of the window while I sat next to him, peeling oranges.

“Yeol-ah.”

I hummed in response to his calling.

“I love you.”

I immediately looked up to the pale guy.

He continued staring out of the window, tears rolling down from his cheeks.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him with a smile decorating my tear-stained face.

“I love you too MyungSoo.”

Just as I pulled away, he captured my lips with his.

I smiled into the kiss and closed my eyes, arms wrapped around his neck as his hand rested on the sides of my back.

I lost my first kiss…

To my first love.

-

23 April

Tears fell from my swollen eyes onto my lap.

He’s gone.

I took a shaky breath as I stared at the bed with sad eyes.

Why did fate have to take such a kind person like MYungSoo away.

How I wish he was still here, lying on the bed, eating oranges and laughing with me.

I missed his laughter, his smile, his face, his presence, his everything.

From MyungSoo, I learnt to laugh.

From MyungSoo, I learnt to cry.

But will I ever learn to say Good-bye if he wasn’t here to teach me to anymore.

How I wish I could turn back time to those when you were still around even for just a second.

I love you so much, Kim MyungSoo.

-

25 September

Smiling, I glided my fingers on the smooth keys of the piano.

Here, a few months ago, I was watching MyungSoo play the piano.

I smiled again as tears fell from my eyes to the keys.

I took a deep breath before pressing down on one of the notes.

My fingers just started to play on its own.

The song just seemed so familiar.

That’s right. It’s MyungSoo’s favorite song.

IT sounds the same but then deep inside, it’s hollow and just so so empty.

How have you been, MyungSoo?

I’ve been living just like how you wanted me to though I’m practically just living without a soul.

I miss you, my dear.

If I really could, I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice.

If I really could, I wish I knew where Heaven’s located at so I could see you.

If I really could, I wish I would’ve held you longer in my arms.

I miss you so much MyungSoo.

I really do.

LALALALA ANNYEONG~ 

TBH, I GOT DISTRACTED A LOT WHILE WRITING THIS BUT THEN HALFWAY THROUGH, I JUST GOT SO INTO IT I CRIED A LITTLE WHILE WRITING.

IT WAS ACTUALLY WOOGYU BUT NAH MYUNG'S MY BIAS AND I WANT TO CLEANSE AWAY THE KIM DO YEON THINGY BUT TELLING MYSELF THAT MYUNG BELONGS TO YEOL.

THAT KIM DO YEON IS DISGUSTING AND BEYOND GROSS I CAN'T EVEN UGH GROSS.

OKAY THAT'S ALL BYE!!!!

THIS IS SO ME BUT WHATEVER