It start when the rain pour mercilessly on my head, made me freezing with it coldness. But you came with a new hope that warm my freeze body with your presence. You hug me and said, “it’s okay, I’m here, everything’s gonna be okay, you gonna be okay”, with just a chanting soothing word that out from your mouth makes my heart fluttering.

Time flew by, we get along like anyother teenager. But, little did I know, I’m falling for you. I distanced my self from you to know that my love will just be onesided, but one day it changes...

“what’s wrong with you?”

“w-what?”

“why you avoiding me?”

“um... is that... uh...”

“what? Do I hurt you? Make you uncomfortable?oh, come on just tell me.”

“i-it’s...i-i-it’s...nothing”

“don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you, it just...something unimportant”

When I want to leave you grab my hand,

 “Hankyung sorry, I just want to say, uhm......... I love you”

Time flew so fast. Our love bloom with time that left. Day full with our memories that we create together. Everybody just could watch in awe with enviness in their eyes. But it didn’t last long.

“why must him? You said Heechul hyung is just a bestfriend to you but why? Why  you do this to me, Siwon-ah. Am I not good enough for you?”

“you ask me why? It’s because I NEVER LOVE YOU”

“h-h-how?”

“are you that stupid? I just fooled you, and it’s worth it to pretend”

The day you said it to me, my world fall apart the second after. My tears wouldn’t want to stop stained my cheek. You lost after that like a unresponsible man you are. Am I really nothing to you? Until you could throw me like a trash I am.

“hankyung-ah, you must eat. You will sick if you keep starve your self like this”, Leeteuk hyung said

“I’d rather sick and die than live in hell like this” I snap

“Geng-ah, there are so much men that more than willing to love you, so don’t be like this”, Leeteuk hyung said with sad voice

“Please don’t be like this, Hankyung. You sicken your hyung too”, Kangin hyung said

“Kyung-ah, please don’t cry again”, Sungmin said

“I know how hurt is it, but please don’t cry”, Eunhyuk said

“eat this and you will feel better”, Ryewook said

“please, just one bite and we will not force you anymore”, Donghae said

“ The world will not end with just he left you with another man”, Kyuhyun said

“There is so much men who is more than willing to be with you”, yesung said

______________________________________________________________________________________________

With that I decide to get revenge. You didn’t just hurt me but the people that I love too. You broke my only heart that forever be yours. But when I see you know it’s really break my heart. You lie on hospital’s bed looks so weak, so vulnerable with an understanding and guilty stare. Your bright smile is rebound with the small one, with that machine who keep you alive.

“Why? Why you do this to me? Why? I ask you why?”

“I’m sorry”

“why, Siwonnie why?”

“to know that you are the one that I love it worth to do.”

With that I get down into my knees with the tears stain my cheeks

“I’m sorry, Geng-ah. I’m so sorry”

        “I always pray to god that someday in afterlife we could met and love each other like we always wished”

        “you promise me to always stay by my side, right?”

        “I always stay in your heart, right? I love you”   

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry to break your heart, Kyung-ah. As you see he is the bestest friend I ever had. When he said he asked me to grant his last wish I couldn’t do anything but fulfil it. To know how weak and vulnerable he is, enough for me just do whatever he want. I’m sorry, Hangeng”

It’s been a while. Today is your 2nd death anniversary, but I still couldn’t believe that you already gone. Go far away and left me here alone. Siwonnie, did you remember what date is tomorrow? Tomorrow is my birthday. You always spent time with me in that day. But there is no longer you here. So, how will I suffer after this?

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Time flew by, but here I am stay still in the place we create our memory. Even it’s hard to move on I still tried it, at the end I own an orphanage like you always wish.

In the bench you always lie with the pillow of my thigh, I sit. Remember the old time we used to spent together. Even if it just a memory, I will forever cherish it. In my hand I hold your letter, last letter.

I’m sorry, is the very last thing I could say to you. To break your precious heart that used to be mine. I’m sorry I can’t cherish you like I should do. It’s not like that I don’t want to, but I really can’t do it. To know that I don’t have much time left, I should let you go as soon as possible. Because to lose someone that means everything to you it’s something you shouldn’t feel it. To be honest the day I said that I never love you all this time, it’s the stupidiest of me. To left the person that always owns my heart, it’s like stab the already broken heart. But I need to do it for the sake of you. I need to do it to keep your beautiful smile. Even if it’s need my tears to pour with no end, be witnessed by the rain, the rain that make us met and loved, but that same rain break us apart like nothing.

Hangeng, my love, everyday and every night in my pray I always ask God that someday in afterlife, time will reunite us as one, that can’t be separated ever again. But for now, I hope the best for you, I wish that you  always be happy in your life. I’m sorry I can’t be the  reason of your beautful smile ever again. But I promise in afterlife I will always cherish you and love you with all of my heart and soul.

Hangeng, your the one and only love in my life, that make me strong in my weakest state. That make me believe that there is nothing impossible. For you who always in my mind and soul, the owner of my heart and forever I love.

Love,

Siwonnie