The surreal feeling was still with him even as he woke up in Luhan’s bed. He turned over to see Luhan still asleep with his face smushed against his pillow, the arm he had thrown over Joonmyun shifting off him a little as he moved.

He thought that if he could stay lying here indefinitely, that would be pretty okay with him. He closed his eyes again, trying to drift back to sleep, but his throat was distractingly parched. He contemplated getting up to get a glass of water when he felt Luhan shift beside him.

“Good morning,” Luhan murmured, eyes blinking open slowly before closing again, a smile playing on his lips.

“Morning,” Joonmyun replied, voice scratchy and he cleared his throat. “I’m just going to get some water,” he whispered.

Luhan murmured something incoherent that sounded like “too early” into the pillow and Joonmyun chuckled to himself as he slid off the bed and padded into the kitchen.

Looking out the window of the apartment at the busy streets below them brought him back down to reality somewhat. He had taken two sips of water when he realized he had never gotten back to his publicist and confirmed the interview had taken place the other day like he was supposed to.

“Luhan, can I use your laptop really quick?” he called from the doorway.

“Yeah, knock yourself out,” Luhan replied sleepily.

Joonmyun made his way over to Luhan’s desk, eager to get this email sent out and then have the rest of the morning free to sleep, and when they woke up for real maybe they’d take a shower...he forced his thoughts to end there as he opened the internet browser.

What he saw when the home page loaded sent his heart into such a frenzy of beating that he could feel it pounding all the way in his throat.

Welcome, TheWolf88. You are logged in.

Joonmyun struggled to swallow, his throat suddenly dry again even though he’d just gotten a drink.

“Hey,” Luhan called softly. “It’s still early. Come back to bed.”

Thirty seconds ago, Luhan saying that in his still rough morning voice would have gotten 110% of Joonmyun’s attention. Now, however, it barely penetrated his consciousness as he stared uncomprehendingly at the harsh glow of the laptop screen, not wanting to believe what he was seeing.

But there was no mistaking it; the bold print didn’t disappear no matter how many times Joonmyun refocused his eyes.

“Lu-Luhan, I...” Joonmyun started to say, his voice coming out so weakly it was barely audible. He tried again, “I have to go.”

“What?” Luhan asked, sounding like he was yawning.

Joonmyun shut the laptop with a snap, jumping up from the desk.

Luhan’s sheets rustled behind him as Joonmyun hastily pulled clothes on. “Joonmyun, is everything alright?”

“I’m sorry, I...I have a work thing to get to today,” Joonmyun invented. “I completely forgot about it. Sorry.”

“Work?” Luhan’s voice sounded more alert now, if still monumentally confused. “But you work from home...I thought...wait...Joonmyun?”

Joonmyun had cleared the doorway of the bedroom before Luhan had even uttered the second syllable of his name. He darted into the living room to grab his now very rumpled shirt off the couch where he left it the night before and shrugged it on. He took in one more sweeping glance of the apartment, the empty wine glasses still on the coffee table, and the shelf full of Suho’s books before he stepped out into the hallway of the building and let the door click shut behind him.

He opened the door of his own apartment to find Jongdae lying on the couch with his eyes closed, an episode of a drama playing on the TV in the background. He leaned over the back of the couch to poke him in the side. “Jongdae, are you busy?”

“Yes, very. Can’t you tell?” Jongdae cracked one eye open and looked up at him.

“Do you think you could read over my manuscript sometime soon?” Joonmyun asked, a note of desperation in his voice. “I’ve been kind of stuck.”

Jongdae sat up slowly and turned off the TV, lips upturned suggestively again. “Really? I thought you had a muse. How’d last night go, by the way? Should I bother asking? You’re just coming in now...”

“If you mean Luhan, yeah, um...I don’t know how to say this.” Joonmyun walked over to the kitchen and poured himself his second glass of water that morning, sounding a lot more casual than the circumstances would suggest. He looked at Jongdae over the kitchen counter. “Luhan’s The Wolf.”

Jongdae’s eyes widened to anime proportions. “What? You can’t be serious. Luhan is The Wolf?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Joonmyun swallowed his sip of water and gave a short, bark-like laugh. “And do you know he actually gets paid now for writing those posts? There are ads on his blog now, and the view count is like... insane.” He gestured wildly with his glass of water and he was starting to sound a bit hysterical even to his own ears, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “I’m dating a guy who makes part of his livelihood insulting my livelihood on the goddamn internet. And now I can’t even think of anything to write that’s good enough to get back at him! This is perfect, Jongdae! My life is perfect!” he practically shouted, and Jongdae stared at him, looking rather shocked at hearing him raise his voice.

“Hey, at least we were right about it being a male,” he tried.

“Hardly comforting at this point.” Joonmyun smiled weakly, calming down. “But I appreciate the attempt.” He crossed the divider and sat down on the couch beside Jongdae. “You know...when he brought me back to his place last night, I saw that he had a collection of all my books.”

“He doesn’t know you’re Suho, does he?” Jongdae asked.

Joonmyun shook his head.

“Don’t be too upset, hyung,” Jongdae said eventually. “You show me that manuscript and I’ll take a look at it, see if we can’t figure something out that’ll knock Luhan’s socks off, okay? Okay.” He ruffled Joonmyun’s hair as he got up.

Joonmyun didn’t move from his position on the couch for a long time. He gripped his glass of iced water so tightly and held onto it for so long that his hand was starting to go numb from the cold.

It hadn’t been long ago that Luhan had been sitting across from him at the cafe table and complimenting his manuscript. Calling him beautiful and talented. Joonmyun pondered whether it was possible he was finally, truly on his way to writing a novel that The Wolf--Luhan--actually liked.

He didn’t allow himself to get too hopeful. He supposed Luhan could also have been trying to preserve his feelings.

He didn’t know what time it was when Jongdae appeared in the hallway again. “Hyung, are you alright?” he asked softly.

Joonmyun nodded, forcing his lips into a smile. He got up stiffly to pour out his mostly untouched glass of water. The ice cubes hit the sink with a metallic crash.

He passed by Jongdae on his way to the shower, giving his shoulder a grateful squeeze.

-

Joonmyun was back to square one, staring at the cursor blinking on his screen again when his phone vibrated and he snatched it off the desk.

Messages (1)

From: Luhan

hey ^^;; how’s the novel been coming along?

Joonmyun took uneven breaths as he stared the message. He couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like Luhan didn’t think anything was off. He sat unmoving for a moment before he started to type out a reply, but he deleted it before he had written more than “hey.” He realized he had no idea what he wanted to say to Luhan, or if he even wanted to talk to him at all.

Part of him wanted to go ahead and pretend nothing had changed. That part of him wanted to go back to how it was before he had seen Luhan’s blog on his computer, when he had still believed the other was impressed by his work. But there was another part of him too, and that part sort of wanted nothing to do with Luhan at the moment.

The duality was giving him a headache, so he clicked off his phone screen and tossed it onto the bed without replying for now. He needed to focus. But all that did was emphasize the fact that he was still having trouble writing and didn’t really want to answer Luhan’s question he had asked in the text anyway.

Joonmyun sighed, closing his laptop and flopping onto his bed where he’d more or less spent the entire last day and a half also, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care about his lack of productivity.

Two days later, however, he was starting to feel the pressure of deadlines, and he was still no closer to adding even another word to his manuscript that he was satisfied with.

A knock on his door temporarily distracted him from his panic. “Come in,” he called unenthusiastically, expecting it to be Jongdae nagging him about something, but Yixing stepped into the room instead.

“Hey.”

Joonmyun twirled idly in his desk chair as if he wasn’t freaking out internally. “Hey, Yixing.”

“Jongdae and I are going out for bubble tea. Would you like to join us?”

Joonmyun opened his mouth to decline, but then Jongdae’s voice reached them, coming from somewhere near the kitchen. “You’re coming with us hyung, Yixing is just asking as a formality, so get your out here now!”

He exchanged a resigned glance with Yixing. “Do I not have a say in this?” he mumbled to him, who started to laugh behind his hand before Jongdae appeared in the doorway.

“Absolutely none at all,” Jongdae said, grinning.

“Fine.” Joonmyun did his best at flattening his hair that was sticking up in about a hundred different directions and tried to smile. “Bubble tea sounds good right now, actually. Thanks, guys.”

“You’re paying,” Jongdae blurted out.

Joonmyun glared at him tiredly.

“...for your own,” he amended. “Let’s all pay for our own today, yeah? Every man for himself.” He wrapped his arm around Yixing’s hips and steered him out of the room. “Are we ready to go?” He didn’t wait for anyone to answer before he said, “Ok great!”

Joonmyun practically choked on a tapioca pearl when his phone screen lit up on the table.

Messages (1)

From: Luhan

haven’t seen you at the cafe lately~~ where have u been?

Jongdae thumped him on the back and leaned over his shoulder to get a look at what had incited the coughing fit. “You’re going about this all wrong,” Jongdae told him, pointing at Joonmyun’s phone where he still had Luhan’s message open on the screen.

Joonmyun sighed, then took a more careful sip this time. “What are you talking about?”

“This just...looks bad,” Jongdae said warningly. “If he doesn’t get why you’re not talking to him first it just makes you look like the bad guy.”

Joonmyun pinched his straw between two fingers and slurped as he surveyed Jongdae with furrowed brows. Yixing sat on the other side of their table, seeming entirely focused on his fruity pink drink rather than the sudden turn their conversation had taken.

“I mean...think about it,” Jongdae continued. “You’re all sugary sweet to him at first, then you sleep with him, I’m guessing you made some lame excuse the next morning and rushed off, and now you haven’t talked to him since. How do you think this looks, Joonmyun?! I’m surprised he’s even texting you at all.”

Joonmyun slapped his cup down on the table and narrowly avoided choking again, appalled. “You think he thinks I used him for ?!”

“Maybe not yet, but that’s what he will think if you just never talk to him again,” Jongdae concluded, leaning back against the booth and taking a long sip through his straw.

Joonmyun considered this. “But I don’t know what to say,” he said quietly. “I can’t exactly ask him to give up his now fame and fortune-making blog for me.”

Jongdae his lips as he set down his drink beside Joonmyun’s. “Do you really want him to?”

Joonmyun stuck his elbow on the table and rested his head on his knuckles. “Not this conversation again.”

“Well...just...maybe you should consider telling him who you are.” Jongdae reached for his straw again and tightened his lips around it.

“I wanted to, you know,” Joonmyun said. “Before. Certainly not now. What kind of benefit could that possibly have now?”

“Because then maybe he’d understand why you’re mad. But do you even know why you’re mad?”

“You have a real talent for making no sense. You should get a trophy,” Joonmyun remarked, tiring of Jongdae’s attempts at giving advice.

But Jongdae wasn’t going to drop the subject that easily. “Seriously. What is the problem that you have exactly? Why are you so upset?”

“Because!” Joonmyun declared, as if it should have been obvious.

“Because you want The Wolf to shut up? Or because The Wolf is Luhan?” Jongdae nodded his head at him to answer. Even Yixing seemed to be listening now.

Joonmyun lowered his eyes. “Because it meant a lot to me that Luhan liked my writing.”

The others watched him sympathetically.

“But I can’t tell him that either,” Joonmyun elaborated. “That’s so...” He trailed off and sighed. “Maybe I should just pretend I didn’t see anything and let him keep giving me the fake compliments and never tell him who I am.”

“You’re either okay with that or you’re not, Joonmyun, make up your mind,” Jongdae told him, now slurping at the last bits of his bubble tea. “But if you want any chance of staying in his good books...um wow, ironic phrasing there, sorry...” Jongdae burst out laughing and Joonmyun stared up at the ceiling as if praying for deliverance from this maniac he called his friend. “...you should stop ignoring him. And soon.”

“Okay, fine, maybe you’re right,” Joonmyun conceded.

“Great,” Jongdae said as the three of them got up to throw away their cups. “Let us know how it goes.”

-

“Any ideas you have as you’re reading, just jot them down,” Joonmyun instructed Jongdae as he shoved his laptop in front of him the next day with his manuscript on the screen. “Any ideas at all.”

“Will do.” Jongdae got comfortable on the couch with the computer balanced on his thighs as Joonmyun made his way to the kitchen.

“Joonmyun, what is this?” Jongdae asked accusingly when he reentered the room, brandishing Joonmyun’s cell phone in front of his face.

“What is what? My...phone?” Joonmyun placed the two dishes of food he’d gathered on the coffee table.

“Look closer,” Jongdae directed, and Joonmyun squinted to be able to read the text on the tiny phone screen.

From: Luhan

joonmyunnie~~~ i miss you ㅠㅠ

“Oh...god.” Joonmyun dragged a hand over his face.

Jongdae sat up abruptly, banishing the laptop to the coffee table. “You still haven’t talked to him? Hyung! You said you were going to--”

“I know, I know, I just haven’t thought of how to do that yet,” Joonmyun moaned.

“Well, you should probably get on it, because he still clearly has no idea why you’re ignoring him. How hard is it to reply to one text!” Jongdae practically screeched.

Joonmyun winced at the sharp upturn in his roommate’s volume. “Jongdae, you’ve seen the things he writes. Why the sudden sympathy?”

Jongdae seemed to take a calming breath and said in a much quieter voice, “It’s not sympathy, it’s just...you need to have this conversation. You need closure, and he needs to know that he hurt you or else he’s going to get hurt too, and no matter what you say, I don’t think you really want to hurt him. Not like that, anyway.”

Joonmyun sighed heavily. “I still don’t know what to say to him.”

“Figure it out!” he huffed, and Joonmyun shot him an exasperated look. “Joonmyun, I swear to god, if you don’t talk to him soon, I’m gonna intervene.”

Joonmyun blinked at him. "I'm afraid to know what you mean by that. Fine. How about this? I’ll stop by the cafe tomorrow at closing.”

“Good boy.” He patted Joonmyun’s thigh and smiled as he took his portion of food off the table and went back to reading.

-

Joonmyun’s legs carried him unsteadily to the cafe the next evening. He’d spent all of last night and most of that morning trying to come up with a plausible script he could follow for when he confronted Luhan about the silent treatment situation, but his thoughts were still hopelessly cluttered. He hadn’t even decided for sure if he’d mention Suho or the blog at all. This would be winging it at its finest.

He recognized the man scrawling the next day’s specials on the cafe window, bright purple marker squeaking against the glass as he wrote. He turned to look at Joonmyun, who was peering in the opposite window. His heart jumped when he spotted Luhan inside behind the counter, closing up.

Joonmyun was approaching the door as the other waiter flipped the open sign to closed and he smiled at him as he remembered his name. "Minseok! Hi. I just came by to talk to Luhan--"

He took a few more steps forward before Minseok threw out an arm to stop him. Joonmyun froze, staring down at it in confusion.

"Luhan's not here right now. And we're closed. Sorry," Minseok said coldly, slowly lowering his arm and Joonmyun took a step back.

"What? But I just saw him." He tried to peer around Minseok to see inside the cafe again where a head of sandy hair had been a moment before.

Minseok simply folded his arms across his chest and surveyed Joonmyun with a shrewd stare. "It's Joonmyun, right?"

He nodded.

"I'm sorry, Joonmyun. Maybe I should have been more clear. Luhan doesn't want to see you. And we're closed. So I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

Joonmyun gaped at him. "What? But he--"

Minseok smiled mechanically as he clamped onto Joonmyun's shoulders with a surprisingly strong grip and forcibly turned him around to face the street again. "Goodbye, Joonmyun."

He stumbled a little taking his first few steps away from the cafe as Minseok darted inside. He gnawed his lip, still staring at the sign hanging over the door. Did Luhan really not want to see him?

Joonmyun quickly pulled out his phone and scrolled back to the message Luhan had sent him yesterday: joonmyunnie~~~ i miss you. His thumb hovered over the keypad for a moment before he began typing out a reply, considering his words carefully. He didn't want to pour the whole blog reading reality on Luhan but he also didn't want to make up a fake excuse for not answering his texts.

To: Luhan

hey~ sorry for not replying! i had a lot going on this week.

He swallowed and tapped send.

He stood stiffly outside the cafe for several minutes, checking social media sites and swiping pixelated candies across the screen of his phone absentmindedly, waiting for either a reply or for Luhan to come out. The sky got darker and darker until the only sources of light were a few flickering street lights, headlights from cars, and signs above other shops, and Joonmyun was forced to conclude that either Luhan and Minseok were spending the night inside the cafe (a possibility he didn’t really want to entertain) or they left through another door.

He supposed Luhan was lucky to have a friend like Minseok. He could be rather menacing for someone so small and cute.

He shoved his phone and his hands in his pockets and traipsed home, where the first thing out of his mouth when he collapsed onto the couch next to Jongdae was a despondent, “I think you were right.”

“Wow, you know, sometimes I genuinely marvel at your ability to screw up so goddamn epically,” Jongdae replied after hearing him explain the whole situation.

"Thanks, Jongdae. You’re a great friend," Joonmyun said sarcastically.

“I’m here for you,” Jongdae said, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

He stared at his unencouragingly silent phone in his lap until Jongdae asked, “What are you gonna do now?”

Joonmyun got up, switching the phone off as he made his way down the hallway to his bedroom. “I have no idea.”