Day by day, day by day

No matter how much it hurts, my life goes on and on and on

 

Kyungsoo, ten years old, grabbed at Jongin, who was readying himself to go back to some fancy performing arts high school.

"Don't leave me, hyung." He cried with tearful eyes.

Jongin rolled his eyes playfully.

"Soo, I have to go."

Kyungsoo softened at Jongin's familiar, deep voice.

Jongin started towards the door.

Kyungsoo's eyes widened and a tear slipped out.

Jongin sighed and knelt down.

"Kyungsoo, hyung will only be a few hours away."

"But an hour is forever!" 

Kyungsoo stomped down his foot.

Jongin shook his head and gently tousled Kyungsoo's curly hair.

"It's not. I'll be back in a few weeks."

Kyungsoo sighed unhappily. "But hyung, I miss you a lot. It's weird not having you around."

He stared at his feet and finished quietly,"It hurts being alone."

Jongin turned Kyungsoo that he was staring directly into his eyes.

"Be strong, okay, Soo? No matter how much it hurts, life goes on."

"You know what mom and dad will be like." Kyungsoo mumbled.

Jongin smirked bitterly.

"Ah, yes. I know, but you have to be strong and do well in school. Then you can leave one day like hyung."

Jongin hugged Kyungsoo one more time and quickly swept out the door.

Kyungsoo ran to the window, pressing his small face against the cool glass, his hot breath steaming up the window.

He stared at the car that carried his brother away.

"You're lying again, hyung." Kyungsoo muttered, knowing well that Jongin wouldn't come back for a while.

He sure wouldn't.

 

Two years passed before Jongin stepped back into the house.

Kyungsoo, now twelve years old, tried to jump on Jongin but sent them both tumbling to the floor.

"You got big, Kyunggie." Jongin laughed.

Kyungsoo stood up and stared at Jongin with serious eyes.

"You haven't changed, though."

Jongin smiled briefly. "I haven't."

Later, Jongin playfully shoved Kyungsoo. 

"You got a girlfriend yet?"

"NO!" Kyungsoo cried, his eyes growing huge.

Jongin shook his head mockingly.

"I had my first kiss by this time."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. 

"Girls are gross."

"What do you mean?"

"They're weird. Their voices are too high and s are just. No."

Jongin shrugged.

"s are okay."

He narrowed his eyes and studied Kyungsoo.

"Soo, do you like boys?"

Kyungsoo sat and thought. 

"I think I'm a plant." Kyungsoo announced.

"So you think you're aual?"

"I don't like anyone. I hate everyone equally?" 

Jongin chuckled. "Sure."

He grabbed Kyungsoo into a headlock and rubbed his hair furiously, tangling Kyungsoo's curls into a mess.

Jongin got into a fight with their parents later than night and left early.

Kyungsoo missed Jongin's warmth.

 

Jongin returned after another two years. He was in college now. The college was near the performing arts school, and Jongin was majoring in dance.

Kyungsoo was completely aware of wat his ual orientation was by this point.

Kyungsoo thought he was gay. Or at least he was for Jongin.

He bitterly smiled. Gay for his brother. Priceless.

Jongin pulled him into a hug and Kyungsoo deeply inhaled Jongin's scent.

"Little bro, what's going on?"

Kyungsoo smiled bashfully. "Nothing."

"No girlfriend yet?"

"No."

"No boyfriend?"

"No."

"Damn, your hand must be getting a workout."

Kyungsoo flushed a deep red.

"Shut up."

Jongin shrugged. "Hey, we're both boys."

Kyungsoo nodded a little sadly.

"We're both boys." He echoed.

Another fight.

Jongin didn't even wait for night time, he left in the middle of the day.

 

A few weeks later, Jongin returned at some ungodly hour and crawled into Kyungsoo's bed.

Kyungsoo shot awake.

"Who ar-mphhhhhhhhhhh."

"Shh. It's me, Jongin."

Kyungsoo fell limp. "How did you get in? I thought dad practically disowned you?"

"I went through your window. By the way, you should really lock it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize because we are on the SECOND ING FLOOR?" He whispered harshly.

"Tree." Jongin shrugged.

"Why are you here?" Kyungsoo sighed.

Jongin pouted,"You didn't miss me?"

Kyungsoo snuggled closer to Jongin, as closely as he could without being awkward.

"I did."

"I just needed to get away from my dorm. My roommate, Sehun, was being an asshat."

"You should stay here for a while. I miss you, and mom and dad are starting to get unbearable." Kyungsoo grumbled.

"I can't. Don't worry about it, life goes on."

Kyungsoo didn't answer.

Jongin was gone the next morning, and the spot next to Kyungsoo was cold.

 

Another year passed. Jongin walked into Kyungsoo's room with a bruised eye.

"What happened?" Kyungsoo asked, immediately alarmed.

"Fight. Don't ask."

Kyungsoo nodded hesitantly.

"Hyung, don't just leave in the middle of the night."

Jongin did.

Kyungsoo caught him trying to leave.

He grabbed onto him.

"Hyung, please don't go."

Jongin jerked his body away and walked towards the door.

"I have to go."

"What is so important that you have to leave now?"

Jongin didn't answer and left, staring at his phone.

Kyungsoo caught a glimpse of the lit up screen, and saw the beginning of a name, Se.

 

After a couple of months, Kyungsoo decided to go see Jongin since he could drive now.

He found the directions and made his way to Jongin's dorm.

There was a bar near the the dorm, and he saw a crowd of people.

Picking his way through it, he found Jongin at the center, getting hit by a tall, slender boy with a stiff face.

Kyungsoo shouted something indecipherable and threw himself in front of Jongin.

Jongin, when he didn't feel the blow, knew something was off.

He straighted up and saw Kyungsoo, bleeding from his temple.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Kyungsoo gasped.

Jongin glared at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo felt himself freeze.

This wasn't supposed to be happening. Wasn't Jongin supposed to be thanking him?

Jongin yelled,"What the are you doing? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to s-see you." Kyungsoo stammered.

"Go away, Kyungsoo. Don't come back here." He spat out, words full of venom.

Kyungsoo stumbled back to his car.

Kyungsoo attempted to drive with eyes filled with tears and missed the bus heading towards him at full speed.

It only hurt for a second before the blurred world turned started to slowly turn black.

He remembered flashes of distant shouting and Jongin throwing himself at Kyungsoo's body.

The paramedics lifted his body.

The world began to fuzz at the edges and it turned completely black.

 

Jongin whispered,"I'm sorry" before leaving Kyungsoo's funeral, his chest feeling heavy.

 

Days went by,

And life went on.