His persona is gentle; he heals flowers, people, everything he comes near. He’s the fixer; he’s the one who solves the problems. If one of the eleven is upset, he’s the one to calm them down. Nothing can really go wrong when he’s there. Lay is the strong fingers that clutch onto sanity, the strength in EXO. Lay is perfection to the extent that he is downright unreachable.

While Lay is the reason EXO is whole, Yixing is the reason Baekhyun is torn. While Lay’s love to every single soul living in this world is empowering, Yixing’s love to Baekhyun is what breaks him down. It’s what has him locked in his room numerous times when Yixing is gone, it’s what has tears grazing Baekhyun’s cheeks whenever he thinks of his hopeless situation. And how he is nowhere near to getting out of it. As things are now, there’s no signs that Baekhyun will come closer nor increase his distance to Yixing in the years to come.

It had been friendship to begin with. Back when EXO was divided most of the time, it was shared jokes, friendly smiles and the sharing of food (mostly Yixing's) that had them sticking together every waken hour. Over time it became talks about their families, their lives, their ambitions, their sorrows. About their past and all the things they were supposed to leave behind. They poured their hearts out to one another and formed a connection that Baekhyun shared with none of the other members. He silently hoped Yixing felt the same.

When EXO began promoting together, and Baekhyun’s stomach curled up uncomfortably every time he saw Yixing exchange secretive glances with Jongdae, talking passionately about dancing with Jongin or speaking Chinese with Tao and Kris, that’s when he realized he was ed.

A mental breakdown and 10 shots later, he is knocking on Yixing’s door. He stumbles inside when Yixing opens the door, a hearty smile quickly transforming into a concerned look. Yixing grabs Baekhyun’s shoulders, steadying him, and Baekhyun curses himself for shivering under the touch. On the bed, crying into Yixing’s shoulder, Baekhyun confesses what he has kept to himself for so long. What he has wanted to kill with silence but that has only grown uncontrollably to the point where he can not hold it in. Yixing becomes the healing Lay in that moment, fixing Baekhyun with his voice, caressing his ears with consoling words, holding him until he has no more tears and falls asleep in Lay’s arms. For the few hours that he sleeps, he almost feels repaired, Lay invading his dreams with warmth and smiles and healing kisses.

When Baekhyun wakes up in his own bed, he knows nothing is alright. Chanyeol doesn’t know, yawning as he gets dressed. Kyungsoo is also oblivious, cooking breakfast in the kitchen. Tao has no idea, styling his hair in the bathroom. Ten out of twelve bodies in the house are calm, content; sure that everything is as it should be. Baekhyun doesn’t find the eleventh member that day, gives up on working out, his head heavy and functioning badly because of the hangover and goes back to his dorm, sleep embracing him the second his face meets the pillow.

Baekhyun learns the next day that he is the only one to think that something is wrong. As he catches Yixing’s eye during the training session, he sees no indication that the angelic being should share his sense of incompletion or unhappiness. It’s all Baekhyun can manage as he escapes before his tears are seen by anyone, running to his dorm to lock the door and throw himself on the floor, fist beating into the floor, ready to begin another few hours of self-hate.

Someone is knocking on the door just as Baekhyun is condemning himself for ever talking to Yixing about his past, for opening up to the boy in the first place. Yixing asks him to please open the door, to please talk to him, to just listen. Baekhyun doesn’t have the strength to answer, just drags himself up to stand by the door, leaning on the wall. So close but separated. Yixing’s sorry voice is everything, he breathes it in, exhales it and his hands form fists when he wants to stop himself from listening. He sighs as he feels every molecule in his body give up, unlocking the door and letting Yixing open it.

Yixing is as beautiful as always, face mild and comforting. Baekhyun feels his common sense fight against him, begging him to take his eyes off the boy because it’ll only hurt more the more he looks. Yixing doesn’t understand and his arms are around the defenseless Baekhyun in seconds. Tears flow lightly when Yixing is there, because that is what he does. He takes what is wrong and makes it right. He lets you let out the pain and absorbs it somewhere inside himself. But Baekhyun knows this even if Yixing doesn't, that this pain is not one for Yixing to heal, as he is the one to inflict. He doesn’t see this and Baekhyun is too weak to tell him to go away. His heart hurts as he wonders how long he will be helplessly stuck in the paradox of Yixing's destroying, healing embrace.