SULLI’S POV

 

 

“When she’s beside me, I want to take care of her.”

I smile and paused the youtube video I’m watching right now. It’s the last episode of Amazing f(x), the show we did when we’re on New Zealand with my co-members Vic-unnie, Luna-unnie, Amber hyung and Soojung-ah.

 

Actually, I’ve already watched this scene many times before and the last episode of this show is my most favorite of all times. Though I’m not watching the whole episode, I just fast forward it when Soojung was interviewed about our friendship and when she talk about me.

 

I click the backward button and play it again- “When she’s beside me, I want to take care of her.” Then pause.

 

I smile even more and this time,  it almost show my gums.

 

I feel so happy to hear those words, Soojung was saying about me. Yeah, when I am beside her, she wants to take care of me. How touching is that, isn’t it?

 

That is totally true. There were some times, when I’m beside her, I really feel like she wanted to take care of me. Like for example, how her arms suddenly going to cling into my arms. Or, how she touch my hair when I buried my face into her shoulder. Or how she touch my chin and look me straight into the eyes while grinning. Or how she back-hugged me. Or how she doesn’t say anything at all but I can feel that she loves me because of her actions.

 

Even if we always bickered at each other I still can feel her love towards me. And because of that, Amber hyung called us, the “Tom and Jerry”.

 

Amber’s the one who spoiled us the most though. Me and Soojung are close with the other members, but Amber is like our hyung because she’s kind of boyish and she’s the one who always protect us that’s why we cling to her too.

 

But sometimes, I feel jealous towards Amber hyung…because I’ve read some things on the internet when fans combined their names, and they’re called Kryber.

 

They have names for each other too…”The princess and the servant”. How it’s so obvious that Amber was the one who made that up. But I know Soojung like the attention Amber was giving her.

 

Sometimes, when we’re onstage and it’s time for encore, I just let her go to Amber and have some interaction with her, ‘cause I know their fans will gonna like it.

 

And while me, I’ll just stand on the side of the stage or have some interaction with Vic-unnie.

 

Or either sometimes, it’s the other way round, Soojung was the one who was making interaction with Vic-unnie if Amber was busy dancing with her other friends.

 

I watched how Soojung grow closer with unnie.

 

When f(x) was just getting started, I’m the one whom she’s always clinging into….We’re always side by side but as time goes by, she’s slowly drifting away from me and cling to Vic-unnie instead.

 

It hurts me, of course. I would be lying if I said that I don’t.

 

Because if you think about it, I’m used of her being always by my side. If I feel like going to whisper something to her, I’m just going to look at my left or right side and there she was to lean my lips closer to her ears.

 

But now….whenever I think of something and feel like whispering it to her, I cant do it anymore …because she’s a step away from me.

 

So, I just talk with some other groups instead.

 

Soojung doesn’t know but I’m always watching them and Vic-unnie. Whenever they’re walking holding hands ahead of me. Or how they whisper to each other…maybe hiding some big secrets to me…

 

I know I’m close with Vic-unnie too. She’s sweet with me and Soojung because we are the maknaes.

 

But it just drive me insane how she’s always clinging to Vic-unnie, I mean, I’m the one she’s clinging into when were much younger but this days, she’s not being sweet towards me anymore?

 

I have so many questions in my mind that just cannot be answered because don’t expect me to confess all of this to Soojung even though she’s my best friend.

 

There are just some things that better to hide because I don’t want to cause big drama.

 

My smile slowly banishing into my face. I close the laptop and sigh bitterly.

 

People change…memories don’t.

 

Those memories of me and Soojung…those memories we created. I want to be back from those old times when everything was normal between us. “Normal” means, if she’s beside me. And we’re being sweet with each other. That’s the normal one for me. Not like this.

 

Is there even a time machine? Cause if there’s one, I wanted to come back time and experience everything with her all over again.

 

 

***** 

 

 

SOOJUNG’S POV

 

 

I cling to Vic-unnie’s arms. I’m getting used to it. Her arms was long and thin, I feel comfortable when I’m closer to her like this. Because if I don’t cling into someone, my nervousness wouldn’t just go away.

 

So like it this way, I always cling to her. But why does it feel like, something is missing?

 

I can feel unnie’s arm into my arms. I suddenly wish, that this arm of her was a  little bit meaty. But it wasn’t. It’s thin, just like my arm.

 

“Not today, Sulli-ah.”

 

“Come on, hyung. Do aegyo for me!”

 

I turn to look at my back. There was Sulli, Amber and Luna-unnie. Me and Vic-unnie was walking just ahead of them along with our manager oppas.

 

Were just going into the parking lot because were going home after this tiring day.

 

Sulli didn’t notice me that I look at them. She was busy talking with Amber to show her aegyo to her.

 

Then my eyes study Sulli’s long and meaty arms. I suddenly feel the urge to come closer into her and cling to her arms. To Feel her softness into my fingers. But of course I didn’t do it because I’m already clinging into unnie.

 

I turn my back at them and keep on walking.

 

 

*****

 

 

We’re at the Show Champion today and this is Rum Pum Pum Pum’s first win. After they announced that we won, we had an encore stage together with EXO.

 

While the rum pum pumpum is playing in the background, I’m walking awkwardly into the stage. I don’t even know what to do because so many eyes are watching us right now.

 

I saw Sulli having a chat with Chanyeol-oppa, EXO’s member. I know how she’s close with him because they’ve been in the same school before we debuted.

 

They’re close friend and I hated just how she’s getting some of Sulli’s attention and time. It means, less attention and less time for me. I mean, just look how she’s talking to him instead to me.

 

So I just look away from them instead. I wanted this day to be done now so I could just go home.

 

But then I feel slightly happy when all the member’s of EXO get out of the stage because she can’t interact with Chanyeol anymore. It’s just me, Sulli, Amber and Vic-unnie that’s onstage. Luna-unnie wasn’t with us today because of her schedule with High School Musical.

 

Then me, Sulli, Amber and Vic-unnie gathered in the middle of the stage singing along with rum pum pum pum. We dance a little bit too.

 

And when it’s our bridge part of Sulli, I just couldn’t it take how cute she was while holding our trophy. So I take a step closer into her and patted her back. I saw her smile at me.

 

I somehow wanted to hold her waist but I feel so shy so I move away and walk behind her back. While Amber pick up some confetti onstage and play it with some fans.

 

I walk again near in front of the stage, Vic-unnie came to me and she whisper something long. On the side of my eyes, I saw Sulli smelling the trophy and putting her head inside it. I have the urge to laugh but I fight it and  listen to Vic-unnie instead.

 

 

*****

 

Amber rested her head into Sulli’s shoulder. Jealousy came into me. Even though were in this radio show, I can’t control my emotion.

 

It looks like Amber is enjoying herself. And Sulli looks quite happy. Something slay my heart and I just play with my long black hair.

 

Oh, how I wanted to rest my head into Sulli’s shoulder too. It’s been awhile since the last time I did it. I don’t even remember when.

 

Then it hit me right there and it made me realize how long we’re not been clingy into each other.

 

I stare to Sulli while she talk. How I miss this girl so much. Yeah, were seeing each other everyday but I still miss her.

 

Missing the days, we’re always side by side. Or whispering into each other’s ears. Hand and hand. Like no one cannot separate us.

 

But I don’t even know what happened. One day, I woke up and we become like this. I don’t know if it’s her fault or mine. I’ve been thinking about it lately, actually.

 

I’m just so sad how she change so much. Well maybe, age and time can really change people. Like what it did to us.

 

‘What happened, Ssul?’ I wanted to ask her that everyday. But I’m scared to hear her answer.

 

What if she says, ‘Because I’m tired, Soojung’

‘Because I’ve change, Soojung’

‘Because I’m not the same person you knew, Soojung’

 

It just hurt so much.

 

How I wish, me and Sulli were young and carefree again. I like that more rather than thinking about what other people will say to us.

 

 

*****

 

 

NARRATOR’S POV

 

 

Sulli was busy giving her little brother San-e a bath. It’s Korean Independence day and their company canceled their performance today, so she would just going to spend her time with her brother San-e.

 

“It’s so cold, Jinri-yaaa! It’s so cold…brrrr…” San-e was poking her arms with the soap he’s holding in his tiny hands.

 

Sulli laugh at her little brother’s mischievousness.

 

“Yaaahh, just wait a little, it’s going to be done, okay?” she get the soap into his hand and brush it into his body.

 

Poor little San-e was really trembling in cold. “Brrr….I hate water, Jinri-yaaaa. It’s so coldd…brrr…”

 

Sulli thought how cute he was, she pouts at him. “Yah, Yah, don’t worry it’s going to be done, San-e.”

 

“Hurry, Jinri-yaaah!”

 

So Sulli done it fast. She doesn’t want her cute brother to get sick because of cold water.

 

“Yey! San-e smells good now!” she carry her brother to her arms when she finished taking him bath. She put towel to his body and carry him outside the bathroom.

 

“I want to wear my blue sponge bob shirt, Jinri-yah.” San-e said when they were walking into the big living room towards San-e’s room.

 

Sulli giggled. “Okay, little bro. And what shorts you want to pair with your sponge bob blue shirt, eh?”

 

“Color red…”

 

“Red, what? You have many red shorts.”

 

“I don’t care…anything, I want red shorts.”

 

“Okay, okay. Aishh.”

 

Sulli open San-e’s bedroom and help him wear his favorite sponge bob shirt and pair it with a red shorts. She brush his wet hair and they get out of the room after that.

 

Sulli open the TV and she watched cartoon with her brother while both sitting on the big couch in the middle of the living room.

 

Suddenly her phone rings, Soojung was calling her.

 

“Ohh.” She doesn’t expecting to get a call from her. She stare at the phone monitor a few seconds before clicking the answer button.

 

“Oh, Soojung-ah.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

San-e wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was busy watching cartoons while she was talking with Soojung on the phone.

 

“I’m on the house.”

 

“With San-eh?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Ohh, can you open the door?”

 

“What?” Sulli suddenly look to their front door. “What door are you talking about? You’re not in front of our house, right?”

 

“Aishhh. Just open the door to find out.”

 

So, she immediately stand up and go to the front door. Sulli opens it and there was Soojung standing on the doorway. Smiling at her.

 

“Yah, what are you doing here?”

 

“Surprising you. Where’s my little San-e?” and Soojung enter their house without Sulli telling her to go inside. Sulli close the door behind her watching Soojung walk inside to the living room.

 

“Omo! San-eh! Baby!” Soojung excitedly run towards San-e whom smiled when he see Soojung.

 

“Soojung-ahhh.”

 

Soojung lift up San-e from the couch and carry him into her arms. “Hello, cutie. Have you eaten yet?”

 

San-e shake his head. “Not yet.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

Sulli watch the two in amusement. It’s so cute how Soojung was carrying her little brother. Sulli smile to herself.

 

“A little…”

 

“Aisssh.”  Soojung turn to look at her faking her anger. “Yah! Sulli-ya, look at you, you’re not feeding cutie San-e, yet!”

 

“Well…” Sulli smile “we’ve just eaten breakfast earlier.”

 

“But San-e needs food time by time, we don’t want him to get hungry, do we?” Soojung pinch San-e’s meaty cheeks. “Eehhh, cutie.”

 

San-e just pulled an aegyo to Soojung which make Soojung giggled.

 

“Yah, just let him watch his favorite cartoon first.” Said Sulli and she sitted down on the couch. Soojung did the same but still carrying San-e. She made him sit on her lap.

 

“You don’t have anything to do today, Soojung?” Sulli ask.

 

San-e was busy watching again. Soojung look into the TV then to Sulli’s face.

 

“Hmmm.” She shake her head. “I don’t have anything to do too. So, I thought of visiting San-e.”

 

“Just me? You don’t want to visit Jinri-yah?” San-e asked but his eyes still fix on the TV.

 

Soojung laugh. She and Sulli made eye contact. “But we’re always seeing each other like everyday, so you’re the one I’m visiting here, baby San-e.”

 

Sulli feel a little disappointed inside.

 

“Oh.” San-e nods and didn’t say anything. “But you know sometimes…when Jinri-yah was sleeping, I heard her saying your name…”

 

“WHAT?” Sulli and Soojung said in unison.

 

Even Sulli didn’t know that. But sometimes, she fall asleep to San-e’s bedroom and when she wake up San-e wasn’t on her side anymore. Did her little brother really heard her say that?

 

San-e look up at them. “Jinri-yah says, ‘Soojung…Soojung…’” he’s copying Sulli’s voice which make him look super cute.

 

Both of them laugh at San-e’s words.

 

“I didn’t say that, San-e!” Sulli was now blushing.

 

While Soojung was grinning widely to her.

 

“But Jinri-yah, I heard you say that. And after you said Soojung-ah’s name, you said something like, ‘miss’…I don’t know…’miss’…ahhh…I forgot it. But you said something like miss!”

 

“Like ‘I miss you’?” Soojung continued San-e’s words.

 

San-e smile and punch in the air. “Yeah! That’s it! Jinri-ya said, ‘Soojung, I miss you…’”

 

“Shut up, San-e.” Sulli wanted the couch to eat her whole with this embarrassing moment. “I didn’t said something like that.”

 

Her brother is embarrassing her and Soojung was smiling like an idiot at her. “But kids aren’t lying, Ssul.”

 

“Aisshh. You just like it, Soojung.”

 

“Yeah, I like it. Why?”

 

“Aisshh.”

 

“So, you miss me?” Soojung can’t help but grin ear to ear. She pinch Sulli’s cheeks.

 

“Aissh! Yah! Stop it!”

 

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.” Soojung look straight into her eyes.

 

“Stop it, Soojung-ah.” Sulli turn her back at them. She can’t face Soojung like this. Now that she knows how she missed her.

 

“I missed you too.” Sulli’s hair stand when Soojung came closer into her ear and whisper that words to her.

 

She turn to face her. But she almost jump when Soojung’s face was just an inch away from her face.

 

“Yah!” Sulli move to the side of the couch.

 

“Hey, come here.”

 

Soojung suddenly hug her. This was all unexpected for Sulli. Why Soojung is being all sweet to her now? She’s used of not having her like this, but all over again, she’s suddenly acting like too sweet.

 

“See? You missed each other.” San-e pouts at them. “Why you don’t hug me too.”

 

“Aigoo…” Soojung pull away her one hand on Sulli and put her other hand on San-e.  Sulli hugs them both. They heard San-e giggled.

 

The girls caught one another’s eyes.

 

“I missed you so much.” Soojung mouthed to Sulli.

 

Sulli feel so happy suddenly. “I missed you more.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Sulli cooked meat and rice. After they’ve eaten lunch, they play with San-e out in the small garden of the house. And when he’s tired, they go to his room and sing lullaby for him to sleep.

 

Little San-e was in their middle while Soojung was in the left side of the bed and Sulli on the right.

 

When they heard San-e’s normal breathing means he fall asleep, the two girls become quiet for a while.

 

Sulli patted San-e’s forehead. And Soojung was just staring at her. The lights in the bedroom was off but there was a little bit light coming from the slightly open window.

 

“What?” Sulli asked when she noticed Soojung was looking at her in a lower voice.

 

Soojung just smile at her.

 

“Aisshhh…stop smiling to me, Soojung-ah. What are you thinking, huh?”

 

“Nothing, I just really miss you.”

 

Sulli laugh. “You already said you missed me, that’s how you missed me, huh?”

 

Soojung nods. “Yeah.”

 

“But why did you missed me? Like you said, we’re seeing each other everyday. So, there’s no reason for you to miss me.”

 

Soojung smile tenderly to her. And suddenly hold her hand. They intertwined their fingers together. “Like this. I miss holding your hands.”

 

Sulli feel so touch. She missed holding her hands too. She grip Soojung’s hand tightly, afraid of letting it go.

 

“Ssul?”

 

“Hmmm?” Sulli wasn’t looking at her. She was looking at their holding hands.

 

“W-what happened to us?”

 

This time, she turn to look at her. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean,” Soojung sigh. “Why’re you not giving me any attention anymore? You know, I miss my clingy Choi Jinri.”

 

Finally, Sulli thought, Soojung was finally opening her feelings to her. This is the Soojung she needs, the Jung Soojung she know from the start.

 

“I’m always ready to give you my attention, Jungie. But how will I do it when you were busy giving your full attention to someone?”

 

“Someone?”

 

She didn’t answer. Sulli sit up straight and sat on the side of the bed, so did Soojung. They were now side by side. Soojung move closer to her which make their body touch each other.

 

“Who’s this someone, Sulli?” she ask in a low whisper voice.

 

“You know who is she.” The taller girl was looking into the ground.

 

“I don’t know. Tell me.” Soojung lift up her chin to made her look up at her.

 

Sulli sigh. “Vic-unnie.”

 

“Unnie? You’re jealous to Vic-unnie?” Sulli can tell that Soojung was trying to fight her laugh.

 

“Aissh. That’s why I don’t want to confess it ‘cause I know you’re just going to laugh at me.”

 

“No..I…Ssul…hahahahaahahahaha-“

 

“Yah! You’re going to wake up, San-e!” Sulli put her hand to Soojung’s lips to make her stop.

 

Soojung giggled behing her hand. “Shush!”

 

But Sulli felt Soojung’s lips moving to her palm. She was kissing her palm. “Y-yah! What are you doing?” Sulli blush and pull away her hand.

 

Soojung giggled. “I just kissed your hand.”

 

“Shut up, Soojung-ah.”

 

“So, Ssul, why are you jealous at unnie?” Soojung’s voice become pitch just like how whenever she’s doing her aegyo.

 

“Errr…you don’t need to know.” She look away.

 

“Come on, Ssul! My husband Ssul.”

 

Husband…. Everything’s coming back to Sulli now. Their younger days when they’re clingy towards each other. Every happy-sweet memories. It feels like there’s a lump come to . She wanted to cry.

 

“I..” sigh came from . “I’m jealous to unnie ‘cause you’re always clinging into her….and not to me…”

 

Soojung stared at her. Like waiting for her to say more, so Sulli keep on.

 

“And whenever I see you whispering to her or holding her hands…it feels like, my heart is crushing into tiny pieces…”

 

Sulli’s eyes become blurry. Tears are forming into her eyes. Just when her tears are starting to fall down, Soojung’s warm hand touch her shoulder and she rested her head to the other side.

 

“But, Ssul…you know why I’m close to unnie, she’s like my sister too just like my sister Jessica…” Soojung whisper. “So, don’t you worry anymore.”

 

“But what I don’t get is why are you always clinging to her and not to me?” Sulli sobs. “I mean, even thought I’m there but it feels like you were unaware that I’m with both of you. You hold her hand, and then I’m just at your back while you let me see that? I feel so left out, Soojung. If you only knew how I feel.”

 

“You wanna know the reason why I chose to be at unnie’s side? Because I am so jealous to whoever people that get close to you. And because of that I feel like you’ve change so much. Maybe because the new friends you’ve met influence you a lot. And that’s why I’d rather stay at unnie’s side. And I’ve tell her everything about us. About this. How are relationship changed. And she told me to come talk to you about this, you know that? And I realized that why are we even doing this to each other? We just keep on hurting each other and I thought, I need to end this up now. I need to end up this misery of us.” Soojung’s voice crack. She wipe the tears that fall down to her cheek.

 

Silence came in a moment.

 

“But I don’t change Soojung….I’m just waiting for you to make a move towards me. To talk to me like this. Just like the old times. And you never know how much I missed this. This is the old us. And it feels great, like I can breath freely again without worrying about something.”

 

“But I’m waiting for you too.”

 

“Then we’re no longer waiting anymore.”

 

Soojung and Sulli both giggled at the same time. Sulli hug the younger girl tight into her arms. “Aughhh…I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too.” Soojung hug her back.

 

“I love you, Soojung-ah.” Sulli whisper to her ear while she buried her face into her shoulder.

 

“I love you too, Sulli-ah.” Soojung kissed Sulli’s cheek which make the older girl smirk.

 

Then they look into each other’s face and wipe each other’s tears.

 

“Can we get back from where we were before?” Soojung ask.

 

“That’s what I wanted to do for a long time.”

 

Soojung smirk. “Speaking for wanting to do for a long time, there’s something I really wanted to do for a long time too….”

 

Their eyes met. Sulli knows exactly what Soojung is talking about. But she still asked her, “What is that?”

 

“Well, I wanted to kiss you….” In an almost a very very low whisper.

 

Sulli give Soojung her biggest smile ever. “I’m waiting for it.”

 

Soojung smile too. And she hold Sulli’s chin. Stare into her lips and moving towards her now. Sulli closed her eyes and waited for Soojung’s lips to landed into her own lips.

 

“Jinri-yaaaaaahhhhh! Soojung-ahhhhhh! What are you doingggg?”

 

The two girls both jump and look at San-e who’s wiping his eyes. Uh-oh. They almost forgot that this cute little boy was here with them in the room.

 

San-e look at them with the curious eyes. And Sulli and Soojung give him their best innocent smiles.