Hakyeon closed his eyes; he didn’t think he could stand the sight of himself any longer. The beat of the music bounced off the walls. He let his body follow the beat, ignoring the buzzing of his phone on the wooden floor and his friend’s voice calling him from outside the door. He didn’t have the capacity to care anymore as he grabbed the remote and turned up the music. His body following the beat, letting his emotions come out in the gentle yet fierce way he danced. He didn’t dare open his eyes; he knew how tragic and broken the dance that flowed through his body naturally would look. He already knew that his tanned skin was paled and tears wove intricate paths down his cheeks as he let himself go. Let himself get lost in the music and the lyrics. Dance was always his way to escape, his way to let out everything he kept bottled up. He would never watch himself when it became too emotional. He just went by the steps that formed in his mind until his knees gave out and hit the floor, the music drowning out his sobs. Today was no different from any of the others as the pain rushed up his thighs and spine when his knees hit the wooden floor harshly followed by his whimpers that led to sobs. The knocking on the door and buzzing on his phone had stopped, just like it always did. They knew Hakyeon couldn’t keep up the happy pretense twenty-four-seven and didn’t speak of it the next day when he arrived at the studio with puffy eyes and a small smile, ready to start teaching and dance the day away.

                  But Fridays were the day that everyone avoided Hakyeon’s studio at the back of the building. No one dared to enter it unless they really needed him or worried about him. There was only one person that had the key and could get in when Hakyeon was like this. When he was so broken and defeated, riddled by the darker side of his thoughts. Taekwoon. His best friend since childhood. Many people never expected the tall dark haired quiet man to be the best friend of the bright red haired bubbly dance teacher, until they saw the way Taekwoon’s eyes would light up with Hakyeon by his side. If they paid close attention they could see the faint traces of a smile pulling at his lips as Hakyeon talked enough for the both of them. They had their own way of communicating; Taekwoon would touch his arm or move his body in a certain way that only Hakyeon could decipher. They were yin and yang, two halves to a coin and nothing could ever tear them apart. Well, expect for the secret Hakyeon buried deep in his heart. The one that cause him to break down every week on a Friday. The one thing that cause the guilt and bile to rise in his throat. There was only one thing wrong with Cha Hakyeon…he was happy with his boyfriend of five months, but he was painfully aware of how he’d given his heart to Jung Taekwoon three years ago while said holder of the olders heart remained oblivious to it and it was tearing Hakyeon apart.

           Hakyeon felt loved, he felt it coursing through his veins as Wonshik’s body covered his own. He could feel the tenderness and care behind every touch as they just lay in each other’s warmth. Wonshik’s lips pressing soft kisses to the sensitive skin of Hakyeon’s neck as the elder ran his fingers through the white blonde hair softly. ‘So this is what it’s like to be loved’ Hakyeon thought to himself with a soft smile on his lips. It was a new experience for him, to have someone so pure and honest to hold him like he was the most precious thing in the world. He’d been used to rough kisses and betrayal. Yet here he was with Wonshik’s skin against his own, heartbeats echoing each others as Wonshik whispered to him softly in the darkness of their room. Who ever thought that his younger roommate would turn into something more? ‘You’re so beautiful’ Wonshik smiled and Hakyeon melted slightly as he swiped the now curling fringe out of Wonshik’s dark eyes. ‘I am not. Not with you around’ Hakyeon whispered teasingly, placing a kiss on the others nose as they laughed. Wonshik scoffed, dipping to kiss Hakyeon’s stomach softly, ‘After spending two months without you hyung, everything else has become plain and undeserving of the word beautiful, there’s only you’. Hakyeon could feel his face flush red as he should the younger off him. Hakyeon curled onto his side, hands covering his bright red cheeks that now matched his hair. Strong fingers grasped his own, prying them from his face gently, ‘Look at me gorgeous’. Hakyeon shook his head softly, hiding a smile as Wonshik growled softly before grabbing the older’s waist and pulling him up against him. Hakyeon laughed a vibrant laugh that made Wonshik’s fingers stop tickling the older in order to just gaze at him. Hakyeon smiled, poking Wonshik’s cheeks as the younger leaned in, pressing his mouth against Hakyeons. Hakyeon shuddered as Wonshik spoke against his lips causing his stomach to drop painfully. ‘God I love you Cha Hakyeon’. Hakyeon’s smile faltered as he opted to pressing his lips against Wonshik’s. Wonshik didn’t complain as Hakyeon pulled him down onto him, believing the tears on Hakyeon’s cheeks was of happiness. If only he knew that the same phrase was running through his head with someone else name attached to it…

              Hakyeon shook his head free of all the guilt he felt. He was happy with Wonshik, the younger treated him well and he adored the younger. He may not love him, but these take time don’t they? Hakyeon had long ago convinced himself that someday he’d wake up and his heart would race at the sight of Wonshik’s sleeping and he’d be able to return those words instead of giving kisses. He put everything he had into his relationship with Wonshik…except his heart.

             His knees ached as he traveled the stairs up to their apartment, head pounding and throat aching from the tears he cried. Hakyeon just wanted to fall into the warmth of Wonshik’s arms for an hour or two to make the guilt go away before he headed to Taekwoon’s like he did every Friday night. The idea of just staying with Wonshik tonight filled his head but he knew that he would end up outside Taekwoon’s classroom door or his recording studio at exactly eight o’clock like every other Friday. He dragged his feet quietly incase Wonshik had drifted off to sleep on the couch. He had been out performing until late last night and Hakyeon was use to the quiet snores of the younger when he arrived home to shower. Normally Wonshik would wake and join him before dropping him to Taekwoon’s vocal school. Hakyeon placed his bag by the door before heading to the sitting room to let Wonshik know he was home and if he wanted to join him in the shower but as he gazed through the door the words died on his lips.

        Most people would expect Hakyeon to start crying or maybe start shouting in this situation. Hakyeon knew it wasn’t normal to feel this okay about what was happening in front of him but he didn’t feel any of the pain that was supposed to come with catching your boyfriend cheating on you. He simply stood there, trying to figure out a way to let Wonshik know of his presence. Hongbin was straddling Wonshik’s lap as Wonshik’s hand encased his slim hips gently. Their mouths slanting over each other’s in such a loving way that it made Hakyeon feel as if he was invading their privacy. Hongbin’s hands were cupping Wonshik’s face in such a tender way that Hakyeon could only compare it to the loving touches one was supposed to give their loved one and Wonshik’s face was at peace, relaxed. It was different from how he kissed Hakyeon. It was loving and perfect. It was mutual, not one-sided. ‘

Wonshik-ah....’ Hongbin breathed softly as he drew away, going to say more but hurriedly detaching himself from Wonshik as his eyes caught Hakyeon standing in the door. Wonshik opened his eyes slowly, worried about Hongbin’s sudden departure from his lap. ‘H-hyung…oh my god h-hyung…I’m so sorry…’ Hongbin stuttered, his normally calm and cool façade disappearing at the idea of hurting his beloved Hyung. Wonshik remained frozen, heart thumping wildly as he started at his boyfriend who stood awkwardly in the doorway. ‘Hakyeon…you’re home early’ Wonshik managed to get out.  Hakyeon nodded softly, ‘I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just came back to shower before I headed out but yeah, sorry’. Hongbin had tears on his cheeks as he shook, approaching his Hyung softly, intended on leaving. Hakyeon smiled gently, wiping the tears from Hongbin’s cheeks, ‘Promise me you’ll give him all the love I couldn’t, that’s all I’ll ask of you. I’m not angry or hurt Hongbin-ah, I’m just glad he found someone who can love him’. Wonshik moved as Hakyeon headed towards his room, catching his wrist, ‘Hakyeon…I am so sorry, I really am. I didn’t want it to happen this way but we both know it was going to end, I just really wish it wasn’t like this’. Hakyeon nodded softly, leaning up to kiss Wonshik’s cheek with a smile, ‘No, I’m sorry I kept you to myself for so long when you had someone who could give you everything I couldn’t waiting for you. I’m not angry, surprised would be the word. I would appreciate it though if you moved out over the weekend. I’m going to go visit my parents so you two can have some piece’. Hakyeon turned, not looking back as he headed into his room and packed his bag. Even though it was his own fault, he was still starting to feel a painful tug in his chest and he was out the door before either of the men could say a word about the tears on his cheeks.

                                           *

            Taekwoon sighed quietly, although it sounder louder and lonelier in the empty room. His fingers skimmed the keys of the piano absentmindedly as he let his eyes drift to the clock once again. Hakyeon was late. Two hours late to be exact. Taekwoon still waited, Hakyeon wasn’t the type of friend to abandon the other on short noticed. And he never ever forgot about their plans. Taekwoon couldn’t remember the last time Hakyeon hadn’t stayed over in his apartment on a Friday night. It was their sacred ritual. They didn’t even have to talk; they just sat with Hakyeon’s head on Taekwoon’s shoulder as they watched whatever drama was on television at that time of night. Sometimes they’d sit and talk about their week, most of the time Hakyeon would make Taekwoon laugh. A sound that was so rarely heard because no just anyone could make the great Jung Taekwoon snort in laughter. Only Hakyeon. He reached for his phone, checking his messages once again and making sure he had enough signal so he wouldn’t miss any calls, but there were none. Now he was beginning to worry.

             ‘Hyung!’ a voice pierced his silence, causing Taekwoon’s lips to form a scowl as he closed his eyes. Jaehwan was the last person he needed to deal with right now. ‘Hyung, you never answered my texts!’ Jaehwan pouted as he entered the room, not caring about the ‘Do not enter’ sign Taekwoon has cello taped onto the door to keep people out. Taekwoon just shrugged his shoulders absentmindedly, his mind filled with horrifying scenes about why Hakyeon could be two hours late. Jaehwan sniffed, sticking out his lips, ‘Fine so, if you don’t want to know why Hakyeon0hyung isn’t here and waste your night sitting in your own misery then go right ahead’. Jaehwan stomach his foot, going to walk away before a steal like grip captured his wrist making him yelp. ‘Speak’ Taekwoon ordered in his soft voice, his eyes narrowing cause Jaehwan to shift in his grasp. ‘Wonshik called me. Hakyeon walked in on him cheating on him with Hongbin’ Jaehwan said softly as he watched the anger bubble in Taekwoon’s dark eyes. Nothing was worse or scarier than an angry Taekwoon. ‘He did what?’ Taekwoon growled. All he could see was red and the image of a sobbing, broken Hakyeon. ‘He said Hakyeon was crying when he left but had told them to be happy together’ Jaehwan started but before he could finish the door was banging shut and Taekwoon was gone.

                                                     *

                 Memories flooded his mind as Hakyeon dragged himself up the stairs to his apartment. Part of him clung to a small amount of hope that the younger would still be there; waiting to make sure they were still friends. But he knew that Wonshik was long gone and had taken Hongbin with him. He knew it was his fault. He knew it was coming but the loss of something so familiar and comfortable still stung Hakyeon’s heart more then he would ever admit. He’d cared about Wonshik, he’d been unable to love him but everything he felt and told him was true. All their memories flooded his mind. The times Wonshik had been waiting at the door with a smile on his face when Hakyeon appeared. Or the time when he just stop and push Hakyeon against the banister of the stairs and kiss him simply because he could. All the little things like the little sticky notes that were left on his lunch reminding him to eat or simply the way Wonshik would smile at him hovered in his mind as he reached the door and slid the key into the lock... Hakyeon took a deep breath and prepared himself for the silence of his apartment.

              The lights were off and Wonshik’s jumpers were missing from the rack. His shoes no longer cluttering the floor as Hakyeon dropped his overnight bag. His eyes watered slightly as he took his time walking down the hall, noticing the spots were Wonshik had removed the picture frames of them. Probably in hopes that it would save Hakyeon the pain of doing it himself. Wonshik was always thoughtful that way, always doing the things that Hakyeon could never bring himself to do. Hakyeon wanted to lie down and sleep, he was tired despite resting all weekend with his family. Maybe it was the emotions taking their toll on him as he dragged his way to his bedroom.

             He pushed the door open, tugging his shirt over his head. He was more than ready to just collapse and not move from his bed until nature or his stomach called for him to. He struggled as his arms got caught in his shirt, letting out a curse as he stubbed his toe of something hard before tumbling forward. A warm arm wrapped around his bare skin before he could face plant the hard floor. A gentle chuckle sounding in his ears as someone tugged his shirt from over his head. Taekwoon smiled softly at the confused look on Hakyeon’s face when he could see freely. His mouth was agape slightly and his head tilted like a puppy. ‘You scared me, idiot’ Taekwoon muttered softly, running his free hand through Hakyeon’s hair in attempt to smooth down his now messy hair. ‘W-why are you? How?’ Hakyeon stuttered, his cheeks pink from the feeling of Taekwoon’s hand on his . Taekwoon shrugged softly, pulling Hakyeon into his chest and hooking his head onto of Hakyeon’s. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of strawberries that he always associated with Hakyeon before replying, ‘You never showed up’. Hakyeon shiver involuntarily as Taekwoon drew soft circles into the skin of his lower back with his thumbs. Hakyeon squirmed slightly, letting out a little hum that caused Taekwoon to smile.

                   ‘I’ve been here since then. I heard about Wonshik’ Taekwoon said softly, walking backwards towards the bed with Hakyeon still in his hold. ‘It’s okay, I saw I coming. He deserves to be happy’ Hakyeon mumbled against the skin of Taekwoon’s neck as Taekwoon let out a soft growl. Taekwoon sat down, pulling Hakyeon into his lap. He kept a hand on Hakyeon’s back to steady him, the other going to cup his chin so Hakyeon had no choice but to face Taekwoon. ‘It’s not okay Hakyeon, no should treat you like that’ Taekwoon held back his anger as he studied his best friends face. Hakyeon’s smile was withered away and replaced by a tight straight line. His skin was a shade light and his eyes puffier from lack of sleep and tears shed in the darkness of his room. ‘It was my fault anyway’ Hakyeon said softly, averting his eyes from Taekwoon’s heavy gaze. ‘How? How is it your fault that he made the decision to cheat on you? He’s an Hakyeon and if I ever get my hands on him…’ Taekwoon took a moment to stare at the beautiful man in front of him, ‘How could anyone ever do this to you?’ Taekwoons thumb Hakyeon’s cheek softly as he once again held back all the urges. He’d accepted when Hakyeon had introduced all those guys as his boyfriends. He’d hoped for Wonshik to be unlike the rest, as long as he made Hakyeon happy Taekwoon was happy staying in the background. Happy staying as the best friend. ‘I couldn’t love him, that’s why he found someone else. He loved me but I had no heart to give him’ Hakyeon managed to let out shakily as he gazed down into his lap. He didn’t even need to look up to see the ‘Why?’ that hung unsaid on Taekwoons lips. ‘I couldn’t love him because I’ve been in love with you for the last three years’.

                    Hakyeon shook softly as he felt himself being lifted off Taekwoon. He felt sick as he was placed on his bed, the worst had come true. The reason that he hid his love with guys who treated him badly was happening. Taekwoon was disgusted with him; he was going to leave him forever. Hakyeon went to say sorry but was cut off by soft lips pressing against his and a warm body hovering over his protectively. Hakyeon shivered as Taekwoon muttered against his lips softly, ‘I love you too…pabo’ before kissing him a bit hard. Hakyeon let his eyes close in relief, melting into the warm feeling of Taekwoon’s hands on his bare skin and lips on his. Taekwoon took care of him, being gentle and holding him close as he placed soft kisses all over Hakyeon’s burning skin as the night dragged on. Their bodies pressed flush against each others as they let the emotions they held in for so long burst and make them one.

               Taekwoon ran a hand through Hakyeon’s sweaty hair with a content smile on his face as Hakyeon smiled into his neck, hands drawing shapes and words into the pale skin of Taekwoon’s arm. They were like yin and yang, light and dark. The perfect blend to compliment the other. Hakyeon had felt loved by Wonshik but the feeling of being in Taekwoon’s arms was entirely different. It wasn’t Hakyeon receiving love, but giving it as well as he placed soft kisses on Taekwoon’s shoulder as he closed his eyes sleepily. It felt like coming home after a hard day work, like finding a four leafed clover or an ice cream on a hot day. It was perfect and Hakyeon couldn’t suppress the smile on his lips as he fell asleep to the sound of Taekwoon singing to him in soft English. ‘Lucky I’m in love with my best friend……’