title: turn away (if you could get me a drink)
length: 988 words.
rate: pg-13
genre: angst/romance/drama
summary: kyungsoo doesn’t want yifan around.

Inspired: Cancer - My Chemical Romance

.wish.

Yifan walked back to the room, bringing a glass of water Kyungsoo had requested before. He sat down on the chair beside the bed and Kyungsoo extended his hand, but Yifan helped him to sit down before bringing the glass to his dry lips. His chest throbbed as he watches Kyungsoo sipping the water. The younger smiled, muttering a weak ‘thanks’ before Yifan helped him to lie down again.

“Where’s Joonmyun?” the words came as whispers and Yifan bites his tongue in pure pain.

“Outside. He might be in the kitchen preparing dinner. Luhan’s coming tonight.” He answered with a smile, fixing the beanie covering Kyungsoo’s head because his hair had fallen off, leaving him not even a strand.

“Call him.”

Yifan never says no.

Joonmyun went in with Yifan tailing in the back. He smiled to his little brother before sitting down the chair Yifan sat on just few minutes ago. “What is it?”

“Hyung, gather all my things,” He closed his eyes a moment, breath hitching a bit as if he’s holding the unbearable pain. “Gather all my things, Yifan will help you. I want to be buried in all white, because it’s my favorite color. And all of you too, I don’t want any black.” He chuckled a bit. “I want all my brothers to attend my funeral.”

Yifan stayed silent. Joonmyun keeps on smiling.

.kiss.

Yifan is sitting on his usual place beside Kyungsoo’s bed, and his eyes are getting wet. Tears threatened to fall down but Yifan held it in with all his might. Seeing his lover so weak and pale pained him to the core. He wanted to hold his hand again, more than he ever did in a day of their date. Embracing the tiny body to his bone-breaking hug, like the old times. Yifan’s eyes travelled to the pair of lips, which used to be in warm colored plum, now chapped and pale. He wants to kiss it better. “May I kiss you?”

Kyungsoo smiled, “No.” he slightly shook his head. “No, Yifan. You may not.” And a tear escaped Yifan’s eyes. “No, Yifan. I will not kiss you.”

Yifan didn’t question why.

Kyungsoo had never complained about his illness. He took it like it was a gift and a warning from God that he’s been living enough to come to His hands. That’s why, when he asked to be out from hospital and stops all the treatment to cure his disease, no one talks. Kyungsoo said he wants to spend his days at home, not on the bed of a strange hospital where everything smells like bleach and toxin.

When Yifan asked if he could kiss him and Kyungsoo said no, Yifan won’t be upset. Because he’d give anything, even the slightest smile of him to Kyungsoo. Because Kyungsoo had done so much that Yifan knew he won’t be able to give a payback. Because anything that makes Kyungsoo happy, Yifan would trade his soul for it.

.ugly.

“Turn away.” Kyungsoo muttered from the uncomfortable hospital mattress he’s lying on. It’s just few days after his first surgery, and that was what Yifan get for his first step visiting his boyfriend. He hesitated, but Kyungsoo breathes, “I’m awful for you to see.”

Yifan turned his body, back-facing Kyungsoo, but he didn’t walk away. “I missed you.”

“I’m ugly, what makes you stay? I’m not the old me. I’m broken.”

Yifan turned his body and kisses him, “Because you’re perfect.”

That was the last kiss he got before Kyungsoo decided that he won’t kiss him.

.go.

Kyungsoo knew his time is near and how his breath is now limited. He muttered a ‘sorry’ to Yifan, barely above a whisper, “We’re just one step away.” He smiled weakly. “But we’ll never marry.”

Yifan tried to smile back; he maintained to keep his smile every time Kyungsoo smiles, because he doesn’t want to see the smile turned down. He squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand, hoping the other understands that he doesn’t mind the future if he can spend the life with his lover.

When Kyungsoo’s breath hitched, Yifan panics. His eyes widened in fear of losing the younger too fast. The gap between his breaths is getting wider and Yifan couldn’t do anything except holding his hand. “Turn away.” Kyungsoo tried, “Go. I don’t want you to be here.”

“Kyungsoo, baby, let me. I’ve turned away far too much. At least let me be here. Please?”

“No.” Kyungsoo begged, tears forming in his eyes but he held it back. “You don’t understand. Go!”

Yifan bites his lower lip before turning away and open the door, giving him the last look before Joonmyun ran in and took his spot.

Yifan cried outside.

.promises.

“Yifan.” Kyungsoo was resting his head on Yifan’s shoulder; they’re spending their third anniversary of dating on a beach, waiting for the sun to touch the horizon. “I only tell you this once, okay? Better remember it for your lifetime.”

Yifan raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Please remember that once I feel like it’s my time to leave, I swear to God I will not kiss you. I will not kiss you goodnight, or even goodbye. I will never kiss you.” He said; chuckling a bit to ease the sudden tension on Yifan’s shoulder. “And please remember that once I feel like it’s my time to leave, I will tell you to turn away, to go, far from me, and exactly not in the same room as me.”

“Why would you do such cruel things to me?” Yifan asked. “Why won’t you kiss me? Why won’t you want me to be by your side when it’s time for you to leave?”

Kyungsoo stayed silent for a while that Yifan thought he had fallen asleep like he usually do. But then a sharp breath was taken and Kyungsoo held his hand, “Because,” He breathed, “Because the hardest part of this, is leaving you.”

hi there lmao so I'm just being random haha.

I was listening to my old playlist and----bam. this happened.

I'm sorry it's not that long or not that good ;; /cries. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the story. I'm working on some sequels and- uh, I don't really have time to work tbh so I might be the slowest author ever. /bows 180 degrees

thank you <3

xing.