We are about to perform any minute now, but here I am standing in front of him with a terrified looking expression on my face. I know I look weird and pretty stupid but he wasn’t calling me out on it, he just simply stared at me with his big chocolate brown eyes.

My name is Oh Sehun.

            “Sehun-ah! We are about to perform any minute now! So there is no time for you to get a brain frat, tell me, what’s wrong?” His name is Xi Luhan; he is my best friend and even older brother. He has been taking good care of me since the moment I met him back in my trainee days.

He was there to take me home when my mother couldn’t pick me up. He was there for me when I couldn’t afford some snacks during break. He was also there to attack many of the trainees that use to bully me around due to my vocals and appearances.  Trust me, I am not ugly but I wasn’t the best looking trainee compare to most of the other in SM, I was cute enough to pass but apparently I had this "depressing look" in my eyes and I had a habit of giving a ‘ you’ facial expression. Which to be honest, I still don’t understand what they meant till this day. 

“Hyung…I am sorry to drag you away from Lay Hyung…but I need to tell you something…” I mumbled, curling my slim fingers until my fingertips touch the end of the sleeve of my new performing outfit, the school blazer. Luhan huffed softly, shifting a bit so he was putting more of his weight on his left leg; he placed his hands on his hip, and stick out his bottom lips transforming his beautiful smile into an alluring pout.

He is perfect.

            “Well hurry it up,” he demanded, his eyes narrowing slightly. I wasn’t scared. He never got truly get angry with me or at anyone for that matter.

That was one of the many things I knew about Luhan. He was the kind of guy that would be push to the very end, to the point of insanity, but he would never be angry, he would play angry, in hopes people would step off. But he never was truly angry. I’ve never seen him explode or vent out angry words about someone to me or anyone. To be honest, I feel like I knew everything about my best friend and about our friendship…I spoke too soon though.

Recently I’ve found something new about my best friend and beloved brother.

My vision drop to the black floor underneath my bright red sneaker, I couldn’t look at him, not when I say this. This new fact that took a toll of me for a while now, I could barely eat or sleep without this fact running through my mind constantly like a bad memory. My tongue slipped out of my mouth to wet my bottom lips for a second before slipping it back in and letting my front teeth run on top of my wet bottom lips until everything went back into my place.

            “Five minutes, Boys! Get ready!” A voice called from behind the door. “I know you, boys are in there but I need you to hurry up, now.” After blinking a couple of times, I notice the voice belong to one of our mangers and automatically that made Luhan jump slightly causing me to look up at him.

He had the deer in headlight look.

That was cute.

            “Sehun, we are going to get in trouble!” Luhan sassed out with a slight edge in his usual honey tone voice. But he still wasn’t mad. Luhan then quickly grabbed my left arm and tugged me gently at the direction of the door, but as quick as my leg started to walk at the direction of the door, I paused and turn to Luhan with a determined face.

Well I hope I looked determined…I probably looked stupid…

            “I can’t!” I spoke loudly for the first time ever raising my voice to Luhan, which caused him to glare nastily at me. He still wasn’t angry. I could tell. He never gets angry. No, never, not Luhan.

            “Can’t it wait?” Luhan questioned, his tone turning darker and turning nastier, but it didn’t faze me. I just stared at him, taking everything in, taking him in.

He is perfect.

Recently I’ve found out the reason why I get nervous and jittery around him…

            “No…” I whispered softly, swallow the big lump that seems to never disappear when I am around the smaller boy. Luhan huffed once again, tilting his head to the side, staring me straight in the eyes. He was challenging me. He wanted me to give up. He wanted to push these feelings away. He claims they would talk about it later…but it won’t happen…Luhan will pretend like this never happen. And truthfully, I would be too scared to bring it up again.

Recently I’ve found out the reason why my heart pound loudly when I hear him calling me.

“Sehun, you are being immature and really unreasonable. Everybody is waiting for us and you want to stay in a ing closet? No, thank you. Whatever you need to tell me needs to wait” Luhan stated this with a hard tone, this time placing his small hand onto my chest and then pushed me roughly. He was small and delicate looking but he had some hidden strength.

“No…” I mumbled, once my body slammed against the wooden door, I felt like the wind in me was kicked right out of my body, but I refuse to give up and open the door. Luhan growled slightly and try to move around my body to get to the door knob and escape but his constant attempts ending up all in failure.

Recently I’ve found out the reason why my eyes can never stay focus on his face for so long.

            “You’re being stupid.”

Recently I’ve found out the reason why I can’t breathe normally or think straight anymore.

            “You’re not mad…I know you, Luhan. And you knew…this conversation…this confession is long overdue…”

 After putting all these symptoms together, I finally understood what been happening to me recently.

            “Sehun…don’t do this…” Luhan finally stop fighting, dropping his tense shoulder, to finally look up at me with a half lit chocolate brown eyes. His lips parted slightly to breathe shakily; somehow, his soft fingertips found my curl hand and magically made me let it go, only to make our finger intertwine with each other. “Please don’t…” I shook my head, shutting my eyes tightly, refusing to let Luhan trick his way out of this situation.

            “No…Luhan…I have to…” I mumbled, leaning forward slightly until I felt his soft hair underneath my chin, slowly I started to apply pressure until I found myself comfortable laying my head onto Luhan’s hair. He smelled like strawberry…maybe his new shampoo…it smelled kind of feminine…but it suits him….

            “I hate you” He whispered. I like you.

No I don’t just like you.

I love you.

I love your playful loud laughter.

I love how your eyes lit up every time you’re happy.

I love your beautiful face.

I love your short and feminine frame.

I love your horrible English.

I love how your sense of humor seems to alter every time you meet someone new.

And that was only naming all the positive things about you…

            “Luhan….” I whispered.

            “Stop it…Sehun…no more…I am sorry…”

I don’t care that we got into some physical and verbal fights.

I don’t care that you lied to me on many occasion.

I don’t care that you broke some promises.

I don’t care of what you have done in the past and with whom.

Because at the end of the day…

                                                I am hopelessly and madly in love with you…my little deer…