The first time that Daniel meets Byunghun is not actually the first time at all, Byunghun insists for years. Daniel simply smiles and nods. He can't recall, but he believes him.

The first time that Daniel meets Byunghun is late one weekday night with a friend. Something about having to meet up with someone, but Daniel isn't exactly listening. Gazing out of the passengers side window of the car and a bottled water in hand. The encounter has no relevance to him - in the nicest way possible.

Meeting this person will not impact his life whatsoever.

They enter the LAN center, Daniel a few steps behind his buddy, looking around slowly and taking in the scenery of darkness with bright neon blue and green accenting lights along the walls and corners of the establishment before his friend nudges for his attention.

"Daniel, Byunghun. Byunghun, Daniel"

"nice to meet you" Byunghun nods before turning his attention back to their mutual friend.

Daniel feels as though he has missed the opportunity to reply and simply looks Byunghun over for a moment before shoving his cold hands in his pockets and whispering something about getting out of there. They say good bye and Byunghun holds his hand out to Daniel to shake it, "it was nice meeting you," he says with a smile.

"yeah, you too" Daniel replies, taking the boys frigid hand into his own and giving it a squeeze.

 

During off time from school, Daniel finds gaming to actually be quite a bit of an intriguing past time. It is nothing necessarily new to him, but the genre in which his friend participates competitively sparks his interest and he finds himself more and more often tagging along to social events and tournament settings. Because of this, he finds that assumed-to-be-irrelevant Byunghun is not-so-irrelevant after all. His friend informs him of how Byunghun is one of Korea's best and most shining players, how anyone who knows of the competitive scene knows who he is. Something of a celebrity, it's said, although Daniel finds the concept completely absurd. He plays video games, for Christ's sake.

Daniel spends a lot of time online, watching videos and reading up on forums - especially locally - about the games and the competitive atmosphere. Purely by surprise, he finds a lot about Byunghun - everywhere.

And it isn't as if he had any real plans, or expected much to come from it when he stumbled across what appeared to be Byunghun's public LINE ID - but he also figured striking up a conversation couldn't hurt, either.


"we're probably gonna leave soon," Jonghyun says over the phone, somewhat exasperated from looking at the time, "it's a six hour drive but...we really don't have a choice. tournament starts at noon."

"tell him I told him he should have taken the day off of work to avoid this nonsense!" Byunghun says loudly, leaning into Daniel's phone, "I need my money!"

"yeah yeah we'll get there, listen I'm on my way, give me 20 minutes and I'll pick you guys up and we'll go"

"no problem, we'll be here" Daniel answers calmly.

"hey Niel," Jonghyun questions abruptly, "are you okay there with them?"

Daniel looks around to Byunghun and Chanhee who are in a heated game of rock/paper/scissors for actual money and he chuckles quietly, "yeah, I'm okay"
 

"do you remember the first time we held hands? on the way to that tournament in Gangnam and trying to hide it from Jonghyun? that was so weird"

 

"there's a tournament in Tokyo in a week, it's supposed to be pretty huge. I want to go."

Daniel looks up from his phone, back comfortably pressed against the computer chair as he turns his attention to Jonghyun's computer screen, "you can afford a last minute ticket to Japan like that?"

"it's not a big deal," Jonghyun replies - finally turning his attention towards Daniel. "do you want to go too?"

Daniel sort of chuckles and raises his eyebrows with a curt head shake, "you're the only one of us who can afford it"

"I'll pay for it, come on! it's your first big tournament you're gonna love the atmosphere!"

"I don't think so...that's really expensive, I'll just catch another one"

Jonghyun leans back in his chair and sighs, "come on, you have to come. I want you to come. please?"
 

The tournament venue is relatively small for what would be considered a tournament with a huge social following, but the first time Daniel walks in he is in awe. Before that moment all he had ever been to were smaller, local tournaments, and in no way did the experiences prepare him for the amazement in store for him that weekend. It isn't long before they meet up with Byunghun - who finishes up an interview before being able to engage with them. He and Daniel exchange a smile, and Daniel never has been good at hiding these sorts of things.

Daniel calls a few of his friends who happen to reside in Japan that he doesn't get to see very often and he takes some time out from the tournament experience to have a few drinks with them instead. Five, six, seven beers down and the text messages he's receiving in such a timely fashion from Byunghun are making less and less sense.

(063): "I want to meet your friends! let me know when you guys go out to eat or something I'll tag along!"

But they do, and Daniel does not. It's only after Daniel ends up back at the tournament venue that he meets up with Byunghun - looking disappointed and irritated - that he seems to get the hint.

"why didn't you tell me you went out to eat...I told you I wanted to go..."

"I mean, when we left you were playing so I didn't want to bother you, really"

"I would have left to go out with you, I can play any time"

Byunghun walks away with a head shake and a shrug, back over to a large group of people who eagerly awaited and anticipated him. Daniel watches as they greet him warmly and Byunghun goes back to seeming as though nothing had ever happened. It hits Daniel like a truck - with no help from the alcohol - that he ed up one, simple thing, and when all he had ever wanted was Byunghun's attention he managed to throw away the opportunity just as quickly.

Byunghun didn't want to meet his friends just to meet his friends, Byunghun wanted to meet his friends because he likes him.

Daniel's eyes dart around the room in a quick attempt to locate Jonghyun, and after failing he calls his cell phone on the way out, "I'm not feeling too well, I'm going back to the hotel room early. I'll see you later."

Then he sends Byunghun a text: "if you want to talk about this my room number is 314"

A few moments later he receives a response,

(063): "I'm on my way"
 

"do you remember the first time we slept together?"
 

They do talk about it. The situation and their feelings, and Byunghun tells Daniel that his suspicions about wanting to meet his friends were, in fact, accurate, and Daniel feels a weight lifted from his chest because it is exactly what he had been wanting to hear. A discussion about feelings, turns into hotel bedroom cuddling, but it's not long before Byunghun is aggressively tossing Daniel's shirt across the room and all but ripping his belt out of his own jeans.

They finish quickly with time of the essence but it isn't quickly enough as they hear the sound of a keycard being slid into the lock, and the door opening until the chain lock at the top catches it (which somehow Daniel was smart enough to consider). Jonghyun doesn't see everything in full view - a shirtless Daniel and the sound of Byunghun hopping around with the waist of his jeans around his thighs is tell-tale enough.


 

The next three months Byunghun spends a considerable amount of time in and out of Daniel's home. Usually two to three night intervals of sleeping over and copious before Byunghun has to make the hour and a half journey back home for a tournament, only to do it all over again and Daniel is pretty close to convinced that this is what being in love is like. Daniel lays in Byunghun's arms for hours and they laugh about life, and previous loves, and Daniel just really likes the way that Byunghun calls him 'Niel' like Jonghyun did - before the trip to Japan - and mutually romantic this time around.

It's only when Daniel pushes the idea of making it official, that they fight. Daniel often left in tears in front of an unapologetic boy with things to do and people to see. And it seems as though he just doesn't have time for it. For Daniel's feelings. Byunghun tries to call things off and Daniel protests with everything he has in him, he even goes as far as lying about how strongly he feels - what he feels.

"we don't have to be anything, I just want to have "

Byunghun sighs, "no you don't"

"yes I do, it's fine"

The cycle continues on until New Years Eve. Daniel spends months explaining the significance of spending the time with someone that means something to him. He and Byunghun have another disagreement about where they're headed and the boy leaves Daniel's establishment hours before the clock strikes midnight, and when it does, Daniel receives a text message from a guy he met a month or so back - Bang Minsoo.

"happy New Year, wish I could have spent it with you!"
 

"I have loved you for such a long time it's really unbelievable..."
 

Close to a year passes where the only interaction that Daniel has with Byunghun is painful acquaintences in public settings due to his boyfriend - Minsoo - not only being interested in the same gaming community as Byunghun but also living only about five minutes from him. It's all awkward glances and the need to keep the atmosphere light that eat away at Daniel because he simply does not understand why it couldn't have been Byunghun. He knows that the feelings he harbors still for Byunghun aren't fair to his current partner but it's not something he can just let go of, either. Time heals all wounds, as Daniel knows, and he holds onto the thought of eventual health for the life of him.

Over time, Minsoo takes it upon himself to decide whether or not Daniel is emotionally ready to be within close proximity of Byunghun, and begins inviting the small boy over to the home that he - and Daniel - have been living in together.
 

"you treated me like I didn't exist"
 

Daniel's method of emotionally coping with the situation causes him to bury his face into his laptop the entire duration of every single one of Byunghun's visits, and for hours at a time Daniel is forced to stare at nothing but his computer screen. Through massive headaches, and eye strain, and eventual boredom it's all Daniel has to keep from looking up and making eye contact with the boy sitting across from him on the bed - laughing and smiling and joking with his partner like nothing is wrong. Every now and then he catches a glance of Byunghun's sharp jaw, or the small bump in his nose and his chest curls - his memories take him to a place where these were his and he has to choke back his feelings because they don't matter now.

He wonders if they really ever did.
 

"you meant everything to me"
 

Two years into Daniel's relationship with Minsoo, things take a turn. Not necessarily for the worst but the fire they once had has dulled and the passion has all but disappeared. Daniel figures this is all part of what being in a long term relationship is like - this being his first. Byunghun doesn't come over as often anymore, something about Minsoo disliking him but Daniel has caught on to the fact that his partner is relatively two-faced about everyone and doesn't seem to genuinely like any of the people he is around.

It's when Minsoo comes home from a late night out with Byunghun and a few other of their player friends that a lost feeling is once again lit within him.

"do you know someone named Jonghwan?" Minsoo asks, setting his things down by his computer desk.

"yeah, um, sort of at least" Daniel sets his laptop down, "kind of a friend of a friend, mutual acquaintance sort of thing. he dated one of my exes a long time ago, though. I think he hates my guts actually"

"Byunghun is dating him now" Minsoo says abruptly, almost cutting Daniel off, "he was bragging about it in the car"

And it wasn't something that Daniel actively thought of or cared about - Byunghun, that is. He thought back to how much everyone always liked and admired and desired Jonghwan and he felt that all too familiar twist in his stomach. He wasn't angry, or even necessarily hurt - perhaps a ping of jealousy coursing through his vains, but he couldn't help but wonder what Jonghwan had that he didn't. How was Jonghwan so easily able to get what Daniel had spent nights crying over but never able to have.

"you okay?" Minsoo asks, staring into his computer monitor.

"yeah," Daniel replies dryly, "good for them."


 

In the three years that Daniel and Minsoo were together, Daniel was never actually fully aware of all of the trouble that Minsoo was, or would have caused until the day they broke up - only a week after their anniversay - where Minsoo confessed to having cheated on Daniel numerous times before having to head out to work. In a state of numbness and over all discontent, all Daniel does is stare blankly at his now ex-partner as he leaves for work, uttering the words "if you're here when I come back, great, if not, then it was fun"

Daniel laughs at the thought of sticking around, grabs a garbage bag from the kitchen and his cell phone and dials a friends number "I need you to come get me, I need to get out of here now."
 

Recently single, the absurd and irrational rules and regulations once placed on him by Minsoo lift and it's almost difficult for him to adjust to life as an individual human being, able to do, say, and think as he wishes. One of Minsoo's most serious rules for Daniel was not only to not speak to other men, but to especially not speak to Byunghun - a rule that Daniel had no real problem adhereing to - but since time had passed, and Daniel was single, he figured it okay to strike up a conversation.

It had just been so long.

And the conversations flow with ease, Daniel thinks. They talk about Minsoo and how much they both hate him (although Daniel with a bit more reason) and they talk about Jonghwan. Daniel congratulates Byunghun but the boy never seems too enthralled or excited about it. Daniel does the math in his head and it's been about two years that Byunghun and Jonghwan have been together and he remembers back to the two year mark for him and Minsoo.

Although perhaps not being the best comparison.

They spend late nights chatting online about relationships and love. Byunghun takes a particular interest into Daniel's life, and what happened with Daniel.

Perhaps because Daniel specifically attempts to avoid all conversation regarding it. Byunghun can tell that whatever it was like between them will have lasting emotional and mental effects on Daniel.

Daniel knows far more than Byunghun does.
 

Four months down the road and Daniel plans a trip to a huge tournament only two hours away from them with some friends of his. His excitement knows no bounds considering his recently bounce back into the single life, but it takes a turn when Byunghun tells him that they can't spend any time together in public due to Jonghwan. Byunghun tells him that Jonghwan is increasingly suspicious of Daniel and his recent relationship break and isn't comfortable with the two of them spending any sort of time together.

Daniel wants to tell Byunghun that this isn't healthy, but decides against it and goes along quietly.

It's on the Saturday night of the tournament, after Daniel's had a few beers in him that he gets a text from Byunghun asking where they can go to meet - in secret. Daniel cashes in a favor from a friend and gets the keycard, texting the room number to Byunghun and nearly jogging down the hallways to the room where they are to meet. He arrives first and breathes a sigh of relief, heart almost beating out of his chest. He attempts to fix his hair - make sure nothing is out of place even though he's slightly intoxicated and is hardly the only to ask about how anything looks in the moment. Daniel takes a few deep breaths before he hears a quiet knock on the door. He peeps out the tiny hole to confirm the guest and opens the door slowly.

Byunghun walks in hesitantly at first, looking around the room, then smiles at Daniel.

"Niel...your hair is dark. I like it. So used to seeing you with light hair."

Daniel shifts uncomfortably, nervously, and smiles, looking at Byunghun's blonde hair, "it looks better on you anyway."

Byunghun thinks it's cute when Daniel attempts to make small talk when they both know why they're there, and wastes no time sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling Daniel into him for a kiss. They both taste like beer and cigarettes and it's quick and familiar just like it had always been. Daniel thinks it's just like before. Just like the first time over three years ago.
 

"it has always been you"
 

A couple of months go by and the two of them keep in touch almost daily. Byunghun tells Daniel all about how possessive and exhausting Jonghwan is and Daniel does his best to keep his thoughts and feelings to himself just to allow Byunghun the space to do what he will with the situation without bias.

Byunghun often tells Daniel about how much he thinks about him, and all of the things he likes about him. The things that Jonghwan does that he is so thankful Daniel doesn't do, and even against Daniel's better judgment they spend time reminicing about the past. How things were before Minsoo. Byunghun even admits to harboring long-term romantic feelings for Daniel long after their entering a relationship and Daniel thinks that this feels all too familiar. He doesn't like these conversations, and he doesn't want to be the one to deliver any biased advice to Byunghun about his relationship with Jonghwan although it's clear that Byunghun fishes for it as an excuse to finally dead the relationship.

In the end, Daniel falls weak and tells Byunghun that he wants to be with him, but only in the event that things with Jonghwan absolutely cannot be reconsiled. Under no circumstances does he want to be the cause.

Less than a month later, Byunghun breaks up with Jonghwan. Daniel thinks that this is finally it.

A few weeks after the break up when the discussion about dating is finally had, Daniel is ecstatic. He thinks back to the times they spent together before he dated Minsoo, how much they lacked communication, how they never were truly on the same page but this time - this time was different. Byunghun had already been perfectly clear about his intentions with Daniel this time and all there was to do this time was seal the deal.

Daniel went into the conversation with his heart on his sleeve, and left with it crushed.

"lets just not get into something serious right now" Byunghun says over text, "it's too soon it'll look bad lol"

It takes Daniel a moment to respond because spends some time mentally filing through all of the previous conversations that he and this boy have had in the past month. Conversations where Byunghun more than admits to wanting to be with him, wanting to leave Jonghwan for him.

Then it's all flashbacks of the first time they went through this and Daniel wants to be sick. He's not even sure how he got blindsided into doing this again. He should have known. All the signs were there. It's never going to be different. He is never going to change. He is never going to want to actually be with you. You're so ing stupid and gullible.

Daniel attempts to bite back the dryness in his throat, even if he's sitting alone in his room having the conversation and no one can see his tears because he doesn't even want to shed the tears at all. Enough tears have been shed over time about this boy, and enough is enough. Daniel fights back all of his chokes and sobs and heartbreak in general and simply replies "okay"

An impressive attempt, he thinks, as quiet tears fall onto his blue pillow case later that night.

 

As the months go by, Byunghun and Daniel stay close but only at an arms distance. Daniel comes to accept the fact that whatever Byunghun wants is not what Daniel wants, and assumes it to be a strictly physical relationship that Byunghun has always been after which does not mesh with Daniel's interests.

Through tournaments and mutual friends social gatherings they meet up occasionally and hang out publically - but never in private, as Byunghun always attempts to push.

After about a year of being single and catching up on the lost social life he gave up from being in a long term relationship, Daniel comes to accept that there is much more he has missed out on - schooling, work, etc and decides it time to put his time, effort and emotion into something that is going to benefit him in the long run, rather than a relationship with someone. He comes to the conclusion that it is time to put the idea of a partner on hold for the greater good of his own being, although having not really put much effort into having a partner to begin with, and focus on him.
 

During the summer, Byunghun mentions to him that himself and a few of their other mutual friends are going to be at a tournament the next coming weekend. Daniel figures he has nothing better to do and decides to show up. Byunghun and his friends - being the big drinkers that they are - have more than enough alcohol flowing around the bar table as they all laugh and enjoy conversation. Daniel excuses himself outside to bum a cigarette off of some other passerby and Byunghun takes it upon himself to tag along.

Byunghun watches as Daniel smiles and thanks someone for a cigarette and a light, takes a drag and slowly exhales into the hot summer night wind. They're both drunk and everything is hilarious, and eventually Byunghun takes Daniel by the hand - a tight grip - and looks him dead in the eyes.

"would you be mad if I kissed you right now?"

Daniel hesitates, but not as long as he should and smiles, shaking his head. And so Byunghun does.

Byunghun pulls Daniel over to the building wall, his own back against it and Daniel pressed tightly against his chest - arms wrapped around his waist as he spills all of the feelings and emotions that Daniel only through he blindly convinced himself were real. Byunghun tells him how much he wished that it was Daniel he was with, when it was Jonghwan, how painful it was to see him with Minsoo the whole time, and how extra hurt he was when Daniel wouldn't so much as acknowledge him when he was at their home. All of the things that Daniel had done such a fine job of burying deep in the back of his mind, all of the possibilities of love, of reciprocation, of this ever being real - being brought back to life.

"it has only ever been you," Byunghun says, looking at the taller boy straight in the eyes, "literally has only ever been you."

"I can't be with you, I have tried, and tried and you never let it happen," Daniel says, "it has never been me who never allowed it, only you. I just chose to continue on with my life when you didn't have me."

The two boys drunkenly spill their feelings and misconceptions to each other for hours that night, just outside of the hotel bar. When Niel goes home, instead of thinking that it felt just like before, he's swept away just by how different it finally felt.

Maybe the walls were finally broken down. Maybe, just maybe, this is what they needed to finally make it work.
 

The next few weeks were filled with 'I miss you's and 'when can I see you again's from Byunghun's end, in a perpetual state of desire and emotional need to see Daniel for any reason he could possibly think of, and shortly after their encounter a party was thrown for a mutual friend. Daniel's friends all laughed at how obvious the plan was - just an excuse for Byunghun to get to see him - but if that were the case then it worked. Again, the two boys spent a large portion of the night outside, kissing and talking about their feelings and any misconceptions about the other. Anything that Daniel wanted to know about Byunghun was laid out on the table for him, and Daniel felt safe.

It went against everything Daniel believed in - going home with Byunghun that night, but this time he truly, truly felt that this...this was finally it.

Two days later they were exclusive.
 

"things change."
 

Not long after that night, Byunghun invites Daniel over to spend the weekend with him and it is everything Daniel ever invisioned. He thinks that he has never been happier with another human being in his whole life and wants nothing more than to sleep forever in the bed that smells of Byunghun and laundry detergent.

"when will I see you again?" Daniel asks, exiting Byunghun's car with his bag of belongings.

"soon, as soon as possible" Byunghun replies with a smile.

Daniel leans back into the passenger side of the car to kiss Byunghun, long and hard and like he may never kiss him ever again.

Looking back, he wonders how he must have known.

A week passes and Daniel asks when he'll see Byunghun again, he replies with the usual soon and Daniel thinks nothing of it. They speak for hours every single day, and often end their nights with phone calls to each other. Discussions of living together and eventual children (Daniel isn't thrilled but he leaves it open to consideration because he's in love).

But the weeks keep passing, and Byunghun is never to be seen. The slow decline of conversation between the two becomes apparent and after a while Daniel comes to find that he is the only one putting in much effort - if any - and even then it seems to fall on deaf ears. Any attempt at Byunghun's attention or adoration is met with sly remarks about how much better, or more, he could be doing for him - for their relationship. Daniel knows the situation is out of his hands and tries not to let the remarks get to him, but it's not his fault.

It's not anyones fault.

Daniel continues to live his quiet life uninterrupted by the side-line stress of his relationship with Byunghun and finds that conversation - if ever initiated on either end - falls flat shortly after.

"I went to some sort of book reading tonight, it was kind of interesting for not being something I'm generally into?" Daniel says on video chat, holding up the flier to show his partner.

Byunghun glances at it and gives a bit of a half smile, "I would never be caught dead at one of those things"

Daniel doesn't know how to respond and just sort of awkwardly chuckles, "yeah"

They end the night shortly after.

It isn't long before he catches on to the fact that no matter how hard he pushes, Byunghun gives him nothing in return, and no feedback. However, since being so busy with his new cafe job down the street and having enrolled in some college classes he finds little time to sit and ponder over the state of his relationship with Byunghun. He figures Byunghun is not spending much time doing any pondering, either.

It's a late, rainy evening on a Thursday when Daniel meets Hyomin.

They relocate to a cafe that stays open late that night to talk over cups of hot chocolate and tea. For a monent, Daniel forgets he's with someone.
 

"she was there when you weren't"
 

Every single day, at approximately 8:45pm, Hyomin would light up the establishment with her smile and sing-song "Ni-el~". The baristas all knew her five different orders and she always sat in the same place, corner booth by the window. Daniel would sit her and generally sit with her until a customer happened to waltz in, but considering the cafe closed at 9pm, they spent the better part of his last 15 minutes on the clock endlessly smiling.

"do you want to go to the place down the street again?" Hyomin asks, looking up at the sky as it had rained for the better part of the day, "I think the rain cleared up now"

"sure, I don't have anywhere to be" Daniel says, feeling his phone vibrate in his pants pocket. He pulls it out and swipes it unlocked to see a text from Byunghun.

(063): "are you doing anything?"

Daniel places the phone back into his pocket and walks with Hyomin down the block for a hot chocolate.

 

The next day Daniel wakes up in the wrong bed, in the wrong home, and he thinks now it's time.

He takes his phone and walked into the dining room, sitting at the table and inhales deep, opening an email composition page and typing in Byunghun's email address.

"I hate to do this like this but..."

Daniel exhales and places his forehead in his palm. He recalls how every time the topic of how they first met comes up, Byunghun always tells Daniel that he's wrong. Daniel recalls the late night at the random LAN center, Byunghun's cold hands and his own indifference, but Byunghun insists it was long before that.

"it was at an arcade you used to frequent a few years prior to that" Byunghun smiles, gently pushing a few strands of hair away from Daniel's eyes, "I guess you were too cool to notice me then"

Daniel jokingly punches him in the arm, "I don't believe you, I would have remembered!"

"nope! I guess not!" Byunghun sighs, feigning disappointment, "just too cool for me."

Daniel jerks up from the table to the sound of Hyomin entering the dining room behind him, placing warm, comforting hands on his shoulders and gently massaging. "anything I can help with?"

He slowly shakes his head. She places a kiss atop it and quietly exits back to her room to give him his privacy.
 

About an hour and a half later, Daniel slowly, solemnly walks back into Hyomin's room. She looks up at him and they sit in silence for a moment before he finally speaks, voice shaky and uncertain.

"this has just been...a large portion of my life, it's harder than I thought it would be..." Daniel chokes back the pain, "to...I don't know...let it go once and for all, I guess"

Hyomin gives him a quiet look of understanding and smiles, "I'll see you tomorrow, good luck"
 

When Hyomin enters the cafe the next day, Daniel isn't there. When she calls, he doesn't answer, but shortly after receives a simple text with his address and that's all.

The door is unlocked and she takes it as a sign to enter. The apartment is quiet and somewhat empty and she barely whispers Daniel's name in an attempt to locate him. "I'm here" she finally hears in response.

But it sounds broken.

She enters his room to find him curled up in bed with his laptop next to him - crying. Sobbing. Any attempt to choke back his tears has been overwhelmed and her heart breaks at the sight of his raw pain. Hyomin doesn't bother asking what happened, she knows Daniel can't speak through the sobs. She sits at the edge of his bed and slowly reaches for the laptop, waiting for any sort of resistence from the boy in bed but there is none.

On it is an opened email.

"Niel-

I'm sorry, you know? I'm sorry that I repeatedly pushed and pushed for something that I was never going to be capable of living up to. I'm sorry that you've only ever done the best and made the right decisions and even still I pushed you into doing this against your better judgment, because the whole time you were right and I was wrong and it makes me sick, ya know? How selfish I am. I just wanted you and I never gave a about anything other than that, especially not your feelings or how it might end up.

I hope that in the end, you were smart enough to know that I'm stupid and you're not, and that you just knew to have some sort of guard or wall up this whole time so you're not going to be too hurt by me. By this. I think you were smart enough. I think I have done enough in the past to ensure that you would never really, truly, let me in.

Ah, I guess this was impossible then, huh?

I do love you, ya know? I just don't know how to love you. or anyone for that matter. I don't really know what I'm saying I guess. I just want to once and for all apologize for everything I've ever put you through because I've never done that before. And I know you know it's not your fault, I don't need to tell you but.

it's not your fault.

anyway I'm quitting professional gaming and I'm moving and changing my phone number so this is kind of my formal way of saying that you need to get out and get away from me because I don't know how else to break the cycle? I'm sorry if it's sudden and kind of heartless, but I know you'll understand because you're the greatest.

hey...I love you. not since the first time we met, or the second first time we met, but ya know, it's been a long time, haha.

to the end of an era.

-Byunghun"

Attached to the email, Hyomin opens a photo of Daniel and Byunghun at a party together, drinks in hand and all of their friends around them making what seems to be annoying kissy faces towards them. She thinks, that in that moment, they look so completely and irreversibly in love with one another.

"to the end of an era..."