It all started with him.

His bright smile, that made my stomach flutter butterflies.

His adorable pout that never gets old.

The polaroid pictures that has funny captions on the back that we shared together.

The tears he shed whenever he's sad or angry.

The laugh that made my lips curve into a smile, causing me to laugh with him.

The videogames that always make me lose against him because I know he hates losing.

The bubble tea place we go to every after-school.

The piano which he saved money for just to give me as my 19th birthday present.

The secrets we shared and laughed at together.

and most of all,

The love he had given to me all these years..

It was all because of him.

Luhan.

---

Oh Sehun is dating Luhan for 4 years.

Tomorrow, they will celebrate their 4th year anniversary. Which, coincidentally is also Luhan's 24th birthday. Like most of their anniversaries, they'd go out in a fancy restaurant and make love, it would be the best day for them whenever the date, April 20, comes every year.

Not only that Luhan is getting a year old but the strong love they spent for their past years is always what's important for them.

But tomorrow is different from the past April 20. Sehun would wake up, dumbfounded everytime he remembers the day he and Luhan started dating.

He would remember something that he shouldn't have. He would lock himself in his room and try to hide from the jolly, sunny life that he spent with Luhan.

Only one thing would strike in his mind everytime, April 20 comes.

Luhan's dead

Luhan is already 6 feet under the ground. A cold and weak dead body. A body that will never come again in life.

Sehun's heart would ache and break everytime he remembers the fact Luhan is not here.

He's not here to play with him. He's not here to drink bubble tea with him. He's not here to take selcas with him anymore. He's not here to cheer Sehun up. He's not here to talk to Sehun when he's bored. He's not here to sing to Sehun with his angelic, precious voice. He's not here to celebrate their 4th year anniversary being strong and together.

But most of all, Luhan is not here to care and love Sehun for the rest of his life. It was already too late.

It wasn't Sehun's fault that Luhan died. Before they even started dating, he already knew that Luhan was a weak person. He didn't look like one, but deep inside, he's struggling to live. Sehun has always laid his eyes on Luhan ever since he entered school.

Luhan had always been the bubbly, outgoing and kind person everybody loves. Girls and even boys had crushes on him, he was lucky that Luhan choosed him to spend the rest of his life with.

But then again, it was already too late.

Everytime Sehun opens the drawer next to his worktable, he would pick a small red box, containing it was a ring. A promise and wedding ring which he saved his money for ever since their 1st anniversary. He would often kiss the small, silver band that symbolizes his love for Luhan.

The white silver ring has a embedded sign saying "Hunhan ∞" He would touch it occasionally,by that, the younger boy would smile just by looking at it. Memories of him and Luhan are overflowing in his head.

The memories that made him happy but when it all ends, it's hard for Sehun to handle. Too hard, that it makes Sehun to be depressed and lock in his boring,dark,shady room.

The room that never enters sunlight. Not even a small light beam of sunlight can enter.

Sehun has always been the cold, mean and arrogant boy that everyone has feared of. They also had a nickname for him, Ice Man Sehun, but when Luhan enters in his life, he didn't expect that a normal Chinese transferee would become such a big part of Oh Sehun's daily life.

Luhan would talk to Sehun even though he didn't knew what the rumours about him are, but when he knew, the boy didn't care a bit. He was still clinging to Sehun, it made The Ice Man Sehun melt.

Luhan realized how Sehun was such a warm person inside, Sehun just didn't let anyone knew he was this warm.

The frightful glare that made everyone frozen, was actually a soulful pair of eyes that made Luhan fall in love with the younger boy.

---

Sehun started to scroll on his cellphone, to look at his and Luhan's pictures. There were alot of Luhan, which made Sehun very happy. There were also pictures of Luhan taking a picture of Sehun when he is sleeping.

Sehun had his revenge by taking a picture of Luhan, happily sleeping in his arm, his lips were slightly puckering and his bangs covered a small part of his eyes, and his eyelashes were standing out. He would smile widely everytime this picture of Luhan pops out.

Sehun, not being able to contain the cuteness of his Bambi, changed it into his wallpaper and lock screen. Luhan didn't mind because he also has Sehun sleeping as his wallpaper and lock screen.

Sehun clicked the 'Video' folder, where he saw the videos of Luhan which are mainly about him talking about how his day went.

They had different time schedules and Luhan mostly goes home alot earlier than Sehun. Sehun, on the other hand, hates the fact that he can't spend his time with Luhan because of the stupid time schedule. 

Luhan has a habit of video-ing himself and show it to Sehun, with a pair of glittering eyes. It's either Luhan will sing, talk about his day in school, talk about how he misses Sehun so badly. He clicked on a video and started watching it.

May 21, 20XX

"Sehun-ah! " the boy jumped from the screen.

Luhan gave out an big-wide smile, "Sehun-ah! I'm so happy today!" His eye-smile made Sehun melt for him all over again.

"Today, the old lady from the cafeteria today was selling ice cream cakes! I used my aegyo and it worked! She gave me the biggest one!" He was so happy that his hands were squealing from happiness.

But then he pouted, "I-I didn't get you one, because the old lady will be angry of me and I won't be able to get desserts from her anymore." His mouth sulked. Sehun touched his cellphone and the top of his head.

It was only the screen that blocks them. A big screen that can't be ruined by normal people.

Sehun, then clicked on the other video with Luhan wearing big party hats. It was from Sehun's 20th birthday.

"Sehun-ah!! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, happy birthday.. Happy Birthday to you!" He blew the cake's candle then shot the camera a sweet and happy smile.

Luhan placed the cake and moved his bangs away from his eyes, making Sehun look at his doe eyes alot more. He cleared his throat and started talking.

"Sehun-ah, Happy Birthday, you're already growing up so fast! You're already legal. I really want to thank your Mom  and your dad for coming into my life, by creating you. Thanks for always cheering me up when I'm feeling down. You're always there to help and love me. Umm.. I really really love you! I hope that you'll be happy on this day, and you're spending it with me! I love you Sehun-ah!"

He placed his lips and kissed the camera. Smiling, Sehun also kissed. How he wanted to taste Luhan's sweet pink lips again.

The lips that electrified his spine and sent butterflies in his stomach. The sweet  taste of Luhan's mouth will forever linger in Sehun's lips.

Luhan waved his hands as a sign of goodbye and the video ended.

Sehun had decided that he will watch the last video, having too much too scroll, he closed his eyes and clicked the video that he unknowngingly know what kind of video it is. He could hear the video already playing, he slowly fluttered his eyes.

It was a tribute video for their 3rd year anniversary.

Sehun haven't seen this video before so he focused frame by frame. There was a note in every picture shown.

You complete me.

I complete you.

Time led us to many things.

But that was made us stronger

Every moment with you is heaven for me

Memories of You and I 

are memories that can't be replaced by anything

As long as we're together, we're gonna be happy and stronger.

Oh Sehun

Thank you

I Love You <3

A video of Luhan wearing a suit was then shown, his hair was placed backwards. Letting Sehun see  his silky, smooth face that he has always loved and have always kissed. He sat on the chair he used in every video, but in this video, Luhan was looking quite proper.

Hands on his lap, closed lap and eyes looking straight at the camera.

He blinked quite a few times, probably because of the nervousness, his fingers were playing around each other and the younger boy can see small beads of sweat in the side of his forehead. Sehun doesn't understand why Luhan was so nervous. Luhan wasn't like that in his other videos.

Luhan started breathing in and out.

"Hi Sehun." He waved his hand, but not as lively as before. Sehun can see that his hyung was weak and pale.

Luhan started coughing hoarsely, "Sehun-ah.. Do I look weak?" His eyes were sorrowful, it was far from the glistening doe eyes Sehun had always seen from him. Luhan thinned his lips and frowned weakly. 

"I do look weak right?" 

Sehun admitted that he did look weak, his eyes were twitching already and eyebags can be seen under it. The older boy chuckled,"I forgot that I can't hear you nor see you." He shot the camera a very weak smile.

"Sehun-ah, I don't think I can make videos for you anymore." 

Sehun's heart sank. He loved seeing Luhan in videos, but he remembered that Luhan will never make him videos again, he's already gone. 

Luhan continued, "I'm too tired, I don't know why, but..I really want to rest so badly." Sehun wanted to cover his ears, he hates seeing his Bambi getting weak and tired. Sehun's eyes were pierced on Luhan. He had never seen him so weak and pale.

So this is what Luhan looked like before he died.

No matter how weak or tired Luhan looks, He will be the most beautiful in the soulful eyes of Oh Sehun.

Luhan started coughing hoarsely but definitely stronger than the previous one. He also started to cough blood.

Sehun hated himself for not being there because of school.

He hated himself for not realizing how weak his Bambi was.

He hated himself for not taking care of Luhan.

All of it scarred Sehun's heart. A scar that won't heal forever.

"Sehun-ah.. If I'm gone, I want you to--"

Luhan paused for a minute to catch his breath. 

"I want you to remember me, I'll watch you from Heavens. I'd like you to be happy.. even if I am gone." 

The weak smile he gave to the camera, made Sehun's eyes drop tears. Tears that will be as painful as the thought of Luhan's not here anymore.

Sehun can see that Luhan's eyes was getting wet. Luhan has always been the emotional type. 

Luhan's watery eyes looked at the camera once again,

"I love you Oh Sehun. I really do."

Sehun have always been grateful of Luhan, not for melting him, but by loving him even though he was not a perfect guy. Oh Sehun was just a normal guy, but in Luhan's eyes, he was the perfect human being.

"I have a favor for you to do."

Sehun's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what was Luhan's favor?

"If I ever pass away, I want you to come by my house, a surprise will be waiting for you!" He smiled. He smiled, even though he was in the verge of dying. A smile that is picture-perfect everytime.

Luhan's eyes was on the verge of closing, but he still fought to keep his eyes open, for the sake of Sehun. Luhan also had difficulty in breathing. Luhan yawned, "Sehun-ah, I'm really sleepy right now. Goodbye. I love you!" He waved his hands in a weak manner and smiled slightly. The video ended.

It was a 4:35 minute video. But, it means so much to Sehun. The fact that Luhan still made a video for him even though he was so weak and tired, he has always been thankful for Luhan's everlasting love.

Sehun remembered Luhan's favor. It was still daytime so Sehun has time to know what was the mysterious favor Luhan have asked him. 

---

Luhan's house is a few miles from Sehun's. In just 20 minutes, he arrived at the radiant, lively house Luhan spent all his years. It was a 2-story house, it didn't have fancy touches in it, but it was the perfect home.

It had a swing that Luhan often sits whenever he is having deep thoughts.

Sehun decided to sit on the same seat Luhan did. The younger boy felt Luhan's presence, a faded presence, that is.

His memories of Luhan was slowly coming up in to his mind again, all of the movements Luhan did was perfect. Everything that involves Luhan made Sehun extremely happy everytime.

"Excuse me."

Sehun stopped his thoughts and stood up from the swing. He fixed his clothes and hair, he looked at the woman right infront of him.

She was holding a broom. The woman looked like in her 50's. She has a very young face, her hair was tied up in a bun. She had unnoticable wrinkles from afar. 

"Are you Oh Sehun?" She smiled at him, just like the way Luhan did. The younger boy nodded. It made the lady smile wider, with matching-eye smiles.

"Ahh, so you're the boy, my son has fell in love with?"

Sehun's eyes were in shock. The woman standing right in front of him was Luhan's mother. The mother who gave birth to Luhan that Sehun promised his whole life with. That's why she exactly looks like Luhan.

Sehun gave her a 90 degrees bow. "Y-yes, I am Oh Sehun." The younger boy rubbed the back of his neck.  Luhan's mother gave Sehun a bow. 

"Thank you for taking care of Luhan all this time" Her eyes were getting watery by the thought of his son. She wiped it using her handkerchief and gave Sehun a sweet and thankful smile.

"I should be the one thanking your son. He thought me what true love is. I'm really grateful for that."

She nodded. She looked at Sehun's eyes in curiosity. "What brings you here?"

Sehun realized why was he here, "Luhan told me to come here."

Her eyes looked down, "I see. He told me about it, check out his bedroom. I'll be going out for awhile, so please take your time." She bowed for the last time, and went on her way. The younger boy made his way into the front door, it was unlocked.

As he made his way inside, he scanned the living room, it has a large TV screen and a large white couch in it. It also has different porcelains, Luhan's mother must've loved porcelains

On the right side, you can see the kitchen. It had different apparatus which Sehun didn't even know what it is. The fridge only contained one thing: desserts. The younger boy chuckled at the thought of his boyfriend being such an addict in desserts. It was mainly fulled by different flavors of ice creams and cakes.

He went upstairs, or the last floor, there was only 3 rooms. Luckily, each rooms had name tags stuck on its doorknobs. He saw the one with "Luhan <3". Without any hesitation, he entered it. By his surprise, only one thing was featured in Luhan's room.

His room was full of them and Sehun only.

It has a wall full of their pictures, and their dates. It even has a big LCD screen that shows the names: I ❤ Sehun HunHan Forever~

The younger boy was on the edge of crying, but he tried not to. Because he wants to know the reason why Luhan wants him here.

He scanned the whole room. There was nothing odd, except for the stack of boxes near the corner. The yellow envelope from Luhan's work corner dragged Sehun's eyes into curiosity.

He grabbed and opened it. It had a white paper along with a letter on it: 

 

To: My Sehunnie❤

Hi Sehun-ah! You found this letter! Congrats^^. I'm really happy that you found this letter! :D

Well, the favor I want you to do..

is to open the stack of boxes, and play a song. I wrote them all! and I want you to play them on piano if you have time!

I love you Sehun-ah!

XOXO,

Sehunnie's One and Only Bambi.

Young boy Sehun didn't know what to feel. Would he cry because he misses Luhan, would he laugh because of the funny yet memorable letter Luhan wrote just like what he did in his videos?

Sehun turned his gaze to the stack of boxes, he was curious in what he'd find there.

He picked up a box and opened it, by his surprise, it was music sheets that has their songs.

Luhan has a talent of composing songs. He'd ask Sehun to play it in his piano and Luhan would sing a long. It was the most fun time of their lives.

Sehun grabbed one music sheet, he haven't seen nor played this song. He scanned the whole music sheet.

April 19, 20XX

It was from the day before Luhan died. Luhan, even though he was weak, had time to do this, because tomorrow was their anniversary. Sehun read the title:

First Love; Thank you

Knowing that you'll be there at times when I need; Loving you was the best decision I have ever made

You made me realize  how Love makes two normal persons stronger than before.

How badly I want to wrap you in my arms; How much I wanted to kiss you

But that's all over now, I'm already gone

You'll always be stuck in my heart and mind

I want you to be happy

With the exception of me; Your happiness is my life

Having you as my first love was the best feeling for me

All I want to say is

First Love;Thank You

I Love You

Sehun can't keep his tears any longer. Tears were rolling down Sehun's cheeks. His face was getting puffy and he was so heart-broken.

Having someone leave you has got to be the hardest things to accept in life, even for Ice Man Sehun. He had not once wanted Luhan to be gone in his sight. He didn't want to become the Ice Man again.

All he wants is Luhan. Only Luhan's presence would make him happy.

Sehun was so tired of crying as the memories and thoughts of Luhan is slowly filling up his head. He was so tired of missing Luhan.

He laid himself on the bed, all he could smell was Luhan's sweet-fruity fragrance. The fragrance he always loved about Luhan. He didn't get tired in smelling this familiar smell all over again.

Sehun felt restless and wants to sleep badly. He went to sleep. He's sleeping in the same bed Luhan did.

Sleeping won't be as normal as before. Cold winds fluttering over Sehun's body. How badly he wants to sleep with Luhan again. How badly he wants Luhan to be alive again. He'd do anything to make Luhan come back to life, but he knows there's no such thing as resurrection.

---

April 20 

The day where it all started.

The day where it also ends.

Sehun woke up, still frazzled because of his thoughts. He grabbed his cellphone and saw his sleeping Luhan lock screen. He looked at above:

April 20, 20XX

8:00 am

Sehun's heart nearly crashed. That date came again. Just having the thought that today is Luhan's 1st death anniversary.

Last year, Luhan died, on this exact day and time. He got up, still depressed. He made his way downstairs, Luhan's mother was nowhere to be seen. He saw a card near the porcelain on the coffee table:

I'll be gone. I'm going to visi.t Luhan's sick sister back in China. I'm sorry that it was so sudden.Today is Luhan's first death anniversary right? Could you please pay me a visit for him in the cemetery? Thank you.

Sehun had always hated to go to the cemetery, why?, because he thinks that only sad and lonely people go there.Now, he will be one of the sad and lonely people that goes to the place he once hated.

Sehun just grabbed a sandwich from a convenience store near Luhan's house, and went on his way to the cemetery

---

The cemetery was abit far than Sehun had expected. It was already 11:00 before he even got there. When he got there, there wasn't alot of people. It was pratically him, caretakers and the dead bodies underneath.

There was a flower stand next to it. So, he bought a two dozen of roses and a dozen of sunflowers. There was two reasons why he bought two types of flowers:

1.Two dozen roses is an impressive boquet representing an even deeper attraction and can tell your beloved that you think of them every hour of the day. [for the 24 hours]. Two dozen roses as a romantic gift says “I belong to you.”

2. A dozen of sunflowers has a special meaning in Luhan's heart. Luhan's favorite flower is the sunflower, because for him, a sunflower is a representation of happy, sunny and joyful life a person has to enjoy. Sehun's birthday is April 12. Having 12 sunflowers means being happy,jolly and joyful despite the depression a person is having.

Sehun immediately found Luhan's name. He walked to it and kneeled until he was about the same height.

 A stone that has Luhan's name, Luhan's last presence. The younger boy grasped the stone, touching the last moments he and Luhan should have spent. The stone has Luhan's Hangul name in the center and his Pinyin at the top, it also had the date where Luhan was born and died.

Sehun sniffed his nose because he knew he was gonna cry.

"Hi Xiao Lu."

Xiao Lu was the nickname Luhan wanted Sehun to call him because, back in China they used to call him that nickname. Reminds Sehun of his nickname. 

"How are you?"

"I'm not feeling well."

"I'm not sick, it's just that the fact of losing you hurts me so badly, it's like losing a part of my heart and soul."

Sehun already knows that Luhan won't answer him. But, talking to him makes Sehun comfortable, he just thinks that Luhan is listening on his thoughts.

"Today's your first death anniversary, right?"

"I can't believe it's already one year, I spent and fought without you."

"You don't know how badly I miss you all this time."

"I'll still be fighting and struggle to live without you."

"I miss you. Your kisses. Your hugs. Your pout. Your cute aegyo. I will forever miss that"

"Thank you for the videos you made for me, and the songs you wrote. Thank you."

"I'll play all of the songs you've given to me and I'll also write songs for you. I'd record it and play it to you. I'll also play the videos you made for me all over again if I have to. It already has 1,000 videos of you, I'd play all of that."

"I'm so thankful for you coming into my life. I would forever love you. You'll always stay in my heart, Bambi."

Sehun grabbed the flowers and placed it near Luhan's grave.

"I got you these flowers as well. I know how much you love sunflowers and roses together."

Sehun also grabbed something from his pocket. It was the box of the ring he was supposed to give Luhan on this day. He grabbed the metal string of the necklace and hung the ring on it then placed it in his neck.

"You know Luhan, I was suppose to give you this ring today. But, I think you can't wear it anymore, so I wore it. It is a symbol of my love for you. It has an eternity sign so I would never stop remembering and loving you."

Sehun kissed the ring. He may sound like an idiot for loving Luhan this much, but he can't help his overwhelming feelings for Luhan. It's just a part of loving someone and expect to love for the rest of your life.

He realized it was already dawntime, he stood up, fixed his shirt and bowed at the grave of Luhan. He was already in his third-step when he almost forget to tell to Luhan. The day where it all started.

"Happy Birthday, Luhan."

---