Chapter four: Somewhere in between

            Classes had gone by for a week now, Taeyeon and I failed to speak much words except for ‘Hungry?’ ‘Are you going to shower first?’ or Taeyeon’s favorite ‘Do you have to read your book aloud?’ I had gotten into this Japanese book called Norwegian Wood, I was lucky enough to find it printed in English, the author a man called Haruki Murakami; ironically the same last name as Emi. 

I had been thinking a lot about Emi Murakami lately, why? I couldn’t tell you. I suppose the curiosity ate at me, who was the girl that changed Taeyeon completely, who was the girl who had affected Taeyeon so much she even got a Tattoo. A permanent reminder of Emi etched vertically down her ribcage. I wondered if I would ever meet someone I would want to remember forever, even after I die.

“Hey.” Taeyeon called out to me and I realized I had read the same line a hundred times over.

I drag my eyes up to look at her “Hey.”

She stares at me for a moment, then her eyes trail down to my lips and suddenly I feel nervous. “Wanna go swimming?” I never really liked the water, I would say no in a heartbeat.

“Sure.”--if it wasn’t Taeyeon who was asking.

“Okay.” She nods and sifts through her small closet before she turns around to look at me, “I’ll be ready to leave in ten, so you have some time.”

I sigh inwardly as I smile at her. The sun was slowly setting, it was almost six in the afternoon and Taeyeon wanted to go swimming. I wondered why she couldn’t hold off until next week, since we had eight days of vacation. But for all I know she could be leaving somewhere else, and the thought saddened me.

After a minute or two I got my legs to move, setting my book aside but I stopped as I watched her get her things ready. It was like a silent movie playing right before my eyes and Taeyeon was the lead actress, the damsel in distress. But I knew so much already, she didn’t need saving.

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“Is it going to be just us two?” the sound of my flip-flops hitting the bottom of my feet as we walked along the pathway that led us to the vehicles reached my ears. The fading sun stuck onto my skin like a Californian tan but it felt comfortable.

“No.” Taeyeon speaks, she had asked me to wear her dark-purple backpack that held everything we needed. Or at least I thought so, I couldn’t remember what I had stuffed in there as she hurried me up.

“Oh.” I say, I didn’t think it would be just us two anyways, that would be awkward. I guess.

“Some of my friends will be there.” She sighs out parting her thin lips, like she didn’t want to go in the first place and that made me wonder.

“Old friends from way back then…” she says, “They came to surprise me.” She smiles softly as we end up at the edge of the sidewalk, cars and vans parked neatly. They belonged to teachers and students that stayed near the dorm or had classes but went home afterwards.

“You have a car?” I ask looking for one I think would match Taeyeon perfectly.

“Nope.” I tilt my head.

“Van?”

“Nope,” she repeats “A bike.”

She points to the far corner, a Kawasaki bike gleaming under the sun and I can’t say that I’m surprised.

“Oh.” I breathe out “Nice, I guess.”

“Kawasaki KZ900.” I had no idea what the hell that meant but I nodded along anyways. A bike somehow suited her, it was dangerous and thrilling.

“Cool.” I say as we walk towards it.

I stand in front of it and watch as Taeyeon hops right on.

“C’mon, get behind me.” She says and I look at her with confused eyes.

“Where’s the helmet?”

“Helmet?” she asks then chuckles out, “No helmet here Tiffany, just us and the bike meeting with the wind.” She was weird, that I couldn’t deny. Maybe she was a bit careless too, but who wasn’t?

My lips purse, “That’s dangerous” I retort, the sun beating down on me, I’m starting to sweat. The bikini under my clothes starting to feel like rope suffocating me.

“Trust me.” she speaks as she pats the empty space behind her “We’ll be okay.”

I slide behind her, my arms quickly coming to wrap around her small waist, and we aren’t even moving yet. I feel the vibrations of her giggle as she brings the bike to life, it roars and suddenly I feel more scared than ever.

“Tiffany, trust me…” she repeats and my arms ease a bit but my cheek presses hard against her back as she starts to ease the bike out of the space.

It was crazy to ride a bike without helmets but in a way it was thrilling, I oddly felt excited as Taeyeon sped down the busy streets of Tokyo, leaning back into me at red lights while I hug her tighter when we start again.

And soon the streets aren’t busy anymore and the scenery was breathtaking. I didn’t know where exactly we were going, but I didn’t care.  I looked back seeing the heart of Japan become but a mere blur, I looked forward and saw nothing but a vast array of green, blue and orange clouding my senses beautifully. Suddenly my arms aren’t around Taeyeon anymore, they’re spread out before me like a plane or a bird with wide wings taking in the fresh air and freedom. And as I hear Taeyeon’s wild laugh echo with the passing view of trees, a fleeting thought hits me, that maybe this is what it feels like to be alive.

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Taeyeon pulled into a parking lot, overlooking the beach as she turned the key in her ignition. “We’re here.” she spoke as I slid out from behind her, grabbing the straps of the backpack sighing out.

I heard loud rap music in the distance. “They probably already started.” I tilted my head not really knowing what she meant, but as she led us down towards the end of the parking lot we found ourselves looking down on a crowd of people. The rap music as loud as ever, people holding red cups and coronas in their hands dancing with each other, more into the distance was the bluish grey ocean, I noticed people playing in the water, surfing or just splashing around. The sun was hiding halfway behind the vast ocean, giving everything an orange like shimmer, bathing everything in gold.

Taeyeon smiled as she randomly clutched onto my hand, my attention suddenly stolen by her “We’re just in time.”

She led us down the steep steps until my sandal covered foot sunk into the warm sand, there was no point in them wearing anymore. I reached down with my free hand and collected them both.

“Be careful of the glass and stuff.” Taeyeon wasn’t wearing sandals she was wearing a pair of Nike’s. They matched the color of her nails.

Walking with the sandals in my hand and Taeyeon holding my other, we ended up bumping into a tall girl.  

“Sorry.” she chuckled out seeing Taeyeon “Oh Taeng you made it!” Patting Taeyeon’s shoulder she smiled. She was tall, and model-like just like Taeyeon’s cousin Sooyoung, but she had more of a cold face. Her nose was slim and her lips were thin, her long black hair pulled into a tight pony tail behind her head. Her neck was slender and long, while she wore a tank top and some shorts. She was pretty.

“I see you brought a friend.” she was speaking in Korean and I didn’t even notice it. I figured she was one of the friends Taeyeon talked about earlier.

 “Hi” I instinctively bowed “I’m Tiffany.”

“She’s my roommate,” I heard Taeyeon say, her hand still in mine “I asked her to come if you don’t mind.”

The girl laughed “Of course I don’t, what’s another person anyways? There’s already so many people here.” The girl looked around before her eyes came to level with mine “I’m Krystal by the way, Taeyeon’s friend.” Before I could respond a tiny girl pushed through the crowd waving frantically at us.

“Yah! Kim Taeyeon!” she was shorter than us, with short brown hair her smile was bright and I realized I didn’t know Taeyeon’s last name was Kim until now. Kim Taeyeon. It was nice.

“Sunny!” Taeyeon let go of my hand walking slightly forward as the two hugged, I felt a small pang of jealousy. Though it wasn’t anything serious.

“Nice to see you again kiddo…” Taeyeon ruffled her hair and I found the sight quite heartwarming “This is Tiffany Hwang.” I smiled at the girl “My roommate, Tiffany this is Sunny, my old friend.”

I bowed again not really wanting to say anything and I noticed because I didn’t, it got a bit awkward.

“Well…" Krystal thankfully broke the silence “This party is yours Taeng, so enjoy it!" Krystal whisked Sunny away even though the girl protested while Taeyeon and I were left to just chuckle.

“Let’s go take a quick dip” Taeyeon pulled me away from the big crowd of people, taking me somewhere a little darker away from the florescent lights that shone from the jeeps that rest on the sandy beach. Giving light to the party and its people.

“I wanna get out of here as quick as possible.”

And I wondered why Taeyeon seemed to be running away from the party that was hers, the friends that were hers and that past that was hers.

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“Take em’ off Hwang.” Taeyeon eyed me as the sun was almost gone, the dying stars becoming more visible.

“N-No…” I stuttered “I brought another pair of shorts for a reason Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon didn’t speak after that, or maybe she had. All I know is that my voice and thoughts ceased watching Taeyeon strip of her jean shorts and loose white T-shirt. I had seen her in her undergarments so many times but this time was different, maybe because of the moon shining down on us or maybe because she was in a black bikini that contrasted beautifully with her pale skin.

But she was beautiful damn was she beautiful, is all I could seem to think.

She took off her shoes and tossed them at me “Tiffany.” she said and my mind was running its gears once again “Are you coming?” I guess it was Taeyeon being Taeyeon but she walked over to me and ed my shorts on her own. I gasped but I didn’t stop her.

“There” she said “Now let’s go.”

I followed her and soon we were by the shore, where the water came up and swallowed the sand taking it and spitting it back out. The strong smell of salt invaded my senses. Numbing me completely, all I could feel was the cold water hit my ankles and as Taeyeon pulled me deeper, it covered my legs up to my thighs and soon my waist, reaching the hem of my bikini top. I shivered slightly, the only warmth was the breath that left my lips and the hand that wrapped around my own.

“Cold?” I nodded my head, the light was disappearing but like usual my eyes adjusted. I saw Taeyeon’s small body just barely protruding out from the water.

The small waves crashed against us as our bodies lightly swayed to and fro the waters ebbing at us. It was a nice feeling.

My eyes glued onto her I watched as she dipped her head in the water, letting her body sink downwards and soon I did the same. Coming up for air the feel on my skin felt great. It was fresh and it was new.

Taeyeon’s hair was slicked a bit back, though little pieces still covering her forehead. Her lips trembled slightly and the water was just below our chins.

We stared at each other for a while before Taeyeon spoke, her voice piercing through the quiet darkness.

“Feels nice…” her voice is soft and for a moment it felt like she was whispering directly into my ear.

“The water?” I question as she nods.

“The water and being here with you.” The butterflies attacked me violently.

“With me?” she nods again.

“It’s different you know?” I stay silent as she continues to speak her mind “You’re different, I mean I guess I was like you once. Uptight and unknowing of the world. But like,” she pauses and sighs out “You’re different.”

I didn’t know what she meant by that but I was sure she didn’t either.

“I can’t quite place my finger on it Hwang but I like the sound of your voice when you speak.” Taeyeon was weird, but a good weird “And the way you read aloud even though it gets on my nerves” I giggle softly in response but Taeyeon was nothing but serious. She looks up at the sky and stares back down at me.

“You’re like an anchor to what’s real in the world right now, what’s happening in the world right now. It’s weird” She says “And I don’t know how to feel about it.” Funny I think, neither do I.

I watch as she seems to find her way through the mental brick wall I had placed up between us and places her hands on my bare waist.

“You don’t hate me do you?” it was an odd question but then again it was an odd situation also.

I shake my head, my lips pursing willing and ready to let Taeyeon dazzle me once again.

“You don’t love me either though…” once again I shake my head. I wasn’t sure it was love, it was too early to tell but I wasn’t even sure I wanted to figure that puzzle out. My body just ached at the thought. Love was so difficult.

“Good.” she says, and I’m not sure what that means either. She blinks and pulls me closer, her eyebrows stitching together for whatever reason as she places her lips on mine.

And as she leaves the embrace of our lips I manage to finally get some words in.

I breathe out my eyelids shutting, uttering the words-- “It’s somewhere in between.” And I hoped she was okay with that. I prayed she was okay with that.

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Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!