Inhaling the pungent smoke of his lit cigarette, Wu Fan extended his finger over the screen of his phone to check his messages. Rolling his eyes as he exhaled, he opened the voicemail that had been flashing obnoxiously for the past half hour and listened to his closest friend Chanyeol ranting about how some guy almost hit him on the freeway and how he was going to show him what happens when you mess with the ferret king. “God, you’re gonna get your kicked if you actually say that before a fight.” Kris mumbled under his breath as he flicked the almost dead nicotine scroll to the ground, watching it disappear amongst the passing people on the streets below. Occasionally, he wondered what would happen if one landed on a bald guy’s head. But he was bald anyway, so he supposed the damage wouldn’t be all that life changing.

Sliding the patio door shut, he shuddered as he realized just how cold the autumn weather had been outside, what with the fresh cinnamon scented burst of heat smacking him in the face and all. Pulling at the tips of the sleeves attached to the thin grey sweater he was wearing, he managed to hide his rather large hands in the fabric, earning him tiny nuggets of warmth as he shuffled his feet across the floor. “Roo!” His voice filled the apartment that Tao had coerced him (rather unwillingly on the part of Kris and his need for independence from needy people) as he looked for the fluffy persian he had adopted as a kitten, and the now fully grown cat padded its way to him, all purrs and head boops reserved for the only man she would ever love. “There you are.” He smiled, picking her up and rubbing his smooth, pale face against the top of her amber scented head. Everything in his place of residence seemed to be filled with nothing but scented things, assumably from Tao as he worked in the local Bed Bath & Beyond and took full advantage of his extensive employee’s discount.

It wasn’t that he particularly disliked autumn or winter scents. They had their place and were nice sometimes, but the fact that they were musky and overbearing more often than naught made him long for the small ty apartment that he used to live in. A light strawberry fragrance wafting through each room simply because it didn’t make him feel like gagging every time he lit that particular candle. Not to mention it masked the smell of smoke that so often fogged up the place whenever he so much as looked at the stove. Tao had made it very clear that his cooking was not meant to be consumed or even created unless the circumstances were dire and involved instant ramen, and he was fine with that. After all, less work for him. And he rather liked takeout. With a sigh, he collapsed on the couch, snuggling with his love muffin and watching the television until he eventually passed out.

Suho watched as Kai’s fingers swiftly flew across the keys of the macbook he had been staring at for the majority of the weekend that they had spent cooped up in the house that they rented together. It was rather large for just the two of them, but money wasn’t really an issue for either of them so they decided that it would be perfect if they ever had friends overnight. They never did. Kai was always complaining about being too tired from either work or school, and Suho always felt like staying in to watch movies whenever Kai wanted to go out and party with the friends that neither of them shared. He rationalized with himself that it was normal for two individuals to lead separate lives and still be together, yet a small, lonely part of him couldn’t help but wish that Kai would wake up one day and actually want to share a life. That was all it really would have taken. All he wanted was to be wanted.

“Are you working late again tonight?” He leaned his head onto the younger boy’s shoulder as he read the long detailed essay that Kai had to turn in by the next Friday. (At that rate, he really didn’t necessarily need to be working this early. That boy could type a book a minute.) “I don’t know. Maybe.” Kai’s voice was low as he sounded as if he would much rather be somewhere that didn’t involve people speaking to him, and in a way it stung to Suho considering had it been anyone else, he would have been happy to have a break. “Ah…” He lifted his head off of his shoulder to see if the added space would cause invitation to return, but Kai merely repositioned himself away from Suho, basking in the space that didn’t involve the other’s presence. Realizing that he wasn’t going to move from that spot any time soon, Suho stood from the couch and dusted off his pants that were laden with cat hair. Without saying anything, he made his way to the coat hanger, selecting one of the shorter versions of his many long black jackets that lined the closets throughout the house. Giving Kai a look that resembled that of a kicked puppy, he waited only long enough to know without a doubt that Kai wouldn’t notice his absence for a while, let alone actually care that he was gone.

He didn’t.

-

Kris worked at a small pastry shop on the corner of the university that he would no longer be attending that oncoming spring. The smell of subtle sweetness always violated his nostrils in a way that he rather enjoyed. A soft smile traced his lips just before drinking the coffee swirling around in the oversized white mug. He always promised himself that he would live up to his tall, badass image someday by drinking it straight from the pot, yet every day he found himself sitting on the counter drinking a mixture that was 70% milk, 10% sugar, and a mere 20% coffee. “No wonder your body treats you like . It’s a mutual thing, ay.” Chanyeol’s giant (and occasionally creepy) grin consumed the lower half of his pale face as he threw himself into the papasan chair beside Kris, and he continued to speak, poking the box of cigarettes resting on the table. “What’s the deal? You said you quit.” The smile was long gone as it was replaced with a look of disapproval, and Kris hurriedly snatched the box from the table and shoved it into the drooping right pocket of his black vest.

He wanted to avoid the subject, as it was really the only topic that Chanyeol seemed to be the most serious about. “It’s one thing that you’re blinded to your own emotional shortcomings and pain, but this is something that you’re willingly permitting to kill you.” Kris frowned, taking a big drink of his coffee in an attempt to show his best friend that he had no intention of discussing this, but Chanyeol took that as his own opportunity to lecture him without interruptions. “Look, I know you try to act like you don’t care about what’s going on with you and Tao and everything else that’s suffocating you, but this?” He took a moment to gesture at the pocket, “This isn’t going to make it go away. And it’s not gonna make you go away. Not immediately anyway.” With a sigh, he waved over one of Wu Fan’s coworkers, ordering a black coffee and 4 donuts. As Kris gave him a raised brow and a look, Chanyeol merely laughed and said he was hungry.

That kid was always hungry.

-

“Hey, Kris!” Suho’s normally rosy complexion was even more flushed than usual as the bitter sunset wind stung his cheeks. The tall, faux blond paused his footsteps, allowing the shorter korean man to catch up to him by an awkward half run, fast walk. “I’d like to talk to you about your book from last year.” Kris could feel the dread cloud his soul as Suho continued, matching his gait by walking quickly even though Kris was moving at a rather slow pace. “I wrote a book? Really?” Kris allowed one side of his mouth to curve upwards into a smirk as he slid two fingers into his pocket, emitting a silent snort as he grasped onto his last cigarette and pulled it out. Stopping to light it had been a sudden gesture, causing Suho to practically faceplant into his wall - like back. “Th- the poetry novel about sparrows?” He walked to the front of the other as the smoke curled and twisted its way into the heavens, and he looked up to watch it disappear as Kris looked down. Particularly at him. “I know what I wrote about Joonmyun. I was being sarcastic, god.”

With a purposely unsubtle eye roll, he took a long, unnecessary drag. Suho muttered a flustered “oh,” asking bunches of questions assumably for his own book that he would be finishing within that season of the next year, and Kris listened patiently, giving him the best advice he could give with what little experience he had. “Listen, the book was just a lucky first try. Give me enough vodka and a pen with some paper and anything sounds good enough to print.” Flicking the accumulated ashes to the asphalt they were standing on, he inhaled, exhaled, and spoke again. “These days, you can say just about anything and as long as you use big words and oddly shaped sentence structure they’ll consider it golden in’ literature. And you? Your job is to write it and lie your off when they ask you what it’s really about.” He looked at the crinkled manilla envelope in the other’s hand, realizing that it was most likely his first rough draft of his own book and offhandedly realized how much of an he probably seemed to be at that moment.

“I’ll tell you what…” He took advantage of Suho’s giant disappointment in his explanation and snatched the bundle of papers out of his hands, tucking it under his arm and mustering up one of his charming smiles. “I’m not needed anywhere for tonight, so why don’t we go grab something to eat and I’ll look this over while you pay?” He would have done it for free, but the chance of a free meal was not something to pass up. Delighted that the other agreed, he crushed the exhausted cigarette into the ground and easily accepted a new one from his acquaintance that probably at that instant got boosted up to friend status. “So your book didn’t mean anything to you?” Suho’s voice was incredulous as he furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. He had felt so much emotion with each word written that he couldn’t just accept that he had been drunk when he wrote it. “Nah, not a thing.” He smiled, a soft sad smile that seemed as if it would stick in Suho’s mind forever, but he brushed it aside as bad lighting and extreme hunger. After all, both of them had skipped lunch.

As Kris lit the new cigarette and walked beside Suho, he thought back to his own days of finding people to help him write. The sparrows had been a metaphor. The main had been with broken wings, needing to fly but unable to begin to learn how. And the other? Of course the other had been Tao. Teaching him to fly but in the end causing the main sparrow to stay by his side regardless.It was a poetry book filled with the irony of giving up the things you wanted most in life just because you fell in love and decided that being with that person was ultimately the most important thing you could ever achieve, even to the point of losing every ounce of freedom that you fought to attain. Exhaling the smoke in no particular direction, he began walking again. It was a book that he could have very well meant as a proposal for an eternity together. It was his way of saying that he would love Tao forever, no matter what happened to either of them in between earth, heaven, or hell.

Tao hadn’t even read it.