Henry was 17 years old when he met her. She was the very first friend that he had in Korea, with both being transferee students – he was from Canada while she came from L.A. – he had no choice but to stick with her.

 It was the first day of school, he remembered. It was spring and the flowers were just starting to bloom. Henry wandered around the school’s courtyard, completely lost. He was engrossed in looking at the school map in his hands, trying to figure out just exactly where his class is supposed to be when someone yelled at him to watch out. He was surprised not only because it was in English but because a few seconds later, he was lying on his back with her on top of him.

Amber. The girl was an enigma. It was ironic how her name sounded so innocent, so girly yet the girl who possesses the name can eat at least five Burritos in one sitting (and still have room for dessert), beat him in basketball and have more girls falling for her than him (much to her dismay). Amber loves laughing at him, teasing him, bullying him and calling him different names every day. She doesn’t like being called Josephine and dresses up like a boy (yet she’s upset that girls are confessing to him) and is so not Henry’s type.

However, Henry was 18 years old when he realized that he’s in love with Amber Josephine Liu.

No one has ever known me like you did
There’s just no other girl to see me through
And every single memory I know
Reminds me that I’m all alone, all alone

Henry thought that it was probably ridiculous - falling in love with your best friend. It was cheesy and cliché and is just really ridiculous. He tried to ignore whatever it was that he was feeling for her because he knows that all that he is to her is a best friend, a bro, her dude, a ing brother. And he held onto those. He’d rather be all those than be nothing at all. 

Henry was 20 years old and in college when he met Kris Wu, the transfer student from China. He was freakishly tall and has a handsome face that every girl would fall for. And he was right. Every girl in the campus loved him.

And so did Amber.

--

“Kris…”

Henry turned to look at her. She had been in his room for the past half an hour, lying on his bed, absent-mindedly staring at his ceiling.

“Hmm?” he called. He watched as Amber sat up and smiled at him. Henry reminded himself that breathing is important.

“Kris,” Amber started again with a soft smile on her face. “He asked me out.”

Henry blinked. He felt his chest tighten ever so slightly and started wishing that he can turn back time – back when he was the only guy in Amber’s life.

“That’s,” he started. “great, Am.”

Henry didn’t get any sleep that night.

If I could just get over you I would
Don’t wanna love you anymore
And missing you’s like fighting a war
It’s a battle I’m losing
And I’d give up girl if I could
If I could walk away as easily as you
I Would

Henry was 20 and a half years old when he felt that he was alone again. Amber spent lesser time with him after her and Kris started dating. He would feel his chest twinge in pain as he watched Amber laugh with him or hold his hand and smile that beautiful smile that Henry thought was only for him. He would close his eyes, hoping that it would erase his memories of them. Most of the time, it would result to him running to his dorm room, clutching his chest and letting himself cry into oblivion.

Maybe if he was man enough to tell her that he loves her, he wouldn’t be feeling so miserable.

--

It wasn’t long before Amber realized that he was avoiding her. Henry didn’t even ask a question when Amber banged on his door at 2 o’clock in the morning, demanding to know why he was avoiding her. She let herself in after he opened the door and Henry only stared at her in half-lidded eyes.

“What the , Henry?!” Amber started angrily. “You haven’t been answering my calls for one ing week, you !”

Henry shrugged. “Didn’t want to disturb you and Kris.” He mumbled. “And Amber, its 2 AM, go back to your dorm room.”

Henry ignored her protests as he stood up from the couch. But before he could get into his bed, Amber had already grabbed his wrist and turned him around to face her.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Amber exclaimed. “I’ve been trying to contact you for a week and you act like I don’t ing matter!”

Henry snapped. “Like you don’t matter?” he laughed bitterly. “What about me, Amber? Do you think I won’t get lonely when you were so engrossed with your pretty little boyfriend that you forget about my existence?!”

“You’re ignoring me because you were jealous that I’m not spending much time with you? How mature of you Henry.”

“Well sue me for wanting to spend time with my best friend!”

Henry watched as Amber sighed, closing her eyes tightly and running her hand through her short hair, frustrated.

“Henry, I—“

“Don’t.”

“I promise I’ll –“

“I said, don’t!” Guilt started eating Henry when he saw Amber’s hurt expression. “I don’t want your promises, Amber.”

Henry only realized that tears were already falling from his eyes when Amber ran to him, cupping his face with her hands as she wiped his tears away.

“I’m sorry, Henry.” She whispered and the pain in Henry’s chest increased. It took almost all his strength to push her away gently. He wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“Just go, Amber.” He whispered back. Amber stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, eyes boring into his, begging for him to let her understand what he’s going through. Henry closed his eyes and shook his head. Amber sighed before tiptoeing and placing a tender kiss on his forehead. She let her lips linger a little longer than she intended. Henry thought if it was possible to die from so much heartbreak.

She turned around and headed to the door, throwing another glance at him. “Good night, Henry.”

Henry didn’t answer.

Amber sighed and walked out of his room. Henry collapsed in the floor, face buried in his hands, crying endlessly. The pain in his chest intensified, almost suffocating him. His scream echoed through the walls of his room, bouncing back to him. He sobs harder as the echoes of his own sobs fill his ears.

Just tell me how to walk away
Away from loving you
And I Would