I was sitting on the swing at playground near my house. It was midnight so there’s no one around. I should be feeling afraid since it was pretty dark and dangerous. However, tonight, I was feeling suffocated. I need to breathe some fresh air. That’s why I gathered my courage to go out of the house at this kind of time.

Life has been very hard lately and to make it worse, I don’t really have anyone to talk to. It’s not about not having friends but I just don’t want to tell them my problem. They don’t understand. It might be a small problem to them, but it was hard for me. Plus, I never like to show my weakness to people. I don’t like the feeling of being judged by people even though they are people that I care. It hurts.

The thought of the problem makes the tears filled my eyes and without notice, they trickled down one by one and in no time I was bawling alone. I guess it’s a good choice to come here since I could really cry without no one saw me. My voice filled out the entire playground but I couldn’t stop anymore. Since I started it, I should just cry my heart out properly so maybe I could feel better after this.

 

The creaking sound of the other swing surprised me and causing me to suddenly stop crying.

“It’s okay. Keep on crying.” The boy who sat there seems like around my age. How did he appear suddenly? I didn’t even hear any footsteps. He could have killed me silently and I didn’t even notice.

I wiped the tears from my face to see him more clearly. Ehhh? It’s him, the boy from our campus. He’s quite famous since he is a good looking man. Wait, did he live around here? I never knew that. I never saw him around here and how could I continue crying when he was here? Tsk.

He began to swing and going higher and higher, so I made a decision to go home. It’s already embarrassing to cry in front stranger and what’s more, a good looking one.

Before I could even move, he suddenly asked me, “You are from our campus, right?”

“You know me?” I questioned him back.

“No, but I did see you around. What’s your name?”

“Eunsuh. Kim Eunsuh.”

“Eunsuh, hi. I’m…”

“Lee Jonghyun.” I cut him off before he could properly introduce himself.

“Oh? You know me?” he asked, smirking.

“Who doesn’t? You are quite famous.”

He chuckled. “I guess I am. Well, nice to know you, Eunsuh.”

I only nodded. This was really random. I came here to clear my mind, not making a new friend. And he saw me crying earlier, this couldn’t be any more embarrassing. I need to go now, I decided.

I stood up and ready to bid goodbye when his voice suddenly cut me off , “ Don’t go home yet. Let’s just….talk.” I don’t know if it is just a pigment of my imagination but I could see the change of mood there. He’s having a bad day too, I concluded. I sat back on the swing and tried to access the situation here because I was dumbfounded. This was not what I imagined my night would be.

His sigh woke me up from my trance.

My curiosity bursts. “I guess something happened?”

“Uh-hum. But it’s all better now. But I guess you have it worse? You were bawling just now.”

It’s my turn to sigh. Tears are threatened to fall any seconds but I bit my lips to stop me from crying again.

“I don’t know. I’m getting tired with life. Things changed. It was not what it used to be and I’m scared. You know, I feel lost. I wish I could just disappear… You don’t understand, did you? You thought I was a drama queen. Am I right? But that’s what hurts me, because people thought my pain is insignificant. But what can I do? I couldn’t control what I felt…I hurt.” I didn’t realize that my tears are falling down, I wiped them unconsciously.

He turned to face me and patted my back.

“No. I understand.” He stopped awhile before continued, “You are not the only one felt this way. At some stage, most people would feel this kind of pain. It’s okay to feel hurt even by the smallest things. You cannot control what to feel hurt for. It hurts because it hurts. So, it’s really okay. You are human after all, not a robot. We can feel pain, we hurt from the pain.”

The cat got my tongue. Everything he said was right. I knew it all along but I just drowned myself with negative feelings that I couldn’t even get on my feet and moving forward. I was a damsel in distress.

“All you have to do now is wake up. Because you know deep inside you are a strong person. You need to bring out that person in you. Think positive, stop over thinking and worrying everything. It’s going to be fine eventually.” 

I nodded.  “You’re right. I always knew it but I just need someone to tell me everything is going to be fine.” I looked at him and smiled, “Wow, thanks for those good words. If you are not here, I don’t know how long I’m going to be depressed like this.”

“Well, that’s the perks of being psychology student. I have way in my words. It’s good it has effect on you.” He laughed.

“Thanks for being here, Jonghyun.” I smiled as genuinely as I can.

“No problem. So, you are alright now? Feels better?”

“A lot better.” I chucked a little. “Well I should get going now, it’s late anyway.” I stood up and he did the same.

“Well, see you around Eunsuh. And, don’t you worry anymore okay? It’s going to be okay. If you have a bad day, you can look for me. I could always listen and make you feel good again. ”

“Can I?” I asked, to be sure.

“Of course, we knew each other’s names now. That makes us a friend right? Come find me, friend.” He smiled.

I nodded and mirrored his smile. I waved at him and started to walk away. I turned around to mouth ‘thank you’ to him. He smiled and walked to the opposite direction.

I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled to myself. I just knew life is going to be much better from now on.

 

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