[this is the song that inspired me for the title]

 

 

 

Have you ever wanted to be in a place far away, a place where people don’t know your name?

I did, and I still do. I never wanted anything else as much as to be able to chase after my happiness and pursue my dreams. I never wanted too much, I am always satisfied with that tiny little bit of freedom I have. It’s just that I don’t see the point in staying where I am at the moment. I’m not sure if I search for a challenge, I don’t even know myself what I search for exactly.

I don’t necessarily believe in God, but I believe and hope that somewhere in the world I will be truly happy, even if it is just for a moment.

 

--

 

Day 1 – Place de la République

After weeks and countless daydreams about waking up in a foreign city, I finally did it. It took me long to convince my parents, but after all I am old enough to take care of my own and it is about time I stand on my own two feet.

The air. The people. The buildings and the roads. Everything is so much more different than back in my hometown in Canada. It isn’t just far away. It is like I entered a completely different world.

I did think a lot about which place to go. I wanted it to be a place I wouldn’t be lost in. I wanted to understand the language the people spoke here, I wanted to feel like I finally fit in somewhere.

And here I am, standing in the middle of a public square and I never felt so lost before.

I never felt so free before.

Although there were so many people passing me by, some of them even pushing, not even noticing I was standing there, it felt incredible.

It almost felt like a dream, like the picture in front of me would disappear any second and I needed someone to pinch me first.

There’s no skyscrapers to see, only antique-looking buildings, that make me feel like I’m trapped in 19^th century. The roads are busy, the cars that drive to every possible direction, around a big statue, are the only evidence that I am really in year 2013.

The statue is about 15 metres tall at least, I am not sure about it but it looks like a woman made of marble holding something in her hand? I stare at it and notice that the sun is dazzling me. I realize that I know nothing of this town’s history, just as I still don’t know so many things about myself.

I stand under a big tree and look up to the sky. There is no single cloud, which is quiet unusual for end of August. At least it is for the place I lived in all my life.

One of my favorite pop songs plays through my headphones and I feel like I can do anything. I can walk to the middle of the street and scream,

I am the bravest girl in the world.

I am here, this is real.

I am in Paris.

…

“Is this yours?”, a male voice asks in French and I turn around in surprise.

I face a tall guy with chocolate brown hair, almost black, probably around my age. He has sharp jaw lines and dark brown eyes looking directly into mine. He wears a blue button-down shirt with beige jeans, along with simple sneakers.

I don’t know but I keep staring into his eyes, as if I expect him to be a vision of my dreams. His French has a funny accent and I notice immediately that he’s not a native speaker.

Suddenly I hear piano and violins through my headphones and I almost wonder if the music is real, if it’s coming from around me. It would fit the situation.

“Your wallet? I think you dropped it”, he urges again, but still in a friendly tone.

Just now I realise that it really is my wallet in his hands and he holds it in front of me. How did I lose that? Am I that distracted that I don’t even notice my wallet dropping to the ground?

“Thank you”, I mumble, and I curse myself because my voice sounds so low and insecure, something I always hated about myself. I can’t describe how thankful I am to him for returning it to me, because if I lost my wallet I’d be in a serious mess.

I wish I had thanked him properly, but before I speak out another word, he nods and smiles, his feet dragging him somewhere else.

I turn around and see how chocolate haired boy disappears in the mass of people.

 

--

 

Day 2 – Les Champs-Élysées

I am staying at my cousin’s place. I don’t really see her that much, she is busy with work the whole day and I only come in the evening to sleep.

I didn’t even know I have a cousin living in France, but apparently she married a French man and stayed here. I understand why, this place is simply beautiful.

The weather was fine today just as yesterday, there was a light breeze and I noticed the scent of pastry in the air as I walked down the street at Champs-Élysées, from what I heard is the probably most famous street in whole Paris.

The wide and exclusive avenue is lined with fashion botiques and cafés, men in suits and women in pretty dresses walking down the street and showing off their wealthy lifestyle. Personally I am not fond of material things, but I like observing people and imagine what their life could possibly be like.

What their story is.

I pass a couple more shops and cafés and enter one that reminds me of my favorite café at home. It looks cozy and smells like coffee beans and isn’t too full with people, I hear a couple chat in French as I make my way to the counter to order my drink.

It has it’s own French charm and I am impressed it looks so down-to-earth while it’s located in one of the most expensive streets of Paris.

Lost in my thoughts again, I don’t notice there is only one person left in the queue in front of me before it’s my turn. It’s a guy and he seems to take a bit longer to decide what to order from the menu.

Probably a tourist.

“I recommend you to order Soufflé, it’s a typical lightly baked French cake with cream sauce and beaten egg whites.”

Usually I don’t speak with strangers and I don’t like bringing myself into awkward situations, but I have a headache and I’m craving for my cup of tea, so if the boy in front decides what to have a bit faster I would finally be able to order.

“Okay, I’ll take that”, the guy with snapback in front of me says and now that he turns his head to the side slightly and he scratches the back of his neck I recognise him again.

It is chocolate haired boy from yesterday at Place de la République. The one who found my wallet. Today he wears a jeans jacket with a white wifebeater.

I’d prefer to take my tea quickly and walk away, but chocolate haired boy also seems to recognise me for some odd reasons.

“Oh, it’s you again! Do you mind to sit and eat with me?”, he smiles as he takes his order and faces me, “I need to make sure you didn’t fool me and made me order something nasty.”

I know he means it in a funny way and I can’t help but laugh a little, yet I still feel weird and uneasy. He looks extremely handsome, beyond question. It’s just me, myself and I that worries me.

“Okay”, I manage to say and we walk to a free table by the windows.

Calm down, it’s just for cake and tea, I tell myself as I shift in my seat. He isn’t even a Native speaker, so why am I so nervous?

“Now I know why it’s called Soufflé”, chocolate haired guy says as he pokes the cake, that looks really puffed up, with a spoon, “my name is Sehun by the way.”

So, Sehun is the chocolate haired guy’s name. It definitely doesn’t sound French, but I still think the name suits him well.

He looks at me with those warm eyes and I can’t stop smiling, not sure if it’s because he still plays with the cake or if it’s his own smile that is infecting me.

“You don’t seem to be that talkative, Emilie.” He looks up and our eyes meet. I feel my face heat up and try to hide it as I rest my chin on the back of my hands. My eyes are wide open as I just realised he knows my name.

“Why do you know my name?”

“I read it on your ID card yesterday when I found your wallet. It’s a pretty name.”

“…did you look into my wallet in hope to find money?” I raise an eyebrow and ignore that he just complimented me.

Sehun snorts and takes a bite of the cake. “No, silly. I just wanted to make sure it’s yours. Actually, I was looking at you for a while, wondering what you’ve been doing. You were just staring into nowhere.”

“I just… enjoyed looking at the pretty surroundings”, I say quickly. I haven’t been doing anything yesterday but that would be pretty embarrassing to admit. I just like listening to music while I do nothing.

“I see, I do that sometimes too, when I lack inspiration. But that won’t happen here, Paris is a beautiful city after all.”

“Are you spending your holidays here?” Slowly I loosen up a bit and start to get curious. I can do this, it’s just small talk after all.

“Are you?” He his lips.

“Kind of, yes”, I answer, “I’m visiting my cousin. Are you visiting someone?”

“No, I’m here on my own. I’m an exchange student from South Korea, I study literature”, Sehun tells me and munches on the cake, “mh, it really does taste good, I have to admit. Here, you deserve a taste.”

Sehun laughs and holds the spoon with cake in front of my lips, waiting for me to open up. “A bite won’t kill you. Don’t worry about gaining weight, your body is perfectly fine.”

I roll my eyes and quickly take the spoon he’s been offering me into my own hand to have a taste of the cake. It is indeed delicious.

I remember the cake’s flavour so well, just as strangely I also feel like I remember Sehun. Like I’ve known him since forever.

Is that the magic of Paris?

“I told you it tastes good”, Sehun jokes as if he can read my mind, and for a second I’m afraid he can, so I almost drop the spoon as I give it back to him.

“Um, so you like to read a lot, I guess”, I mumble and focus back on our conversation about him studying.

“Yes, I just read some of Voltraire’s work. It was really difficult and interesting at the same time. But more than reading I enjoy writing, I hope I can write a good book someday.”

“In French?”

“Now I’m here for a year, so who knows?”, Sehun shrugs, “and what about you, is it your first time in Paris?”

I remember he saw my ID card so he already knows I’m not from around here. He knows way more things about me just by looking at a stupid plastic card.

“Yeah. I didn’t get to see that many tourist attractions yet”, I reply and take a sip of my tea.

“Then it’s about time you do”, Sehun decides and some cake crumbles off his lips. I smile because his French sounds really cute, also, I notice he has an adorable lisp.

As we continue talking I get to know that he’s just a few months older and can be shy at times too, but gets used to talking with someone much faster than me. The more we talk, the more lively he gets.

He shares some of his childhood stories and tells me about his favorite movies and how he loves eating sushi. He says how he always wanted to visit France and now that he’s here he almost can’t believe it, and I just nod and listen and feel that Sehun and I, actually we couldn’t be any more different, except maybe for the fact that we both like Soufflé.

Yet I totally forget the time while he is talking.

I forget my tea is already cold.

I even forget I am

in Paris.

 

--

 

Day 3 – Rue La Fayette

We meet again at Place de la Republiqué the next day at two in the noon and Sehun picks me up to show me the first tourist attraction. To him, he says, the places are a must-do, and everyone who visits Paris needs to see them at least once.

So we take a stroll west down Rue la Fayette until we reach a shopping centre that says Shopping Galleries Lafayette on a big golden board. Sehun throws me a happy smile and carefully tugs on the sleeve of my jacket to lead me to the right way.

As we enter, the first thing I notice is how everything looks so shiny and bright that I can’t believe my eyes. It looks like we just entered a big candy house, one every child dreams of.

It’s just a shopping centre, yet everything is decorated in pretty colours and bright lights. The building actually reminds me of a theatre more than of a shopping centre, and the ceiling looks like those colourful windows in churches.

“A 10-storey department store of shopping heaven. For a girl at least”, Sehun says and chuckles, “but it looks beautiful, doesn’t it?”

I look at him and notice that I’m the one who desperately holds onto the sleeve of his jacket now, afraid of getting lost in this enormous place.

“Don’t worry, I’m by your side”, Sehun coos as he leans closer to me. I shift uncomfortably but have to admit that I like it, his choice of French words.

Soon, I find myself walking around from shop to shop, looking at all the expensive things, Sehun trying to keep up with me. Sometime I take a shirt and hold it in front of myself to see if it suits me, and before Sehun is able to make a comment about it I already put it away and walk on.

“Look, I found something for you”, Sehun grabs one of those head accessories, a diadem of them all, and forces it on my head, “now you look like a princess.”

“Sehun, you’re gonna mess my hair up”, I squeal and laugh at the same time, I felt like a little girl with that thing on my head, “and look who’s talking, Mr. Prince.”

“I can’t help it that I already look this handsome”, Sehun chuckles and strands of hair out of his eyes, “but you look wonderful, too, don’t worry.”

“Do you think you’re funny?”

I look at him just for a second and turn around to search for something else I can use to have my revenge. I smile to myself when I find a pink coloured ribbon.

“Here, this suits you really well, too.” I take his snapback off and put the ribbon on his dark, messy hair. It looks just like he jumped out a tv cartoon. “It will help you look less grumpy.”

“I don’t look grumpy”, Sehun pouts and crosses his arms in front of his broad chest.

“I was just kidding”, I add quickly and want to take the ribbon off his head, but before I’m able to reach my arms out, he starts running and runs past  me through a mass of people and other small shops.

Suddenly I feel so lost and alone once again and I run after him. This place is so big and I don’t want to wander around alone for hours until I find the exit, the entrance, or anywhere we came from.

I stop in the middle of the shopping centre and see many people pass me by, with full shopping bags and not much time. I gasp when an older man brushes against me and pushes me with one of his bags.

“Watch where you’re going, kid”, he scoffs at me and throws me an angry look. The French he uses sounds so sharp and dangerous, like a knife of words, different from Sehun’s, whose words sound cute and welcoming.

“Please watch your tone when you talk to a lady”, it’s Sehun who suddenly stands behind me and lays his hands on my shoulders, his fingers gripping into the material of my jacket.

For the first time I hear how serious the tone of Sehun’s voice sounds and I’m not sure I want to see the look in his eyes.

The man turns around shortly to face Sehun, the guy with broken French and an adorable lisp, but the older man is interrupted because his mobile phone is ringing, so he turns back to his business and keeps walking.

“Are you okay, Emilie? Did he hurt you?”, Sehun asks concerned as he hugs me from behind and pulls me closer to his chest. My heart beats faster but I don’t know if it’s still because I am scared of being alone or because of Sehun.

“It’s okay, it was my fault anyways”, I mumble and pull myself away from his grip, “but you didn’t have to run away. I thought I lost you, idiot.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were following me close behind”, Sehun pouts again and ruffles my hair, “we should better return those, shouldn’t we?” He points at the diadem in my hair and the ribbon in his hands.

I sigh and nod before we walk back, this time Sehun walks in a normal pace and I follow close behind.

After Sehun returns the accessories back with an apology, we walk to the exit of the shopping centre and I’m glad to breathe the fresh air once we’re outside. It feels refreshing to be on the streets again.

Rue la Fayette, this exclusive avenue is the perfect introduction to Parisian street life, that shows traditional and modern architecture. I’m still stunned that everything looks exactly like on pictures that I’ve seen on the Internet.

“Don’t do that ever again.”

“What?”, Sehun asks and tilts his head cutely, “were you scared? Then, why did you come to Paris?”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“You come to Paris to get lost, that’s rule number one. If you don’t get lost in Paris, you haven’t been here long enough.”

“You confuse me.” I sigh again. “And we don’t even know each other that well.”

“We have plenty of time to get to know each other.” That, I find, is true. Of course Sehun knows what to say. He’s a writer after all, I just remember.

I wish I would be that good with words.

“I’ll buy you ice cream to make up for it, hm?”, Sehun smiles at me as he spots a guy selling ice cream, “what is your favorite flavour?”

“Strawberry ice cream.” Glace à la fraise.

“Fresh ice cream?” Glace qui est frais?

“No, you silly.” I laugh at Sehun’s mistake and step forward to order. He is really good and knows how to use the right verbs and pronouns, but when it comes to easy, common things he fails.

“I’ll take the same as you. Since you have good taste in sweets”, Sehun says and puts his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

He waits until I return with two ice cream cones and hand him one.

“I didn’t know the cones are so big here.”

“French people know who deserves a lot of ice cream, and who doesn’t.”

“It’s just ice cream”, I roll my eyes and laugh, “ but you’re really… interesting.” I want to say odd, but decide for interesting. Yes, that is exactly what describes Sehun the best.

If Sehun would be an ice cream flavour, he would be none. There isn’t any flavour that fits him the best, but maybe he would be one mixed from all of them. A Sehun flavour.

“Why are you smiling? Is it because of me?”, he asks and I notice he stares at me.

“It’s not.”

“It totally is.”

“Shut up, you cannot even order ice cream without me.”

Sehun laughs and points at my hand, telling me that my ice cream is melting. I yelp and try to the trail of strawberry that’s about to dirty my hand, but it’s already too late. I’m about to kick him because he still laughs at my misfortune.

We reach the end of La Fayette and head south, where we arrive at a vast area of greenery called Jardens des Tuileries.

“This is one of Paris’ most important landmarks, with the world-famous Louvre Museum to the east, and Place de la Concorde to the west”, Sehun explains and I think he sounds a little like those tourist guides that work in every big city, except that his French sounds funny.

The panoramic view in front of us looks amazing. I notice little children playing tag beside us as we sit down on a bench. Sehun talks most of the time and says how he has an older brother, who works in a boring office and couldn’t be any more different from him. I say how I have an annoying little sister and ask if he wants to trade.

He says yes, but only if I promise not to fall for his brother, who apparently looks really good. And I can’t imagine that because Sehun is already very good-looking.

There is awkward silence but with Sehun it doesn’t feel that awkward.

Not at all.

 

--

 

Day 4 – La Seine

The River Seine is located in the south from the end of Rue La Fayette. Sehun and me decide to meet where we have last seen each other the day before.

Sehun wears the same clothes as yesterday, and has the same cute smile plastered on his face when he greets me and calls out my name.

“What’s your plan for today?”

“I thought about walking along the river Seine. It’s not far from here and the weather is perfect.”

Indeed, the sun is shining and it’s pretty warm, too. The sun feels good on my skin, except that it is dazzling me as I try to look around and get a view of everything.

“Maybe it helps a bit.” I’m caught off guard when Sehun puts his snapback, that is way too big for me, onto my head, and the brim of the cap almost covers my eyes.

“T-thank you, but…”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m not that sensitive to the sun”, Sehun tells me as I adjust the cap, “summer in Korea is a lot hotter and more humid than it is here.”

I sigh and follow Sehun immediately, who already started walking towards the river. Sehun knows which way to go and which parts of the river aren’t too busy and too full with people, it seems like he has done research beforehand.

The roads get narrower and the old-fashioned houses closer to the river, small bridges made of stone connecting one side with the other.

Sehun walks to the edge of the pavement and crouches down in front of the river. I follow him and see that he leans over to reach the crystal clear water that is flowing silently.

“Are there any fish?”, I ask when I crouch down next to him and look at the water and try to find the spot he is staring at. 

“Maybe, but…”, it sounds like Sehun is surprised that I actually bent down to observe the water with him.

I expect a colourful fish to spring out, but instead Sehun purposely spashes water with his hands and I close my eyes shut when the water hits my face in surprise.

Just when I am about to open my eyes Sehun does it again and chuckles mischievously. For a second I question Sehun’s real age.

“Sehun!”, I scold him and try to push the hair, that was dripping wet, back from my face, but Sehun still can’t hold a laughter back, “you’re so dead for this!”

That is the sign for Sehun to run and so he does with a big grin on his face, which just ends up with us both running beside the river, Sehun stopping occasionally to look behind and check if I am still trying to get him.

Usually I hate running, but it never felt as good as it does today. It feels like I am free, like I can do anything. I don’t even know how to run, I just do. Today I learned that running actually feels very good.

With every step I get closer to Sehun, I feel like I can get a bit closer to his soul, which feels so serene and lively at the same time.

Sehun’s personality is still a mystery to me, but I feel I can get closer.

Although Sehun is fast, much faster than I am, I somehow manage to catch up with him since he is laughing so much that he almost loses his breath.

“Got you!”, I yell in triumph when I jump up right behind him. I cling to his arm and refuse to let go, just like a koala bear. Sehun still laughs and struggles to get away from my grip but I am very stubborn, so he gives in very soon.

“Emilie”, Sehun laughs and now it is him who holds my arms firmly as if he is afraid I’m going to push him into the river beside us.

Sehun doesn’t intend on letting go of me but just leans his head against my neck and I shiver slightly when I feel his breath on my skin.

“Don’t be mad at me, please.” He turns me around and wipes some water droplets off from my face with his thumb.

His touch feels so mesmerising.

“Okay, okay. I’m not mad”, I say after a minute of silence and hit him lightly with his snapback. I can’t resist when he looks at me with those puppy eyes.

We continue walking for the rest of day and I feel like my legs are going to fall off, but Sehun says I should thank him because I’ll fall asleep easier tonight.

He was right, I couldn’t wait to burry my head in my pillows, but I didn’t want the day to end either.

The houses on each side disappear slowly and we walk along nature with trees and bushes and wide fields faraway in front of us and it feels like we walked so far, we would surely reach the sea soon.

“Look over there, it looks like an old castle.” Sehun points at a building in the distance that was located on a small hill. It looks really nice with the sunset. “If you were living there, you’d be a real princess.”

If I am the princess, will you be my knight in shining armour?

“Do people live there?”, I ask instead.

“Nah, I guess it just attracts curious tourists. France is full of old ruins. History is really interesting, but I prefer to live in the moment, now and here.”

I agree and now I wonder why people even bother to read history books and search for what happened about thousands of years ago. I’m happy Sehun thinks the same way.

Sehun buys me a drink later, alcohol-free of course, since alcohol is not what girls should be drinking, according to Sehun, and pays a metro ticket for me to get home safely.

He is right with the fact that I am going to fall asleep faster than ever, because, before I even start to think about Sehun’s warm smile and his cute French I already drift off to sleep.

J’ai couru en longeant la Seine,
en espérant te retrouver, l’âme sereine.

 

--

 

Day 5 – La Tour Eiffel

Today is my fifth day with Sehun and I’m excited where he is going to take me to. I’m glad that we are going out in the evening today because this way it’s less hot, and I am curious how Paris looks at night.

We walk south from the Arch de Tromphe down Avenue Kleber to Palais de Chailot and I find myself in a district I haven’t visited before.

“Look across the river”, Sehun says and points into a direction far away.

I turn around and almost can’t believe my eyes. Across the river I see the Eiffel Tower in all its majesty. The landscape looks incredible, just as if I am looking at a postcard.

“Enjoy the view as long as you can because we are going to climb that.”

“W-what?”

It looks pretty high. It’s not that I’m afraid, but I can’t deny that I feel a bit intimidated. Famous tourist attractions are always a dangerous place.

“Yes, we just need to cross the Pont d’Iéna bridge”, Sehun grabs my hand gently and leads me the right way, “no trip to Paris would be complete without a trip up the Eiffel Tower.”

Well, Sehun is right. Everyone thinks of the Eiffel Tower first when people mention Paris, or France.

Before I’m able to complain we reach the iconic tower and Sehun pays our entrance tickets. While we wait in the queue he tells me that I shouldn’t be scared and that he will hold my hand tightly while we go up with the lift.

“I’m not scared”, I mumble and squeeze his hand even tighter.

“Sure you aren’t”, he smiles at me and pokes my arm with his other hand, I guess to distract me.

I just concentrate on how his hand fits perfectly with mine while the lift goes up and up, and I try not to think about that we will be up about hundreds of metres in the air when we get out.

Finally we get to the viewing platform and the sun is just about to set. Sehun planned it perfectly and I let my mouth hang open at the beautiful and stunning view in front of us.

“So, how many girls have you already asked to visit the Eiffel Tower with you?”

We don’t speak for a while until I decide to ask. I’ve been mesmerised by the beautiful view that I am left with no words. Sehun and me remain silent until now, only able to hear the wind and other people, chatting in the background in foreign languages.

“Only one. You’re the first actually”, Sehun replies, his gaze is fixed straight on the sight in front of him and he leans his elbows on the railing, “I often went up here by myself but I never took someone with me. I didn’t want to share the beautiful view with anyone.”

“I’m really happy that you decided to show it to me”, I say and feel my cheeks heat up instantly, “I really am.”

Compared to my first day in Paris, when I felt uneasy and dull, now I feel so full of energy and happiness. I am happy when I look at Sehun and I can’t deny, I had so much fun so far.

Even if Sehun acts a bit childish at times, I realise how many colours he brings into my life. I think now I am able to see what really matters.

Sehun is carefree and happy with all the small things, those I am missing in my boring life. He simply is the missing piece to my life.

“It’s so beautiful here that I never want to leave this place.” I don’t even think about the fact that my vacation is going to end soon.

“That was actually your birthday present”, Sehun says suddenly, with a smile and faces me now. He pulls me into a tight hug and starts singing joyeux anniversaire into my ears while he rubs my back.

“Happy birthday, Emilie!”

For the first time in my life I completely forgot my own birthday.

“How did you know it’s my birthday today?”

“I looked at your ID card, remember?” Sehun still smiles and I laugh, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a better present, I really wanted it to be something special.”

“It already is very special, Sehun”, I chuckle, “it’s the best.”

I notice we stand really close to each other this time and I almost feel Sehun sway back and forth lightly on his feet. I stare into his dark, sparkling eyes and he stares back and I feel like it is the first time Sehun doesn’t really know what to say.

It is like his eyes shine in anticipation.

“If we were trapped in a story and… you were the writer, then, would you write the words I need to say right now?”, I ask and let out a weird giggle and regret my dumb choice of words immediately. Why did I even think of that?

“There’s no words that need to be said right now.”

Sehun is actually whispering and I notice he is excited and nervous at the same time, just like me, but he still looks cute and handsome, even with half-lidded sleepy eyes.

I just nod and smile at him, not even knowing why I do so.

Sehun grabs both my hands carefully and slowly moves forward until the tips of our noses brush, and we both chuckle at the same time. Sehun tilts his head just enough so he finds the right angle and presses his lips against mine.

Sehun is kissing me. The boy I met in Paris is actually kissing me. I can’t really believe this is true and it all feels like a long, unreal dream to me.

We both don’t move for a long moment and just enjoy each other’s warmth with closed eyes. I unconsciously squeeze Sehun’s hand and that moment he moves his lips against mine, and I realise it’s real and everything just feels so incredibly beautiful and perfect.

Even his kisses are sweet and childish. He tastes like strawberry and summer and I almost forget we’re on top of the Eiffel Tower.

Tonight I feel like I am ready to take any risk, on top of the world, and no one can stop me.

Very slowly Sehun parts from my lips and I look into his eyes that were glistening in the moonlight. I wonder how long we were kissing that the sun disappeared completely and Paris was now shining in beautiful city lights below us.

“You’re beautiful”, Sehun whispers and cups my face in his hands, touches my lips with his thumb and I meet his gaze, “no matter what you do, keep doing it and don’t let anyone bring you down. I mean it.”

I just look at him with wide eyes and stay frozen on the spot. I don’t expect him to be that perfect, and I don’t expect him to make my knees feel like jelly either.

I don’t even know how I manage to get down the Eiffel Tower, but with my hand linked with Sehun’s really tightly I somehow manage to. None of us speaks if not necessary and we just enjoy each other’s presence.

Sehun walks me back all the way until my cousin’s apartment, and pecks my forehead really slowly and ruffles my hair gently before he goes, and whispers softly.

“Tonight, don’t forget me.” Ce soir, ne m’oublie pas.

I repeat his words over and over again in my head that night before I actually fall asleep.

 

--

 

Final Day – Place de la République

It is my last day in Paris today. My airplane back home takes off early tomorrow.

I want to spend the whole day with Sehun, but my cousin says she wants me to say goodbye to a few of our relatives properly, so I don’t have much time. I never had enough time.

It is noon and the sun is hidden behind a layer of grey clouds, which make everything look more melancholic. I stand at Place de la République, the place I met Sehun for the first time. Back then I could have never imagined how much he would change my life.

I lean against a fountain and wait because I arrived earlier than expected. But wait; I look around and it seems like I see someone on the other side of the fountain. It’s a guy wearing a baby-blue snapback and a dark blue wifebeater.

It’s Sehun.

He is crouching down in front of a little girl with tanned skin and dark, curly hair, around age four maybe, and Sehun stretches his hand out to her.

The little girl pokes her cheek and curiously takes Sehun’s welcoming hand, and Sehun shakes it lightly.

“My name is Sehun”, I hear him say, “what is yours, little princess?”

The girl just looks at him and laughs, and doesn’t let go of Sehun’s hand either.

“Doesn’t little princess speak French? That’s okay, I don’t speak French well either. I know how you must feel”, Sehun says very slowly as he tilts his head, “did you lose your mommy, or your daddy somewhere here, beautiful?”

Little girl smiles again as Sehun mentions the words mommy and daddy, and before Sehun does anything else, a woman runs towards the little girl and hugs her tightly, definitely worried. She talks in a foreign language to her, unknown to Sehun and me, and nods politely towards Sehun before she takes the little girl by her hand and walks away.

“How did you know that she doesn’t speak French?”, I ask as Sehun gets up again and turns around.

“Just a feeling, I guess”, he scratches the back of his neck and smiles, “how come you were here before me?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. I got up as early as possible.”

“So… It’s your last day?”

“Yup. I cross the ocean tomorrow morning again. All the way back to my boring life.”

“Don’t say that, it’s up to you if you make your life interesting or not”, Sehun says and puts his hands on my shoulders. I sigh deeply and let my head fall on his chest.

He puts his arms around me for a short hug, but we both let go of each other in less than a minute. Was this it?

“I guess I shouldn’t make your cousin wait for too long.” Sehun doesn’t look well today either, I mean I know he is not the type who smiles the whole time, but something feels so odd. It is probably just me though.

“Yeah. That’s goodbye then.” I look down to my feet.

“Here, I have something for you, so you will think of me more often.” Sehun puts his snapback on my head the wrong way around.

“It’s my favorite one.” He also hands me a little folded post-it note.

“But you’re not allowed to open the note until you’re on the plane, okay?”

“Okay.”

Sehun leans forward and gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. The second he does so, I grip the little note tighter and try to move closer to him. I don’t want it to end.

But it does. And Sehun turns around, hands in his pockets, and walks away. Just like that.

People say the sun will always return after a rainy day. But this time I wonder how the sun is going to return when my sun is miles and miles away? Will your sunshine be able to reach me?

Without hesitating I run to Sehun and wrap my arms around his torso as I hug him from behind. It feels like the only right thing I can do right now.

“I love you”, I whisper as low as possible, “I don’t want to go.”

“I know.”

Suddenly I hate myself because I get attached to people too fast, and I just end up hurting myself.

Sehun jolts a little before he turns around and pulls me into a tight embrace. I burry my head in the crook of his neck and hug him back just as close as he holds me. I smell his sweet scent and feel his heart beat against mine. I feel so protected and loved, Sehun is so lovely. I dig my fingernails into his back and don’t intend on letting go that soon.

“Baby, don’t cry. This is not the end”, Sehun mumbles and I feel how his voice becomes shaky, “I love you too. And I miss you.”

Et tu me manques.

Since in French you have to reverse the subject and object, it sounds more like he says that I am the one who misses him, which is completely true, I do feel like I miss him much more than he does miss me.

“Well, I hope you will miss me a lot.” Mais j’espère tant te manquer.

I close my eyes and smile, not even aware of how much time passes. In each other’s arms we stand, in the middle of one of the most known places in Paris, and I think the moment is absolutely perfect.

But I know that reality awaits me, so I tell myself to let go of everything sweet, even of the sweetest guy in the world, and I pull myself away from Sehun’s arms.

I don’t feel sad anymore, I feel happy to have met him in such a beautiful place, happy that I’ve been able to encounter so many mesmerising moments and happy that I’ve been able to collect so many unforgettable memories.

It’s goodbye for today.

But you never know what will happen tomorrow.

 

--

 

Départ - Aéroport de Paris-Charles-de-Gaulle

The next morning I find myself sitting in the airplane, with Sehun’s snapback on my lap. I don’t know why, but now I feel like I can return home happy and at ease.

I already talked over with my cousin about if it is possible for me to stay in Paris longer the next time.

I remember Sehun’s words and I tell myself that there is absolutely nothing I can’t do.

I can.

I can.

And I absolutely will.

Because I know there is a gorgeous boy out there who believes the same.

With a smile I lean back into my seat and close my eyes. I’m a little, tiny little bit, excited about getting home though. I am so going to brag to my little sister about all the amazing places I have been to.

Suddenly I remember about the post-it note. With excitement I fish it out of my bag.

Mesdames et Messieurs, le capitaine a tourné sur le signe Attachez vos ceintures…

It’s the voice of a flight attendant that I hear through the plane. The plane is going to start moving soon.

I throw one last glance through the window next to me, and see the plane’s engine start. One last view of the airport in Paris, but it definitely won’t be my last.

Finally I fasten my seatbelt and get back to Sehun’s note.

I smile when I see he wrote down his mobile number, and a cute sentence in a messy, childish-looking handwriting.

On n'a qu'à se rencontrer à Place de la République.

Je t’aime. :)