She’s clearly not interested in you the way you are to her.

Just leave her alone, she has already found a new partner.

Doesn’t it hurt every time she comes to you with teary eyes?

Your just her crying shoulder, she wouldn’t even spend time with you whenever he’s around.

Amber, just let her go.

Amber found herself lying in the couch, resting after a few hours of tolerating her friends who visited her during her shift in a nearby coffee shop she was working on. Truth to tell, she didn’t cared about whatever her friends say about her, and Krystal’s friendship but sometimes, she just couldn’t help but to wonder, why was she still holding on?

Maybe because she grew attached to the girl, maybe she just loved her that much and couldn’t afford to lose the girl even as a friend? Even if it hurts so much seeing the girl with another guy that she love, Amber still pretends to not be hurt at all, but in fact it hurts so badly. She had developed a habit of keeping all the pain to herself all these years.

It was already a month since Krystal and her boyfriend broke up, and the girl went to Amber almost every day for comfort, and Amber just couldn’t afford to see her hurt like this. Every single day, she was wishing she was on his shoes, that she was the one whose with Krystal and making her happy, not crying like this. She had the right to hate that guy, she hated every single bits of him. She always wanted to confront him, but she never did. Krystal always tried to stop her, and told her that it was her problem, not Amber’s. So she left that be, not wanting to intrude their relationship.

Krystal was already in a sobbing mess, and Amber had already placed the cup of tea she just made on the table, her eyes worriedly gazing upon the girl who was in a literal mess, her eyes seemed to be puffy and her eye bags just became worse every day.

You didn’t deserve this kind of treatment, Krys.

Why don’t you just give me a chance, I’ll definitely make it worthwhile, you don’t deserve to be in pain. Why can’t you just love me like you love him. I’ll promise I won’t make you cry, ever.

If she could just spill out those words she was dying to say, but she can’t. She’d definitely regret it, she’ll definitely lose her, she wouldn’t stand a chance towards that bastard, she knew how much Krystal love him, and she didn’t want to makes things worse. “Shhh.” She whispers before wrapping her arms around the girl, holding her in a tight embrace. It felt really warm, Krystal, on the other hand just hugged her back, and buried her face on Amber’s chest, sobbing some more.

All those words left unsaid, I wish I could just say them straight, if only I could. I really wish I was in his shoes, Krys. I would die to be in his shoes.

Amber felt a tear fell from her eyes down to her cheek, why was she even crying, she wasn’t supposed to be crying, she was supposed to be comforting Krystal, not thinking about the words she dying to tell her.

“Would you want something to eat, Krys? I’ll treat you some icecream.” She wanted to cheer her up so badly, but she already knew whatever she does wouldn’t just cheer the girl up, she already tried a few times within the month, and a single thing she tried didn’t even worked. She even tried bringing Krystal to some places she grew to love, but neither of them did cheer the girl up, but she just wouldn’t want to give up trying.

Krystal just shook her head, didn’t even spoke any words at all, they stayed like this for a while, Amber’s hand constantly the girl’s hair until she fell asleep. She carried Krystal, bringing her to the bedroom and carefully dropping her on the soft mattress. Krystal seemed to be in a deep sleep, and she even look like a princess even when sleeping. Amber didn’t even realized she was already staring at the girl for almost 10 minutes now, the back of her hand suddenly touched Krystal’s cheek before she caressed her.

Please, let it be me. Why don’t you just pick me over him, why don’t you just love me instead of him. He knew for only just a year, and I’ve known you for so long, why don’t you just pick me. Just let it be me, Krystal.

Amber was already leaning forward nearer Krystal’s face – and as she grew closer, her lips almost touching hers. She paused, should she take the chance? She knew she was waiting for this to happen in a very long time, those luscious lips of the princess she wanted to have, she always wonder how it would taste, would they taste strawberries? Or maybe cherry? How does it feel to kiss her lips, Amber was staring at Krystal’s sleeping face. Thank god she wasn’t waking up, even when Amber had already carried her all the way to the room. This is your chance, Amber. Your only chance to steal a kiss from the girl you always love, and still love.

But her conscience was somehow stopping her, she felt rather guilty. Her lips were just a few inches, their lips were almost touching, but Amber suddenly decided to not, instead she went to her forehead and placed a soft kiss. She sighed heavily, before standing up. She was looking at Krystal, worriedly. She should do something about this, she didn’t want to see the girl cry again. She grabbed Krystal’s phone, bringing it with her, before she went out of the room, of course she didn’t forgot to bring her leather jacket with her since the weather seemed to be freezing outside.

She texted the guy, asking where he was, and Amber had received the reply immediately, stating her was in a pub. Amber knew very well where was this pub located, so she didn’t hesitated but to take her motorcycle, speeding up to the venue as she just wanted this to end. She wanted Krystal’s misery to finally end.

The people around the pub seemed to be busy, everyone having their own worlds, and there she saw the guy playing some beer pong. What the . All along, he was playing around with some stupid pub while Krystal seemed to be the one who’s suffering the most. She wanted to slap the guy real hard, or even punch him in the face. She wanted to make him suffer, if only she could, she really would.

“Why haven’t you talked to Krys?” she asked the guy who seemed not even interested in talking to her as he continued to play his thing. “And why do you care?” he replied, his voice seemed rather cold. “Because I’m her friend?” her voice was now piercing. “So?” Amber was already losing her patience, he just wanted to punch him, in the face, his face meeting the cemented floor.

He grabbed the guy by the collar, thank god for her decent height. She pinned him down against the nearby wall, and what she was doing seemed to cause some commotion around as everyone seemed to pause from what they doing, watching the two having some kind of argument.

“Listen you jerk. If you want Krystal to stay in your life, you have to make a move, eat up your pride and apologize or else I would make sure your face meet the cemented ground and would look unrecognizable. If you’d act like a -head and being all this cool-guy who thinks making his girlfriend cry and suffer is such a good deed then I wouldn’t think twice in stealing her away from you.”

Amber’s voice sounded very serious, but she didn’t even realize she was tearing up. “I’m dead serious.” Her pursed her lips, before she pushed the guy against the wall some more, making him dropped on the floor after, Amber had gazed upon the crowd with teary eyes, before she left the place, she didn’t needed to be there in the first place anyway.

She didn’t went home after that, she stayed in the riverside, drinking some soju as she think she needed some time for her own. She wanted to reflect on everything, did she just do the right thing? Reflecting on her own actions, Amber drank some more of soju, wanting to drown herself with some more alcohol, wishing the alcohol would actually make her forget her. But of course, that would be impossible, there isn’t any time Amber wasn’t thinking of Krystal. Every day of her life she was thinking about the girl, what she was doing at this time, what she’s wearing, was she having fun or so. Why did she even fell for her? She always ask herself, why her?

Of all the people in the planet, why she would fall in love with a certain Jung named Krystal? Why not Hyuna? The girl who had a crush on her once during middle school, why not Suzy? The girl who had once confessed about her liking for the tomboy, why not Eunjung? Her highschool stalker, or why not Victoria? A very great friend of hers who seemed to be very close to hers. Why of all the people, it’s still Krystal. Even if she tried to find another girl that would replace Krystal, it just don’t work at all. It was one of her frustration, that she just couldn’t replace Krystal. That smile of hers, the way she flip and fix her hair, the way she calls her Amber with a very cute accent, the way Krystal clings her arms around Amber’s, Maybe it was because Krystal is Krystal, she couldn’t be replaced at all. Amber was finding someone, someone that could be her Krystal. Obviously, she wouldn’t have a chance to move on if she just couldn’t forget about Krystal, she should find a new one, not a new that could be her Krystal.

Amber had arrived a little late, it was already near 5 am in the morning, and she found Krystal still sleeping on her bed, she didn’t want to wake the girl up so she went to her couch outside, and decided to just sleep there, still not getting over about her thoughts earlier, with too much thinking, she drifted off to sleep so soon.

---

There was a sudden noise that woke up the tomboy, she quickly sat straight on the couch and looked at the clock. 12 pm it says, . I woke up late. She needed to prepare a food for Krystal, the girl would probably can’t cook at that state. She quickly run towards her room only to find it empty. Eh? Where is she – Amber had looked around, there was no sign, nor a figure of Krystal anywhere in the house. She sighed, slightly worried as she decided to text the girl on where was she. There was one thing that made Amber worried about, maybe Krystal was awake last night, or pretending to sleep? Did she knew what happened last night?

But it was already past 5 pm, still no text? She was now more worried, what if the guy took revenge on Krystal and made her suffer some more because of what she did last night? She was now dialing Victoria’s number, until the door suddenly opened. It was Krystal, thankfully. “God, Krystal you made me so worried! Where  have you’ve—“ she turned around to take a look at the door, only to find a smiling Krystal, she haven’t seen her angelic smile for a month, and Amber felt petrified, obviously stun by the girl’s smile. “He apologized.” Krystal’s voice, sounded different, not sobbing nor sad. It was her typical lively voice. The girl had suddenly wrapped her arms around Amber’s neck, and squeezed the older girl into a hug. “I’m so happy, Amber. We’re okay now.” Krystal had let go, and went towards the kitchen. “I’ll cook something for you since you’ve taken good care of me for the past month, what do you want?” Amber, meanwhile was just standing there, didn’t know whether to be happy that they are okay. She felt an inch of jealousy, and sadness, after all. There goes her tear again, falling down through her cheek.

Tough luck.

“I don’t even know why he got some black eye, and he seemed really sorry earlier. He must’ve gotten into a fight.” Amber felt nervous. “W—what did he said about this fight you’re talking about? What fight did he got into?” she bit her bottom lip. “It was just a gangster fight, nothing serious.”

Phew.

--

FLASHBACK.

“Listen you jerk. If you want Krystal to stay in your life, you have to make a move, eat up your pride and apologize or else I would make sure your face meet the cemented ground and would look unrecognizable. If you’d act like a -head and being all this cool-guy who thinks making his girlfriend cry and suffer is such a good deed then I wouldn’t think twice in stealing her away from you.”

Amber’s voice sounded very serious, but she didn’t even realize she was tearing up. “I’m dead serious.” Her pursed her lips, before she pushed the guy against the wall some more, making him dropped on the floor after, Amber had gazed upon the crowd with teary eyes,

She gave him a one last sharp look, “Don’t you ever dare tell her I went here and talked to you like this, I’ll make sure you’d get more than just unrecognizable.” And after that, she left the place.

END OF FLASHBACK.

--

“So what do you want for dinner, Amber? Why are you standing there? Get your in here and help me cook for dinner.” She immediately went to the kitchen, leaving her thoughts hanging. Maybe Krystal wouldn’t find the incident last night ever.

--

FLASHBACK.

But her conscience was somehow stopping her, she felt rather guilty. Her lips were just a few inches, their lips were almost touching, but Amber suddenly decided to not, instead she went to her forehead and placed a soft kiss. She sighed heavily, before standing up. She was looking at Krystal, worriedly. She should do something about this, she didn’t want to see the girl cry again. She grabbed Krystal’s phone.

But wait—she saw some unread messages on her inbox which made Amber’s temper risen up. “Your boyfriend wanted me to text you saying he was busy, if you want to talk to him you have to wait until tomorrow. This is his friend by the way.” Amber’s fist clenched, she decided to read some more messages that Krystal had sent him.

“Baby, I’m sorry..”

“Baby, please talk to me. I missed you.”

“Why were you ignoring my call?”

“Why are you like this.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

Amber stopped from there, she took a quick glance upon the sleeping Krystal. She was feeling very sorry towards Krystal being ignored like that. This boyfriend of hers is definitely a jerk. More than a jerk ignoring the love of her life, he definitely didn’t deserve Krystal at all, she deserve her more, but she knew she wasn’t in the right place to ruin their relationship at all. She wasn’t desperate like that, she didn’t want to make things worse.

She walked back on the side of the bed, cupping Krystal’s cheek. Amber was already crying, feeling Krystal’s pain, “I’ll make sure you won’t feel this pain anymore.” She kissed her forehead once more, but stopped as she leaned back, her eyes gazing upon her kissable lips once more. She didn’t even know why, but she had the urge to kiss it. And this time, there wasn’t any guilt at all. She leaned forward, kissing her lips, she stayed like that for a while, savoring her lips that Amber wouldn’t probably taste after this night. “He’s a lucky guy, Krys. He definitely is.” She mumbled before standing up, leaving the place.

END OF FLASHBACK.

----

It will be my little secret, and being Krystal’s lover would forever stay in being my dream.