I had been wondering since I was in senior high school what it feels like to fall in love.

You'll probably wonder, why so late? Ever since I was born, my parents had dreamed of perfection to their child. That's why I had given my best and my life revolved around studying and being that "perfect" child they always wanted.

But times goes by really fast and I had reached high school, where everyone I know started to talk about "love" especially my best friend Daehyun who had at least 15 boyfriends and girlfriends in the past month. The way he explains how everything happened and how that guy or girl was the 'IT' and they'll probably get married  and other kinds of weird thoughts got me a little curious and probably at the back of my head there's a voice saying 'Why shouldn't I try that?' but after a week or so, he comes to me and cries on how they broke up. (Daehyun was always in love, though I don't know for how many times but he had been since he moved here in our school.)

I felt so curious, like a kid wanting to know what's inside a cookie jar. Then I got a note on Thursday:

MEET ME AT THE BLEACHERS ON THE FIELD.

Bang Yongguk is one of the few people, boys or girls, in the whole senior batch who doesn't talk that much, and the way his hoodie is always too big for him and his pants are sometimes too low or sometimes too tight.

He drops the little folded note on my lap as he comes back from wherever he had been with a long paper on his hand, probably  last Monday's Algebra test. I left it there and took off my glasses, holding them up like I'm wondering if I had touched the lenses too much and I need to wipe them off. If I hold them at a certain angle, I can see Yongguk's reflection, and I noticed Yongguk behind me crumpling his test paper into a little ball and shoving it inside his bag.

Friday came and at the field, where this little fountain stood, Yongguk is careful to be away from our other classmates. He waits beside the water fountain, saying things to each kid in line, sometimes slapping water up to the person's face, especially if they are wearing glasses.

"Hi," I say, feeling awkward because I had been in the same room with him all this morning and this is the only time I spoke to him this day. He doesn't splash my glasses and that makes me wonder if he is in love with me.

He turns and walks beside me, not saying a word and just looking out at the field where our other classmates where stretching for the marathon practice.

            "Here," he says, pointing at the bleachers. When we are settled, he opens his bag and holds out a black notebook and he shows a page somewhere in the middle where a huge black heart was drawn like what my sister's rock album cover had when she bought it last summer. It could be from the black pen we have to use in Science class. And the arrow on the heart could be from our red Algebra correcting pen.

"Himchan," Yongguk says slowly, his voice is too deep. "on Friday, I'm going to have to put someone's name on this. Friday."

"That's nice," I say, staring out on the field where nothing much is happening yet. I still have to check if the pen he used in Science class is the same shade as the black heart on his notebook.

When we go back inside, the Health class is on the reproductive system, and my best friend Daehyun and I read through the chapter and found at least three '' words in there.

Of course, the teacher calls me to read a loud. She always calls on me (and some of my classmates tease that she actually likes me so maybe that's one reason why she does). I come to reach the paragraph that says '' and it makes me so anxious I started grinning. When I reached that line, and by the time I got to the word, I laugh really loud and I put my hand over my mouth to control my laughs and I choked on my own saliva. Across the isle, Daehyun clamps his hand over too. The teacher asks what's funny and I shake my head and continued after I had calmed my self.

It was lunch when Daehyun and I went to sit together at our usual seat for lunch in the cafeteria, and as soon as we hit the table, Daehyun elbows me and I replied with a 'what' and a weird glance at him.

"So you and this Yongguk guy," He squints at me like he wants me to continue his sentence.

"He's my friend." I say and started unwrapping my sandwich. Daehyun laughs and told me it was bull. I was too busy wondering if it was bad to be his friend or I wasn't supposed to but I noticed that he stopped talking and scrolled through his phone for the umpteenth time  this day.

He places his phone down with a sigh and pokes his mac n' cheese.

"Don't fall in love Himchan, it's bad and stressing." He sighs and I laugh because that's what he says when he's on the verge of breaking his relationship up and the next few days he tells me "Loving someone is the best feeling". And this had been going on ever since we had been friends.

Tuesday morning, Yongguk is waiting for me along the corridors. His hair is parted a little crooked but it's all waxed up to one side. I check whether his heart has washed off. It's there, and I am still thinking about whether he took a bath last night and redid his heart, or whether he didn't even bother washing up at all and kept his heart untouched when he speaks to me.

"Meet me again today, some place," Yongguk says as we pass the library and I say a small "shh" and he smiles up to me.

It was Wednesday morning when Daehyun writes me a note.

DO YOU LOVE YONGGUK?   YES      NO

Before I can answer back, the English teacher starts the lecture review and I put the Daehyun's note under my desk.

Before lunch, I check my shirt, that there are no small wrinkles on them and my pants aren't a little too high on my waist. Yongguk is waiting for me, and he walks in front of me.

"Yep, Friday." Yongguk says when he's settled beside me, He's looking at his heart. He digs deep in his pocket and offers me a chewy candy. I say thanks, unwrap the foil slowly, thinking about what shape I should make out of the wrapper.

I was too busy thinking, It was too loud at the field and I wasn't sure when Yongguk said something that made him scoot closer to me. I have my hand on the seat next to my legs and now he runs his hands on mine. His hands felt warm and soft. I didn't do anything, I wasn't experienced, nor informed so I didn't bother to do something. I look back at the building, wondering if someone's watching us and my heart started to pound gradually.

Now we sit staring at the runners practicing for their events on the track. Yongguk is concentrating, you might say. But I am trying to memorize everything about Yongguk and probably ask Daehyun about his soft hands later. Am I holding it too tight or too loose?

Suddenly, Yongguk moves his finger and starts rubbing small circles on my palm. I look at him, he is looking extra hard on the small figure moving fast on the track and the way his eyes scrunched and it made me wonder whether one runner tripped or his bet didn't win. I looked and no one is even running anymore, the players were just resting on the side.

On Thursday, it rains in the morning so we stay inside. When that happens, the bleachers are wet and they don't open the fountain. Yongguk waits for me after school, and we ride our bicycles side by side until we reach a mini-mart, where he digs into his pocket to find money.

"Stay here with the bikes." He runs inside and come out moments later with two bottles of grape juice in his hands.

We drank them there under the shade of the trees where the leaves plummeted small droplets of water from the rain earlier. I try to cover the nozzle of my bottle to prevent the water to mix into my drink. The grape drink colors my mouth and I stuck out my tongue to check if they had turned purple.

Yongguk chuckles when he sees that his lips were colored purple too. "Want a kiss?" he asks and smacks me on the lips before I can decide for my self.

"Yo-o-ngguk!" I say, like I know I was supposed to. He laughs and he stands up to ride his bike and I follow.

When I get home, my mother asks me why I'm late and the whole family is waiting for dinner to start. "I had to review for our quizzes today." (Which is partially true by the way,). I am careful not to open my mouth too wide, afraid that my mother would know what happened.

Friday morning comes and Yongguk comes to the board with a groan to diagram a sentence our English teacher had asked him to do. He drops a small paper on my desk as he walks and he takes the chalk out of the box on our teacher's table. I opened the note, where I see a familiar black heart with an arrow across it but now the word "Himchan" is written in the middle. At the back it says another and I try to make out his hand writing.

 IF YOU DECIDE TO DRAW A HEART AND WRITE MY NAME ON IT TOO, YOU'LL RECEIVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS EVERYDAY. FOREVER. I PROMISE

I refolded the note and placed it under my desk. I took off my glasses and fold them. I cross my arms and lay my head on them. It seems like all I'm doing is folding things. I turn my head and look at Yongguk at the front.

He looked fuzzy around his edges with out my glasses but I can see his loose clothes and tight pants. Yongguk is erasing his sentence after the teacher had told him to start over and do it right this time. He doesn't erase neatly, and it makes me wonder if it was so tiring to remove everything he had written on the board or he was just lazy.

I sigh and rise up, and reached for the small paper under my desk. Daehyun's note was still untouched since Wednesday and I bring it out. I press it out flat on my desk and uncap my pen.

I encircled NO.

CHEEJUBURGER IS BACK~

IT'S BEEN SO LONG GUYS HUEHUE

I SHOULD BE STUDYING BUT HAHAHAHAHAH NO

                    -cheejuburger