No one was born with a book to guide us on how to be a perfect human being or how to live a perfect fairytale life, happily ever after. Each mistake and flaw, good and bad times. Reminiscing them, are painful memories that we want to delete, but oftenly wouldn't ever get out of our minds, beautiful memories that give us a fluttering feeling in the pit of ours stomachs each time we come across it, whether or not to be told to anyone, we all hold a different story.

And I have mine.

It may not be beautifully written as that's how my life is, but please bear with me. My name is Kim Taeyeon, an ordinary 16 year old girl, living in a small town of South Korea that nobody knows of. I'm a girl who believes that love has no barriers and at times, I easily found myself attracted to both different girls and boys, but that's how it's always has been and I never have truly loved someone.

Until one day, a girl walked in my life. As opposite she is from my ideal type, as bad as our disagreements were and how much we argued, but we have seen the best and the worst of each other and I've learnt to love her flaws and imperfections as much as I love everything else about her. She was an unexpected person that came into my life, that I never knew I needed. We became best friends and as time went on, I couldn't help but confess my feelings towards her and how much she has changed me. 

Although she couldn't accept my feelings, she accepted who I am and wished for the best and the right person for me. I was of course heart broken and torn apart, she was my first love and seem to be the last as three years passed by. We stay as best friend but at the same time, I have forgotten how to love, I had been hurt and was scared to be hurt. It frustrated me how many people I've hurt when I tried to move on, but at the end I couldn't love them.  

Then there was girl, I happened to a fan of her and her story, I subscribed to it and one day she messaged me, just a casual thank you message but we've started from there. We talked, we met... everything escalated so quickly, it ended just as rapidly as it begun. She gave me all she could, she gave me her heart but in then end, I gave up, believing that she deserved better. Without taking what she thought into consideration, I disappeared out of her life. I broke her heart.

As weeks passed, I had more time for myself, I had time to think and review myself and each individual chapter of my life, until I came to terms with letting go of what was holding me back and take whatever risks that needed to be taken for me to be able to love and be loved again. Coming to the conclusion, for the first time in weeks, maybe a month, I finally texted her. I hated myself with the lame "Hey" that I sent, but I really didn't know what to say and how she would react, I hated myself more to know how much I had hurt her.  

Even so, I was still being selfish and asked her for another chance for "us" to work again. I know how terrible that is after how much I have done to her in the past, but I didn't want to let go of the possible love that could blossom beautifully in the future and also most importantly, after I realised how I feel about her and how much I want her in my life. 

It hurt every times she said seemed doubt my words or how she act differently towards me, but I could only blame myself for being the cause of it.

And as the story goes, this is also a dedication to her, Tiffany Hwang.

So I hope you will see this. 

You properly think this is so cliche and overly cheesy but please, hear me out. 

I wanted to say thank you for giving me another chance, despite me not deserving it, thank you for giving me the chance for me to do what I should have done the first time we talked. I wanted to do what is right and have another chance to fix the pieces. This time, I want to work for your heart , even though you've said I don't have to work for what I already have, let me work for it until I feel that I am somewhat worthy of it.  

I know they say you are never able to get over a first love and I would definitely be lying if I said that there wasn't a place somewhere for her in my heart, but just know she's my past and you, Hwang Miyoung, you are my present and future. 

I love you

~Natsu-ya <3