(A/N): Just imagine any kinds of sickness, arasso? :DD

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Pain. Absolute pain...

 

 

Sooyoug was barely 18 years old when she felt dreadful pain as her illness strikes that weak body of hers from inside out. She thought taking medications was completely useless for she will die soon. The thought of dying alone and unloved made her weaker. But no..

There's someone who motivated her to keep going by loving her. And it is none other than Kai. He loved her for who she was and for who she is. His hugs gave Sooyoung safety and his kisses where she finds comfort.

 

As always, Sooyoung would wake up with Kai on her side, welcoming her day with a smile.

"I've dreamt about Chen," she said.

Kai brought out his notebook and started jotting down everything that Sooyoung says.

 

September 21, 2013 

8:19 AM (Entry no. 146)

I've dreamt about Chen. Probably because it's his birthday today. The thing is, I've dreamt about his birthday celebration last year. I am already in a wheelchair in my dream, which is weird because I was still in perfect shape last year, but I've dreamt that I am already dead sick. Well, I guess dreams somehow connects reality and fantsay..

 

Sooyoung is the type of girl that dreams about something everytime she falls asleep. Weird, scary, happy, or sad, Kai always write it down like a diary, in her point of view. It became his habit. He feels like through this somewhat diary, he learns a new side of her.

"You know what's weird? I'm your boyfriend and you haven't dreamt of me. Not even once," Kai chcukled.

"Who knows, maybe I'll dream of you tomorrow," Sooyoung smiled.

Their routine started since Sooyoung got sick and in these days, Sooyoung never dreamt of Kai. Ignoring that fact, Kai just write about her dreams without any complaints.

 

This continued for months more and like today, the first thing that Kai would hear from Sooyoung is her dream. Kai saw her waking up so he grabbed his notebook and waited eagerly for Sooyoung's dream.

"I've dreamt about you," Sooyoung greeted her with a smile.

With what she said, Kai smiled widely while writing.

 

Decmber 22, 2013

8:24 AM (Entry no. 233)

I've dreamt about Kai. This is the first time and I'm happy about it like Kai is. We were in a beutiful place and he confronted me with flowers. Pink roses, to be exact, which are my favorite. It was a short dream but it was memorable for me, indeed

 

"This is an achievement!" Kai exclaimed.

"Are you alright now that I've dreamt of you?" Sooyoung asked.

"Never better," Kai grinned and leaned closer, landing his lips onto hers.

Both of them spent the day like they always did but this time, Kais savoured their moments together and Sooyoung enjoyed Kai's company.

 

"Kai, I.. can't.. breathe," Sooyoung panted.

Night came and Kai never left her side. And now, he sprinted outside to get her doctor. Sooyoung rarely experiences this. Kai got worried for her but waited patiently for the resuts.

"Did you tire yourself again?" Kai asked, after the doctor left.

"KAi, you were with me the whole day. Did you see me do anything tiring?" Sooyoung answered.

"No," he mumbled, "But please take care of yourself," Kai scolded, trying not to sound angry.

"I am but this disease is not something I can control and you know that. Let's just rest, okay?" Sooyoung got up slowly and placed a soft peck on his lips, "Goodnight Kai,"

 

Next day came. The sun is up and snow is now visible in the eyes of everyone. Kai is waiting while his pen and notebook rest in his hands. Sooyoung opened her eyes that turned into a shape of crescent as she smiles.

"You're my dream boy," she chuckled.

 

December 23, 2013 

8:05 AM (Entry no. 234)

It's Kai again and I'm so happy about what we did in my dream. We played with snow like I'm not sick at all. I felt extra happy because I'm with him. He gave me the happiness that no one ever gave me. That's one of the reasons why I love him so much.

 

"Wanna go outside? It's snowing," Kai grinned.

And the nexth thing they know is that they're already outside. Sooyoung literally played in the snow. She threw some to Kai's face and he gave her a bear hug as revenge.

She loves his hugs. She loves how his warm hug melt the coldness she feels from the snow. Unfortunately, they had to go inside after  a little while since Sooyoung's not allowed to stay outdoors for too long.

 

Night came and Kai went home for a while to get some clothes. Sooyoung just watched television and waited for his return. Everything was well until...

"Sooyoung!" Kai hurriedly went to her side. He was beyond surprised to see Sooyoung vomitting blood.

Kai didn't waste another second and immediately called the doctor. Ever since Sooyoung got admitted in the hospital, she only vomitted blood once. This is the second time and it scared Kai.

Sooyoung fell asleep after the doctor helped her. Kai just slept without talking to her. He was tired  too. Tired of worrying for Sooyoung.

 

"What's the dream for today?" KAi tried to sound as happy as possible, hiding from Sooyoung that he cried last night.

"It's you again," she grinned.

 

December 24,2013

9:04 AM (Entry no.235)

My third time that i've dreamt of my boyfriend. So far, I'm enjoying it. Why? Out of all my dreams about Kai, this one is what I loved the most. We were in my room back on my house and he told me how much he loves me. It was perfect!

But I noticed something. Everytime something happens to me, I dream of Kai. I also noticed that the more pain I experience, the happier my dream is. So is pain the exchange for my happiness? If yes, kill me now,"

 

"Don't say that," Kai mumbled, "Why was it back in your room?" he asked, changing the topic.

She shrugged, "I don't know either. But maybe because you confessed to me there,"

"Aren't you dreaming of your memories in the past?"

"Mm... I don't think so. They're a bit different,"

 

Time passed by quickly. It's afternoon now. By this time, Sooyoung should be taking a nap while Kai watches TV. But for some reasons, Kai is now the one who is sleeping while Sooyoung watches TV.

A little later, she got bored and looked out the window. She watches how the snow falls from the sky and how they land in the ground. She envies the people outside, playing around while she stays in her bed. 

Something crossed her mind as she looked at Kai, whos is sleeping soundly on the other bed of the room. She smiled bitterly upon seeing her angel.

 

Sadness filled her. Why? She thinks that Kai should be enjoying himslef right now but instead, here he is taking care of her. Sooyoung loves her boyfriend's company more than anyone else but she pity him. He has his own life too but based on what he's doing now, it's like she controls his life.

Her eyes caught something and she went to get it. It was Kai's notebook, filled with her dreams, or like what Kai said, her memories. Without Kai knowing, she wrote something inside there that she knows that he'll definitely like.

 

When Kai woke up, Sooyoung was lying on her bed. Sooyoung, though, acted like nothing happened when he was asleep. He grabbed his notebook and was about to open it when Sooyoung stopped him.

"No need to write, Kai. I haven't slept," Sooyoung informed the still drowsy Kai.

"You didn't take a nap?" he asked, stretching his arms.

"I don't feel like it," she chuckled.

 

"Kai, am I a pain to you?" Sooyoung asked when they finished eating dinner.

"Of course not," Kai smiled, "You are everything but pain to me. Why did you ask?"

"Kai, please do not be so happy," Sooyoung suddenly said, fighting her tears.

"Hey, why are you saying stuff like that?" he asked, trying to console his troubled girlfriend.

"Because it pains me seeing you too happy. I'm afraid that you won't be like that when I'm go-"

"Don't say that," he hushed her, "Alright, I won't be too happy. Just don't leave me."

And with that, he trapped Sooyoung in his arms and she didn't complain.

 

"To be honest, dying would make me happy. If that means that all the pain will be gone," Sooyoung sighed.

Kai, on the other hand, who was on the verge of crying, hugged her tighter, "I love you,"

"I love you too," she smiled and kissed his oh so loving boyfriend.

 

Soon enough, the day will end but Sooyoung can't sleep.

"Sing for me," Sooyoung commanded.

"What?" Kai asked, a little confused, "You know that Kai doesn't sing,right?" he laughed.

"Kai doesn't but Kim Jongin does,"

"Yeah right.. Well um, I just here this song from D.O. hyung so don't judge me," he cleared his throat and began to sing.

Lying beside you, here in the dark 
Feeling your heart beat with mine 
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere 
How could our love be so blind 
We sailed on together 
We drifted apart 
And here you are by my side 

So now I come to you, with open arms 
Nothing to hide, believe what I say 
So here I am with open arms 
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me 
Open arms~

 

As the song ended, Sooyoung felt her eyes grew heavy.

"Goodnight, Kai," she said softly and closed her heavy eyes, bringing her into a deep slumber, "I love you......."

 

The next day, Kai woke up late. It was already 10:00 AM and he was still tired because both of them stayed up late last night.

Kai smiled upon seeing Sooyoung, still asleep. He grabbed his notebook, preparing when Sooyoung wales up. But when he opened it, something's written on a page with a neat handwriting compared to his chicken-like handwriting.

 

December 24, 2013

4:39 PM

I've dreamt of something. More like a vision, actually.

We were both in a beautiful garden, filled with different flowers with varied shades of color. Well that's not the main part. The main part is, he sang Open arms for  me. He's not being Kai at that moment. He showed the Kim Jongin that I fell for.

I can't help but replay the happy vision of mine. Well happy is an understatement. It was blissful, perfect, and everything I wish for!

Oh joy. I love Jongin so much...

 

"Sweet girl," Kai chuckled.

"Sooyoung-ah," Kai held her hand, in attempt to wake her up. But she didn't flinch.

Sooyoung is very sensitive. A single touch could wake her up more than noises and Kai found it very weird because she's not waking up.

Scratch that weird. He found it scary.

 

Cold. It's what he felt as he held her hand. And by then, tears, fell from his brown eyes and landed into their intertwined hands.

Silently waiting for his "dreaming" beloved to wake up, which will never happen again, he grabbed his notebook and scribbled some words.

 

December 25, 2013

10:27 AM

My beloved Sooyoung stayed asleep forever.

She experienced the pain she wished for in exchange for her happiness....