Himchan felt like been stabbed right into his heart. His doe eyes never leave Mrs.Kim’s puffy face.  There was a silence before he finally could speak.

“It’s not true, right?” his voice slightly trembled. 

“Mom, I know you and dad always want me to treat Jongup better but do not fake a story like this! This isn’t funny at all mom!”

“I am not!” Mrs.Kim raised her voice, made her eldest son shut his mouth.

“Do you really thing I would do that? No, Himchan.. No.. Your baby brother is suffering! He didn’t even know that he is dying. Well, at least that’s what I thought.” More tears strolled down from her eyes.

“Look, I know you hate him. but, please.. I’m begging you, for the first time in your life! Treat him like your own brother, not a stranger. At least he could have a good memory with you.. You know Jonguppie always want that.. please..”

Himchan looked up. It’s hurt him to see his mom crying like that.

“When..” he silently asked. “ Since when Jongup’s sick?”

Mrs.Kim wiped her tears away, tried to calm herself. “It was.. two months ago. You slept at Bang’s place for a week. That time, Jonguppie collapsed while chasing Brownie. We thought he’s exhausted but.. it’s even more..”

She took a deep breath. “ So, Himchan.. Please.. let him go to school with you.. It isn’t that long.. it just.. until...” Mrs.Kim couldn’t uttered any words as more tears fell from her eyes.

Until his time comes.. That was what Himchan’s thought.

 

 

 

Himchan twisted the doorknob and slowly set his foot into the dim room. His eyes fell on the figure that was sleeping peacefully. Himchan was hesitated at first but he still walked toward the sleeping figure before slowly sat on the bed. Honestly, it was the first time Himchan set his foot in Jongup’s room. He eyed the sleeping teens feature. That time, Himchan realised that Jongup’s face was pale. Even his face was slightly thinner that before, with eye bags under his eyes. Slowly, Himchan his baby brother’s bangs.

Without he realised, tears slowly fell from the corner of his eyes.

 

 

 

Jongup happily walked into his brother’s room, with a book and a pencil on his palm.

“Himchannie hyung! Can Himchannie hyung teach Jonguppie this?” Jongup held the book toward Himchan, who was busy reading a comic. He looked up with a disgusting looks and shot his venom out.

“How many times I told you! Do not enter here without my permission! Just find someone else! Can’t you see I’m busy?” Himchan shot a death glare before continued reading his comics.

Jongup on the other hand, his cheek with a blank expression. “But, Jonguppie already knock.. Hyung doesn’t hear me?” he blinked. “Oh, Jonguppie already asked daddy but daddy is busy. So, Jonguppie comes here! Hyung is brilliant! Jonguppie wants to be brilliant too. That’s why Jonguppie ask Himchannie hyung to teach Jonguppie..” a blush crept on Jongup’s cheeks.

Himchan felt like want to shot himself. He tossed the comic away and stared deeply onto Jongup’s face.

“Look, did you realise that you are already stupid? There’s nothing you could do! Just ing realise that you are mentally retarded and stupid as hell! Geezzz!! Why shouldn’t you die! I’m sick of you did you know that! Just ing die and leave me alone, you sick bastard!” he harshly kicked Jongup’s legs and cover his face with pillow, missed the hurt expression that was plastered on Jongup’s face.

“b..but, Jonguppie just want to be like hyung.. Jonguppie is sorry..” he silently cried and ran from his brother’s room.

 

Jongup felt like something wet dropped on his face. He slowly opened his eyes and only found his brother was crying. Jongup suddenly jolt up and Himchan’s hand.

“Hyung, why hyung is crying? Does Jonguppie did something wrong? Does hyung hurt somewhere?” he worriedly asked.

Himchan wiped his tears away and tried his best to smile, but failed miserably as he saw Jongup’s face. He never thought that Jongup’s going to die. He might be hates Jongup but he isn’t that cruel to have his brother die. If only he doesn’t said that..

“N..nothing.. there’s something in my eyes..” Himchan cares his brother’s face. “Sleep. You’re going to school tomorrow, right? Hyung is sure Jonguppie doesn’t want to be late on his first day..”

Jongup’s eyes were bright as he heard the word ‘school’.

“Does hyung want to go to school with Jonguppie? Hyung doesn’t angry with Jonguppie anymore?”

Himchan smiled. “Of course! Now, sleep will you? We’re going to school together.”

Jongup laughed as Himchan pinched his nose bridge. “Okay, hyung. Good night. I love you hyung!” Jongup happily kissed Himchan’s cheek and pulled the duvet over his chest.

Himchan bit his lips as he saw Jongup was fast drift to sleep.

That time, he wished that he treated Jongup well.

 

 

 

“Mom! How do Jonguppie look?” Jongup happily waves his hand as he showed his mom the new uniform.

Mrs.Kim smiled toward her youngest son and kissed his forehead. “My angel looks great! Right, dad?”

Mr.Kim also smiled as he saw the maknae. Jongup indeed look good. But, it seems like his face was much paler today. The sight definitely made Himchan’s face fell.

“Mom, don’t you think Jonguppie’s lips look dry?” Himchan spoke from his seat.

Mr and Mrs. Kim looked at Himchan before both of them looked back at Jongup. Himchan was right. Jongup look so pale and his lips were dry.

“Oh,yeah! I think Jonguppie should wear some lip balm. So that Jonguppie will look fresh!”

Jongup furrowed his brows as he heard the word lip balm. “No! Jonguppie doesn’t want to wear lip balm! Jonguppie will looks like a girl! Jonguppie is manly!” he furiously shook his head, only made his family member laughed.

“Aigoo, hyung also wear lip balm! But hyung still looks manly. It means Jonguppie also should wear that. Okay?”

Hearing his brother’s words, Jongup puffed his cheek but then smiled brightly. “Okiedokie! Jonguppie want to wear it!”

Once again, the Kim’s resident filled with laughter. Little that they knew, it was the last smile they could see from Kim Jongup.

 

 

 

“Hello, my name is Kim Jongup. It is nice to meet you.” Jongup bowed. All of the class members stared blankly as they saw the two years younger teen bowed politely.

Himchan could only fake a smile. He had promise to make Jongup happy, and he would not showed any sadness.

“Yepp guys! This is my baby brother! If one of you dares to lay your fingers on him, I swear I’m ing going to kick your .” Himchan shot them his famous death glare before smiled brightly and lays his arm onto Jongup’s shoulder.

“Let’s go! I’m going to show you around!”

“Let’s go!!!”

 

 

 

 

Himchan just looked as Jongup happily kicked the ball into the goal.

“Hyung! Jonguppie did it! Look! Jonguppie score again!” Jongup happily jump up and down, only made Himchan laughed. He never did that before.

“I know..” he rubbed Jongup’s hair and looked into Jongup’s eyes. “Jongup ah..” Jongup blinked. “I’m sorry because I always treat you bad.. I’m sorry I didn’t be the best brother for you..” he slowly caressing Jongup’s thin cheeks.

“You really have no idea how I wish I could turn back the time and treat you better. If only I could do that..”

Jongup stared blankly before a smile crept. “No.. hyung don’t say that. For Jonguppie, hyung is the best brother I have ever had.. Jonguppie is happy because hyung loves Jonguppie too.. Thank you hyung.. Jonguppie will always love you!” he beamed and hugged Himchan like he would never hug him anymore.

Hearing Jongup’s words already made Himchan warms inside. He gladly hugged back and gently Jongup’s back.

“Hyung love you t-,” Himchan couldn’t finished his words as he felt Jongup’s hands began loosened from his waist.

“Jongup?”

He heart beat faster than ever as he saw the pale feature of his brother. Himchan slowly held the limp body and shaking Jongup’s torso.

“Jongup! No, don’t do this to me! Please! Wake up!” but Jongup never opened his eyes, made Himchan even more panic.

“Someone help!!! My brother is dying!!” he hurriedly laid Jongup on the ground and felt his breathe.

“.” Himchan curse as he didn’t felt any breathe. “Help!!!” he screamed for help, while tore the shirt on Jongup’s body, revealing his chest and ready to perform chest compression.

Luckily Himchan already got the certificate to perform CPR.

“Jongup please.. wake up.. please!!!”

 

 

 

Himchan was trembling hard. It had been 2 hours but there no one came out and brought them the news about Jongup.

Mrs.Kim already cried, with Mr.Kim tried to calm her down.

It’s only been less than 24 hours after Himchan knew about Jongup’s condition, and it’s only been his first day of school! Why it should be like this??

“Mr.Kim?” they hurriedly stood and looked at the doctor. “I’m Dr.Wu Fan. Are you the family members of Kim Jongup?”

“Yes, we are! How’s my son?”

Dr.Wu Fan weakly smiled. Seeing those faces already made his heart sink.

“He wants to meet you guys. And, I hope you would spend your time wisely. I don’t think he could make it until..” he stopped. It was hard.

Himchan eyed the male doctor. He could feel that it was something bad.

“Until?” Himchan impatiently asked.

He could hear the doctor sighed.

“Until this night.”

 

 

 

Himchan couldn’t bear to see how awful Jongup’s conditions. With the tube around his nose, wires all over his body and the slow beeping sounds, it was awful.

Jongup opened his eyes as he felt someone his hand. He weakly smiled.

“h..hyung..”

Himchan swore he had never expected to hear Jongup’s voice to be so slow. Mr. and Mrs.Kim could only hold their tears.

“Shhh..Rest.. You should rest..” he said, ruffling Jongup’s hair.

“N..no.... J..Jonguppie can’t....” Jongup deeply inhaled, tried to catch as much oxygen as he can. “.. Jonguppie....want to.... say thank you.....”

Another deep inhaled. “...for everything....f...for today.....”

Another tears fell from Himchan’s eyes. “Shhh.. rest..”

Jongup laughed but it was almost inaudible. “...mom...dad...I’m sorry...” and slowly, tears fall from Jongup’s eyes. “..I can’t be l...like h...hyung...I’m sorry....”

Mrs.Kim wiped the tears from her sons eyes. “N..no.. don’t say that.. you will always be our angel..”

Mr.Kim already broke into tears. “Y..yess.. Jonguppie will always be our angel..” he gently Jongup’s cheek before sent him a kissed on his forehead.

Jongup smiled weakly. Another deep inhaled.

“Thank you.... Jonguppie.....love....you.....”

And slowly, his eyes closed. That was the time when they heard the uneven heartbeat beeping from the monitor.

Himchan panickly shook Jongup’s body.

“Jongup? No! Don’t sleep! Wake up! Doctor! Doctor please! Jongup!!” he hurriedly pushed the emergency button and the alarm echoed.

Dr. Wu Fan hurriedly ran inside and got his patient.

They moved aside and gave the team some space to do their job.

Dr.Wu Fan tore the cloth away from Jongup’s body and began doing CPR.

Himchan could only watch as the paramedic began pumping the ambu bag and it was hectic.

“It’s V-tac!”

Dr.Wufan looked at the monitor and shook his head.

“Get ready the paddle and Ephi now!”

A nurse began charging the defibrillator and hand it to Dr.Wufan.

“130 joule, Ready.”

The paddles were brought to Jongup’s chest.

“Clear.”

His body jolt up as they gave him shock. Himchan could feel that his heart was already sank.

 

 

No..it couldn’t be... Jongup isn’t dying! No...

 

His laugher.

 

His smile.

 

His confuse face.

 

His cry..

 

Everything.. Himchan want to see it from Jongup. It’s not enough yet. There’s a lot of thing he want to do but why it should be like this? Why?

 

“...250 joules, ready.”

Himchan wanted to close his eyes so bad but he can’t.

“Clear.”

Once again Jongup’s body jolt up after being shocked, but this time, with something else. Something that Himchan wished he wouldn’t heard.

 

 

 

 

A long beep sound.

 

 

And that time he wish...

 

Dear God, I wish I could give my life for him.....Please... I promise you, I’ll be a great brother for him in the next life... Please...

 

 

 

He looked up and eyed the monitor. The last thing he saw was a flat line, and everything when black.

No more screaming, no more shouting. Just black.

 

 

~...~

 

 

 

Mr and Mrs.Kim could only look at the gravestone with a heavy heart. There’s nothing they could do. The fate had been said that they lose their angels in such a short time. The only thing they could do is accept the truth.

“Let’s go honey.” Mr Kim held his wife body carefully. They looked at the gravestone for one last time.

 

Rest In Peace

Kim Himchan

Heart Attack

19.4.1993-12.10.2013

 

Rest In Peace

Kim Jongup

Brain Tumor

6.2.1995-12.10.2013

 

 

 

 

 

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right? sorry.. not my first language tho..