Final
Summer Solstice
Daehyun grunted quietly as he adjusted his backpack before continuing down the lonely dirt road that lead to an old abandoned home he'd always been interested in photographing. He didn't know why he'd put off coming here for so long – maybe it was the stories he'd read online about it being haunted or something but the teen finally decided today was the day. He breathed in deeply, a small smile appearing on his lips when the home came into view. Sure, it wasn't anything too interesting. Just an old abandoned farm home hidden in the woods but Daehyun thought it was beautiful and he knew his readers would too.
He stood there for a moment, admiring the house before picking up the heavy camera hung around his neck and snapping photos from all different kinds of angles, just hoping for that one perfect shot. He let out a soft sigh, deciding to get closer and maybe go inside if he could. From the looks of it, the house was still perfect, minus a few busted windows but Daehyun knew very well he wasn't the first to be interested in the old farm house. He let his camera rest against his chest as he walked up the front porch, looking around to make sure no one was nearby.
It wasn't a good idea to do things like this alone but Daehyun always thought people just got in the way or ruined a shot. He liked to do this alone, figuring that as long as he was smart and did it during the day he would be safe. It was always a risk but he enjoyed it and the comments left on his blog always made it worthwhile. The teen reached out to gently turn the wobbly door knob, raising an eyebrow when he realized the door wasn't even locked, despite how sturdy everything had looked from a distance.
Daehyun pulled back the door, gently lifting up so it wouldn't scrap again the peeling porch before peering inside the home and making sure no one was inside the living room. He sighed in relief when all he saw was nothingness. The home was completely empty except for some trash spread out on the floor. He wondered just how long ago the home had actually been abandoned; it wasn't in too bad of shape.
He'd expected peeling wallpaper, mold and complete gloom but the inside didn't look like that. He could tell the walls had once been a white color now turned a dull yellow. He finally allowed himself to walk inside and began taking pictures of anything and everything that looked interesting. Daehyun couldn't help but admit he felt disappointed. He'd expected something more than this; something darker and gloomier. The teen reminded himself that not everything had to be like that.
He glanced around after he was done taking pictures of a cross he'd found on the floor, wondering if someone lived here at night. It wasn't uncommon for the homeless to take to old abandoned homes. There were snack packets thrown on the floor, empty water bottles and those were signs of life. He blinked when something written on the wall caught his eyes. He'd seen it earlier but he hadn't paid too much attention to it but before he could really think, he was picking up his camera and snapping pictures of the words written on the wall.
'I was not happy when I wrote this'
Daehyun didn't know why but the words stuck with him. He just kept rereading them, over and over again. He shrugged his backpack off, trying to find a pen or a marker – just anything he could use to reply back to the person who'd written this. He let out a 'ah-hah' when he finally found his black sharpie. Daehyun didn't normally vandalize the abandoned homes he visited with graffiti; he liked to leave things as they were but it was almost like the words written on the wall were calling out to him.
But, Are you happy now?
Daehyun stared at the sentence for a while, a small smile appearing on his lips. He didn't think the person who did this would ever reply but he decided he would check back in a few weeks, just to see. Besides, he kind of liked this place. It wasn't too creepy – It was calm, really calm and he liked it. The teen gave the living room one more quick look over before deciding he needed to get home and get started on his schoolwork after he snapped one more picture of the words written on the wall, only this time his reply was included in the photograph.
While he was walking home, he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of pride. He always felt like this after venturing into an abandoned home he'd never visited before. Daehyun lazily greeted his mother before hurrying up the steps and into his bedroom. He knew he needed to start on his homework but he thought of going through his pictures and picking the best ones for his blog instead.
The pictures had come out well; they weren't anything too awfully special but he was still pleased as he began editing them, only stopping when he heard his mother knocking at his door. Daehyun quickly minimized Photoshop and turned around right as the door opened. His mother had never liked his photography dream – especially not his dream of photographing abandoned places. She'd always nagged him about getting a proper job but it didn't bother Daehyun too much. He knew she meant the best.
“Where were you this afternoon?” She asked, sitting down on the edge of his bed and staring at him. Daehyun turned to face her and shrugged. Mrs. Jung pressed his lips together in a thin line before sighing. “You were supposed to help me and your father with the garage, remember?”
Daehyun visibly cringed. “I totally forgot.” He let out a soft groan. “Is Dad mad?”
“Not really, he didn't want to clean the garage either.” Mrs. Jung smiled before turning serious again. “Where were you?”
“I was just out.” Daehyun muttered as he turned to face his computer again, typing something random into the Google search bar, hoping his mother would leave him alone.
“Were you breaking into homes again?” He didn't reply and it was like he didn't even need to. His silence was enough of an answer. “Do you know how dangerous that is?” Mrs. Jung didn't bother to hide her frustration, it growing even stronger when her son let out a loud groan. They'd gone over this so many times but it seemed like Daehyun would never listen no matter what she said or did. “I should ground you.”
“Well, to be honest, I don't think I did anything to deserve that.” Daehyun said without taking his eyes off the computer screen, reading a random Wikipedia page.
Things were quiet for a moment before Mrs. Jung let out a loud sigh and stood up from the bed. “Do your homework and then fix up your pictures.”
Daehyun couldn't help but smile as he looked over his shoulder right when the door closed. He never really could fool his mother.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Daehyun had been so busy with school that he'd almost forgotten about the old farmhouse. It wasn't until he was checking comments on his blog that he remembered it. Most people hadn't been too awfully interested in it other than a few comments about how they were surprised it was still in such good condition. No one else had been interested in the writing on the wall which was a little disappointing, he'd hoped someone else would agree it seemed like the person who'd written it was calling out for someone.
Daehyun quietly chuckled. Maybe I'm just crazy. He thought before getting up from his computer chair and pulling on his sneakers he'd thrown on the floor near his bed. It wasn't too late to go back – only about two in the afternoon. He grabbed his camera bag and hurried down the stairs, shouting he would be back later before groaning when she demanded to know where he was going. “Just out!” He said and took off out the front door before she could say anything else. The teen was well aware he'd be in for it once he got back but for right now, all he cared about was going back to the old farmhouse.
It was a twenty-minute walk out deeper into the country before he was finally walking down one of the back roads to the farmhouse and he felt himself smile when the house came into view. He didn't know why he was so excited but he was – maybe that person had replied. Maybe not. There were still a lot of rooms to explore, so either way, in Daehyun's mind the trip was worth it. He walked up the gravel driveway, taking in how lush and green it was out here. He slowed down, noticing the front door was open, just a little bit.
He wasn't sure if he'd closed it properly last time, the door was just barely hanging onto its hinges and he'd had a little bit of trouble closing it. Daehyun hesitantly walked up the steps before leaning forward and peeking inside, his breath catching when he noticed someone inside. He silently debated on leaving before they could notice him but when he saw them shaking a spray paint can, he knocked on the door and the person let out a startled yelp, dropping the spray paint can onto the floor. “Hey, sorry!” Daehyun quickly spoke. “I didn't mean to scare you.”
“Who are you?” The stranger walked a little and Daehyun quickly looked him over. He was really frail looking, almost sickly but he didn't look much older than Daehyun himself.
“My name is Daehyun.” He smiled warmly at the other teen. “Did you, uh, write that?” He motioned towards the wall and the teen looked at it for a moment before looking back at him again. Daehyun walked inside the house, looking at the words written on the wall. He paused for a moment when he noticed 'no' had been written under his own reply. “I wrote that. I was the one who asked if you were happy.”
“You did that?” The teen couldn't hide his surprise.
Daehyun nodded his head, staring at the freshly painted 'no' on the wall. “What's your name?” He asked without looking away.
“Youngjae.” The teen trailed off for a moment. “I'm Youngjae.” Daehyun finally turned to look at him again. Youngjae's expression was so guarded and full of suspicion as he watched him.
“How old are you?” Daehyun asked and he could feel a small smile forming on his lips. Though he had daydreamed about it, he never truly thought he'd meet the person who'd written on the wall and he didn't know anything about this stranger but he thought this was fate. The person standing in front of him was the complete opposite of everything he had imagined. He wasn't all that much taller than Daehyun himself but he was so frail looking and he wondered if Youngjae was sick. He took note of how loosely the teen's clothing fit and how his clothing looked like they were meant for fall or winter, the clothes definitely weren't meant for mid-June. There was a reason they met like this; there had to be a reason. “I'm eighteen.”
“I'm seventeen.” Youngjae replied after a moment of hesitance. “Did you really write that on the wall?” Daehyun nodded his head without any hesitation. “Why?” The older teen looked at him in confusion, unsure of what he meant. “Well, why? Do you actually care if I'm happy or not?”
A look of realization flashed across Daehyun's face and he nodded. “I do care.” He trailed off for a moment. “When I saw the words, I don't know. . . I just – is it weird to say I felt like they were calling out to me?”
“Yes.” Youngjae replied. “It's weird.”
The older teen laughed and nodded his head. “Okay. As weird as it is, I felt like that.”
“You're weird.” The younger pushed pass him and started down the front porch. It took Daehyun a moment to break out of his trance and hurry after Youngjae, calling out for him to wait. “What?” Youngjae finally stopped in the middle of the gravel driveway.
“I think we should be friends.” Daehyun said once he reached the younger teen. “Don't you think so too?” And when Youngjae shook his head, he couldn't help but pout for a moment. “Come on, isn't it fate how we met?”
“No.” Youngjae shook his head again, his face blank and showing no emotions. “Can't say I really believe in fate.”
“Well, I think you should believe it just this once.”
“You're weird and annoying.” Youngjae trailed off for a moment watching as Daehyun's smile fell from his face. “But, I guess you seem okay.” A small smile formed on his own lips and then the older teen was smiling back at him. This was definitely fate, Daehyun decided. There was no doubt in his mind that meeting this Youngjae person was fate. He didn't know why they'd met but he knew it was a good thing.
This had to be a good thing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“So, why haven't you asked yet?” Youngjae looked towards him before taking a small sip of the soda he'd gotten from the convenience store nearby.
“Asked what?” Daehyun said before chugging down all of his own soda.
The younger teen looked at him in interest, raising an eyebrow before simply shrugging. “I guess I figured you'd ask what was wrong with me.” He muttered, staring off at the dirty road in front of the old farmhouse.
“It's not that I don't care or don't want to know or anything like that-” Daehyun quickly spoke, putting his soda can down on the steps. “I just thought maybe you would tell me if you wanted to.” Daehyun thought it almost felt natural to be around Youngjae. He was quiet but it wasn't really awkward. It just felt comfortable. He wondered if he'd ever felt this comfortable so quickly so soon with someone before.
“I've got cancer.” Daehyun didn't know if he was surprised or not but the word still took his breath away. He looked at his new friend but he didn't know what to say but it didn't seem like it mattered. “I've had it for two years now.” Two years seemed like such a long time to Daehyun. “It's not a big deal though.”
Daehyun opened his mouth to disagree but he quickly stopped himself. Cancer. Just the word itself was terrifying. He breathed in deeply, still at a loss for words. He'd never met someone with cancer before but he knew how serious it was, of course he knew that. “Sorry.” He finally managed to get out.
“Hey, there ain't no need for you to apologize.” Youngjae simply shook his head. “I just figured it would be better to tell you now so if you wanna back out, you can.”
“Back out?” Daehyun repeated, sounding a little surprised.
“Of this whole friend thing.” And when Daehyun continued to stare at him with a surprised look, he continued. “I could die any day. I'm not promised tomorrow, I just wanted to give you the chance to get away before that. Everyone else already has.”
“I'm not promised tomorrow either.” Daehyun moved so he was sitting and fully facing the younger teen. “No one is. Not a single person in this world is promised tomorrow, I'd be stupid if I let something like that keep me from being friends with you.”
Youngjae stared at him for what felt like a long time before there was another small smile on his lips. “You know, no one has ever said that to me before.” Things went silent for a long time before he sighed softly. “So, what's your story?”
“My story?” Daehyun pursed his lips. “Um, well, there really isn't much to me. I'm a photographer, an amateur. I have a blog where I share stories and pictures of abandoned homes here in Charleston. I think that's pretty much the only thing special about me.”
“That's kinda cool. Is it popular?” Youngjae took another sip of his soda.
“Kind of.” Daehyun shrugged and finished the rest of his drink before sighing loudly. It was getting late and he needed to get back soon but he didn't want to leave, not yet. “Do you have a phone or something?”
“Uh, yeah.” Youngjae shifted slightly so he could get his cell phone out. It was an old phone, just a simple clam shell type phone. “I don't have the money for a nice phone. I just use this for emergencies and-”
“Can you text?” Daehyun asked and the younger teen nodded his head. He waited until Youngjae was ready to enter his number in his address book before rattling off his own number, watching as the teen saved it once he was finished. “I need to get going but I want to hang out with you again, if that's cool with you.” He smiled warmly when Youngjae nodded his head. “I'll text you, okay?” He really didn't want to go but Daehyun knew his mother was going to be calling soon and if he wasn't home before, she would kick his . The two said their hesitant 'goodbyes' before Daehyun was walking down the gravel driveway.
“Daehyun!” Youngjae shouted once he was at end of the driveway and once Daehyun turned around, he continued. “Maybe you were right.” He said just loud enough for the older teen to hear him.
“About what?” Daehyun called back.
“Fate.” Youngjae said before grinning from ear to ear.
Daehyun stood there for a moment, taking in how attractive Youngjae was despite everything before breaking out into a big grin himself. There was no doubt in his mind that this was fate.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Is this place safe?”
Youngjae looked over his shoulder and smiled playfully. “I guess. For someone who photographs decaying buildings, you sure are nervous.” He looked forward again and continued up the steps, Daehyun hurrying to catch up.
It'd been a few weeks since he'd last seen Youngjae but they talked everyday without fail, neither ever running out of things to say. Daehyun was just so happy school was finally out for the summer and he was free to do anything now. No tests or studying, just a nice long break and he fully intended on spending it with Youngjae. The first thing the younger had wanted to do once they both had free time was show him one of his favorite spots and Daehyun was more than willing, though he had to admit, he was a little surprised one of Youngjae's favorite spots was an abandoned asylum. “I'm just careful.” Daehyun replied, their shoulders brushing as they walked up the dark stairway. “Where are we going?”
“My favorite spot in this whole place.” He murmured as he pushed opened a door and they were immediately flooded with light. Daehyun followed closely as they walked into a relatively empty room, the only thing he saw was a few chairs and some plants, that were to his surprise, alive and well. The windows were so large, letting light shine brightly into the room. “I come here a lot to think and get away from things.” Youngjae trailed off for a moment as he walked to one side of the room. “I keep my best friend here.”
“What?” Daehyun's eyes went wide.
The younger teen laughed and lifted a lid off of something. “My pet, it's not like I've chopped someone up and I keep their remains here, calm down.” He said in amusement as he pulled out something. He turned around and watched as Daehyun cringed when he realized it was a snake. “I have to keep him here because Momma wouldn't let me keep him.”
“I'm not gonna lie-” Daehyun backed away a little as the younger stepped closer to him. “I think I feel the same as your mom.”
“Come on, he's harmless.” Youngjae looked down at the snake in his hand, watching it for a moment before looking back up at his friend. “He's a sand boa. They don't bite very often. Come on, pet him.”
Daehyun stared at the snake as it fidgeted from each of Youngjae's hands before slowly reaching out to touch it. He quickly withdrew his hand when the snake started moving its head towards his hand. “What's its name?” He asked.
Youngjae pursed his lips before he shrugged. “I just call him Sandy.” Daehyun couldn't help but laugh and the younger laughed along with him. He watched Youngjae put the snake away. “I've been thinking of finding him a good home.” He wiggled his eyebrows, looking at the older teen. “Want him?”
“Hell no.” Daehyun replied without any hesitance and Youngjae chuckled before muttering it was his loss. The older teen shrugged his book bag off and put it on the floor before digging in it, Youngjae watching the whole time and laughing when he pulled out a small travel-sized tube of hand sanitizer and squeezing some into his hand. “Here.” He held it out for the younger.
“Thanks, I guess.” Youngjae murmured as Daehyun put some into his own hand before walking towards the windows and propping it open ever so slightly and sighing loudly as fresh air filled the room.
Daehyun moved so he was standing beside him. He looked out the window but it wasn't that much of an impressive site. Just the rooftop, the lower half of the asylum and some over grown plants. He looked towards the younger, wondering just what all went through his head. “Why do you like it here so much?” He asked.
“It's quiet.” Youngjae replied after a long while. “And. . . I guess I like the way the light fills the room. It feels good, the warmth in here.”
“Really?” Daehyun felt like he was melting, it was so hot. He looked at Youngjae's beanie and his winter clothing, wondering how he wasn't melting.
“I get cold really easy. One of the side effects from chemo.” He sighed heavily before walking across the room to grab one of the plastic chairs, Daehyun following. The two moved to sit down in front of the window, staring out of it for what felt like a long time before Youngjae suddenly looked at him. “Promise not tell anyone about this place, okay?”
Daehyun immediately nodded his head. “I promise.”
“You're the only person I've ever shown this to.” A playful smile appeared on his face and Daehyun couldn't help but notice he looked a little worse than last time, even more frail and it scared him. The smile slowly faded from Youngjae's lips and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop looking at me like that.” And when Daehyun didn't reply, he continued. “I'm okay, I really am.” He sighed loudly.
“Sorry.” Daehyun quietly apologized, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
Youngjae looked away and bit down onto his lower lip before slowly speaking. “I've been thinking about quitting the chemo.” He admitted, his voice so low Daehyun could barely hear him. “I think it'd be better for everyone.”
“I don't. . . – I don't know what you mean.” Daehyun could barely make sense of what his friend was saying. Was he saying it would be better if he died?
“Momma's working so hard just to pay the stupid bills and for what?” Youngjae's voice suddenly turned bitter, his hands curling into tight little fists. “I'm not getting any better. She's working so hard for me, I hate it so much. All that money and I'm not even getting any better.” Daehyun's heart ached painfully and he opened his mouth to say something, anything but nothing would come out. “I'm so tired, Daehyun.”
“You can't think like that.” Daehyun finally managed to find his voice. “It's like, it's almost like you've already given up on living and-” He in a deep breath, thinking over his words. “If you're like this then you'll never get better. I don't know how bad it hurts or how tired you are and I can't lie and say I do but-” He reached out to gently touch the younger man's arm. “I do know if your mom is working hard to pay those bills, it's because she wants you alive.”
“She'd be better off if I was gone.”
“No, she wouldn't.”
“You know, when you first get sick, people care a lot. They're extra nice, do things for you, send you cards. Things like that but when you're sick for a long time, they start to care less and less.” Youngjae looked down at Daehyun's hand. “They stop asking about you, they stop visiting and I guess they just stop caring. It's not like I want to be pitied but it hurts to feel forgotten. Everyone just moves on with their own lives and I'm stuck in a damn hospital room having the life ripped out of me.” Youngjae closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of his chair.
“I know she's tired.” His voice was so quiet that Daehyun was straining to hear him. “We ain't ever had much but we've got even less now because of me. There's this part of me that thinks, everything will be so much easier for her once I'm gone but then I get worried who will take care of her? She's forgetful and. . .” His voice trailed off and he reached up to brush away the tears that were falling down his face.
Daehyun bit down onto his lower lip, trying to find the right words to say. “We haven't known each other long but I care about you – I really do. I don't want you to give up.”
“Sorry.” He murmured, rubbing his eyes before anymore tears could fall. “Sorry, I. . . I don't know where that came from.”
Daehyun stared at the younger for a moment before shaking his head. “Don't say sorry.”
Youngjae finally looked at him, smiling sheepishly. “Do you wanna back out now? Of this friendship thing.” He quickly continued before the older teen could speak. “It's hard to be friends with someone like me. I'm sorry.”
“Youngjae, it's not hard to be friends with you, it's the total opposite of that, you weirdo.” He smiled, trying to lighten up the air. “I've never gotten along with someone so quickly. We've barely known each other a month and I already consider you my best friend.”
Youngjae's eyes were slightly wide before there was a smile on his lips. “I've never had a best friend before. I mean, I've had friends but. . .” The smile on his lips grew wider as he continued. “You know, you're annoying and you're weird but I think you're my best friend too-” He paused and glanced over his shoulder. “After Sandy, of course.” And when Daehyun pouted, he started laughing. It just felt so good to laugh, he hadn't laughed so much in such a long time.
“So. . .” Daehyun met eyes with Youngjae. “You're not going to give up, right?”
“Nope.” Youngjae looked back out the window. “I won't give up.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It never got boring being around each other, neither ever running out of things to do or say. The two slowly walked down a field to sit, their hands brushing every so slightly as they walked. Youngjae had told him they were going to another one of his favorite spots but Daehyun didn't ask where. He trusted Youngjae.
The two walked up a hill that over-viewed the train tracks before Youngjae was gently stomping some tall grass down. “It's been a while since I was last able to come out here.” He murmured before sitting down and patting the freshly stomped area beside him. “I like to watch the trains pass by.”
Daehyun glanced over his shoulder before looking down at Youngjae. He smiled and picked up his camera and when Youngjae heard the shutter clicking over and over, he groaned. “Stop-” He covered his face with his hands when the older ignored him. “I look like .”
“No, you don't.” Daehyun said, focused fully on getting the perfect picture of Youngjae. Youngjae had quickly become his favorite thing to photograph; he liked taking pictures of the younger more than the abandoned buildings. There was a part of him, deep inside that he didn't want to acknowledge, that had left him sleepless so many nights. He was afraid of losing Youngjae. Daehyun knew he was driving his friend up the wall by constantly taking pictures but he didn't care. He wanted to remember every moment with Youngjae. Youngjae finally uncovered his face and looked at both Daehyun and the camera in annoyance.
“Don't give me that face.” Daehyun grinned from behind the camera. “I love your smile, you need to smile.” He could see Youngjae's lips twitching upwards and the older continued complimenting him until there was a grin on his face. Daehyun had to pause for a moment, just to take in how beautiful his friend looked right now. He didn't see the dark eye circles, hallow cheeks and chapped lips. All he saw was the light in Youngjae's eyes. He was beautiful, no matter what. Youngjae looked away from the lens but the smile never left his face and the older let out a noise before plopping down beside his friend.
“Oh!” Daehyun shrugged off his book bag and sat it in front of himself. “Mom made us some homemade brownies.” He said once he found them in the front pocket of his bag.
Youngjae frowned slightly before sighing. “I don't. . . I don't think I can eat them right now. I want to though.”
“Have you eaten anything at all today?” Daehyun softly asked and Youngjae shook his head. He unwrapped one of the brownies and broke off a piece. He knew Youngjae wasn't feeling well – he'd just been released from the hospital and the chemo was still being hard on his body. It wasn't until Daehyun started coming to the hospital everyday to visit that he realized how harsh chemo was on the body. It hurt, it really hurt to see Youngjae like that. He wanted nothing more than to take all the pain away from Youngjae, to just make him feel better. “Just one piece.” He held the piece up and Youngjae looked at it hesitantly before sighing again and opening his mouth. Daehyun laughed and plopped the piece of brownie into his mouth.
The two stared forward and things went quiet. “Can I have another piece?” Youngjae asked after a long time. Daehyun quickly nodded and broke him off another small piece, only this time he placed it in the younger teen's hand before digging through his bag again and pulling out a small gift wrapped box. “I got you something. It's not much but. . .” He held it out for Youngjae to take.
The younger stared at it in surprise before taking it into his hands and gently unwrapping it. He pulled out a baby blue beanie and Daehyun was quick to explain. “You're always wearing that black beanie and like, it looks good but I think you would look even better in some color.”
“Thank you.” Youngjae said, touching the soft knit. “It's really soft. It feels expensive, I hope you didn't spend too much-”
“I wanna see how you look in it.”
Youngjae chewed at his chapped lips before sighing. “Look away, okay? I don't want you to see. . . how I look without it. It's bad enough you have to see me like this.” Daehyun looked away, watching him from the corner of his eye as the younger quickly took off his black beanie and pulled on the baby blue one over his head, carefully adjusting it. “Okay. You can look now.”
Daehyun smiled and reached out to adjust it a little more before nodding his head in approval. “Looks good, really good. Just like I thought.”
“A train is gonna come soon.” Youngjae pointed to the tracks in front of them. The older man hummed in reply and stared forward, only looking over when he heard Youngjae taking in a shaky breath. “Daehyun.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Daehyun reached over and quickly took Youngjae's hand into his own, giving it a small squeeze. “I don't want to die.” Youngjae said, his voice trembling. “Before you came along, I didn't care. I wanted to die but I don't want to anymore.”
“Youngjae-” Daehyun could feel tears welling in his own eyes.
“I'm scared of dying now.” He bit down onto his lower lip.
Daehyun realized he needed to stay strong, he needed to be there for Youngjae. “You're not going to die – you're going to live. You will fight this and I'll help you. It's gonna be okay.” He held Youngjae's hand even tighter. “I'll be there every step of the way, I promise. We're gonna get through this together.”
Youngjae stared back into his eyes, his lips trembling and he nodded his head. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come out but no more words were necessary. The sound of the trains getting closer quickly grabbed their attention as they looked forward and waited, both taking in how beautiful the sunset was. Youngjae smiled when the train finally came into view and it took him a couple of seconds to realize there was something warm against his cheek. He looked over, his mouth hanging open when he realized Daehyun had kissed him. Daehyun stared back into his eyes and he quickly started stumbling over his words as he tried to apologize.
Daehyun blinked in surprise when Youngjae cupped his face and roughly slammed their lips together. It took him a few more seconds before he took over the kiss, wrapping his arms around the younger. They pulled away slowly, staring back into each other's eyes. “Do you regret that?” Daehyun asked and the younger teen shook his head. “Good.” He said and leaned in for another kiss.
Youngjae smiled against his lips and for the first time in a long time, he truly felt alive.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae held back a soft sigh when he heard a knock on his front door and gave the living room one more quick look over, making sure there wasn't anything else that needed to be picked up or put away before walking towards the front door and smiling weakly at Daehyun.
It was Daehyun's first time coming to his house and he was more than a little embarrassed of the the mobile home he lived in. It wasn't ugly or in bad shape, he and his mother kept it tidy and as nicely decorated as they could but it was still embarrassing since he knew what most people thought of mobile homes. It wasn't even in a trailer park, it was just a clean and tidy double-wide out in the country. “Did you have any trouble finding it?” He asked and allowed his boyfriend inside.
“Nah.” Daehyun smiled at him and kicked off his shoes. “Like you said, just a straight shot from the old farmhouse. Is your mom here?”
“No. She won't be back until later tonight.” Youngjae shook his head and smiled when the older teen placed a soft kiss against his lips. He could feel himself relaxing a little more as he guided Daehyun towards his bedroom. It was just Daehyun; there wasn't any reason to feel ashamed of his home. “Sorry we can't go out today.” Youngjae had been put on lock down by his mother earlier that day because of the high fever he'd been running throughout the night. He normally would've sneaked out – he always did but for the first time, Youngjae just felt too tired. He climbed into his bed and looked over at Daehyun, who was waiting for permission to do the same. “Hey, come here.” The teen patted the spot beside him.
Daehyun slid into the bed, wrapping his arm around Youngjae's shoulder and he smiled to himself as the younger leaned into him before looking up at the TV as his boyfriend skipped through the channels just trying to find something interesting to watch. He couldn't help but notice just how thin Youngjae felt. He was losing weight, a lot of weight. It scared Daehyun so much knowing the younger wasn't feeling so well. Time was going by so quickly, too quickly in Daehyun's opinion. “Hey, Youngjae?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know what 'summer solstice' is?”
“Nope.”
Daehyun smiled and looked at him. “It's the longest day of the year.” And when Youngjae looked at him with a 'so?' look he continued. “We met that day. Most of the time, I have to be home before dark. We had a little longer that day to get to know each other.” He grinned before stretching out his next word- “Faaaaate.”
Youngjae was suddenly fighting back a smile before gently hitting his boyfriend's thigh. “You're so lame.” The older scrunched up his face and Youngjae chuckled before turning slightly so he could kiss him. He loved kissing Daehyun; everything about it made him feel so good as he let the older control the tender kiss. He felt the older teen's hand touching the skin above his pajama bottoms and then Daehyun was pulling away.
“Can I?” The older whispered.
Youngjae nodded his head, his breath getting caught in his throat as Daehyun started touching him in ways he'd never been touched before. It felt good, he felt so good. Nothing hurt anymore, just for that moment, everything was perfect. His breathy moans were swallowed up by Daehyun as he kissed him so gently, so carefully; his inexperienced hands busy pleasuring the younger man the best he could.
Daehyun just wanted to make Youngjae feel good.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“It's so good to meet you.”
Daehyun smiled shyly as Youngjae's mother complimented his appearance before quietly thanking her. He held back a laugh as his boyfriend scolded her, telling her to leave him alone even though Daehyun really didn't mind. He watched as she began fixing one of Youngjae's favorite meals, the two nagging each other the whole time. It was a pleasant sight to see – he could see how close the two were. If there was one thing he knew about Youngjae, it was that he loved his mother and Daehyun could see why.
“I'm gonna go to the bathroom.” Youngjae announced before getting up from the table and going down the long hallway that lead to the bedrooms and the bathroom.
“Thank you for everything you've done for him.” Daehyun looked towards Youngjae's mother in surprise. He shook his head, not really knowing what all he'd done for the younger teen other than getting him a new beanie. She glanced over her shoulder before turning her attention back onto the food she was making. “He told me, what you two are – you know, boyfriends.”
“You're not mad?” Daehyun couldn't even imagine how his own mother would react if she knew.
“I'd be an absolute fool to hate the person who saved my son.” She reached forward and turned off the stove before walking towards the table and sitting in the chair across from the teen. “He's been a totally different person since he met you, in a good way, of course. I haven't seen him so happy in years.”
“Before Youngjae met you, I think. . . I think he was close to giving up.” Mrs. Yoo sighed softly. “He kept telling me how tired he was and I knew but then it just changed one day. He was smiling again and he wanted to live.”
“Youngjae's a fighter.” Daehyun smiled and the woman nodded her head.
The two looked over, hearing heavy footsteps and Daehyun felt the blood drain from his face when he met Youngjae's eyes as the younger opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.“Youngjae-!” When Youngjae's eyes rolled into the back of his head, he shot up from his chair trying to catch his boyfriend before he hit the floor. Daehyun's hands were shaking as he fell to the floor, holding Youngjae closely and then it felt like things stood still. He could hear Mrs. Yoo's panicked voice as she called for help but it wasn't until Youngjae was in an ambulance and headed to the hospital that timed moved again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Stop looking at me like that.”
Daehyun shook his head, watching as the younger teen put his oxygen mask back on properly. He hadn't left Youngjae's side since he'd been allowed back in the room. He breathed in shakily. Youngjae had stopped breathing; he almost didn't make it and yet, there he was, acting like nothing had even happened. He'd almost lost Youngjae and just the mere thought was tormenting Daehyun.
“Daehyun.” Youngjae held his hand out for the older to take, smiling weakly behind the mask when Daehyun took it into his own shaking hands. “It's okay, I'm alive. I'm not going anywhere.”
Daehyun closed his eyes and brought Youngjae's hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss against his knuckles. “I was so scared.” He quietly whispered before opening his eyes again. He was still scared of losing the younger. He'd always known it was possible but what had happened earlier that night really made things set in. Youngjae was sick, really sick. His eyes filled with tears when he looked at the younger man. Was he dying? “I don't want to lose you.”
Youngjae sighed softly. “Remember what you told me the first day we met?” He didn't wait for an answer as he continued. “That no one is promised tomorrow? Please don't look at me like that – Please don't look at me like you're waiting for me to drop dead. I'm alive, I'm here and it's okay now.”
“I'm sorry.” Daehyun said, nodding his head in understanding. “I just – it really scared me so much but you're right. I know you are.”
“It's getting late. . .” Youngjae murmured, glancing up at the clock on wall in front of his bed. “You should go home and get some sleep. You're as pale as a ghost right now, Daehyun.”
The thought of leaving Youngjae was almost unbearable, especially all alone. Youngjae's mother had had no choice but to go to work, knowing the hospital bill was going to be crippling. “No way.” He shook his head again. “I'm not leaving.”
“Fine.” Youngjae crossed his arms over his chest, paying no attention to the IV in his arm. “You can stay tonight but in the morning you need to go home and get some rest.” Daehyun opened his mouth to protest but the younger quickly cut him off. “I don't want you getting sick, too.”
Daehyun snorted. “I'm fine.”
Youngjae hummed in reply, deciding to just let it go for right now. Daehyun was as stubborn as a mule but he couldn't help but feel a little happy – he was used to being alone at the hospital. He had never once been angry at his mother for leaving him alone in the hospital; he knew she had no choice, but it was nice to have someone beside him, especially since that person was Daehyun. Youngjae closed his eyes, relaxing a little as Daehyun grabbed his hand again and gently the delicate skin. “Sorry.” He muttered.
“For what?” Daehyun raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry that I'm like this.” He quietly said. “I know that has to a lot, right?”
“It's not your fault so I don't get why you're apologizing. The thing that is seeing you in pain, that's what I hate.” Daehyun said, his heart ached at the fact that Youngjae even felt like he needed to apologize for his cancer.
“Will you feed Sandy if something happens to me?”
“Youngjae-”
“Seriously.” Youngjae finally looked at him again, his expression serious. Daehyun slowly nodded his head. “Will you watch after Momma?” Daehyun nodded his head again, unable to speak. He would do anything for Youngjae, anything. But, this conversation was scaring him, it scared him so much. Daehyun breathed in shakily. He'd only just fallen in love with Youngjae – he could lose him. He wanted more time with the younger.
It wasn't fair, someone like Youngjae suffering so much. There were so many evil people in the world; why not them? Why not make them suffer? He could feel the anger boiling up inside but he didn't know who it was directed towards. The teen thought maybe he was angry at God. He'd never believed in God before but he wondered, if there was one, why would he do this to Youngjae? Why would he do this to anyone?
He had so many questions he wanted answered but Daehyun knew there wasn't anyone who could answer them. Daehyun thought that if there was anyway he could, he would trade places with Youngjae. Youngjae didn't deserve this. He watched as Youngjae started to slowly drift off to sleep, watching as his chest would rise and fall so closely, scared that if he looked away something would happen.
Daehyun didn't sleep at all that night.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Daehyun stared down at his phone, waiting for anything from Youngjae. It had been almost a week since he'd last seen Youngjae since the younger had been moved to a cancer specialist hospital almost four hours away and though Daehyun had begged his mother to take him, she had refused. He'd thrown an absolute fit but it still ended up with him in his bedroom waiting for a call or text message. He stared at the clock on his phone, knowing Youngjae should have just finished his chemo treatment and he anxiously tapped his fingers against the wooden desk in front of him. His phone started vibrating and he quickly opened up the text message Youngjae had sent.
I finished my chemo but I'm really tired so I'm going to take a nap now
Daehyun stared at the message for a moment before sighing softly. Even something as simple as Youngjae telling him he was tired scared him. He sent a quick text back, telling Youngjae to text him as soon as he woke up.
Feed Sandy plzzzz :p
Daehyun scrunched up his face before typing a reply, telling Youngjae he would feed the creepy thing but if it bit him, he would sue. Not Youngjae though, the snake. He laughed reading his boyfriend's new text message. You'll sue my snake? Daehyun sent back a quick 'Yep' and held back his smile when he got another text from the younger teen.
Good luck with that lol <3
Daehyun quickly gathered up his things before running down the stairs and leaving his home, heading towards the pet store to pick up food for the sand boa. It was only when he was at the store that he realized he didn't have any idea what a snake ate and he nearly cried when the store worker told him they ate frozen rodents. Youngjae had never told him that and he wondered if his boyfriend had purposely not told him.
It felt weird to walk up the stairs to Youngjae's favorite spot without him. It was lonely, really lonely and he hoped he'd never have to do this again. It was almost funny to Daehyun – he'd always preferred to go alone when he explored abandoned buildings but now it felt almost wrong to be doing this without him. He breathed in deeply as he pushed opened the door, taking note of how the air was a little more musky than normal from the rain fall earlier.
It reminded him of how he and Youngjae had gotten into a small fight. Daehyun had just learned from the night before that someone like Youngjae shouldn't be in places like this because it was bad for his health. Youngjae had gotten so angry at him, telling Daehyun he couldn't tell him what to do and he wasn't going to stop because this place was one of his safe havens, where he just felt happy.
It had ended up with the two of them crying but neither of them really knew why. Maybe it was just that everything had hit in that moment but they cried for a long time, sitting on the floor in this old room. Daehyun pulled back the lid and quickly dumped the frozen rodent into the tank, letting out a soft yelp when the snake started moving. He hurriedly put the lid back on and sighed heavily. Only for Youngjae.
The teen sighed softly and sat down on the floor with his back against the wall underneath the windows. He pulled his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, the tiredness hitting him and he wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but the sound of his phone's alert tone woke him up a little while later.
I'm up nowwwww give me attention~
Daehyun smiled and began typing a reply, letting him know he'd fed Sandy and asking if he'd purposely not told him about the rodent thing. He laughed quietly when Youngjae admitted that he had, in fact, not told him about the food on purpose. He missed Youngjae so much and all Daehyun wanted to do was see him again but he was thankful they could at least talk like this.
He couldn't help but pout when Youngjae told him his phone needed to be charged but before he could reply, the younger sent another text.
so, if I don't reply I'm asleep and this is dead not me okay
Daehyun couldn't help but laugh, Youngjae knew him so well. They talked and talked until the replies stopped coming and even though he knew Youngjae's phone had died, he still couldn't help but worry. He smiled softly, rereading over their messages, especially the ones where Youngjae had said he was feeling a little better. He finally closed out the messages and got up from the floor, deciding it was time he needed to get home.
“Bye, Sandy.” He waved to the tank that held the snake before grabbing his bag up from the floor and heading out the door.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Youngjae could feel his heart racing as he got closer towards his home. He was just so happy to be coming home, after almost a month of staying in the hospital but most of all he was excited to see Daehyun. The teen glanced over at his mother and she gave him a small smile before focusing back on the road. He could tell she was stressed, it was time for her to go back to the real world. There was a very real chance she was going to lose her job after being out of work for so long but Mrs. Yoo had assured them they would get through this.
He felt guilty, really guilty that she had to suffer so much for him. “Thank you for everything you do for me, Momma.”
Mrs. Yoo chuckled quietly and reached out to pat her son on his thigh, quietly murmuring she'd do anything for him. “I see Daehyun sitting on the steps out front.” She said as they pulled up the driveway. “Does he know?”
Youngjae shook his head. “No, he doesn't know yet. I wanted to tell him in person.”
She hummed in reply as Youngjae hurriedly unlocked his door, ignoring his mother as she scolded him for slinging the door open. He slowly got out of the car with the help of Daehyun before he was pulled into a tight embrace. He leaned into Daehyun, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment. He heard Daehyun say he missed him and he nodded his head, hiding his face in the crook of Daehyun's neck.
It wasn't until Mrs. Yoo told them Youngjae needed to get inside that they parted, but only for a second and then Daehyun was helping Youngjae up the front steps, his arm wrapped firmly around the younger teen's waist. Youngjae was having trouble walking, every step felt so heavy but he could do it because the older was helping him.
Daehyun helped him into his bed and he let out a satisfied sigh. “It's nice to be in my own bed again.”
“Youngjae, I'm gonna pick up your medicine from the pharmacy.” Mrs. Yoo walked into the bedroom. “Do you two want anything from town?”
The two shook their heads and then Daehyun was grabbing something out of his bag before quickly following her out of the room after telling the younger he'd be right back. “I, uh, I did some fund raising.” He handed her a folded wad of money. “It's not as much as I would have liked but I did the best I could, with the help of some friends from school and my mom's church.”
Mrs. Yoo stared down at the money, her eyes filling with tears as she took the money. “You know, his grandparents won't even help us out. I don't know what else to say other than, thank you.”
Daehyun smiled and shook his head. He'd done everything he possibly could to raise money for Youngjae, knowing how hard they'd be struggling once they came back from the hospital. He said a quiet 'bye' before going back towards Youngjae's bedroom. “Hey.” He said as he walked into the bedroom, watching as Youngjae flipped through the channels.
The younger looked towards him and smiled weakly at him. “Where did you go?” Daehyun simply shrugged and slid into the bed next to Youngjae, taking the younger teen's arm into his hand when he saw the huge bruise where his IV had been. Youngjae watched him for a moment before breathing in deeply. “I need to tell you something.” Youngjae slowly sat up and crossed his legs before patting the spot in front of him. “Sit here.”
Daehyun's throat felt like it was closing up and his heart was beating so fast as he moved to sit cross legged in front of his boyfriend. They met each other's eyes and he nodded his head, wanting Youngjae to tell him what was wrong. He let himself look over the teen's face, taking in how sickly Youngjae looked, even more so than normal.
“I'm responding to treatment.”
The older man's eyes widened again and it took him a couple of seconds before he was able to speak. “R-Responding? T-That's good, right?”
Youngjae started laughing and grabbed his hands. “Calm down, geez.” He laughed softly and held his shaking hands tightly. “It's a good thing, a really good thing.” He started laughing again when Daehyun let out an unexplainable noise and then he was pulled into a tight hug as the older kept repeating 'Oh my god' over and over again. “Daehyun!” He said in between laughs. “You're suffocating me-”
Daehyun finally pulled back and placed a kiss against his lips. “I'm so happy, I'm so happy.”
Youngjae's smile slowly faded away from his face and his expression turned serious. “I'm not cured and I don't think I will be for a long, long time but I'm here. I'm still sick, so I don't want you to get your hopes up too high.” He reached out to gently cup his boyfriend's face. “It's going to be a long, long road but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.”
Daehyun felt his eyes fill with tears as he nodded his head. “I'm not going anywhere either.” He pulled Youngjae into another hug. “I love you so much.” They had never said those words before, neither knowing if it was the right time. Youngjae wrapped his own arms around the older and whispered it back.
They stayed like that for a long time before Youngjae moved away. “Remember how you told me that if I didn't want to live, I would never get better?” Daehyun nodded his head. “I think you were right. You were right about everything-” He laughed when the older got a cocky look on his face.
This really was fate.
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