Jieun "POV"

Spring , I love spring . Because in this season I can see so many beautiful flowers blooming . Because in this season I met someone who makes my life be like spring season . My heart who used to be cold like the winter , because that guy is starting to melt and it bloomed .

I used to always locked in the silence and loneliness, now because a smile from that guy I began to know that I really miss my smile . Because a gentle gaze of that guy I am now able to see clearly that I’m no longer by myself.  Minseo ahjuma also Sooyoung  have replaced the role of the family who so sincerely loved me .

But to him I'm just a normal girl . a mute girl who wouldn’t he look twice at . a mute girl who means nothing to him . maybe he doesn’t even know me or think I was exist.

Then why do I get so like him, you ask ? . Yes , I also want to know why I like him so much . Even with the passage of time . Now the like feeling changes, become a  love and affection .

After almost a year I always watched him from afar . I don’t know , but I can understand him more than I understand myself . He who doesn’t like the sweet meals , he who doesn’t like cucumbers , because whenever there is a pickle in his food he always get rid of it . He is very fond of playing the guitar , he is very fond of the spring and also the peace .

Yes , he really likes the peace because when every girls called him or watched him, he always frowned and gently massaged his temples . Yes , the girls adored him . What might be the reason they like him, are just like me , because the sincerity in his eyes and his smile too ? . I don’t know .

***

 

But now , the day of my Spring Break - increasingly falling into autumn . Because my Spring who doesn’t smiling anymore. He always looks sad and uninspired every time I saw him sitting in a wooden bench in the hospital yard . yes , hospitals . he was sick . brain cancer pain.

Because he was sick I was also sick in my heart . I'm sad because he's also sad because there 's nothing I can do for him . I couldn’t visit him because I didn’t want him to think I'm also the same as the others who will pity him . because he always dissipated anyone who visited him . I always pray to God if God does exist . Please don’t take Myungsoo away . Yes the name of the man I loved was Myungsoo .

***

 

I saw him from behind this large tree , who  is only observe Myungsoo who stare straight ahead with a blank stare . Maybe it's a half hour I watched . His face was very pale today . And it made ​​me even more scared . Fear that if God didn’t grant my prayer .

I see his eyes, which used to always exude sincerity now cold and empty . I choked when I saw a tears falling from his eyes. Please Myungsoo don’t cry .

***

 

Today I intend to see Myungsoo again . I had already prepared his favorite food . Japchae. Although the food will be eaten or not by him. I don’t know . yeah I don’t know , because I always put the food in front of his room . I was very coward right? .

At 05:16 . It's too early . But lately. This became my routine . I always wake up very early , and then cook and go to the hospital to gave the food . Because if I come late I'm afraid someone might knows that I came here . And finally also told me to go and do not come again .

With slow steps I walked up to the room 32 . the room he treated at . After the success of putting the food in front of his room. I walked away . Intending after this maybe I'll sit for a while in a city park and go to college . This afternoon I was able to come back here . But I stop when a call startled me .

" Jogiyo ... " I hesitated what to do. I decided to continue my path . But now my arm is pulled gently by someone . And when I turned my head , I found a beautiful woman who may be 40 years old or older . When she smiled I almost saw Myungsoo  smile there .

"Excuse me Miss , but do you the person  who putting food in front of my son's room . "

I hesitantly nodded my head .

" Oh ... so you're the one . I'm very curious who is it, and it turns from a beautifu

l girl . Then why not give it directly sweetie ? . "

I wrote my reasons on the note that I always take it and show it to her.

I'm afraid Myungsoo - ssi would send me home like the other . So I beg you Madam do not say this to Myungsoo . And let me see Myungsoo from afar .

" But maybe he 'll accept you sweetie . Remember you are always giving his favorite food . You know he just smiled when ate your foods. "

I smiled at Myungsoo’s mom speech. Turns out my food can make a smile on Myungsoo face.

No madam, Myungsoo - ssi doesn’t know me . So I'm sure he 'll get rid of me . I beg you let it like this until Myungsoo cured and discharged from hospital .

" You're very kind and sincere ... "

Jieun .

I wrote my name on my notes quickly .

" ... Jieun . Myungsoo very lucky to have someone like you to be very sincere in his side . I will not tell Myungsoo but you have to give me your cell phone number . so I can give you the information if there are something happen at Myungsoo . "

I immediately wrote my cell phone number and tore paper containing my cell phone numbers  to Myungsoo's mother .

" Thank you Jieunnie ... Myungsoo very lucky to be loved by a sincere girl like you . "

I was a little surprised by the statement Myungsoo's mother . But only smile that I gave her . Then say goodbye to her.

***

 

The days are still passed as usual . I've always observed Myungsoo and sent food in every morning . But now I mostly met and conversed with Aunt Kim . And finally talking about Myungsoo . Now I'm getting to know what the real Myungsoo was. About his father who married again , of him who had lived in Japan , about the fact that he already has someone he loves . Although my heart hurts . but I'm also happy because at least Myungsoo could feel something that I feel. Because at least he also found his spring .

And lately I also often see Myungsoo smiling . Oh. God thank you .

And this time , Myungsoo was sitting on a wooden bench in the hospital yard as usual . But this time on his hands are a pencil . Every now and then he looked at it and smiled . I wonder what's the story behind that pencil .

***

 

It's been almost two months Myungsoo treated in hospital . and his situation is increasingly worrying . Now he can only be in the mattress. Because of the situation that is increasingly weaker . I always went to his room while he slept . and put his favorite flowers, Lily . Then go home afterwards .

Until I'm appalled that now he 's in a coma . I feel as though my life collapsed instantly . my Spring Break and  is now winter again . My smile has become a cry again .

I 'd love to talk to him but how can, while I can not speak .

I may or may not have told him about my true feelings to him , before something that I don’t want  happen to him.

***

Now I was sitting in a chair beside Myungsoo bed , staring at his pale face .

I know now I was crying . And I'm quite grateful to my muteness. at least Myungsoo  doesn’t have to hear my cry .

I hold his hand , then put it on my left chest . So that he could feel my heartbeat who is pounding very fast . I hope he knows how I feel . I really hope he knows how much I love him.

One step , now my face was in front of his face . Only 10 cm distance between our faces .

 

His lips was very soft when touched my lips .

Lips as if it was created for me .

His warm breath as if drugged me to be in this position for a longer time .

But I know it's not possible , I may not be selfish . Because I'm not a girl who Myungsoo loved . With a heavy heart, slowly I keep away from his face and then walked away to leave the room .

***

 

 

Drrttdrrttddrrtt ....

It turns out the call from Aunt Kim , but why is she called while she knew I couldn’t speak . I press the green button on the cell phone screen and bring my cell phone to my ear .

" Jieunniieee .... "

I just listened quietly waited aunt Kim to continue her words .

" Myung ... soo ... he's gone ... Myungsoo died Jieun a few minutes ago ... "

 

What ? .

 

 What is this .. ?

 

 what happened ? ...

 

 This may not happen, right? ...

 

Myungsoo wasn’t dead right? ...

 

MYUNGSSSOOO .....

 

 I do not know what my life is now . My Spring gone ... my smile went away ... Myungsoo gone ...

***

 

Although I couldn’t feel my body anymore to stand up ... even though I just want to lock my house and cry until I don’t know when i will stop .

But I can’t , I have to see Myungsoo . Before I really can’t see him anymore .

And here I, in Myungsoo grief space . Everybody was crying . But I just keep quiet . No more tears coming out . Everything was like a dream . Everything feels empty and meaningless .

 

Myungsoo ... wherever you are .

Can you see me now ?.

 Can you hear me now ?

 Myungsoo hear me,,, I love you so much. And can you forget the girl that you like and just waiting for me. Can you wait for some more time there ?

***

 

I'm now in the bench yard hospital  . sitting in a regular bench that Myungsoo usually sat at.

" Jieun dear . Smile . Don’t be like this . Myungsoo will not be happy in there if you like this . " I turned and smiled at Aunt Kim , but instead formed a bitter smile .

"You know . Myungsoo very lucky because at least the people he loved so well love him back... "

I turned to her , shocked by what she'd just said .

"This , , , Myungsoo told me to give this to you . Actually, before he died . He was unconscious and when I said I 'll call you . He stopped me. Because he knows if he 'll go after that... this , accept it . Maybe you will know what exactly Myungsoo buried over the years. "

I smiled at her . a genuine smile this time . And aunt Kim walked off after that .

When I open the contents of this box . I was astonished . Because it is not just a paper which I 'm sure was a letter for me . In this box I found a pencil that when he handheld then smiled when he saw it . I saw my sketch book , hairpins that I don’t know why it can be with him. A photo album when I open there are so many picture of me.

I cried ,,,

 after no tears coming out of my eyes before.  now I'm crying .

I really miss you Myungsoo… .

 

Now I'm ready to read what is actually the purpose of all this stuff .

 

Jieunnie ...

Are you now crying ? . Please don’t cry .

Don’t lie to me by shake your head . Because I can see you from here . A very distant place but very close if you close your eyes .

Don’t close your eyes now , because you have to know how I feel about you first.

Jieunnie , , , I love you even more than you think .

I love you with all that is in you .

I love you because I want to always protect you .

I love you because I really hate the look of sadness and fear of you.

I love you because you're the only girl who can make my heart melt .

I love you because only you I can smile and show sincerity of me .

In the box, there are several important items to me . That everything connect to you .

The pencil is yours . I find your pencil and sketchbook when the first time we met . The first time I saw the look of sadness also fear behind your beautiful eyes .

And me either since that time promised myself to always take care of you .

Then hairpin, it's yours . I picked it up when you drop it last time. Do you remember when you were about to hit by a car?, and a man wearing a gray jacket with mask on his face . The person was  I am. not Daehyun like your guess .

And that album , I always take it without your knowledge . You look so pretty in every photo I take . But I most love it when you smile and close your eyes . When you are in the garden behind the building arts .

Jieun ... please just shine .

Although I'm not in your world anymore . Keep smiling . And thank you because apparently you also have the same feeling to me .

Thank you for the food that you always gave every morning . I don’t know if Mom not told me .

Thank you for loving me too . Thank you for your first kiss ... kekeke

Yes I can feel it . You pabbo ... I can feel your heart beating very fast . You should also check my heart pounding as well . Because I think it faster than your heart pounding .

And thanks for your sweet kiss . Do you also feel that if we are indeed on the lips made ​​for each other like me ?

Jieun yeah right,, , smile like that . don’t cry .

I’m sorry for being a coward who can’t express my feelings directly to you .

I was too scared to know the answer that probably would make me very hurt. Because I don’t want my last days have been very miserable .

Jieun you must promise me to always smile even though I was not there .

I want you more shine . I want you to find happiness . And don’t be shackled with grief . Open your heart to others . Because a lot of men who will always accept your heart . But you have to choose the best . Who may be greater his love than my love . That way I can give you to him sincerely.

Jieunnie ... I love you and will always love you until whenever .  please smile……...

 

A guy who love you very much .

Kim Myungsoo ...

 

No One " POV "

Jieun cried , cried and cried . But also smiling . Maybe she was crazy .

Crazy with the truth . She had no idea if this person over whom she loved so think about her . She had no idea if Myungsoo is a person who always keep protecting her .

And starting today she determined if she would smile and shine . Like what Myungsoo wanted from her.

But don’t expect her to find a replacement of Myungsoo , because her love is only owned by one person who also loved her very much . Kim Myungsoo .

Myungsoo ... wait for me . Don’t think a weird things . I couldn’t find anyone else . Because you are only my love . Only you are the eternal love that I have .

 

 

^^^hehe... I know it's weird... this story just pop in my head this early morning when I  feel so down.... and maybe you guys already found the similar story like this. but this is real by my imagination of broken heart...

pls give me your support.... advices and critics are welcome.... and sorry for the grammar error and other....

thank you and annnyyyeeeooonnggg......^_*